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Vlad Damian
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Posted - 2003.10.27 00:19:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Vlad Damian on 27/10/2003 00:21:50
A recent scientific discovery could prove to be the end of the known universe!!!
This is worse than you're home system's star burning out; this is even more terrifying than a killer asteroid; quite possibly this is even more horrible than a black hole opening near your mother's house!!!
After months of intense research, Gallente scientists have determined that planetary systems all throughout the universe have stopped orbiting their suns!
For some unknown reason "...the planets are remaining stationary, not moving, perfectly still, moving at the speed of not," said Cah'm Shidal, Vice Scientific Councilman to the Gallente Federation. "We are unsure at this point as to why the planets aren't orbiting anything and why moons and other satellites are not orbiting their planets. What's even more perplexing is that this has been the case since the EVE gate was opened and this section of the universe was colonized." Mr. Shidal continues to go on speaking in techno babble, explaining a bunch of stuff that isn't very interesting.
"Welp, whad aye duhn uhnderstand is that noo body evah said nuthin bout dis here problem," exclaimed Jevius Bediah, head of agriculture and crow scaring for Food Relief Inc. "Hmm, welp, like I dun said befohe sonny, taint no one no here but me said nuthin. I been tellin people for five hun' an forty years now that sumthin twernt right. Nobody dun listen to ol' Jevius."
No one listened to "ol' Jevius" indeed. Many people do not seem to care about this shocking discovery and its possible consequences. Ms. Bhangmi'had commented that she has "been werkin here at the pleasure hub for twenty year' hunny, and this silly science stuff never been a prahblem befour..." Perhaps our scantily clad Gallente friend had a good point. What exactly are the ramifications of this "disaster that is even more eveiler than skelator?" Apparently it means nothing, except that, over the past few days, researchers all over the universe have had to wash their unmentionables due to a combination of shock, fear, and poor bowel control.
One intrepid explorer commented that "...the universe is a cold cold place, [and that] we're all doomed to an icy cold fate anyway, so who really gives a #@%&?" The former motivational speaker makes a good point, but who really cares about what he has to say? I certainly don't.
Upon further investigation it can be observed that all celestial objects are indeed frozen in place. While it has been the case for thousands of years, no one really took the time to notice or care about it. Why researchers only discovered this now remains a mystery to this reporter. What is even more mysterious is the reason why researchers are afraid of something that has been true for thousand of years, and has had no observably detrimental side effects. Those silly researchers, they do love a good melodrama.
If there are any further developments in this odd - and apathetic - breakthrough we'll keep you up-to-date. Maybe.
Vlad Damian, British-accented Reporter for the Common Man
-Cheers |
Parallax 7D
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Posted - 2003.10.27 01:17:00 -
[2]
very funny m8
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Marge: But, Mr. Ambassador, how are we going to get home?
Ambassador: Beats me. Try getting a job and earning some money. That's what *I* did. By the way, ambassador's taken.
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MOOstradamus
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Posted - 2003.10.27 01:22:00 -
[3]
CCP discussed the reason behind this with the community (at the time) a good 12-18 months ago. 
MOOrovingian  "Following & supporting EVE (since Jan 2001) is like wiping your arse with sandpaper."
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Vlad Damian
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Posted - 2003.10.27 01:26:00 -
[4]
A bit of random satire inspired by a long round of roid wrestling. Nothing more 
-Cheers |
Asimir Kurdugal
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Posted - 2003.10.27 01:40:00 -
[5]
 Quote:
CCP discussed the reason behind this with the community (at the time) a good 12-18 months ago.
Yea, there were a butt-load of "Will there be (insert law of physics here)?" threads.
________________________________________________
Moving again, comfort of the chase
Now and again, this my saving grace
Dead on the inside, I've got nothing to prove
Keep me alive and give me something to lose
I've been gone so long, but I will come back
I will come back for you |
Ana Khouri
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Posted - 2003.10.27 02:18:00 -
[6]
Nevermind that planets rotate with 10-100 times of their "normal" rotation.
free speech not allowed here |
Master Scy
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Posted - 2003.10.27 03:07:00 -
[7]
I think it all has to do with vacuum being more dense in this region of the universe (hence the need to keep the engines running to maintain the same speed). |
Singular
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Posted - 2003.10.27 03:53:00 -
[8]
Thats just a stupid explanation...There are cars that go faster than some of these ships. Horses can run faster than some of these ships..its just dumb.
Im Yo Huckleberreh |
Darth Vodka
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Posted - 2003.10.27 07:39:00 -
[9]
couldn't you have just said.
'the planets don't orbit the sun'
instead of writing all that out.
Is it true that in the states you can buy 'port-o-seats' it's a seat and a toilet rolled into one, so that player's addicted to online games don't have to leave the game when they have to answer to the calls of nature
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Gan Howorth
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Posted - 2003.10.27 14:37:00 -
[10]
Very funny.
BTW elite II had full gravity physics and orbiting bodies....and that was tiny and old in comparison to EVE, so what gives?
Presumeably the server tells you where the bodies are when you enter the system otherwise you would have the entire galaxy sitting on your hard-drive which l doubt is the case. I suspect the whole lot (servers) would fall a.ss down if it had to calculate orbits as well.
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Vlad Damian
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Posted - 2003.10.27 17:36:00 -
[11]
...
Quote:
No, no point. Old men like me don't bother with making points. There's no point.
What he said ^^^
It seems as though some people have misunderstood my motivation behind this. Just to clarify, I wrote this 'short' piece while in the middle of a particularly long evening of mining in a 0.9 system. I got to thinking, and I noticed that the planets don't orbit. I thought it was funny that I'd never noticed it (especially since I've been playing EVE since 4 or 5 months before it went retail.) So in-between taking on the 15,000m3 loads of ore in my Ite V, I typed out the above piece.
It was meant to give people a chuckle. I'm not criticizing CCP. (Nor am I one of those people who goes around in film/game forums and says "ooo, look at me, I can not willfully suspend my disbelief. Now I am going to point out all the flaws and inconstancies in your product.") I put the piece in this forum because it wouldn't really fit in the Galactic Summit (as it would be a sort of "mood killer" if you know what I mean...)
Next time I'll tack on a disclaimer. My apologies for not being more clear on my intent. This was just a little fiction inspired by an observation, no point.
-Cheers |
cball
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Posted - 2003.10.27 17:52:00 -
[12]
Quote:
...
Quote:
No, no point. Old men like me don't bother with making points. There's no point.
What he said ^^^
It seems as though some people have misunderstood my motivation behind this. Just to clarify, I wrote this 'short' piece while in the middle of a particularly long evening of mining in a 0.9 system. I got to thinking, and I noticed that the planets don't orbit. I thought it was funny that I'd never noticed it (especially since I've been playing EVE since 4 or 5 months before it went retail.) So in-between taking on the 15,000m3 loads of ore in my Ite V, I typed out the above piece.
It was meant to give people a chuckle. I'm not criticizing CCP. (Nor am I one of those people who goes around in film/game forums and says "ooo, look at me, I can not willfully suspend my disbelief. Now I am going to point out all the flaws and inconstancies in your product.") I put the piece in this forum because it wouldn't really fit in the Galactic Summit (as it would be a sort of "mood killer" if you know what I mean...)
Next time I'll tack on a disclaimer. My apologies for not being more clear on my intent. This was just a little fiction inspired by an observation, no point.
hey no worry, some people can't tell if they are are awake, much less being able to percieve sarcasm and wit in action.
...fear the evil monkey in your hanger...
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Vlad Damian
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Posted - 2003.10.27 17:54:00 -
[13]
lol, thanks cball. You just made my day a little brighter.
-Cheers |
Slip Low
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Posted - 2003.10.27 23:39:00 -
[14]
Very funny Vlad. You don't seem that funny in rReal life, but my ears are still ringing from that voice thingy you do on Team Speak!
"ol' Jevius" is cool. 
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Deadmetal
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Posted - 2003.10.27 23:53:00 -
[15]
ROFL... Vacum can get more dense?? ye gods.. Einstein has just rolled in his grave..
Quote:
I think it all has to do with vacuum being more dense in this region of the universe (hence the need to keep the engines running to maintain the same speed).
"Human Nature - If someone put a big red button in a remote mountain cave with a sign on it 'End of the world button!! Do not push!!.. the paint wouldn't have a chance to dry." |
Morkt Drakt
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Posted - 2003.10.28 00:02:00 -
[16]
Quote:
ROFL... Vacum can get more dense?? ye gods.. Einstein has just rolled in his grave..
He's the guy that had the tacky 80's song E=mc2 yeah 
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Lycanth
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Posted - 2003.10.28 00:08:00 -
[17]
(Quote)Thats just a stupid explanation...There are cars that go faster than some of these ships. Horses can run faster than some of these ships..its just dumb.
id like to see a horse or a car that can go 100 metres a second!that works out to 360 kmh even for tha slowest indy ever now think of a shuttle thats 1800kmh thats just cruise speed let alone warp speed btw i think 1 AU is 98million miles (the distance from the earth to the sun) so 2 AU/sec is 196 million miles a second or bout 3/5 the speed of light
dont even bother turning your mods on-it wont help. |
Molly
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Posted - 2003.10.28 12:51:00 -
[18]
Quote:
id like to see a horse or a car that can go 100 metres a second!that works out to 360 kmh even for tha slowest indy ever now think of a shuttle thats 1800kmh thats just cruise speed let alone warp speed btw i think 1 AU is 98million miles (the distance from the earth to the sun) so 2 AU/sec is 196 million miles a second or bout 3/5 the speed of light
Must be a very fast light you got there.
Lightspeed in vacuum is: 299 792 458 m/s.
--
Kasha > Mastema, face the reality: All the juicy dots are gone.
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