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Benefactor
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Posted - 2006.12.24 11:12:00 -
[1]
Have you ever found yourself at a loss when in a typical chatroom setting, unable to defend yourself from e-thugging or unable to match the with of the condescending guy who starts every sentence with "young man" and ends every sentence with an emoticon?
Well, now you can learn the ancient (since 1991) art of the Flame Warrior (tm)! Keep reading for a free lesson! Who knows, someday you might be able to hold your own in Jita local, Caldari State War Academy channel, or maybe even World of Warcraft (safety not guaranteed)!
1. You have incredible insight into your opponent's personal life, you just need to reach deep within and spill it on the screen! You KNOW they have no friends. You are certain they are living in their parents' basement, so be sure to tell them. You know they are pre-teens who probably don't bathe, so be sure to use your psychic powers to disarm your opponent before the flamewar begins!
2. The internet is a magical place where, with a few lines of text, you can be a martial artist, a Marine, an expert in MMO gaming that has friends who know the CCP developers, or a combination of any of the above if you just say so! This makes you the authority on just about anything.
3. Your girlfriend or wife is very important to the relevance of the argument. The frequency of your sexual encounters makes you more important and influential than your opponent, so be sure to practice regularly!
4. Citing your opponent by name makes you sound like a condescending pri-erm, makes your opponent vulnerable to additional personal attacks, so be sure to start each sentence with your opponents name. ADVANCED TECHNIQUE: Call them "young man" or "little man."
5. Complaining about the complaining people that complain about the complainers makes you smarter than everyone else! It's a huge game of "hands down" and the last one to complain about everyone else, wins!
If you would like more free lessons in Flamewarring, or if you would like to share your own ancient secrets, this is the place to be!
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Kharakan
Amarr
Morticus Impendium
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Posted - 2006.12.24 11:33:00 -
[2]
I lol'd 
 Originally by: Joshua Foiritain (to Dark Shikari)
HAHAHA I KNOW YOUR ACCOUUNT NAME TIME TO DIE
this signature space is claimed in the name of eris, haha I got to him first. neeneer
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KingsGambit
Caldari Knights
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Posted - 2006.12.24 13:24:00 -
[3]
You forgot to mention that using the word "Whatever!" at any time is an instant I-Win!
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My T2 Shop |
Araxmas
The Blue Dagger Mercenery Agency
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Posted - 2006.12.24 13:35:00 -
[4]
Originally by: KingsGambit
You forgot to mention that using the word "Whatever!" at any time is an instant I-Win!
No it's far better to randomly type afk half way through and than never reply again.
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Jessica Iritan
Gallente
Dread Elite
The Imperial Order
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Posted - 2006.12.24 15:57:00 -
[5]
1. type strange noises during arguments. Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
2. go AFK a lot and snack on goldfish
3. Go play Xbox 360 and leave your opponent in the dust.
Join the save Stargate SG1 Campaign Today!
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Dario Wall
Caldari
Bravehearts
Xelas Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.24 16:49:00 -
[6]
Or... You can just tell them "One second, I need to go do something that has more importance than talking to a wall..." then just minimize the convo, and continue your normal routine.
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Obsidian Fortune
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Posted - 2006.12.24 18:07:00 -
[7]
Lazy Chat Warrior's friend: Chat Flooding Macro/Program.
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Benefactor
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Posted - 2006.12.24 20:37:00 -
[8]
Once you're comfortable with the above techniques, feel free to try some of these advanced Flame Warrior lessons!
1. Remember, using the word "truth" makes things true! For example. "The truth of the matter is I am right." In the magical world of the internet, everyone has their own truth, and subsequently, everyone is hellbent on their beings the one and only exclusive truth.
2. Don't just question your opponent's sex life! You can practice the dangerous technique (bannable in some places) of questioning their ethnicity or sexual orientation! That surely makes your argument win, because those dirty &^%#&^ or those damned *%^#*(^% can never be right about anything!
3. Bandwagon patriotism! If they don't like X (X being your president, some foreign policy, or even some magic words added to the Pledge of Allegiance during the Cold War), they can "leave ur country!"
4. E-bombing threats! Remember, "ur country is greatest in teh world" and if they come from somewhere else, "we cn bomb ur country back to stone age lol!" They will tremble in fear as you borrow the e-peen of an entire nation's armed forces!
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Evelyn Lavi
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Posted - 2006.12.24 23:55:00 -
[9]
The number one source of irrational hatred on the Internet is that people have different forms of entertainment and don't like each other's entertainment. Be it games, movies, or whatever.
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Patch86
Di-Tron Heavy Industries
Freelancer Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.25 00:08:00 -
[10]
You forgot the golden rule:
Caps lock = CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. There is no argument that is not enhanced by caps lock.
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