Originally by: Miss Anthropy

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Originally by: Sionnach

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Edited by: Sionnach on 09/07/2007 17:44:09
A corpmate who knows what I do irl, (psychotherapist,counsellor) pointed me to this thread. So I'll give you my take on the situation. Bear in mind that all I can give is assumptions, I don't know you or the girl in question, but a few things stick out.

Her behaviour strikes me as attention seeking. More specifically I would expect there to be a confusion between attention and love.

If she was abandoned by her mother as a child and has a father that attempts to compensate for this by giving her material gifts, (attention) instead of love and support, then the unmet need becomes reinforced. Looks like she's also not getting what she really needs from father either.

So she attempts to get that need met herself in the best way she knows how, by flirting and generally playing around with men to get attention.

Unfortunately this invites abusive behaviour which reinforces the unconscious 'game' she is playing even further and she gets used and rejected. Just look at some of the angry and abusive responses that have appeared in this thread if you want evidence of that.

Plenty of the people that have posted those could do with taking a good long look at themselves.

It can also be very confusing and frustrating if you find yourself drawn to such a person. Their behaviour and actions seem inconsistent and illogical.

There is also the question of what is driving you to be drawn to this person, what are you trying to achieve there?

From experience of helping people with relationship issues I find that the responsibility of any problem is a 50/50 thing. It is NEVER entirely one persons fault. It takes two people to make the game continue. Any victim requires an oppressor, any rescuer (I'm looking at you matey) requires a victim.

The only way to 'win' the game is to stop playing it. Which starts with being honest with yourself and admitting that you are part of the problem.

I'm not going to give you any advice as to what you should do as there's a danger that by doing so you get to avoid the responsibility of making your own decision.

I will however give you the following metaphor to think about;

Imagine a three-legged horse.

No matter how much time, energy or effort you put into caring for and training that horse its never going to win any races.

You will get to feel good that you're doing the best you can and have the opportunity to have a nice drama of dissapointment and frustration when you try and enter it into a race and it, predictably, loses.

The reality is, it's a three-legged horse. Not only is it simply not capable of winning a race, no matter how much money you bet on it.

It also....simply....doesn't....know.....how.

Your energy is best invested elsewhere.

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Being a psychotherapist/councillor invalidates your opinion by default. Sorry, but the truth is that you people mess more people up than you actually cure and the worst thing is that you actually believe you're helping. Take Freud for example; he spent 2 years introspectively analysing himself and the best he could come up with was that he fancied his mum. And you people think this is NORMAL??? Morons.

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