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Sionnach
Caldari The Devil's Rejects
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Posted - 2007.07.09 17:43:00 -
[61]
Edited by: Sionnach on 09/07/2007 17:44:09 A corpmate who knows what I do irl, (psychotherapist,counsellor) pointed me to this thread. So I'll give you my take on the situation. Bear in mind that all I can give is assumptions, I don't know you or the girl in question, but a few things stick out.
Her behaviour strikes me as attention seeking. More specifically I would expect there to be a confusion between attention and love.
If she was abandoned by her mother as a child and has a father that attempts to compensate for this by giving her material gifts, (attention) instead of love and support, then the unmet need becomes reinforced. Looks like she's also not getting what she really needs from father either.
So she attempts to get that need met herself in the best way she knows how, by flirting and generally playing around with men to get attention.
Unfortunately this invites abusive behaviour which reinforces the unconscious 'game' she is playing even further and she gets used and rejected. Just look at some of the angry and abusive responses that have appeared in this thread if you want evidence of that.
Plenty of the people that have posted those could do with taking a good long look at themselves.
It can also be very confusing and frustrating if you find yourself drawn to such a person. Their behaviour and actions seem inconsistent and illogical.
There is also the question of what is driving you to be drawn to this person, what are you trying to achieve there?
From experience of helping people with relationship issues I find that the responsibility of any problem is a 50/50 thing. It is NEVER entirely one persons fault. It takes two people to make the game continue. Any victim requires an oppressor, any rescuer (I'm looking at you matey) requires a victim.
The only way to 'win' the game is to stop playing it. Which starts with being honest with yourself and admitting that you are part of the problem.
I'm not going to give you any advice as to what you should do as there's a danger that by doing so you get to avoid the responsibility of making your own decision.
I will however give you the following metaphor to think about;
Imagine a three-legged horse.
No matter how much time, energy or effort you put into caring for and training that horse its never going to win any races.
You will get to feel good that you're doing the best you can and have the opportunity to have a nice drama of dissapointment and frustration when you try and enter it into a race and it, predictably, loses.
The reality is, it's a three-legged horse. Not only is it simply not capable of winning a race, no matter how much money you bet on it.
It also....simply....doesn't....know.....how.
Your energy is best invested elsewhere.
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Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.09 17:52:00 -
[62]
Originally by: Sionnach
Imagine a three-legged horse.
No matter how much time, energy or effort you put into caring for and training that horse its never going to win any races.
You will get to feel good that you're doing the best you can and have the opportunity to have a nice drama of dissapointment and frustration when you try and enter it into a race and it, predictably, loses.
The reality is, it's a three-legged horse. Not only is it simply not capable of winning a race, no matter how much money you bet on it.
It also....simply....doesn't....know.....how.
Your energy is best invested elsewhere.
Hits far too close to home regarding my first relationship. Very good insight though, both regarding her and the fellow forum warriors. Thanks. ------------ LAG - Hopefully teen-appropriate now. IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Rasjied
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Posted - 2007.07.15 17:31:00 -
[63]
maybe she's a templar; an amarr fighter used by carriers
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Verone
Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.07.15 19:10:00 -
[64]
Originally by: Guvnor RBM
The ***** had superguled my arse checks together...
!!11!!11!!1!1!!11!!1ONE!1111
>>> THE BEAUTY OF NEW EDEN <<<
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N'k
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Posted - 2007.07.15 22:47:00 -
[65]
Just be **** buddies for awhile, shag & bag situations lol... Then kick the **** out of her BF if he starts.... have fun.... jeeeez were guys ffs... follow the scent (SP?) and get ya $%ú^ wet!!!
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mogwai
Gallente Gremlin Industries Edge Of Sanity
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Posted - 2007.07.16 11:57:00 -
[66]
Originally by: Patch86
Originally by: Derovius Vaden
Originally by: Ebedar Pursuing her would be like feeding a mogwai after midnight.
Atleast the mogwai lets you get to second base.
You made me snort
you lot calling me easy? ----------------- Drones : 19 skills, 20,480,000 points |
ry ry
StateCorp
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Posted - 2007.07.16 12:59:00 -
[67]
Originally by: mogwai
Originally by: Patch86
Originally by: Derovius Vaden
Originally by: Ebedar Pursuing her would be like feeding a mogwai after midnight.
Atleast the mogwai lets you get to second base.
You made me snort
you lot calling me easy?
i have photos that prove you are.
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ry ry
StateCorp
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:02:00 -
[68]
oh, and to the OP - you'd do well to remember that women are snakes with ****.
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Dai Lithium
Ordo Drakonis
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:07:00 -
[69]
23 years old and you still don't realise that all women are quite simply bat**** crazy...?
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Miss Anthropy
School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:14:00 -
[70]
Originally by: Sionnach Edited by: Sionnach on 09/07/2007 17:44:09 A corpmate who knows what I do irl, (psychotherapist,counsellor) pointed me to this thread. So I'll give you my take on the situation. Bear in mind that all I can give is assumptions, I don't know you or the girl in question, but a few things stick out.
Her behaviour strikes me as attention seeking. More specifically I would expect there to be a confusion between attention and love.
If she was abandoned by her mother as a child and has a father that attempts to compensate for this by giving her material gifts, (attention) instead of love and support, then the unmet need becomes reinforced. Looks like she's also not getting what she really needs from father either.
So she attempts to get that need met herself in the best way she knows how, by flirting and generally playing around with men to get attention.
Unfortunately this invites abusive behaviour which reinforces the unconscious 'game' she is playing even further and she gets used and rejected. Just look at some of the angry and abusive responses that have appeared in this thread if you want evidence of that.
Plenty of the people that have posted those could do with taking a good long look at themselves.
It can also be very confusing and frustrating if you find yourself drawn to such a person. Their behaviour and actions seem inconsistent and illogical.
There is also the question of what is driving you to be drawn to this person, what are you trying to achieve there?
From experience of helping people with relationship issues I find that the responsibility of any problem is a 50/50 thing. It is NEVER entirely one persons fault. It takes two people to make the game continue. Any victim requires an oppressor, any rescuer (I'm looking at you matey) requires a victim.
The only way to 'win' the game is to stop playing it. Which starts with being honest with yourself and admitting that you are part of the problem.
I'm not going to give you any advice as to what you should do as there's a danger that by doing so you get to avoid the responsibility of making your own decision.
I will however give you the following metaphor to think about;
Imagine a three-legged horse.
No matter how much time, energy or effort you put into caring for and training that horse its never going to win any races.
You will get to feel good that you're doing the best you can and have the opportunity to have a nice drama of dissapointment and frustration when you try and enter it into a race and it, predictably, loses.
The reality is, it's a three-legged horse. Not only is it simply not capable of winning a race, no matter how much money you bet on it.
It also....simply....doesn't....know.....how.
Your energy is best invested elsewhere.
Being a psychotherapist/councillor invalidates your opinion by default. Sorry, but the truth is that you people mess more people up than you actually cure and the worst thing is that you actually believe you're helping. Take Freud for example; he spent 2 years introspectively analysing himself and the best he could come up with was that he fancied his mum. And you people think this is NORMAL??? Morons.
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Evil Bonzi
Fire Mandrill
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:16:00 -
[71]
Originally by: Miss Anthropy
Originally by: Sionnach Edited by: Sionnach on 09/07/2007 17:44:09 A corpmate who knows what I do irl, (psychotherapist,counsellor) pointed me to this thread. So I'll give you my take on the situation. Bear in mind that all I can give is assumptions, I don't know you or the girl in question, but a few things stick out.
Her behaviour strikes me as attention seeking. More specifically I would expect there to be a confusion between attention and love.
If she was abandoned by her mother as a child and has a father that attempts to compensate for this by giving her material gifts, (attention) instead of love and support, then the unmet need becomes reinforced. Looks like she's also not getting what she really needs from father either.
So she attempts to get that need met herself in the best way she knows how, by flirting and generally playing around with men to get attention.
Unfortunately this invites abusive behaviour which reinforces the unconscious 'game' she is playing even further and she gets used and rejected. Just look at some of the angry and abusive responses that have appeared in this thread if you want evidence of that.
Plenty of the people that have posted those could do with taking a good long look at themselves.
It can also be very confusing and frustrating if you find yourself drawn to such a person. Their behaviour and actions seem inconsistent and illogical.
There is also the question of what is driving you to be drawn to this person, what are you trying to achieve there?
From experience of helping people with relationship issues I find that the responsibility of any problem is a 50/50 thing. It is NEVER entirely one persons fault. It takes two people to make the game continue. Any victim requires an oppressor, any rescuer (I'm looking at you matey) requires a victim.
The only way to 'win' the game is to stop playing it. Which starts with being honest with yourself and admitting that you are part of the problem.
I'm not going to give you any advice as to what you should do as there's a danger that by doing so you get to avoid the responsibility of making your own decision.
I will however give you the following metaphor to think about;
Imagine a three-legged horse.
No matter how much time, energy or effort you put into caring for and training that horse its never going to win any races.
You will get to feel good that you're doing the best you can and have the opportunity to have a nice drama of dissapointment and frustration when you try and enter it into a race and it, predictably, loses.
The reality is, it's a three-legged horse. Not only is it simply not capable of winning a race, no matter how much money you bet on it.
It also....simply....doesn't....know.....how.
Your energy is best invested elsewhere.
Being a psychotherapist/councillor invalidates your opinion by default. Sorry, but the truth is that you people mess more people up than you actually cure and the worst thing is that you actually believe you're helping. Take Freud for example; he spent 2 years introspectively analysing himself and the best he could come up with was that he fancied his mum. And you people think this is NORMAL??? Morons.
Go back to the stoneage idiot.
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ry ry
StateCorp
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:36:00 -
[72]
Originally by: Miss Anthropy Take Freud for example; he spent 2 years introspectively analysing himself and the best he could come up with was that he fancied his mum. And you people think this is NORMAL??? Morons.
they do make a lovely couple though.
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Miss Anthropy
School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2007.07.16 13:38:00 -
[73]
Edited by: Miss Anthropy on 16/07/2007 13:45:33 Edited by: Miss Anthropy on 16/07/2007 13:40:44
Originally by: Evil Bonzi
Go back to the stoneage idiot.
And your qualification for say that is what? I admit I'm no psychoanalyst expert; I never studied it at university/college but I've read enough Jung and Freud to form an opinion of my own. I also have a relative who used to be a social worker (UK) and I've heard lots of dumbass stories about how incompetent they are (my relative no longer practices now). The failure of social workers is on the news practically every month. They interfere where they shouldn't and turn a blind eye when they should help. Their heads are so full of junk they can't function as normal human beings. And they also have a bloated opinion of themselves and their usefulness to society.
I also speak from personal experience of having seen a councillor for something that happened in my childhood (long time ago now). These people should stick to campus life and singalongs in hippy camps. As the saying goes, they really do mess with your head.
EDIT: Are you angry at me because you fancy your mother?
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Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.16 15:05:00 -
[74]
Originally by: Miss Anthropy
I also speak from personal experience of having seen a councillor for something that happened in my childhood (long time ago now). These people should stick to campus life and singalongs in hippy camps. As the saying goes, they really do mess with your head.
Implying traits about an entire group of people from your experience with very few of them, and usually the least qualified, least well-payed one, is not a valid method of reasoning. Also, personally attacking psychologists by referring them as hippies does little to aid your argument.
Quote:
Psychiatry and psychoanalysis are experimental sciences at best (I use the word science reservedly). They stem from philosophy, which itself is not a science, but more of an art (in academic terms), unless you are delving into the maths side of philosophy. The only science part of psychiatry or psychoanalysis is the Statistics courses they have to study at University. The rest is just theory on human nature. Whenever you go to see a shrink, you're not participating in a science like maths, but an experiment on human nature.
Can you elaborate on why psychology is not a science? Just because psychology is not a physical science, it is based (especially considering recent discoveries in biological psychology) in observations made with the scientific method and tied to several other science like cognitive science, biology, and sociology. If you choose to disbelieve psychology is a valid science, then logically those cannot be "real" sciences either.
Quote:
EDIT: Are you angry at me because you fancy your mother?
WTF?
Quote:
The following I read a long time ago so I may be a little shady on the exact details but as far as I remember at some point during Freud's career he took some time off for a few years to deal with some issues. He spent this period (roughly two years) psychoanalysing himself and in deep introspection (if I remember the wording correctly from what I read). It was during this time that he came up with his famous Oedipus complex. Freud, a ******* addict, had an obsession with relating neurosis to sexual problems. Jung, on the other hand, admittedly didn't. His obsession was God, mandalas and a dream he'd had as a child of a giant phallus. Modern psychology is built on the works of these two messed up people.
Freud is a single psycologist, and psychology has abandoned the majority of Freud's beliefs. Some of his primary contributions, (Id, Ego, excetera) are still used, however. Darwin was a little crazy, but it doesn't invalidate the discoveries he's made or mean that they aren't worth looking at. ------------ ULTIMATE LAG SOLUTION IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Micheal Dietrich
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Posted - 2007.07.16 15:12:00 -
[75]
So are we talking about this ***** this guy wants to bang or did this thread just get hijacked by people who have strong opinions about psychologists?
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Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.16 15:17:00 -
[76]
Originally by: Micheal Dietrich So are we talking about this ***** this guy wants to bang or did this thread just get hijacked by people who have strong opinions about psychologists?
Up until 3 or so posts ago, it was on-topic. Now I imagine the forum PvP will begin. ------------ ULTIMATE LAG SOLUTION IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Miss Anthropy
School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2007.07.16 16:53:00 -
[77]
Edited by: Miss Anthropy on 16/07/2007 16:55:00 Edited by: Miss Anthropy on 16/07/2007 16:53:19
Originally by: Tarminic
Implying traits about an entire group of people from your experience with very few of them, and usually the least qualified, least well-payed one, is not a valid method of reasoning. Also, personally attacking psychologists by referring them as hippies does little to aid your argument.
Can you elaborate on why psychology is not a science? Just because psychology is not a physical science, it is based (especially considering recent discoveries in biological psychology) in observations made with the scientific method and tied to several other science like cognitive science, biology, and sociology. If you choose to disbelieve psychology is a valid science, then logically those cannot be "real" sciences either.
Your argument is flawed. Just because I discount psychology as a science doesn't mean I discount every science. Maths is a science. It's easy to test and experiment in maths (easier than psychology anyway). Why do you think modern psychology courses (University courses that is) have lots of modules in Statistics (practically in every semester of every year here in the UK)? The reason is that a psychological theory only works on a given statistical amount of people. Any "science" that only has statistics to back up its claims is not a science. Most of psychology is just philosophising about human nature from patterns of behaviour.
Originally by: Miss Anthropy
EDIT: Are you angry at me because you fancy your mother?
Sorry, lame insult I know; but the person who insulted me shows himself to be uneducated and neanderthal in his grammar. I may well be wrong in my opinions but at least I have a reasoned argument to back them up.
Originally by: Tarminic Freud is a single psycologist, and psychology has abandoned the majority of Freud's beliefs. Some of his primary contributions, (Id, Ego, excetera) are still used, however. Darwin was a little crazy, but it doesn't invalidate the discoveries he's made or mean that they aren't worth looking at.
I also mentioned Jung, not just Freud. But generally I believe in the Feet of Clay principle (not sure if that exists so if not I just coined it). Basically you can't trust a theory from a person who's life is messed up. It means their theory will likely be messed up too. I don't doubt though that they both contributed greatly to mankind's understanding of himself; especially their theories on the subconscious mind. But until psychologists, councillors and other head humpers can come together and say (in psychological terms) that 2 + 2 = 4 then it'll be a science.
I derailed this thread without intending to, to be honest. I saw that post by the psychoanalyst and it angered me. In announcing himself to be a psychoanalyst he then proceeded to expound an esoteric parable that indicated he was either smoking weed or full of himself. Besides, so far the OP has had tonnes of sound advice from many other people that will probably fare him better.
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Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.16 17:22:00 -
[78]
Originally by: Miss Anthropy
Your argument is flawed. Just because I discount psychology as a science doesn't mean I discount every science. Maths is a science. It's easy to test and experiment in maths (easier than psychology anyway). Why do you think modern psychology courses (University courses that is) have lots of modules in Statistics (practically in every semester of every year here in the UK)? The reason is that a psychological theory only works on a given statistical amount of people. Any "science" that only has statistics to back up its claims is not a science. Most of psychology is just philosophising about human nature from patterns of behaviour.
Then you've just discounted every science. Every science in existance uses statistics and experimental results over a large number of individual experiments to create their conclusions. Indeed, using this technique is part of the scientific method itself.
Quote:
I also mentioned Jung, not just Freud. But generally I believe in the Feet of Clay principle. Basically you can't trust a theory from a person who's life is messed up. It means their theory will likely be messed up too.
Many of the people responsible for some of the greatest scientific discoveries of our time have led fairly tragic personal lives, Einstein and Nash are examples of this. In Freud's case your argument may hold because he was experimenting directly on himself in a manner that is affected by his own mind and personal life. The scientific method, however, is immune to one's personal life when followed correctly.
Quote: Until psychologists, councillors and other head humpers can come together and say (in psychological terms) that 2 + 2 = 4 then it'll be a science.
By that argument many sciences aren't actually science since fields like quantum physics can't be defined in static principles; they involve the complex interaction of hundreds of different rules, not all of which can be anticipated. Thus the used of statistics and probability to draw conclusions based on a number of different observations with certain similarities is required. I think you're considering all sciences to be on par with High School chemistry or Algebra.
Quote:
I derailed this thread without intending to, to be honest. I saw that post by the psychoanalyst and it angered me. In announcing himself to be a psychoanalyst he then proceeded to expound an esoteric parable that indicated he was either smoking weed or full of himself. Besides, so far the OP has had tonnes of sound advice from many other people that will probably fare him better.
Ah hell, i think this thread has already ran it's course, though i find the common solution of "use her and lose her" to be more than a little disturbing, honestly. ------------ ULTIMATE LAG SOLUTION IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Derovius Vaden
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Posted - 2007.07.16 17:25:00 -
[79]
Quote: Your argument is flawed. Just because I discount psychology as a science doesn't mean I discount every science. Maths is a science. It's easy to test and experiment in maths (easier than psychology anyway). Why do you think modern psychology courses (University courses that is) have lots of modules in Statistics (practically in every semester of every year here in the UK)? The reason is that a psychological theory only works on a given statistical amount of people. Any "science" that only has statistics to back up its claims is not a science. Most of psychology is just philosophising about human nature from patterns of behaviour.
I guess Physics isn't a science, because you assume that every single point of data (ad infinitum) can be counted and analyzed. No science is exact, not even Mathematics. Every scientist is taught statistical and probabilistic methods because it is IMPOSSIBLE to know all your data. Assumptions must be made, and backed up with sound reasoning. As a very basic example of this, consider the number pi. Its completely irrational, no one knows it in its entirity, but assumptions are made based on its use.
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ZeeWolf
Asguard Security Service Angels Of Discord
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Posted - 2007.07.16 17:35:00 -
[80]
Any holes a goal.
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Adonis 4174
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Posted - 2007.07.16 21:06:00 -
[81]
Now we get to the final conclusion that science in general is a collection of best guesses that seem to work most of the time.
Which is true. We can never understand how the universe works yet still we try over and over what fools humans are. ----- Currently playing: Hello Kitty Online Character: Evil Kitty of DEATH |
Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.16 21:07:00 -
[82]
Originally by: Adonis 4174 Now we get to the final conclusion that science in general is a collection of best guesses that seem to work most of the time.
Which is true. We can never understand how the universe works yet still we try over and over what fools humans are.
Better than throwing our hands up and giving up, though. ------------ ULTIMATE LAG SOLUTION IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Adonis 4174
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Posted - 2007.07.16 21:12:00 -
[83]
Originally by: Tarminic
Originally by: Adonis 4174 Now we get to the final conclusion that science in general is a collection of best guesses that seem to work most of the time.
Which is true. We can never understand how the universe works yet still we try over and over what fools humans are.
Better than throwing our hands up and giving up, though.
True, but never forget it's a best guess.
By the definition of scientific fact, it is a scientific fact that at least one of the scientific facts we rely on every day of our lives is wrong. This is what makes life interesting. ----- Currently playing: Hello Kitty Online Character: Evil Kitty of DEATH |
Deschenus Maximus
Amarr Digital Fury Corporation Digital Renegades
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Posted - 2007.07.16 23:09:00 -
[84]
Women
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Admiral Shallow
Gallente Federal Navy Academy
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Posted - 2007.07.16 23:26:00 -
[85]
Edited by: Admiral Shallow on 16/07/2007 23:31:52 I'll give you some steps to take:
Part 1. (Wanna ****?)
Step 1. Go up to her ask her on a date. Step 2. Take her to a bar get her rat assed. Step 3. Offer her back to your place Step 4. If that doesn't work, repeat step 2. Step 5. Have a hood at the ready (Don't want attachments) Step 6. Once she agrees, take her to your place an make her memorize your ceiling. Step 7. Make sure she has totally forgotten where you live; eg. Take her from the bed in her sleep, put her in the back of your car, drive to an enclosed part of a dark forest an dump her. Step 8. If she already knows where you live, good job you followed step 5.
Part 2. (Lets break up)
Step 1. Go up to her ask her on a date. Step 2. Take her to an internet cafee Step 3. Show her this thread. Step 4. She will then realise the geeky science/psychology chat that happend on page 3. Step 5. Thus her thinking your a geek. Which the end result will be her not being interested in you anymore. And probably her boyfriend kicking the **** out of you.
It is up to you which part you take, but choose wisely friend.
BTW You Suck |
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