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Cerys Magente
Under the Wings of Fury
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Posted - 2007.09.23 17:12:00 -
[1]
She bit back the tears as system after system flashed by.
She'd done it again, after vowing to herself that it wouldn't happen another time. She'd allowed herself to care, to step out of the protective shell of indifference she'd being trying so hard to build up around herself. Once again she had been caught out, allowed herself to get too close to others, allowed others to get too close to her.
Allowed herself to become vulnerable.
Like a wounded animal she was fleeing, back to the place where she'd been happy once, happy for that brief and treasured time. The place that held memories that, she hoped, would heal those raw, fresh wounds.
One by one, the systems she travelled through became less populated as her flight took her away from the busy hubs of civilisation towards the outer edges of empire and beyond, out towards her sanctuary. Chatter on the local frequencies diminished, until there was nothing but her, her ship and the vast expanse of emptiness between the stars.
Emotion threatened to break her concentration, an overwhelming feeling of loss that left her hollow inside. She couldn't allow herself to dwell on all she had lost, on all that might have been... on all that she had had to leave behind.
Her map screen flashed up a warning - latest intel indicated a gatecamp ahead. What did it really matter... it was not as though anyone cared whether she lived or died. With a sob she couldn't suppress she sent a jump request to traffic control.
As expected, the camp was there. Nothing too spectacular... back in the days when this had been her corporation's hunting ground they would have sprung the trap and smashed the camp. Easily big enough to destroy her ship, now that she was alone.
For a brief second, she toyed with the idea of engaging them, of ending it all in a scream of exploding metal, her broken body given to the cold, dark oblivion of space, hoping that in the transfer to her clone her memory of the last few weeks would be erased. A clean sheet, to start over again, without the pain...
Some of those memories were too precious to discard.
She pointed her ship towards the next stargate and activated the cloaking device, ignoring the camp. Not far to go now. |
Cerys Magente
Under the Wings of Fury
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Posted - 2007.09.23 17:14:00 -
[2]
The automated docking procedure secured her ship, and she emerged from her capsule into those hangars and corridors she knew so well. She wandered aimlessly through the silent corridors, lit dimly by emergency lighting only, drifting eventually towards the offices her corporation had once occupied.
Once the briefing room had been filled with laughter, with crude jokes and gentle teasing, with the excitement of planning their campaigns, when no odds seemed too great to take on. With friendship and companionship.
It hadn't lasted. After a few deliriously happy and exciting months they had drifted apart, had all gone their separate ways. But the memories of that time... they were still tangible in this place.
Perhaps it would have been better had she remained here after the corporation broke up. But like the others she had left, had gone to find a new place for herself. And for a while, it looked as though she had found one... until she had dropped her guard and allowed herself to care.
She should have known better, should have learnt from the past. But it had never been her way to do anything half-heartedly - either she committed herself fully, or not at all. Sometimes she envied those who made their way through life with calm detachment, never allowed themselves to become passionately involved with anything. But that was not for her.
She no longer attempted to hold back the tears - tears of regret, of aching loss, of yet another cruel let-down, of her conviction that somehow she had screwed up again and deserved no better. Cathartic and cleansing tears, she let her grief wash over her, let it drain away.
Her eyes dry again, she walked back to the ship that had been waiting for her here while she had been away fighting distant wars. The one ship that had never failed her, the one constant in her life. One thing she could count on that would never let her down.
Smiling faintly, she sent an undock request to station control while the ship's familiar systems came to life around her.
Out here she expected nothing, and nothing was expected of her. No hopes, no disappointments. Just her and her ship.
She scanned communications. Local frequencies were empty, as she had hoped they would be out in this deserted corner of space. A single message was waiting for her on a private frequency.
'Are you all right? Take care of yourself.'
She smiled. Someone cared after all.
'I'll be ok,' she sent back.
It was good to be home.
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Vulcanlord
Caldari
Maelstrom Crew
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Posted - 2007.09.23 19:12:00 -
[3]
such a beautiful but sad story.
Good luck with your adventure cerys, i hope you find that thing in eve that makes you happy :)
we are all thinking about you.
vulcan
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Eva Wellington
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Posted - 2007.09.24 19:27:00 -
[4]
:`-(
Take care Cerys.
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CaptSky
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Posted - 2007.09.25 21:12:00 -
[5]
*Captsky hugs Cerys... I hope you find back your joy and enjoy this again as you used to. We are always out there for you if you need. You can do it, and we can help!
It was great fun flying along side with you Cerys hope to see you around!
________________________________________________________________________________________________
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insidion
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Posted - 2007.09.26 13:42:00 -
[6]
Nicely written Cerys, you are a never ending source of amazement and wonder. Thanks for being so awesome! =)
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DazAlbion
Caldari
Maelstrom Crew
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Posted - 2007.09.26 14:50:00 -
[7]
Cery's that was beautiful,I hope our paths soon join up again.
Till then enjoy your latest journey :)
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Charsi Manalee
Gallente
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Posted - 2007.09.26 15:32:00 -
[8]
I don't know you, but now I feel like I do.
Good job.
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Charsi Manalee: If it's not deadly and/or sexy, she won't pilot it. |
BlatheBum
Elite Storm Enterprises
Storm Armada
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Posted - 2007.09.30 09:35:00 -
[9]
Sorry to intrude, but was a simply beautiful read. Thank you and I hope all goes well with your future journeys.
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Cerys Magente
Fades to Silence
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Posted - 2007.10.09 08:17:00 -
[10]
Thank you very much for your kind words - I'm glad you enjoyed the story :)
As those of you who don't know me probably guessed from some of the responses, it's based on a true story (give or take a little bit of poetic licence here and there).
Ironically, having given 'her' a choice at the gatecamp in the story, I got podded by a camp about 3 hours after I posted it... 
It didn't erase the memories, though
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Johnathon Desoto
United Federation of Planetary Systems
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Posted - 2007.10.09 13:29:00 -
[11]
This has got to be one of the most beautiful pieces of fiction i've ever read.
I'm gonna go cry...
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Cerys Magente
Fades to Silence
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Posted - 2007.10.20 15:12:00 -
[12]
The story continues here: Company of Strangers |
katana78
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Posted - 2007.12.25 22:49:00 -
[13]
Hi Cerys ,got the feeling you of some sadnes in your writing... you are wonderfull... i wos in love whitd you wen you did talk ... your voice i like angels... i whos in many OP whitd you the best for you you are amaizing..
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Sepherim
Amarr
Ordo Quaesitoris
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Posted - 2007.12.27 15:09:00 -
[14]
Nicely written story indeed.
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