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Copine Callmeknau
Celestial Janissaries Curatores Veritatis Alliance
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:29:00 -
[1]
G'day all,
Prepare for the most mind boggling revelation in the history of EVE.
A friend of mine was running a mission today, came across a can marked 'Biomass Recycling Storage'. For those that are unaware of what this does, it basically turns corpses into something useful or a delicious snack, such as Enviro Friendly Toilet Paper, Soylent Green, or Quafe Ultra.
Inside this can, what was discovered? Was it a delicious snack? Refreshing drink? Some much needed bog roll?
No
Projectile ammo, and laser crystals!
PROJECTILE WEAPONS ARE CORPSE LAUNCHERS! LASERS ARE SOUL CANNONS!
You may have thought, omg, cool at that revelation. However by looking deeper at this groundbreaking discovery we discover why projectiles are so awesome for low dps weaponry, and lasers are in a cycle of perpetual suck.
Now, the cool factor of firing a huge block of corpses 1400mm across and several meters long, with a nuclear warhead strapped to the top is somewhere around eleventy million out of ten.
Cool factor of firing a tortured Matari war-orphans soul straight into the hull of a Matari ship is also around eleventy million out of ten.
However, at this point I realised that T1 crystals have infinite longevity, and realistically a crystal is only capable of containing a single soul. Therefore lasers must only fire the most microscopic sliver of a soul at the enemy.
On top of that, quite frankly we righteous show pity on those orphans, we don't kill Matari war-orphans, we keep them and show them the mighty light of god through years of back breaking service and vitoc injections.
It is only once they die that we can recycle them for their delicious soul energy, so basically all lasers do is fire slivers of old crippled Matari war-orphans.
Not nearly as cool anymore, cool factor has dropped to around three out of ten now. In comparison to corpse launching artillery, it's as if the 1400mm Cannons shot the toenails of the dead. ie, epic fail.
On top of this, quite frankly Matari soulds are worthless, all scummy and infected with primitive beliefs, firing a matari soul from a megapulse is about as effective as shooting cotton wads from a repeating artillery. Perhaps with some reeducation these captured matari would gain some sort of merit and therefore increase the thermal damage from lasers.
This is where perhaps the most shocking piece of the puzzle clicks in to place.
Our reeducation program has been mildly hindered in the past by terrorist scum such as Ushra'Khan. CCP refuse to fix laser problems.
Ushra'Khan == CCP
CCP of course know of this link between reeducation and laser damage, but can't stop it happening in game. They of course took the only option, tell a disorganised rabble of apes the secret, and provide them with possibly the coolest weapon system ever invented. EVER.
This BoB/CCP scandal, all a distraction, an elaborate ploy to bring the focus of the player base away from the alliance CCP is really giving aid to.
Well I'm telling you I won't fall for it! Delete my account if you must for revealing the truth, but you will never stop the train of knowledge, that leviathan so vast. This post has launched it out of the gates, and it will bring you to your knees!
Amarr victor!
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Originally by: Patch86 Depressing as hell though. By the end, you feel like someone's eaten your kitten.
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Solareni
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:39:00 -
[2]
So T2 Crystals would be the strong slaves?
Faction Crystals made from loyal Ammatar?
Pirate Crystals made from people kidnapped from space cruise ships?
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Surfin's PlunderBunny
Minmatar mUfFiN fAcToRy
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:41:00 -
[3]
No more drugs for this guy!
Originally by: Liz Kali Tic Toc Tic Toc , time is ticking
I owned someone on forums!!! |
hellsknights
Hells Angels Inc.
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:51:00 -
[4]
After reading 4 lines......
I CRAP ON THIS THREAD!
recruitment thread Join channel Hells Angels Inc
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kookookrazyCICHEN
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:57:00 -
[5]
Faction win.
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Chungito
Minmatar Khumatari Holdings Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2007.10.23 03:58:00 -
[6]
This explains why we were so successfully able to defend UNITY station from the CVA and their allies.
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Pudnucker
Boennerup Banden
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Posted - 2007.10.23 04:48:00 -
[7]
OMFG I'm laughing my arse off.
Copine wins the forums today.
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MotherMoon
Huang Yinglong Namtz'aar k'in
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Posted - 2007.10.23 04:48:00 -
[8]
----------------------------------- I'm working my way through college target CCP need...more room... |
Atius Tirawa
Minmatar Wreckless Abandon Triumvirate.
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Posted - 2007.10.23 05:14:00 -
[9]
actually quite a good read http://go-dl1.eve-files.com/media/0710/Anti-Carrier-Nerf-Sig%5B2%5D.jpg |
Pudnucker
Boennerup Banden
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Posted - 2007.10.23 05:19:00 -
[10]
Originally by: hellsknights After reading 4 lines......
I CRAP ON THIS THREAD!
L2NotBLaem
Originally by: Copine Callmeknau PROJECTILE WEAPONS ARE CORPSE LAUNCHERS! LASERS ARE SOUL CANNONS!
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Dred'Pirate Jesus
Amarr Ministry of War
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Posted - 2007.10.23 05:20:00 -
[11]
Boost Souls..
Originally by: David Hackworth ò If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
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Lyria Skydancer
Amarr Uninvited Guests
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Posted - 2007.10.23 05:24:00 -
[12]
Agreed, gief stronger souls for our poor crystals. Exploding souls might also do the trick.
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Slazia
Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2007.10.23 05:35:00 -
[13]
Shouldnt this secret information be removed? Are they not removing it to make it look like its not true? Did we really lose the station, or give it away in an elaberate scheme?
Can I sign up for t2 small ammo duty? Am I allowed to reclone after?
All these questions and more to be answered - never!
Your signature is far too good for these forums. |
Copine Callmeknau
Celestial Janissaries Curatores Veritatis Alliance
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Posted - 2007.10.23 06:11:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Solareni So T2 Crystals would be the strong slaves?
Faction Crystals made from loyal Ammatar?
Pirate Crystals made from people kidnapped from space cruise ships?
Nope, they're just made to fire larger slivers of soul, slivers so large that they can in fact accidently fire all of the delicious soul contained within, and break.
-----
Originally by: Patch86 Depressing as hell though. By the end, you feel like someone's eaten your kitten.
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Vajak
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Posted - 2007.10.23 06:30:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Copine Callmeknau
Originally by: Solareni So T2 Crystals would be the strong slaves?
Faction Crystals made from loyal Ammatar?
Pirate Crystals made from people kidnapped from space cruise ships?
Nope, they're just made to fire larger slivers of soul, slivers so large that they can in fact accidently fire all of the delicious soul contained within, and break.
Do the souls come in strawberry flavor because me thinks strawberry is delicious |
Ventallia Renvess
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Posted - 2007.10.23 06:36:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Vajak
Originally by: Copine Callmeknau
Originally by: Solareni So T2 Crystals would be the strong slaves?
Faction Crystals made from loyal Ammatar?
Pirate Crystals made from people kidnapped from space cruise ships?
Nope, they're just made to fire larger slivers of soul, slivers so large that they can in fact accidently fire all of the delicious soul contained within, and break.
Do the souls come in strawberry flavor because me thinks strawberry is delicious
No, only scummy ape terrorist flavour. It's an acquired taste -----------
Rawr, I'm a manatee |
XenoPagan
Enterprise Estonia
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Posted - 2007.10.23 07:02:00 -
[17]
haha. good morning read. lasers bring enlightment.
actually there are more of that kind of horrible revelations around us. for instance, one smaller one, involved me having a mission to haul garbage (good old missions ca year ago) to... Quafe factory. Enough said that after this mission I never touched this stuff again
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SentryRaven
KIA Corp KIA Alliance
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Posted - 2007.10.23 07:38:00 -
[18]
Nice read really... :)
With best regards, SentryRaven KIA Noobship Pilot
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