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Baninez Yarm
Dawn's Light Caravan
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Posted - 2008.04.14 21:01:00 -
[1]
ôFifteen isk for this?ö exclaimed the Caldari merchant crossing his arms over his skinny chest ôI'm not paying more than ten per unit.ö
As he waited for a response he began to sweat. Sure he was pushing the trader hard but these sort weren't exactly welcome many places these days. His eyes flicked between the sample that had been transported down by the Thukker captain earlier and the communications desk hoping that he would at least get an answer. He was beginning to get nervous as time drew on. The blinking green readout showed that the tightlink communication channel was still open. What was taking him so long? He breathed out heavily as the heavily accented voice broke in over the line. He hadn't even realised he had been holding his breath.
ôTen is unacceptable Mr. Kalan. The deal was for fifteen that is what you advertised you were willing to pay for these items. I may be willing to reduce my price to say fourteen if you are planning to take the entire shipment off my hands.ö
ôAll of it? What would I do with a hundred and eighty thousand units? Where do you think you are? You're in a small backwater here my friend not Rens you know.ö
ôI am well aware when I am the Caravan went out of it's way to accommodate your request for goods.ö
The voice of the Thukker captain had obvious signs of annoyance in it now maybe it wasn't such a good idea to push it much further. A bit of honest bartering was always tricky with these savages. A respectable Caldari businessman like himself would have known he was just trying to secure the best price for himself. No harm in that.
ôVery well captain I will take all you have but I will not pay more than twelve per unit. That's two million, a hundred and sixty thousand kredits. That's the best I can do for you. You won't find a better offer in this region you know.ö
ôThe agreed price was...ö
ôFifteen, I know I know but the market is the market prices change.ö
ôVery well Mr. Kalan we will accept your offer of twelve isk per unit but no Thukker Caravan will ever trade with you again. We honour our promises.ö
ôJust transfer the goods and I'll send your payment. I don't need idle threats from you Captain.ö
The truth was he wasn't worried about that much. Once he turned round over 100% profit on these goods he could go back to Kino and open a decent business away from these sort of people. He had been saving now for two years out here in the borderlands of civilized space waiting until he hand the funds to secure good holdings in Lonetrek.
ôVery well Mr. Kalan. Very well.ö
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I against my brothers, I and my brothers against my cousins, I and my brothers and my cousins against the stars. |
Baninez Yarm
Dawn's Light Caravan
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Posted - 2008.04.14 21:02:00 -
[2]
As the goods started to be loaded into the atmospheric transports Baninez Yarm cursed the day he had seen the buyer advert. With the price he was getting it the profits barely covered the cost of the jump fuel to move the Caravan to this ill fated part of the Matarian Republic. At least he had secured a profitable cargo for the next journey which would see his brothers and sisters good for the next few weeks.
ôElder. The Caldari Merchant is ready for the cargo. He is somewhat... impatient for delivery.ö said a voice from behind him.
Turning he saw the old Intaki cargo master securing the last of the packages in the Mix designed transporters. Like all Mix designs it was inspired madness in design and function. Using the latest in Thukker propulsion systems and antiquated Matarian shield technology to quite literally smash it's way through atmospheric entry.
ôLet him wait. He breaks his word with us he can sweat for a while.ö replied the greying Thukker Elder turning away and walking towards the Hydrostatic Capsule Chamber readying himself once again for the touch of the wetgrave.
ôVery good sirö smiled the cargo master.
Baninez flinched inwardly at the word ôSirö. It reminded him too much that his father and only recently joined the spirits in the Ancestors Garden. Until six weeks ago the old Intaki would have been calling him a child still despite his nearly 60 years. The old cargo master had been with the Caravan since before he was born joining it on one of it's trips through the what was now the Intaki Syndicate.
The door to the Preparation Chamber slid open noiselessly as Baninez approached he may not have been connected to the ship via. the capsule but he still retained some degree of control over the basic functions such as doors by the devices implanted throughout his body. Truth to be told he could probably have automated a lot of the functions of the [DLC] Dawn's Grace long before now but that was not the Thukker way. Slipping out of his clothes and into the form fitting one piece Nanoprene suit he wore in the capsule he regarded his wrinkly old body with amusement. Maybe he should have cloned himself before age had it's way with him but it hardly mattered now. Now he would always be healthy no matter what the decades brought. He would see most of the Caravan's current inhabitants grow old and die and be replaced by the next generation. It wasn't something he looked forward to. Thukker culture was based around the ties between people and now he would see those ties severed time after time, year after year.
---
I against my brothers, I and my brothers against my cousins, I and my brothers and my cousins against the stars. |
Baninez Yarm
Dawn's Light Caravan
|
Posted - 2008.04.14 21:02:00 -
[3]
He strode into the Capsule room still awed by the sheer complexity of the technology. An alien technology out of place on a ship like this. Despite being one of the more advanced designs that the Thukker engineers had every produced the Panther class hull was millennia behind this. Hooking himself into the capsules interior he started to feel the altogether too familiar sense of disorientation that he always felt when becoming one with his ship's hull. As he made the last connection the hatch closed and the capsule flooded with the hydrostatic fluid that would surround him until the next stop. Closing his eyes to the viscous fluid he started to only see things from the perspective of the numerous camera drones following the ship in it's orbit.
ôTransfer successful Elder.ö came the voice of his cargo master directly into his mind. ôThe isk is now in our account and the new cargo is secured on board.
ôThank you Renan. Return to your couch and prepare for travel now please.ö he thought back to the elderly man.
Watching his progress moving out of orbit he once again knew the freedom of the stars. A freedom the Thukker never gave up to anyone. Not during the years their cousins were enslaved by the Amarrians did the Thukker's caravans stop moving and now the caravans reached distant stars that those caravans used to navigate by. Reaching the edge of the planets gravity well the [DLC] Dawn's Grace met up with the rest of the Dawn's Light Caravan and mixed collection of ships it was but it was home for the hundreds of thousands of Thukker he led.
With a thought they were gone.
---
I against my brothers, I and my brothers against my cousins, I and my brothers and my cousins against the stars. |
Baninez Yarm
Dawn's Light Caravan
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Posted - 2008.04.14 21:03:00 -
[4]
((My first attempt please let me know what you think))
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I against my brothers, I and my brothers against my cousins, I and my brothers and my cousins against the stars. |
Hjalin Saa'lek
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Posted - 2008.04.16 10:59:00 -
[5]
Edited by: Hjalin Saa''lek on 16/04/2008 11:05:36
I like your imagery and the way you try to discuss the implications of a Thukker caravan in the ultra capitalist EVE universe.
As for constructive criticism, i'd try to be more economical with your prose as it is often better to try and describe something with fewer words rather than more and points in your story suffered from a certain turgidness of style. This isn't to say it's bad because this story shows real potential and I like your subject mattter and context a lot. I'd just try and break up the story a bit more and give it more energy and structure.
I too am trying to write from the Thukker perspective and I certainly think it is an area that is both rich in possibilities and overlooked in the community. Have a read of my chronicle (in my sig) and tell me what you think and i'll try and get in contact with you in-game. I'd like to see a Thukker fiction community grow and it's stories like these that'll get the ball rolling.
Good work.
Hjalin
Thukker |
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