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morhe
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Posted - 2008.07.21 12:11:00 -
[1]
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
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Slade Trillgon
Siorai Iontach
Brotherhood of the Spider
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Posted - 2008.07.21 12:15:00 -
[2]
LMAO!!!
That is a winner.
Slade
"I am not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why can`t we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem fix its self" |
Cat Funt
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Posted - 2008.07.21 12:29:00 -
[3]
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the landlord, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please'.
The landlord, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'
'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.
'Ah, England!' says the landlord. 'Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...'
'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. 'Hamburgers & Molsons beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude.'
'So why keep going to England ?' asks the landlord.
'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.
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Lothris Andastar
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Posted - 2008.07.22 20:03:00 -
[4]
The Ant and the Grasshopper~Old and New Version
~ The old version:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
~ The new version:
The and works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press confrence and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We Shall Overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back oft he grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportioate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
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Kyanzes
Amarr
Utopian Research I.E.L.
The ENTITY.
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Posted - 2008.07.22 20:50:00 -
[5]
Edited by: Kyanzes on 22/07/2008 20:53:56
Husband brings home some flavoured condoms in hope of a playful evening.
He proposes the following to his wife:
- Darling, let's play! You turn off the light, I put on one of these nasty guys
and then you try to guess the flavour after tasting it.
- Uh, okay.
The woman quickly turns off the light and takes a quick sample:
- Cheese???
- Wait a sec...
---------------------------------------------
GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. |
Adyriana
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Posted - 2008.07.23 00:09:00 -
[6]
 Originally by: Kyanzes
Edited by: Kyanzes on 22/07/2008 20:53:56
Husband brings home some flavoured condoms in hope of a playful evening.
He proposes the following to his wife:
- Darling, let's play! You turn off the light, I put on one of these nasty guys
and then you try to guess the flavour after tasting it.
- Uh, okay.
The woman quickly turns off the light and takes a quick sample:
- Cheese???
- Wait a sec...
I didn't get it... Ouh wait now I do lol hehe 
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Antihrist Pripravnik
Gallente
The 13th Gallentean Armed Response
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Posted - 2008.07.23 00:43:00 -
[7]
Little Timmy got home from school crying. Dad asked him what's wrong.
"My math teacher gave me an F".
"Why?" asked dad.
"She asked me how much is 2+3."
"And what was your answer?"
"5"
"What else did she asked?"
"How much is 3+2"
"Well, son, it's the same s**t."
"That's exactly what I told her!"
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morhe
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Posted - 2008.07.23 11:52:00 -
[8]
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
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Antihrist Pripravnik
Gallente
The 13th Gallentean Armed Response
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Posted - 2008.07.23 18:23:00 -
[9]
What's the similarity between computer games and breasts?
They're both, basically, made for children, but mostly adults like to play with them. 
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Xonkra
Gallente
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Posted - 2008.07.23 21:28:00 -
[10]
your sig is gonna get nuked in 3...2...
---------
Founder of the Hug-a-troll initiative
Hug a forum troll because they can probably use it ! |
The TX
Gallente
Earth Inc.
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Posted - 2008.07.23 23:03:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Xonkra
your sig is gonna get nuked in 3...2...
I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
--------------------
[Signature]
[/Signature]
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Spafia
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Posted - 2008.07.23 23:06:00 -
[12]
An italian one:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EhWeiI6Unyc&feature=related
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morhe
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Posted - 2008.07.28 12:40:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Antihrist Pripravnik
What's the similarity between computer games and breasts?
They're both, basically, made for children, but mostly adults like to play with them.
yep..yep
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Mark Lucius
Kinetic Vector
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Posted - 2008.07.28 13:58:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Spafia
An italian one: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EhWeiI6Unyc&feature=related
LOL!
---
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Antihrist Pripravnik
Gallente
The 13th Gallentean Armed Response
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Posted - 2008.08.01 00:25:00 -
[15]
This is not a joke, but it sure made me laugh 
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=833584
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