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Whispere
   |
Posted - 2004.07.22 14:36:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Whispere on 16/08/2004 14:26:03
My misguided and futile attempts at piracy continue!
Last eve I'm cruising Eggland.. or Egglande.. or something.. I forget again. It sounded like Egg and had too many consonants. Anyways.. I upgraded my Kestrel to a Caracal, though I only have the skills to turn on the coffee maker and every now and then throw a grenade out of the hatch. I've got semi-NPC/semi-PvP mods outfitted (which I now realize is a complete waste of time), and I figure I'll hunt rats, unless a nice juicy target comes along and then I'll come across the dance floor and introduce myself.
Well I'd searched every belt but one, and when I warped in, I see two secure containers bearing the name of the only person in local, surrounded by regular cargo containers. I figure someone had been mining, and it's quite possible they're ferrying back and forth taking their ore home.
I pick a direction 15k from his can (towards the nearest station), and I hope the guy will just warp right on top of me. I only wait around five minutes, and the guy (Questor?) warps right in, in a Moa with only mining lasers showing.
Piece of cake right? Whispere has won! Finally a kill for my malnourished coffers!!
Well.. not exactly.
I locked him, and I realized that.. I.. only.. have.. one.. warp... disruptor. I lock him, and that ore-hauling brigand just laughs at my incoming BLOOOOODCLAWWWW missiles, and warps away. I take a 0.1 security status hit anyways, and over local he says,
"Are you a pirate or something?"
I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Well my cargo hold is full anyways, so I figure I'll just warp back home and drop it off in the corp hanger..
Big mistake.
Those billboards.. someday when I'm flying a deathstar around I'm going to blow up every billboard I see. What sort of sick, demented, twisted person came up with the idea of MISSILE LAUNCHERS IN BILLBOARDS. I can only imagine this concept carried on to today.. some 14 year old kid pulls out a can of Orange Sherbert spraypaint from his bookbag near a billboard and a 16th century cavalier comes by and takes his head off with an axe. What kind of universe do we live in??
Anyways, my Caracal lasts about three seconds. (LOLLOLOROFLMAOBBQ WHISPER U R SUCH A NOOB) Yeah, well I am a newb, and that's why I'm telling this story.
So you'd think the galaxy has had enough punishing me for launching two missles at some kid's Moa. I mean, I'm already grapefruited, and I'm in a 0.4 with my poor Caracal (The L.F.S. Tiger's Claw) smeared all over the stargate. So I warp (in the grapefruit) to the nearest station, and I buy the cheapest thing they have, an Atron frigate. I figure it will be fast enough to get me home and will have enough space to carry what's left of my ship.
I undock, and around 0.0000382 seconds later the station guns blow me to pieces, again. (this is in a different system) Now, is this some sort of Concord joke? They let me land, they let me buy a ship, they let me get inside and fly out the front door, and THEN they blow me up? Are cops so lazy they don't apprehend people in stations? Do they just get their kicks from smoking small and insignificant ships?
"Lookee there Earl.. there goes one o' them there Eh-trons. I ain't seen one o' them flyin around since the time the emperer got a bad case o' the roids and put ever' person in twunny-six parsecs in a lifeboat."
"Yeah buhbba, let's shoot it. See if ye can put wun in the ol' tailpipe.. haw haw haw."
So I'm in the grapefruit again. This time, I go right back in the station, and pull out in the noob ship. (it seems to be appropriate for me). My motto is, if I can't beat them, I'm surely going to bloody their fists with my face. The guns shoot me once, dropping me down to hull, and then they stop. Are they done? Is that all the stamina they have? I brace for the inevitable, but I guess they're done with me for today. I go pick up my wreckage, and I go home.
I guess I'm destined to fortune's fool in Eve, and I've only been going three weeks.
Swell. Score to date: Miners and the Universe - 2 / Whispere - 0.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
|
Whispere
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 14:36:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Whispere on 16/08/2004 14:26:03
My misguided and futile attempts at piracy continue!
Last eve I'm cruising Eggland.. or Egglande.. or something.. I forget again. It sounded like Egg and had too many consonants. Anyways.. I upgraded my Kestrel to a Caracal, though I only have the skills to turn on the coffee maker and every now and then throw a grenade out of the hatch. I've got semi-NPC/semi-PvP mods outfitted (which I now realize is a complete waste of time), and I figure I'll hunt rats, unless a nice juicy target comes along and then I'll come across the dance floor and introduce myself.
Well I'd searched every belt but one, and when I warped in, I see two secure containers bearing the name of the only person in local, surrounded by regular cargo containers. I figure someone had been mining, and it's quite possible they're ferrying back and forth taking their ore home.
I pick a direction 15k from his can (towards the nearest station), and I hope the guy will just warp right on top of me. I only wait around five minutes, and the guy (Questor?) warps right in, in a Moa with only mining lasers showing.
Piece of cake right? Whispere has won! Finally a kill for my malnourished coffers!!
Well.. not exactly.
I locked him, and I realized that.. I.. only.. have.. one.. warp... disruptor. I lock him, and that ore-hauling brigand just laughs at my incoming BLOOOOODCLAWWWW missiles, and warps away. I take a 0.1 security status hit anyways, and over local he says,
"Are you a pirate or something?"
I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Well my cargo hold is full anyways, so I figure I'll just warp back home and drop it off in the corp hanger..
Big mistake.
Those billboards.. someday when I'm flying a deathstar around I'm going to blow up every billboard I see. What sort of sick, demented, twisted person came up with the idea of MISSILE LAUNCHERS IN BILLBOARDS. I can only imagine this concept carried on to today.. some 14 year old kid pulls out a can of Orange Sherbert spraypaint from his bookbag near a billboard and a 16th century cavalier comes by and takes his head off with an axe. What kind of universe do we live in??
Anyways, my Caracal lasts about three seconds. (LOLLOLOROFLMAOBBQ WHISPER U R SUCH A NOOB) Yeah, well I am a newb, and that's why I'm telling this story.
So you'd think the galaxy has had enough punishing me for launching two missles at some kid's Moa. I mean, I'm already grapefruited, and I'm in a 0.4 with my poor Caracal (The L.F.S. Tiger's Claw) smeared all over the stargate. So I warp (in the grapefruit) to the nearest station, and I buy the cheapest thing they have, an Atron frigate. I figure it will be fast enough to get me home and will have enough space to carry what's left of my ship.
I undock, and around 0.0000382 seconds later the station guns blow me to pieces, again. (this is in a different system) Now, is this some sort of Concord joke? They let me land, they let me buy a ship, they let me get inside and fly out the front door, and THEN they blow me up? Are cops so lazy they don't apprehend people in stations? Do they just get their kicks from smoking small and insignificant ships?
"Lookee there Earl.. there goes one o' them there Eh-trons. I ain't seen one o' them flyin around since the time the emperer got a bad case o' the roids and put ever' person in twunny-six parsecs in a lifeboat."
"Yeah buhbba, let's shoot it. See if ye can put wun in the ol' tailpipe.. haw haw haw."
So I'm in the grapefruit again. This time, I go right back in the station, and pull out in the noob ship. (it seems to be appropriate for me). My motto is, if I can't beat them, I'm surely going to bloody their fists with my face. The guns shoot me once, dropping me down to hull, and then they stop. Are they done? Is that all the stamina they have? I brace for the inevitable, but I guess they're done with me for today. I go pick up my wreckage, and I go home.
I guess I'm destined to fortune's fool in Eve, and I've only been going three weeks.
Swell. Score to date: Miners and the Universe - 2 / Whispere - 0.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
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Schroni
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Posted - 2004.07.22 14:59:00 -
[3]
well, apparently CCP has changed some things again without telling anyone... 
before, you could attack someone in a belt and then warp to a station/gate without getting attacked by the sentrys. Now you have to wait until your "criminal tagged counter" runs out, about 15 minutes, before you can warp anywhere near sentry guns...
great change! ...NOT
---
SNIGG Forums  my videos |
Schroni
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 14:59:00 -
[4]
well, apparently CCP has changed some things again without telling anyone...
before, you could attack someone in a belt and then warp to a station/gate without getting attacked by the sentrys. Now you have to wait until your "criminal tagged counter" runs out, about 15 minutes, before you can warp anywhere near sentry guns...
great change! ...NOT
---
SNIGG Forums my videos |
Dark Reaper64
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:28:00 -
[5]
LOL!!!!
Keep the stories coming so far ur post have been the funniest i have ever read  . I do also think that CCP changed sentrie behavor cause me and a corp mate killed a scorp at planet and he hit dock at station and went afk to come back to his egg. He lost a raven and half of his tricked out mods  .
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Dark Reaper64
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:28:00 -
[6]
LOL!!!!
Keep the stories coming so far ur post have been the funniest i have ever read . I do also think that CCP changed sentrie behavor cause me and a corp mate killed a scorp at planet and he hit dock at station and went afk to come back to his egg. He lost a raven and half of his tricked out mods .
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meowcat
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:32:00 -
[7]
great post  
~~~~)\~~~~~\o/~~~~
yeah but no but yeah but no but |
meowcat
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:32:00 -
[8]
great post
~~~~)\~~~~~\o/~~~~
yeah but no but yeah but no but |
Mrissa Easeah
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:48:00 -
[9]
Very entertaining post, though I feel for you, despite my general distaste for your chosen profession...
... at least ICly - OOCly, if you need assistance getting back on your feet, feel free to contact me.
Who knows, maybe someday, when you've gotten past this awkward learning stage, I can retain your services as a privateer?
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Mrissa Easeah
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Posted - 2004.07.22 15:48:00 -
[10]
Very entertaining post, though I feel for you, despite my general distaste for your chosen profession...
... at least ICly - OOCly, if you need assistance getting back on your feet, feel free to contact me.
Who knows, maybe someday, when you've gotten past this awkward learning stage, I can retain your services as a privateer?
|
Lepakko
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Posted - 2004.07.22 18:35:00 -
[11]
ROFLMAO...
Great post m8 .... |
Lepakko
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 18:35:00 -
[12]
ROFLMAO...
Great post m8 .... |
HooYah
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Posted - 2004.07.22 18:48:00 -
[13]
Great Story!!
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HooYah
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Posted - 2004.07.22 18:48:00 -
[14]
Great Story!!
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Korben Allahn
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Posted - 2004.07.22 18:51:00 -
[15]
Awesome post, Whisper.
As for the Criminal Tag Counter, It's something they must be testing in Tranq for Shiva. I know Criminal Flagging is being toyed with in Shiva and they're probably seeing how we react to having such a "minor" change.
Because it's probably something that wouldn't get noticed much on Chaos. They need a larger population to test it.
That's my theory.
I keep a teddy bear in my pod with me. A teddy bear with sharp teeth, massive claws, and a pinache for eating the flesh of podded corpses. I call him "Fuzzy". |
Korben Allahn
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 18:51:00 -
[16]
Awesome post, Whisper.
As for the Criminal Tag Counter, It's something they must be testing in Tranq for Shiva. I know Criminal Flagging is being toyed with in Shiva and they're probably seeing how we react to having such a "minor" change.
Because it's probably something that wouldn't get noticed much on Chaos. They need a larger population to test it.
That's my theory.
I keep a teddy bear in my pod with me. A teddy bear with sharp teeth, massive claws, and a pinache for eating the flesh of podded corpses. I call him "Fuzzy". |
Kritkeen
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 19:08:00 -
[17]
 Originally by: Whispere
[
"Lookee there Earl.. there goes one o' them there Eh-trons. I ain't seen one o' them flyin around since the time the emperer got a bad case o' the roids and put ever' person in twunny-six parsecs in a lifeboat."
"Yeah buhbba, let's shoot it. See if ye can put wun in the ol' tailpipe.. haw haw haw."
that's the funniest thing i've ever read.........i spit apple juice all over..."eh-trons" LMFAO!
-----2004.08.02 17:00:58 combatYour Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.
Your Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.---- |
Kritkeen
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 19:08:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Whispere
[
"Lookee there Earl.. there goes one o' them there Eh-trons. I ain't seen one o' them flyin around since the time the emperer got a bad case o' the roids and put ever' person in twunny-six parsecs in a lifeboat."
"Yeah buhbba, let's shoot it. See if ye can put wun in the ol' tailpipe.. haw haw haw."
that's the funniest thing i've ever read.........i spit apple juice all over..."eh-trons" LMFAO!
-----2004.08.02 17:00:58 combatYour Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.
Your Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.---- |
Koda
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 19:19:00 -
[19]
Another great read.
Keep trying, you'll get it right one of these days
An ex-corp mate of mine had their first cruiser, they flew to a gate in a 0.1 where NPC's were waiting. They launched missles at them, splashed the gate, and got vaporized by the gate guns. To add insult to injury, they returned in an Imicus (their only other ship) only to see it turned to space dust too.
--------------
Share the love in the SNIGG Forums
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Koda
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 19:19:00 -
[20]
Another great read.
Keep trying, you'll get it right one of these days
An ex-corp mate of mine had their first cruiser, they flew to a gate in a 0.1 where NPC's were waiting. They launched missles at them, splashed the gate, and got vaporized by the gate guns. To add insult to injury, they returned in an Imicus (their only other ship) only to see it turned to space dust too.
--------------
Share the love in the SNIGG Forums
|
Atar
|
Posted - 2004.07.22 19:57:00 -
[21]
Keep the stories coming. So far your stories are the funniest yet on these forumns!
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Atar
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Posted - 2004.07.22 19:57:00 -
[22]
Keep the stories coming. So far your stories are the funniest yet on these forumns!
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Mastik
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Posted - 2004.07.22 22:29:00 -
[23]
Well done agian.
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Mastik
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Posted - 2004.07.22 22:29:00 -
[24]
Well done agian.
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Harolde Wulfbane
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Posted - 2004.07.23 03:38:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Whispere
"Are you a pirate or something?"
I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Swell. Score to date: Miners and the Universe - 2 / Whispere - 0.
[/quote
Lol, being a pirate aint easy
Harry
"Neca ecos omnes. Deus suos agnoscet"
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Harolde Wulfbane
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Posted - 2004.07.23 03:38:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Whispere
"Are you a pirate or something?"
I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Swell. Score to date: Miners and the Universe - 2 / Whispere - 0.
[/quote
Lol, being a pirate aint easy
Harry
"Neca ecos omnes. Deus suos agnoscet"
|
Riddari
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Posted - 2004.07.23 12:09:00 -
[27]
And another nice one 
¼©¼
a history |
Riddari
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Posted - 2004.07.23 12:09:00 -
[28]
And another nice one
¼©¼
a history |
Lorna Doone
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:28:00 -
[29]
Your stories are great, keep 'em coming
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Meantime, all around me is violence and robbery, coarse delight and savage pain, reckless joke and hopeless death." |
Lorna Doone
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:28:00 -
[30]
Your stories are great, keep 'em coming
---------------------------------------------------------------
"Meantime, all around me is violence and robbery, coarse delight and savage pain, reckless joke and hopeless death." |
Coldstone
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:31:00 -
[31]
BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Awesome story once again...Can't wait for the next issue...*thumbs up*
~*~ It's not about Good or Evil. It's about living your life in a way, so that you can die with a Smile on your face. ~*~ |
Coldstone
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:31:00 -
[32]
BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Awesome story once again...Can't wait for the next issue...*thumbs up*
~*~ It's not about Good or Evil. It's about living your life in a way, so that you can die with a Smile on your face. ~*~ |
X'Alor
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:53:00 -
[33]
Too funny.
Lesson learned but not mentioned..........no matter your flagging or security status.
You can fly anyplace in a grapefruit. Even tho "Bubba and Earl" got jiggy with the ol' tailpipe, all centries and billboards will let ya pass in them things.
And for future reference, next time you fly by a billboard, *****right click show info***** tells ya about them dang missles.
Always been curious what kind they chuck, were the cruisers, torps......????
If it makes ya feel any better, my first 3 weeks, smashed 2 keyboards and broke 3 mice.
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X'Alor
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Posted - 2004.07.23 13:53:00 -
[34]
Too funny.
Lesson learned but not mentioned..........no matter your flagging or security status.
You can fly anyplace in a grapefruit. Even tho "Bubba and Earl" got jiggy with the ol' tailpipe, all centries and billboards will let ya pass in them things.
And for future reference, next time you fly by a billboard, *****right click show info***** tells ya about them dang missles.
Always been curious what kind they chuck, were the cruisers, torps......????
If it makes ya feel any better, my first 3 weeks, smashed 2 keyboards and broke 3 mice.
|
Redginald
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Posted - 2004.07.25 05:32:00 -
[35]
I can attest, his stories are true. I was the one in the Rupture from the first story. I tried my hand at pirating but I just don't have it in my heart to do it. I'll stick with mining and anti-pirate PvP :)
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Redginald
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Posted - 2004.07.25 05:32:00 -
[36]
I can attest, his stories are true. I was the one in the Rupture from the first story. I tried my hand at pirating but I just don't have it in my heart to do it. I'll stick with mining and anti-pirate PvP :)
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Neon Genesis
|
Posted - 2004.07.25 14:51:00 -
[37]
hehehehe,,,
u r l337 whispere
__
There, i just contributed nothing to your thread
|
Neon Genesis
|
Posted - 2004.07.25 14:51:00 -
[38]
hehehehe,,,
u r l337 whispere
__
There, i just contributed nothing to your thread
|
Marmota Montax
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Posted - 2004.07.25 15:12:00 -
[39]
WEll done Whispere, great reading your stories lol.
DO EVE a favour though: when you do become the great and all powerful pirate you aspire to PLEASE DONT GANK PEOPLE.
Please do as pirates were meant to do and ransom people for the ir lives/ships/pets whatever.....dont become a ganker and i'll happily read your stories and pay your ransom if we ever meet :)
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Marmota Montax
|
Posted - 2004.07.25 15:12:00 -
[40]
WEll done Whispere, great reading your stories lol.
DO EVE a favour though: when you do become the great and all powerful pirate you aspire to PLEASE DONT GANK PEOPLE.
Please do as pirates were meant to do and ransom people for the ir lives/ships/pets whatever.....dont become a ganker and i'll happily read your stories and pay your ransom if we ever meet :)
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Annu
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 00:01:00 -
[41]
OMG - That's Class.
I'll be looking for your posts in future. Never have i laughed so hard at a forum post. Keep it up!
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Annu
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 00:01:00 -
[42]
OMG - That's Class.
I'll be looking for your posts in future. Never have i laughed so hard at a forum post. Keep it up!
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Nastylicious
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 10:10:00 -
[43]
Very well written piece once again. You certainly have a talent for making us laugh, no doubt, . Keep the stories coming, I've had my best coffeebreaks reading them.
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Nastylicious
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Posted - 2004.07.26 10:10:00 -
[44]
Very well written piece once again. You certainly have a talent for making us laugh, no doubt, . Keep the stories coming, I've had my best coffeebreaks reading them.
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Shanara Red
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Posted - 2004.07.26 15:05:00 -
[45]
ROTFLMFAO !!!!
Great stuff ... ... splattered over the stargate
-------------------------------------------
Don't flame ... use Thermal !!! |
Shanara Red
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:05:00 -
[46]
ROTFLMFAO !!!!
Great stuff ... ... splattered over the stargate
-------------------------------------------
Don't flame ... use Thermal !!! |
Deneba Zaavi
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:28:00 -
[47]
Quote:
.. some 14 year old kid pulls out a can of Orange Sherbert spraypaint from his bookbag near a billboard and a 16th century cavalier comes by and takes his head off with an axe. What kind of universe do we live in??
Quote:
"Are you a pirate or something?". I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Monty Python stuff.:)
ROTFLMAO!
Could-not-stop-laughing!:D
Comedy gold, keep 'em coming.
Deneba Zaavi
"The world is perfect as it is: a complete mess" - Joseph Campbell |
Deneba Zaavi
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:28:00 -
[48]
Quote:
.. some 14 year old kid pulls out a can of Orange Sherbert spraypaint from his bookbag near a billboard and a 16th century cavalier comes by and takes his head off with an axe. What kind of universe do we live in??
Quote:
"Are you a pirate or something?". I reply, "It doesn't seem to be so at the moment."
Monty Python stuff.:)
ROTFLMAO!
Could-not-stop-laughing!:D
Comedy gold, keep 'em coming.
Deneba Zaavi
"The world is perfect as it is: a complete mess" - Joseph Campbell |
BMGT
|
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:01:00 -
[49]
lmao your storys are the funnyest, keep em coming
Pain Is Temporary, Pride Is Forever |
BMGT
|
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:01:00 -
[50]
lmao your storys are the funnyest, keep em coming
Pain Is Temporary, Pride Is Forever |
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