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[SPCS] Anger Management Program

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Ninusi UbarSarum Amarr SPCS	Posted - 2009.01.02 19:07:00 - [1] Troubled by nightmares or flashbacks? Ever dreamed of strangling Amarrian slavers with your bare hands? Feeling tense, have difficulty falling asleep? Having trouble keeping your anger under control, even among friends? Frequently getting into trouble with the law or your superiors? Feeling desires to strike out at others for all the wrongs done to you? Haunted by feelings of bloodlust and revenge? Do you think no one will ever be really free until the Amarr empire abolishes all slavery? If some or all of the above statements are true for you, then we something wonderful to offer: in the spirit of our grand Empress Jamyl's gesture, and after decades of effectively treating angry slave livestock, the SPCS famous Anger Management Program is now open to outsiders, including pod-pilots. For free!* What we do We help you deal with and overcome prior traumatic events.. We can help you to overcome the frequent loss of control and rebalance your life. We can help your find a more fullfilling and lasting purpose in life. Facilities Our facilities are top-rate and equipped with the latest technology and designed to make you as comfortable as needed for your therapy. We make you relax in the style you are accustomed too.* Expert staff We have top staff, educated in several areas of expertise related to your troubles. They have a wealth of experience in the field of anger management and the treatment of post-traumatic stress and anti-social personality disorders. They speak your language. They know your troubles. They care. Matari councilors available.** Extensive interview To make sure you get the treatment you deserve each admission is preceded by an extensive interview concluding in a diagnosis and recommendation for treatment. 100% satisfaction garantueed Mass murderers, child molesters and many others have gone before you. We are proud of our 100% customer satisfaction rate. Please let us help you to cast of these chains that bind you! Contact the SPCS and make an appointment today!* Contact info** SPCS HQ at Chaven VIII, Domain. Interested pod pilots can send an EVE-mail to SPCS employee Ninusi Ubar-Sarum to arrange an interview. * Offer only valid for those of Matari descent. Fee negotiable for others. Offer valid for as long as previous client admittance remains at current low levels. Treatment may include exposure to spiritual iconography. * Treatment may include physical isolation and/or sensory deprivation (in accordance with SPCS guidelines for humane care). ** For a small additional fee. *** Patient medical and spiritual records are confidential and are only released as required by law.
Malumut Estmei Amarr Laputa Incorporated	Posted - 2009.01.02 19:27:00 - [2] Quote: angry slave livestock The says it all, doesn't it? -- How much damage can one girl do to the Empire? Let's find out!
Ninusi UbarSarum Amarr SPCS	Posted - 2009.01.02 20:24:00 - [3] Originally by: Malumut Estmei Quote: angry slave livestock The says it all, doesn't it? Thank you for your interest miss Malumut. We will gladly help you with your anger issues. We will be in touch.
Malumut Estmei Amarr Laputa Incorporated	Posted - 2009.01.02 22:50:00 - [4] Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Originally by: Malumut Estmei Quote: angry slave livestock The says it all, doesn't it? Thank you for your interest miss Malumut. We will gladly help you with your anger issues. We will be in touch. Oh, goody! Target practice! -- How much damage can one girl do to the Empire? Let's find out!
Vikarion Caldari White Rose Society	Posted - 2009.01.03 01:13:00 - [5] Might I suggest, that instead of this program, anyone desiring such a behavior modification simply take a stroll down to their local implant store and get a Naqam Ultra Happy Chip. It's more effective, and 100% less likely to result in you ending up as a slave.
Devilish Ledoux Caldari Stimulus Rote Kapelle	Posted - 2009.01.03 01:23:00 - [6] Originally by: Vikarion Might I suggest, that instead of this program, anyone desiring such a behavior modification simply take a stroll down to their local implant store and get a Naqam Ultra Happy Chip. It's more effective, and 100% less likely to result in you ending up as a slave. Well ... 95%, anyway. _
Lord Murkon Amarr SPCS	Posted - 2009.01.03 01:52:00 - [7] We at the SPCS realize it can be difficult for the Matari to admit they have psychological issues. With the "tribal" culture and violence dominated society it must be terrifying for a Matari to appear weak and vulnerable. Rest assured the SPCS is here to help. We can help you overcome your vulnerabilities and turn them into strengths as you find a happy life in service to Amarr. Only by facing your anger issues and the underlying self-loathing and inferiority complex you have can you truly find yourself. Lord Murkon SPCS CEO SPCS - Serving the pathetic Minmatar and lessor races by the grace of God
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Mixed Metaphor	Posted - 2009.01.03 02:46:00 - [8] Typical patronising twaddle and crocodile tears from the conservative Amarrian elite. Anyone considering considering taking SPCS treatments for anger management should consider contacting myself or a member of MXD to be put in contact with our personal team of psychotherapists. They are well-trained, having doctorates from the prestigious University of Caille, and operate under very strict policies about the use of psychothe***utic drugs (given the delicate state of capsuleer physiology, it is heavily unwise to use drugs when any form of alternative treatment is available) and are closely monitored by both the board of directors and all relevant Federation medical oversight panels. In any case, I and Mixed Metaphor strongly recommend neither capsuleers nor normal humans partake of the SPCS's pernicious brand of quasiscientific, pseudospiritual faith healing - at least while genuinely* effective treatments remain available. ----- CEO, Mixed Metaphor Dance Commander
Stella Starsparrow	Posted - 2009.01.03 04:32:00 - [9] Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Troubled by nightmares or flashbacks? Nope. Never been addicted to Vitoc Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Ever dreamed of strangling Amarrian slavers with your bare hands? Yep. Right now actually Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Feeling tense, have difficulty falling asleep? Nope. You? Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Having trouble keeping your anger under control, even among friends? Frequently getting into trouble with the law or your superiors? Feeling desires to strike out at others for all the wrongs done to you? Nope, nope, and nope. Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Haunted by feelings of bloodlust and revenge? Hmm thinking very hard Haunted? Nope. Originally by: Ninusi UbarSarum Do you think no one will ever be really free until the Amarr empire abolishes all slavery? Think? That is a fact implicit in your statement. Not a belief, or a faith, or a thought. Fact.
Helpdesk Caldari COLD-Wing	Posted - 2009.01.03 04:38:00 - [10] Edited by: Helpdesk on 03/01/2009 04:38:52 I think you may find a proper customer here. This might save us from having to read such embarrassing apologizes again. Good luck with your service.
dame death Minmatar lost and confused	Posted - 2009.02.14 23:16:00 - [11] Is this still available? It might be what I need. Logs of a Brutor
Deckhard Aura Amarr Sarum A Fortiori Sanctimony of Bellum	Posted - 2009.02.14 23:24:00 - [12] I have to say, I hardly have trouble with keeping -my- slaves in line. Perhaps the slavers should keep a better handle on their property?
Graelyn Amarr Order of Catharsis	Posted - 2009.02.15 00:18:00 - [13] Those who cannot train and raise slaves well enough to avoid these sort of issues should not be permitted to own them. The Trade has become very sloppy, and may well be in need of reform. Outsourcing this training is better than many alternatives, but is it the best way? Everyone lies. Good guys lose. And love does not conquer all. So let's do this thing.

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