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Christianity in a nutshell...

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VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:32:00 - [1] So let me get this straight. 2000 years ago, the supernatural creator of the universe shape shifted into an ethereal form called the Holy Spirit. While in this form, he then possessed the body of a virgin named Mary and implanted an embryo in her womb. The embryo was sired by the creator to be his own son and also a clone of the god himself in the same physical body possessed by the same divine consciousness. This experimental father-son hybrid was then carried to term and eventually delivered by Mary in the form of a child named Jesus. For the first 30 years of operation, Jesus develops normally and integrates into human society. At age 30, the clone makes contact with the divine consciousness, downloads critical updates, and receives his prime directive. The prime directive is to save humanity from a terrible punishment stemming from an earlier incident whereby a talking magical snake recruited a woman who was artificially grown from a rib bone to feed a magical forbidden apple to a man made from clay, thereby starting the clock on the end of all creation. After receiving the assignment, Jesus embarks on a suicide mission to fulfill his objective. Unfortunately, the mission turns out to be an utter failure and results only in the death of the experimental clone prototype while achieving none of its primary objectives. However, three days after its alleged death, the Jesus clone manages to re-activate and mutate into a new, even more advanced version of itself. This new undead zombie variant is more powerful than ever and is more than ready to mount a second attempt at salvation. But apparently something came up and the salvation of humanity project has been put on the back burner. The undead Jesus is recalled to heaven but tentatively proclaims ômission accomplishedö and promises to return some day to finish his task û this time by completely obliterating the planet. Christians around the world eagerly await this moment. And it is the Muslims and Mormons who are crazy?
EnslaverOfMinmatar	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:47:00 - [2] There was a terminator too, he kept saying "hasta lavista baby jesus".
Bish Ounen Gallente Best Path Inc. Ethereal Dawn	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:50:00 - [3] Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported.
goodby4u Valor Inc.	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:50:00 - [4] Actually it was an utter success in the christian religion as they dont have to sacrifice animals in order to pay for their sins anymore, just simply ask him for forgiveness as he died for their sins.
Cmdr Sy Appetite 4 Destruction The Firm.	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:53:00 - [5] Edited by: Cmdr Sy on 09/01/2009 18:53:39 Uh-oh.
Surfin's PlunderBunny Minmatar MasterBlasters Inc. CORPVS DELICTI	Posted - 2009.01.09 18:58:00 - [6] "The reason I ask this is that a co-worker's father has just recently been diagnosed with cancer (they are very catholic). The doctor's didn't know how bad it was until further testing could be done. Just today this co-worker said that the doctors say that the prognosis looks good. When she was telling us she said "thank you everyone for all of your prayers". She was telling this to me and two other girls. The two other girls are Catholic, I am the only saved Christian. So I feel like the only prayer that counted was mine and that God doesn't even listen to their prayers. Could that be so or am I sounding a bit arrogant to even think that?" ~Pucci, Rapture Ready forums Christianity in a nutshell
Hasan Rachid Minmatar Madhatters Inc. The Initiative.	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:06:00 - [7] Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. lighten up
Vega Alioth Caldari	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:12:00 - [8] yawn yawn yawn yawn
Bish Ounen Gallente Best Path Inc. Ethereal Dawn	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:13:00 - [9] Originally by: Hasan Rachid Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. lighten up Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that violating the forum rules by insulting the beliefs of billions of humans was so funny. Well hey, let's now start a thread that talks about how the Jooos really want to take over the world by means of "Zionism" and control of Banking Institutions! Oh, I'm sorry, that thread is already going strong in OOPE with no sign of the Forum mods stopping it. Bigotry is bigotry and has no place on OOPE. C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. Tactical Logistics using the last T1 Frigate hull!
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:13:00 - [10] Originally by: Surfin's PlunderBunny "The reason I ask this is that a co-worker's father has just recently been diagnosed with cancer (they are very catholic). The doctor's didn't know how bad it was until further testing could be done. Just today this co-worker said that the doctors say that the prognosis looks good. When she was telling us she said "thank you everyone for all of your prayers". She was telling this to me and two other girls. The two other girls are Catholic, I am the only saved Christian. So I feel like the only prayer that counted was mine and that God doesn't even listen to their prayers. Could that be so or am I sounding a bit arrogant to even think that?" ~Pucci, Rapture Ready forums Christianity in a nutshell Wow. that one is mind-blowing. Great find. --------

VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:18:00 - [11] Originally by: goodby4u Actually it was an utter success in the christian religion as they dont have to sacrifice animals in order to pay for their sins anymore, just simply ask him for forgiveness as he died for their sins. Hmm... Excellent point. The effective deployment of fear, guilt, and absolution are keys to victory. This particular objective has been secured. --------
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:21:00 - [12] Edited by: VJ Maverick on 09/01/2009 19:24:49 Originally by: Bish Ounen Originally by: Hasan Rachid Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. lighten up Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that violating the forum rules by insulting the beliefs of billions of humans was so funny. Well hey, let's now start a thread that talks about how the Jooos really want to take over the world by means of "Zionism" and control of Banking Institutions! Oh, I'm sorry, that thread is already going strong in OOPE with no sign of the Forum mods stopping it. Bigotry is bigotry and has no place on OOPE. C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. I don't insult religious beliefs. I just have low tolerance for stupidity, ignorance, and just plain bad ideas. It just so happens that religious beliefs have more than their fair share of these things. But actually I'd like to know how you are insulted. Did I publish anything that doesn't quite mesh with your dogma? --------
Sniper Wolf18 Gallente A Pretty Pony Princess	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:24:00 - [13] Edited by: Sniper Wolf18 on 09/01/2009 19:24:19 Originally by: Bish Ounen Originally by: Hasan Rachid Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. lighten up Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that violating the forum rules by insulting the beliefs of billions of humans was so funny. Well hey, let's now start a thread that talks about how the Jooos really want to take over the world by means of "Zionism" and control of Banking Institutions! Oh, I'm sorry, that thread is already going strong in OOPE with no sign of the Forum mods stopping it. Bigotry is bigotry and has no place on OOPE. C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. 1) This thread is funny 2) Anti zionism isnt 3) Be an hero (ingame) By the way, does it annoy you when you didnt realise that you were reading my sig?
Hasan Rachid Minmatar Madhatters Inc. The Initiative.	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:27:00 - [14] Originally by: Bish Ounen Originally by: Hasan Rachid Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. lighten up Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that violating the forum rules by insulting the beliefs of billions of humans was so funny. Well hey, let's now start a thread that talks about how the Jooos really want to take over the world by means of "Zionism" and control of Banking Institutions! Oh, I'm sorry, that thread is already going strong in OOPE with no sign of the Forum mods stopping it. Bigotry is bigotry and has no place on OOPE. C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. I don't see how questioning religious beliefs is bigotry. They have no more right to be put on a pedestal and be unquestioned than any other belief. In fact they should probably be questioned MORE than any other beliefs. If you're going to run your life by a set of guidelines then they should be examined and compared with alternatives; a dogmatic assertion that they are "correct" is self defeating and exactly what the OP was mocking imo. In some countries I as an atheist would be stoned to death thanks to people who have never seriously looked at and rationally analysed their belief system. But no offence meant to any medievalists out there
Vega Alioth Caldari	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:29:00 - [15] Originally by: Bish Ounen C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. agreed - my two pennys - live your own life and ask yourself why do you feel it necessary to dictate or bash the lives of others - and when you reply 'that's exactly what Christians are doing'...then be the bigger man!!! every religion has nuts who take it too far or don't understand - thats just mankind and it will never change, all you have to do is...ignore it guhhhh! Leave the vast majority who have chosen to live their life like that in peace...they're not wishing anything bad on you.
Hasan Rachid Minmatar Madhatters Inc. The Initiative.	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:32:00 - [16] Originally by: Vega Alioth Originally by: Bish Ounen C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. agreed - my two pennys - live your own life and ask yourself why do you feel it necessary to dictate or bash the lives of others - and when you reply 'that's exactly what Christians are doing'...then be the bigger man!!! every religion has nuts who take it too far or don't understand - thats just mankind and it will never change, all you have to do is...ignore it guhhhh! Leave the vast majority who have chosen to live their life like that in peace...they're not wishing anything bad on you. The religious ARE wishing bad things on me, you and everyone else. If you aren't part of their superspecial friends club then you are going to be damned for all eternity. In some religions its actually ok to kill someone who doesn't follow EXACTLY the same beliefs as a follower. I wish them no harm myself, I would leave them in peace if only they would leave the rest of us who have thought about it for themselves alone.
Vega Alioth Caldari	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:37:00 - [17] tbh I was referring more specifically to Christianity as that was whom the OP was aiming at. You've also assumed that I am a Christian - I'm not at all religious...
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:37:00 - [18] Originally by: Vega Alioth Originally by: Bish Ounen C'mon Mods, lock these threads already! Let the bigots crawl back under their rocks. agreed - my two pennys - live your own life and ask yourself why do you feel it necessary to dictate or bash the lives of others - and when you reply 'that's exactly what Christians are doing'...then be the bigger man!!! every religion has nuts who take it too far or don't understand - thats just mankind and it will never change, all you have to do is...ignore it guhhhh! Leave the vast majority who have chosen to live their life like that in peace...they're not wishing anything bad on you. I will disagree with your assertion that one's religious beliefs are completely harmless to the outside world. On the contrary, unmitigated religious dogma is major threat to us as a species. As Bill Maher so eloquently put it, 'Faith makes a virtue out of not thinking. It is nothing to brag about. It is dangerous because it allows people who don't have all the answers to think that they do.' We have the technology to destroy ourselves and in my mind, a final confrontation of faiths in the modern world would be truly apocalyptic in scope. I don't want that to happen. So yeah, I think this is a pretty important issue and forgive me for speaking up. --------
Crackuji Gallente	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:39:00 - [19] Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. OHHHHHH I'M SO OFFENDED BY THESE WORDS ON THE INTERNET! I'M MAD RIGHT NOW
Vega Alioth Caldari	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:42:00 - [20] OMG i cant believe atheists believe what they believe - its a fact that 90% of them want me to burn in fiery hell (the other 10% are paedophiles) The Church of Atheism

VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:44:00 - [21] Originally by: Vega Alioth tbh I was referring more specifically to Christianity as that was whom the OP was aiming at. You've also assumed that I am a Christian - I'm not at all religious... What I was asking how can I insult a Christian by paraphrasing almost directly form the Christian canon? Everything I said can be verified in the Bible. Is it my fault that a frank laying out of the dogma of Chrisitianity, when taken as a whole, makes people a little uncomfortable and prone to snickering? This is it folks. These are the kinds of issues over which mankind systematically exterminates itself while killing the planet that serves as my home. This is not trivial ****.
Shirley Serious Amarr Imperial Academy	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:46:00 - [22] Christianity in a nutshell: 1. Be nice to one another. 2. Material things are just stuff. 3. 6 days a week is enough work. Pretty much, that's what Jesus said. Everything else is theory, and doesn't really matter.
Akita T Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:48:00 - [23] Linkage Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 19:50:00 - [24] Originally by: Vega Alioth OMG i cant believe atheists believe what they believe - its a fact that 90% of them want me to burn in fiery hell (the other 10% are paedophiles) The Church of Atheism I didn't know atheists believed anything. Furthermore, you speak of atheists as some sort of organized lobbying fringe. Since when does a person have to label himself in opposition of nonsense? Do people who don't believe in astrology have to label themselves as non astrologers? Do the opponents of slavery have to label themselves as non-racists? Why do people who don't blindly buy into religious nonsense have to label themselves as non-believers or atheists? So no thanks, I am not an atheist. I am just a person who relies on reasoning and evidence to make my decisions, not on the strict interpretation of the writings of barbaric first century primitives who thought the world was flat an that disease was caused by demonic possession. --------
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:07:00 - [25] Originally by: Shirley Serious Christianity in a nutshell: 1. Be nice to one another. 2. Material things are just stuff. 3. 6 days a week is enough work. Pretty much, that's what Jesus said. Everything else is theory, and doesn't really matter. Then why aren't people nice to each other? Why are they materialistic? Why do they work 7 days a week to come up with new and improved ways of killing each other over disagreements about whose imaginary god is the correct one? Waht happened to that trivial theory that didn't really matter? --------
Akita T Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:11:00 - [26] Originally by: VJ Maverick I didn't know atheists believed anything. Well, if you want to get REALLY technical, you have to believe that there can be absolutely nothing even remotely resembling any gods to qualify as a genuine atheist. And, since proving or disproving such a thing beyond a shadow of a doubt is (at least for the time being), atheism kind of borders on what one could actually define as a belief. People who simply refuse all "knowledge" of current religions, cults and so on and so forth as being a load of hogwash (yet claim no ultimate knowledge about what actually "is"), or people who simply say "so what if there's a god somewhere, who cares", now those would be more acurately described as agnostics. Now, one would say that agnostics are basically pussified atheists, or that atheists are just militant agnostics, and they wouldn't be too far off the track - I mean, there's not a huge step from "25673 cults and religions are wrong about god(s)" to "there can be no god(s)". But then again, that's not such a huge step away from "25672 cults and religions are wrong about god(s)", which is the belief of every religious person, that effectively only believes in his own religion's dogma but discards all other as impossible.
VJ Maverick Splinter Cell Alfa	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:17:00 - [27] Originally by: Akita T Originally by: VJ Maverick I didn't know atheists believed anything. Well, if you want to get REALLY technical, you have to believe that there can be absolutely nothing even remotely resembling any gods to qualify as a genuine atheist. Agreed, because the term atheist literally means "without god". But as science and technology continue to discover explanations for natural phenomena that was previously attributed to the divine, there are fewer and fewer intellectual gaps for god to hide in. So I think it is unfair to say that dis-believers offer no explanations of their own. I contend that the germ theory of disease, the big bang theory, the atomic theory, and the theory of evolution do a far better job at explaining the world around us than some magical creation fairy tale.
Elliot Reid Digital Fury Corporation Digital Renegades	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:17:00 - [28] Originally by: Akita T Linkage That makes Scientology sound almost believable
Surfin's PlunderBunny Minmatar MasterBlasters Inc. CORPVS DELICTI	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:21:00 - [29] Originally by: VJ Maverick Originally by: Shirley Serious Christianity in a nutshell: 1. Be nice to one another. 2. Material things are just stuff. 3. 6 days a week is enough work. Pretty much, that's what Jesus said. Everything else is theory, and doesn't really matter. Then why aren't people nice to each other? Why are they materialistic? Why do they work 7 days a week to come up with new and improved ways of killing each other over disagreements about whose imaginary god is the correct one? Waht happened to that trivial theory that didn't really matter? Though shalt not kill (unless they pray to a different invisible sky fairy than you)
Malcanis R.E.C.O.N. The Firm.	Posted - 2009.01.09 20:22:00 - [30] Originally by: Bish Ounen Religion on OOPE = NOT ALLOWED. IBTL, and reported. Satire ftl...



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