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Mazzarins Demise
Profit Development and Research Association
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:35:00 -
[1]
It was a fine day. The cool, crisp breeze sprawled across the valley, the dew turning the grass aflame from the morning sunrise. The birds sang their songs as they darted through the air, searching for a meal for their young. The alarm went off. *beep* *beep* *beep* 6:30 it read, time to get up. I took a good, long stretch and moved to my computer, notes plastered all over the monitor with scribbles from last night's drunken stupor. "Re-subscribe to EVE!" they shouted in bright red colors. I grumbled at the prospect of remembering my credit card info.
I sat down in my black leather office chair, the cool animal side sent shivers up my spine. I lingered forward, arm out-stretched and flipped open the door on the front of the computer, unveiling the large black button found within. With a small amount of pressure the computer turned on, a quiet moaning noise emanated from the black casing, begrudged it was awoken from its peaceful slumber. Moments passed and it was ready for input. A username here, a password there, and a familiar musical score followed, signaling the computer was ready to go.
I shifted my wrist and moved the mouse pointer until it rested atop the Firefox shortcut, and with two quick clicks of the mouse, the realm of the internet opened up to me. I didn't have time to read the latest news, watch the hottest youtube video, or laugh at the newest YTMND gif today though, for I was getting back into EVE Online. I scrolled up to the search bar and my fingers, almost moving by themselves, typed "www.eveonline.com," as if even they urge me to play. Several moments later, and a few tries remembering my credit card number, my account was re-activated. I nodded confidently in approval when I received email notification of this latest news. I was ready to play.
I moved back to the desktop and shifted in my chair, excitement took over as I hurried to locate the game's shortcut. Even though I haven't played in almost a year, I never uninstalled the game and always kept it up to date, as if my sub-conscience knew of the inevitability of my return. I typed the necessary credentials and waited to finally reunite with my characters. A delightful sight unfolded as my character's stared back at me, almost saying, "Welcome back! Are you ready to go?"
I logged in on my main character, wondering about all the market orders and manufacturing jobs I left to decay during my absence. "Oh, I'm in Jita," I mumbled, awaiting a 30-minute wait time before I could see my precious treasures. To my surprise, the loading bar filled up in only seconds and the old, familiar sight of Jita 4-4 came into view. The EVE-mail button at the top left of my screen began blinking with excitement, almost telepathically telling me, "Click me! Click me!"
5 unread EVE-mails filled the window. I started at the top of the list; BUY ISK CHEAP! *deleted* You look like you could use some ISK *deleted* You kicked me out of the market! Oh, btw I had sex with your sister! *deleted* You just won the EVE Online lottery! Contact me so I can send you your 10 billion ISK! *Damnit!* *deleted*
Four down, one to go. I scrolled over the last one, delete button at the ready. It read, "To whom it may concern," and I eyed the author, me. I stared in puzzlement. I don't recall sending myself an EVE-mail before I left. I clicked the message in apprehension.
"HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO ME? YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE! YOU WILL PERISH FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE! NOW REAP YOUR PUNISHMENT!" it read, and a link to a picture was just below the ominous warning of my impending doom.
The Picture
I opened the picture and fear raced through my body as his dark eyes peered into mine. I logged off immediately. It has been five days since I viewed that accursed picture, but I feel his ever-watchful gaze burning into my soul. I haven't much time left, he's coming for me. Soon I wil..*the ink scratches down*
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Eventy One
Magellan Exploration and Survey
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:40:00 -
[2]
Uh Oh.
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JitaBum
Gallente
Center for Advanced Studies
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:41:00 -
[3]
wtf happened to my face would have sufficed
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Eventy One
Magellan Exploration and Survey
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:41:00 -
[4]
 Originally by: JitaBum
wtf happened to my face would have sufficed
No way man ..
10/10
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Nooma K'Larr
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:43:00 -
[5]
I settled down for a quiet evening with EVE. The days troubles long past, I ever so gently pressed the power button on my computer. My lactose intolerance acting up, I ripped a few farts and relieved the pressure inside me....
(please continue the story)
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JitaBum
Gallente
Center for Advanced Studies
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:53:00 -
[6]
After smelling my fart exhaust proudly, I settled my fat ass into my seat - or rather, my cok-pit as I secretly imagined it...
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Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
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Posted - 2009.05.21 01:56:00 -
[7]
Only to find my mother had planted a whoopie cushion under the ****o mag covering the stain on the seat.
___________________________________________
Haruhiist since December 2008
^Third Times a Charm^ |
Drakan290
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Posted - 2009.05.21 03:03:00 -
[8]
+100 internets to the OP. You have sparked my interest. Please continue.
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Sidrat Flush
Caldari
Life is Experience
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Posted - 2009.05.21 03:08:00 -
[9]
I can't wait for ambulation aka walking in stations aka WIS.
EXP-L Eve Industrial Organiser |
Maria Kalista
Amarr
Emerald Forest Securities
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Posted - 2009.05.21 03:21:00 -
[10]
10/10
Originally by: Jacharian
This sounds like a bad idea. I'm in.
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DasDizzy
Guiding Hand Social Club
Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2009.05.21 04:05:00 -
[11]
Epic.
[SIG START]
Everything i say is the view of the rest of the eve cluster, IM THE PRESSDUDE FFS
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Tortun Nahme
Minmatar
Umbra Synergy
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Posted - 2009.05.21 04:42:00 -
[12]
I can't believe people have left out the obligatory meme
...
Dude, your face!
four score and seven trolls ago... |
Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
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Posted - 2009.05.21 04:58:00 -
[13]
Dude.
Your.
Face.
___________________________________________
Haruhiist since December 2008
^Third Times a Charm^ |
Cilvius Sanctus
Gallente
The Order of Chivalry
Nex Eternus
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Posted - 2009.05.21 07:57:00 -
[14]
"Dude, your face" just doesn't mean anything to me anymore since CCP started fixing faces.
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Deathhawk
Hammersmith Hardmen
Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2009.05.21 08:49:00 -
[15]
aaaaaaaaaaahhhh myyyy eeeeeyes
Chuck Norris wears Deathhawk pyjamas |
Ancy Denaries
Caldari
Solaris Operations
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Posted - 2009.05.21 10:55:00 -
[16]
Albeit it's just eyes this time...the memory of the original "Dude your face" still echoes in me...as is the mandatory followup:
-----
Why doesn't anyone ever read the forums before posting?
EVE is a game of adaptation and planning. Adapt or die. |
Bigpimping
Pimp Inc.
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Posted - 2009.05.21 12:03:00 -
[17]
That was more padded than my pants on a night out.  aw
________________________________________
He who pimps, is God... |
iPedo
Gallente
University of Caille
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Posted - 2009.05.21 12:09:00 -
[18]
I, for 1, would totally hit that straight in 1 of those huge eyes.
________________________________________________
So an amarr and a minmatar walk into a caldari bar, i forget the rest of the joke, but you gallente mothers a *****. |
Jita Security
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Posted - 2009.05.21 12:24:00 -
[19]
Man the forums are full of rubbish these days. Can't we have a day when I'm not the only person making serious topics?
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Suey Syder
Alpha Lima Tango INC.
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Posted - 2009.05.21 12:50:00 -
[20]
10/10 good read op
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Poreuomai
Minmatar
Mirkur Draug'Tyr
Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2009.05.21 13:38:00 -
[21]
Great read.
For some reason, some of my alt's renditions have her turning to her left, while most have her looking straight ahead as she should.
Let My People Go |
Lazarann
Caldari
Balls Deep Inc.
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Posted - 2009.05.21 14:15:00 -
[22]
10/10 would read again.
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