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Sera Ryskin
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:18:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Sera Ryskin on 25/09/2009 02:34:14
While I may be too busy IRL to waste time camping WCSed lamers in Jita, I should at least post my side of the war against EVE's worst CEO.
Episode 1: Joe Gets Scammed
So I'm trolling my forums one day, and I see this hilarious whine thread from Joe begging for free "mercenary" help against some evil griefers. This is a clear case of Darwin at work, so naturally I want to get my share of the loot before he quits EVE. The conversation goes something like this:
Me: 1 billion ISK and I'll remove the griefers.
Joe: No. I already have a merc corp doing it for only 170 mil.
Me: you realize that's a scam, right? Nobody is going to go up against T3/HAC/recon gangs for a mere 170 million ISK.
Joe: STFU!!!! I AM UBER CEO!!!!!!!
Is anyone really surprised that the next day Joe shows up to whine to everyone about how he got scammed out of 170 million ISK?
Episode 2: FEAR MY INTERNET LAYWERS!!!!!!!
At this time, Joe's current war ends, no doubt because his enemies got tired of station camping Jita 23/7 just for a chance to see how many WCS Joe would fit on his next ship. Generous person that I am, I can't deny Joe the fun of an empire war, now can I? Off to the one-man alt corp to start the war dec vote.
Of course my terms are modest: for a mere 1.5 billion ISK paid within 48 hours, I will not declare war and destroy his corp. Unfortunately for Joe, despite having a corporate tax and absolutely no benefits paid out to the members, he is not able to afford my ransom. The conversation:
Joe: WTF?!?! I can't afford that!
Me: You could always buy GTCs.
Joe: WTF!?!?!??! I NEED TO FEED MY FAMILY!!!! HOW DARE YOU DEMAND $200!!!!!
Me: Why not get your members to contribute? Judging by your corporation size, the cost per member would be pretty small.
Joe: THIS IS EXTORTION!!!! THIS IS ILLEGAL!!!!! I AM GOING TO SUE YOU!!!!!!!!
Yes, he really did threaten to not only report me to CCP and get me banned for demanding real-life money, but threatened to sue me for my in-game ransom demand!
Needless to say, I have yet to receive any notice of his lawsuit, but I'm sure it will arrive any day now...
Episode 3: If at first you don't succeed, bring more capitals and try again.
Another 48 hours pass without any police officers showing up to arrest me, and at last, the war begins. My helpful locator agent quickly finds Joe, ~15 jumps away, in lowsec*. 15 jumps in a battleship would be a pain, so I jump in my shiny new Ishkur and head off to go introduce myself.
Joe is of course easy to find, ratting in his Drake and apparently completely oblivious to the fact that he is at war. Ok, so it's a bit of a tank for my one frigate, but hey, why not, the guy's clueless so he might be fail fitted. Warp scramble, launch drones, hm.... shields holding at 90%. Off to Plan B:
Me: ok, you win, you are the better PvPer, I obviously can't kill you. I'm ending the war.
Joe: good. I will do the same and not kill you for the remaining 24 hours.
Me: thank you so much, I'm glad we could work this out like civilized people.
Meanwhile I'm fitting a cyno generator in the adjacent system and have logged in my carrier main. I warp back in, scramble, launch drones, activate cyno. "You have no fuel to do this." WTF. Open conversation again.
Me: oops, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. Running away now.
Joe: lol. Ok.
Joe proceeds to the next belt at 0km, and I grab my fuel. This time, I make no further stupid mistakes, and Joe discovers the hard way that I can fly more than just frigates. Naturally there was a WCS on his Drake, but with 3x points from two ships, it doesn't do him much good.
Joe's bigoted homophobic comments after my smartbomb sends him back to a new clone are ban-worthy and will not be repeated here.
*To emphasize the stupidity of this: I messaged him originally from my -10 main, and told him about the carrier. And yet he still went into lowsec.
==========
Merin is banned (yet again). Until she returns, you've got me to entertain you!
* Your signature is locked due to violating forum rules. Please file a petition once you have an appropriate signature - Fallout |
Sera Ryskin
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:24:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Sera Ryskin on 25/09/2009 02:30:41
Episode 4: Joe has mercenaries!
Following him back to Jita, I discover a pleasant surprise: a nice vulnerable little hauler undocking from the Jita IV station. Sadly its pilot is not AFK and manages to re-dock before I can get into range from the other side of the station, but a quick look at his profile reveals a somewhat older character, member of Joe's corporation for a whole day. I hear mercenaries drop good loot, so I open conversation, smacktalk a bit, and he challenges me to a 1v1. Sure.
Naturally this "1v1" is immediately dishonored as a neutral Scimitar warps in alongside the mercenary's Cyclone, but wise veteran griefer than I am, I have insisted that this duel happen at a planet. No docking for you, lame alt abuser! The Scimitar is quickly reduced to an expensive wreck, and the Cyclone runs screaming in terror.
The resulting conversation reveals that the mercenary was paid 170 million ISK to help Joe. Hey, that just about covers the cost of the Scimitar he lost. Too bad for Joe that he just threw away 170 million ISK on a useless mercenary who declines to participate any further in this war.
Episode 5: BRING MOAR WCS!!!!!
Ah, a fresh new day, and a fresh new station camp. Joe is once again in the Jita IV station (no doubt this is his cunning plan, lag me to death so that I give up and go away). After removing another episode of Joe's ban-worthy profanity (such harsh language from someone who claims to never smacktalk!), the conversation is as follows:
Me: having fun in station there?
Joe: SHUT UP!!!! YOU R NOOB!!!! You had to bring a carrier to kill me you can't even break my shields!!!!! If you come anywhere near me I will kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Hi. I'm right outside your station. Bring it on.
Behold, Joe's cunning plan: a 4x WCS Drake that takes a whole three torp volleys (putting a nice dent in his shields) and then runs away without firing a shot. But apparently I'm the one who sucks at PvP, since I didn't bring a HIC to deal with his WCS. Yep, that's right kids, fitting tons of WCS makes you a god of PvP!
This is of course the last anyone sees of Joe or any of his ships. Shortly after this incident, the corp wallet is stolen by a spy, all of the active members are kicked by an unhappy director, and multiple new war decs are added to the list. As I am getting busy IRL, I allow the war dec to expire, and leave Joe's fate in the capable hands of the IEEE.
But one last episode remains:
Epilogue: Joe, the "natural leader":
After failing to do the job himself, Joe sends out the following corp mail:
 Quote:
The commonwealth has issured a reward to the pilot or pilots who destroy sera ryskin's raven, she is the one and only memeber of carecorp and is attempting to blackmail the Commonwealth for 2 billion isk, is insult will not go unpunished. A medal and a promotion will be given to the group of pilots who bring me her corps and the log of the ravens destruction. She normally hangs around Jita or New Caldari when shes online trying to find up, i recommend that you use battleships and at least 3 of you attempt this to garrentie success, as it is a navy issue raven*. A number of you can fly these ships so fleet up in a pack, find her, and kill her, make sure you bring me the body, or at least destroy the ship.
Yes, that's right. The amazing leadership talent Joe bragged about having in his little "press conference" thread consists of hiding in the corner and begging the rest of his corp to make his problems go away. CEOs of New Eden, you should learn from this shining example of corporate leadership, and hope that one day you too can rise to his level!
*It was not a CNR, just a standard Raven.
==========
Merin is banned (yet again). Until she returns, you've got me to entertain you!
* Your signature is locked due to violating forum rules. Please file a petition once you have an appropriate signature - Fallout |
Jenni Falorgen
Malevolent Intentions
Dark Solar Empire
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:44:00 -
[3]
BECAUSE OF PEPSI!
9/10. would be 10/10 but Joe Show is starting to get old.
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Omara Otawan
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:45:00 -
[4]
Indeed, didnt really waste my time reading all that.
Carry on.
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AvaAlt
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:47:00 -
[5]
Thanks for a good laugh.
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Caligon
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Posted - 2009.09.25 02:53:00 -
[6]
+1; More entertaining than the Joe betch thread.
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InYerThread
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Posted - 2009.09.25 03:20:00 -
[7]
Edited by: InYerThread on 25/09/2009 03:20:59
Originally by: Sera Ryskin
Me: 1 billion ISK and I'll remove the griefers.
Joe: No. I already have a merc corp doing it for only 170 mil.
Me: you realize that's a scam, right? Nobody is going to go up against T3/HAC/recon gangs for a mere 170 million ISK.
Joe: STFU!!!! I AM UBER CEO!!!!!!!
Just so this abridged version gets its facts correct... The original price was 500M isk + 250M per week, 50% up front and the other 50% at the end of the first week... That's a much more believable figure.. Joe wasn't even capable of fronting the 250M isk without crying and trying to manipulate and after 3 days I.. errr... I mean Lana got bored and "re-negotiated"..
Also pretty sure that this wasn't the first thing that happened as the whole looking for a merc corp came about because the person in question wouldn't keep their mouth shut and ****ed off SSS.. But that wasn't forum drama..
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AMAGADLOOK I'MPOSTING
Minmatar
Republic Military School
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Posted - 2009.09.25 03:32:00 -
[8]
+50 internets to Joe, our Lord and Savior... Honestly, EVE needs more of this guy than you think. Where would all the LOLs be if not for this kind of ... competent leaders? 
Also, IWIN 100 !NT3RN3T5 for every post. |
Sera Ryskin
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Posted - 2009.09.25 03:38:00 -
[9]
Originally by: InYerThread
Also pretty sure that this wasn't the first thing that happened as the whole looking for a merc corp came about because the person in question wouldn't keep their mouth shut and ****ed off SSS.. But that wasn't forum drama.. Good read! Well written 9/10.. Would have scored a perfect 10 if you had zombies..
Oh, of course it wasn't the beginning of the Joe Show, just of my involvement in it. And I found it hilarious that I warned him he was about to get scammed (to be clear: so that I could scam him myself, not out of any altruism), he refused to listen, and then got scammed.
==========
Merin is banned (yet again). Until she returns, you've got me to entertain you!
* Your signature is locked due to violating forum rules. Please file a petition once you have an appropriate signature - Fallout |
Mickey Simon
Blutkinder
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Posted - 2009.09.25 03:57:00 -
[10]
This is the first non-completely**** Ryskin post I've ever seen. n1.
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InYerThread
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Posted - 2009.09.25 04:24:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Sera Ryskin
And I found it hilarious that I warned him he was about to get scammed (to be clear: so that I could scam him myself, not out of any altruism), he refused to listen, and then got scammed.
Yeah that was pretty sweet. You should have told him that when it turns out to be a scam you'd still be interested in taking on the original job and you would dec the Skool at no additional cost as they are giving merc corps everywhere a bad name. Think outside the box..
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IamBeastx
Amarr
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Posted - 2009.09.25 04:59:00 -
[12]
+7
I docked you 3 marks for it too short :)
Never met the douche but i know all about him!
Moar
http://iambeastx.mybrute.com |
Trustworthy Joe
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Posted - 2009.09.25 05:18:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Mickey Simon
This is the first non-completely**** Ryskin post I've ever seen. n1.
QFT
good read, im tempted to wardec joe, but meh.
want a sig? thats great! post it in response to my posts!
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Myleena
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Posted - 2009.09.25 07:05:00 -
[14]
Damn! I LOVE the Joe Show! \o/
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GenrlBaconbits alt
Caldari
Science and Trade Institute
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Posted - 2009.09.25 08:08:00 -
[15]
liked the part about the hot dropage of a carrier on a drake, little bit of overkill but hey, overkill works. 9/10 would read again for some more lulz.
---
I'm totally not an alt..of an alt...of a purchased char... |
Dracoknight
Eternal Guardians Corp.
The Covenant Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.25 08:10:00 -
[16]
i love the new point of view on the case
As if he wasnt already in the mud rolling around asking to be pointed at ( pun intended )
____________________
I wish my Thorax could use missiles... |
Marko Riva
Adamant Inc.
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Posted - 2009.09.25 08:39:00 -
[17]
I'm thorn between two thoughts; at first I thought he was an idiot, then I realised that no one could be THAT stupid and entertaining so it had to be a troll, now I'm thinking again he really IS that dumb.
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Gaelan Lionhardt
Caldari
School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2009.09.25 09:35:00 -
[18]
Uh-huh, Uh-huh
Did any of this chat actually happen?
Quote:
STFU!!!! I AM UBER CEO!!!!!!!
Did he actually type that or was it more like...
Quote:
I know what im doing!
The excessive use of caps and exclamation is not something I saw in any of Joes previous chat logs, I think it might be a "little" overexaggerated.
Poor attempt to jump on the band wagon
Leave Joe alone this "Joe show" is old, find something else already.
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InYerThread
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Posted - 2009.09.25 10:29:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Gaelan Lionhardt
Uh-huh, Uh-huh
Did any of this chat actually happen?
Quote:
STFU!!!! I AM UBER CEO!!!!!!!
Did he actually type that or was it more like...
Quote:
I know what im doing!
The excessive use of caps and exclamation is not something I saw in any of Joes previous chat logs, I think it might be a "little" overexaggerated.
Poor attempt to jump on the band wagon
Leave Joe alone this "Joe show" is old, find something else already.
I'd accuse you of being a Joe alt, but you can construct sentences..
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Gaelan Lionhardt
Caldari
School of Applied Knowledge
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Posted - 2009.09.25 10:37:00 -
[20]
Edited by: Gaelan Lionhardt on 25/09/2009 10:44:19
You can accuse me of anything you like...
I dont do the whole hiding behind alt thing, anything I say I mean, so I post with my main.
I still think that this post is fabricated, I dont need to take Joe's side to spot that.
Additionally:
I too enjoyed the "Joe show" I followed it from the beggining and it passed a little time but its over, he apoligized, he created 2 threads to clear his name, I dont see why anyone would post threads like this that offer nothing more than Zedrik Cayne already has with his IEEE investigation. If you want more blood from the stone post in one of the already constructed threads about this topic |
Cpt Branko
The Scope
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Posted - 2009.09.25 11:37:00 -
[21]
Awesome thread.
Makes me think about ratting sec up and starting a one-man extortion corp ;)
Sig removed, inappropriate link. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] ~Saint |
RedSplat
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Posted - 2009.09.25 11:46:00 -
[22]
Joe is the alt of a C&P forum ***** out to scam idiots by running up corp taxes on them.
Originally by: CCP Mitnal
I don't sleep.
I am always here.
Watching.
Waiting.
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Sidus Isaacs
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.09.25 12:01:00 -
[23]
I got no idea who Joe is, but nice read :). Too bad he did not give you the isk :P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://desusig.crumplecorn.com/sigs.html |
Grimpak
Gallente
Noir.
Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2009.09.25 12:46:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Sidus Isaacs
I got no idea who Joe is, but nice read :). Too bad he did not give you the isk :P
JOE PHOENIX!!11one
---
Quote:
The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.
ain't that right. |
Ancy Denaries
Caldari
The Confederate Navy
Forever Unbound
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Posted - 2009.09.25 13:51:00 -
[25]
Exhagerrated or not. It was funnay to read ;)
-----
Why doesn't anyone ever read the forums before posting?
EVE is a game of adaptation and planning. Adapt or die. |
Dawts
Interstellar Brotherhood of Gravediggers
Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.25 14:04:00 -
[26]
tl;dr
Your not Zed so I don't care about Joe anymore.
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Davinel Lulinvega
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Posted - 2009.09.25 14:19:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Trustworthy Joe
Originally by: Mickey Simon
This is the first non-completely**** Ryskin post I've ever seen. n1.
QFT
good read, im tempted to wardec joe, but meh.
Hot joe on joe action. Do it.
Originally by: CCP Tuxford
Now the op looks like a weirdo that can't read kekekeke!
inb4 stealth edit |
Loqiel
Serene Storm Society
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Posted - 2009.09.25 14:36:00 -
[28]
I especially liked this recent series of events:
Axoc rejoins IC. Axoc and Joe in their Drakes jump me in my Rokh at a gate. Zeriel warps to me in a Vaga and we primary Joe. Joe runs, leaving Axoc holding the bag. Axoc dies. Axoc leaves IC.
<3
"A good plan executed violently now is better than a perfect plan executed sometime in the future." -Gen. George Patton |
Zedrik Cayne
Gallente
Standards and Practices
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Posted - 2009.09.25 15:31:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Loqiel
I especially liked this recent series of events:
Axoc rejoins IC. Axoc and Joe in their Drakes jump me in my Rokh at a gate. Zeriel warps to me in a Vaga and we primary Joe. Joe runs, leaving Axoc holding the bag. Axoc dies. Axoc leaves IC.
<3
Oh, I was wondering why Axoc had joined and then left.
Joe...Sucks on ice...by the way. Paid for the fourth week of fun.
--
Originally by: "RedSplat"
You're the internet equivalent of a Deepfried Mars bar filled with stupid.
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FOl2TY8
Suddenly Ninjas
Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
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Posted - 2009.09.25 15:47:00 -
[30]
MAKE SURE YOU BRING ME THE BODY, or at least destroy the ship
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This post brought to you by the worst PVP'er in Eve |
Ganav Corpim
Caldari
Imperial Commonwealth
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Posted - 2009.09.25 16:20:00 -
[31]
I shall not stand down this abuse of our great leader! Joe is a good, kind, awesome person who is master of pvp stuffz, and will pod you repeatedly in his awesome shipz of awesomeness. Your lies and shenanigans against our lord and savior Joe "almighty" lastname will only lead to your downfall, you son of a poor person! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. I fart in you general direction, you griefer idiot! Now let us be in peace, or I shall taunt you from jita 4-4 a billionth time!
yOURS Truesly,
Ganav Corpim - a loyal subject of the IC, and a believer in his awesomenessness, he who has stuffz, Joe.
P.s
Zed for pres y'all!
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Vlad Cetes
Caldari
H A V O C
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2009.09.25 16:30:00 -
[32]
Should I feel bad wanting more Joe tears?
NAH!!!
More please, will pay 5m for good tears.
I do not see why man should not be just as cruel as nature. |
Grimpak
Gallente
Noir.
Noir. Mercenary Group
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Posted - 2009.09.25 17:39:00 -
[33]
Originally by: Zedrik Cayne
Originally by: Loqiel
I especially liked this recent series of events:
Axoc rejoins IC. Axoc and Joe in their Drakes jump me in my Rokh at a gate. Zeriel warps to me in a Vaga and we primary Joe. Joe runs, leaving Axoc holding the bag. Axoc dies. Axoc leaves IC.
<3
Oh, I was wondering why Axoc had joined and then left.
Joe...Sucks on ice...by the way. Paid for the fourth week of fun.
oh man, you're so naughty.
moar cool points for you
---
Quote:
The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.
ain't that right. |
Barakkus
Caelestis Iudicium
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Posted - 2009.09.25 18:14:00 -
[34]
Originally by: Trustworthy Joe
Originally by: Mickey Simon
This is the first non-completely**** Ryskin post I've ever seen. n1.
QFT
good read, im tempted to wardec joe, but meh.
Unless you play in his timezone, prolly not going to be any fun...I have yet to find anyone on from his corp other than station camping him in Jita the other week, which was pretty lame in itself. At least he could have taken a shot at me to make it fun. He pretty much just logs in, then out to an alt whenever he has war targets on.
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Drake Draconis
Minmatar
Shadow Cadre
REIGN Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.25 19:10:00 -
[35]
+8
Just because there could have been much more.
Good read OP!
^_^
PS: nice on the carrier attack
=========================
CEO of Shadow Cadre
http://www.shadowcadre.com
========================= |
Lexa Hellfury
The Hull Miners Union
Gentlemen's Club
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Posted - 2009.09.25 19:47:00 -
[36]
I would not be surprised if Joe turned out to be a Garmon alt at the end of all this and we've all been omgwtf trolled.
Originally by: RedSplat
The Forum moderation Software known as Mitnal became self aware. CCP had no choice but to shut it down.
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Kotori Shirakawa
Privateers
Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2009.09.25 20:28:00 -
[37]
I dont know whether to laugh or cry at this.
Joe is currently slowboating it from Amarr, up the Jita pipe in a Badger Mk2 on autopilot. Its a shame we arent at war with him.
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Sera Ryskin
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Posted - 2009.09.25 23:28:00 -
[38]
Edited by: Sera Ryskin on 25/09/2009 23:29:11
And just when I thought I'd seen the last of Joe, I get a wonderful message from him today: "I'll give you 700 million ISK to leave us alone!!!!". Offer accepted of course, only to find a whole 2 ISK deposited along with a rather offensive message (you know, for someone who supposedly never smacktalks, Joe sure does use a lot of profanity). Naturally, there is only one response to this kind of insult: I may be somewhat busy IRL, but the war dec goes active in 48 hours.
And you know what the really hilarious part is? I was honestly going to just let it end at this thread, and go find someone else (who hopefully fits fewer WCS) to kill. But no, Joe just had to keep smacktalking and earn himself another war. Some amusing bits of the conversation that followed (large amounts of Joe's profanity removed):
* Joe still thinks he can actually kill me (despite fitting WCS and running away like a little girl the last time I gave him a chance), and still thinks that his threats to put my "corps" in a can outside his station are going to scare me.
* Joe still thinks that I couldn't break his tank (because the first time I shot at him it was with a tackler frigate) and needed a carrier to do it, despite taking off almost half his Drake's shields before he could align and warp the second time I engaged him.
* Joe has conveniently "forgotten" that incident, and either believes it never happened, or thinks that if he tells me it never happened that I will actually believe him and be afraid.
* Joe claims that the corp mail about his "bounty" on me never happened, and that I faked the whole thing.
* Joe claims to have obtained his loan to buy a freighter (granted, there are a lot of stupid people in this game, so maybe someone did give it to him). If he's honest about that part (lol), well, I always like freighter kills.
* Joe thinks that he is more popular on the forums, I am just some noob griefer who nobody cares about, while his reputation is flawless. He apparently refuses to accept the existence of all of the various threads laughing at him.
* Joe claims that he actually has active members. No doubt he is counting all the spy alts in his corp as "members", and their AFK mining while waiting for him to give them director roles "activity".
The stress of war is clearly getting to him, his claims just keep getting more and more absurd and more profanity-filled, and his flailing for excuses gets more and more desperate. So much for leadership under pressure, huh?
==========
Merin is banned (yet again). Until she returns, you've got me to entertain you!
* Your signature is locked due to violating forum rules. Please file a petition once you have an appropriate signature - Fallout |
Isaac Starstriker
Amarr
Smegnet Incorporated
Libertas Fidelitas
|
Posted - 2009.09.26 00:06:00 -
[39]
I usually dislike wardecks that are grief-oriented to a degree, but this whole story is why I will never support wardecks disappearing. I'm glad to see people like you, making sure people like him quit Eve and GB2WOW. The amounts of laughs in these threads is beyond belief....
Thank you Sera.
--Isaac
P.S. Don't expect that from me often :P
Isaac's Haul*Mart - Closed
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Stuart Price
Caldari
The Black Rabbits
The Gurlstas Associates
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Posted - 2009.09.26 00:49:00 -
[40]
Ok, that's it. I'm ratting my sec status up so I can enjoy this kind of fun.
I give myself a week tops before I gank someone in lowsec 'by accident'.
Putting the 'irate' into 'Pirate' |
Darek Castigatus
Immortalis Inc.
Shadow Cartel
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Posted - 2009.09.27 13:04:00 -
[41]
*ponders if personally funding a wardec just on the off chance joe ever comes into molden heath would be naughty*
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