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Cat o'Ninetails
Caldari
Rancer Defence League
Eternal Ascension
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Posted - 2010.09.18 01:03:00 -
[1]
Hi, Cat here....
Today I lodged a formal complaint about one of my colleagues. I'd been persuaded not to go formal with my complaints by a previous manager, who has now left the company for unrelated reasons.
Please understand, I'm fairly thick-skinned, Cat would never have lasted this long if i weren't. What happened today was pretty abrupt and unexpected, and completely unprofessional of my co-worker. It's because the manager is away on holiday that he lashed out in the way he did, I'll explain that in a bit. He is rather cowardly and tends to offend me while all the supervisory people are out of the office, earshot etc.
Like I say, I can take crap with the best of them, but this fellow is persistant. It's quite convenient that he never does it with any management types around.
Since the middle of August I started creating a log of his petty little jibes, remarks, gestures etc. I got bored of doing that, because it was taking time away from what I am actually paid to do, as well as being tedious and making me feel rather petty. I've lodged verbal complaints with my bosses about the guy on at least five occasions previously.
I don't mind people having a problem with me, because I'm not agreeable to everyone I meet and deal with. Part of my job involves being an A hole anyway, I just want to get the point across that I do not have a problem with people having a problem with me if it is an action or inaction I have done, words I have said, whatever. If you have a reason to not like me, awesome. Deal with it.
This fellows usual tricks are among others: When I say good morning to everybody in the office, he is the only one to not reply. The next person through the door, he will enthusiastically greet. I am missed out consistently when it is his turn to make the teas. He will ignore any business related question I ask him, unless it directly affects him if he does not answer. If I am on the phone, and trip over my words or say something he for whatever reason disagrees with, will make rather audible scoffing noises. Those are just the basics.
Today after our weekly quiz, which is intended as just some light relief, there was some banter which for some reason I do not understand (as I was not involved in the conversation, I was on the phone to a customer for most of the quiz) he called me a ****wit in front of all my team. He was clearly not joking, and my team leader snapped at him right after his little remark.
It's the straw that broke the camels back. I've now lodged a formal grievance, which in all honesty puts my own job at risk more than it does his. I've been told by my bosses before that the problem is "his, not mine" and I know that he's had warnings about his attitude towards me in the past. I've not attended department meals in the past, and given my reason to my boss as "Paul will be there" which went down like a sack of lead.
In the past, I've got an equal *******ing from the managers when he misbehaves, I guess like a parent disciplining a couple children I guess. I never wanted drama, if I did, I'd create it.
I need to clarify that I do not act like Cat at my job. I'm very mild mannered, professional, and helpful. He has an extremely aggressive attitude to customers and colleagues.
After his little contribution to dialogue earlier, I raised the dispute with my lead. I pasted some information from the government website about bullying in the workplace and pointed out that it checked all the boxes.
I am not weak, this guy is pushing sixty, and he only does it when the bosses are out of the room. Quite cowardly. I have not risen to his little digs before now, which are frequent by the way, I've just let him say whatever and let people make their own opinions. We had a temp start a while back, and on her third day she pulled me aside and asked "what is his problem?". I'm right here.
Has anybody had experience of similar things?
ty
ps: sorry for lots of words lol
x
EVE Garden |
Intense Thinker
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 01:44:00 -
[2]
Petition filer!!!
Never had a problem like that, everyone likes me or is afraid of me 
Signature locked for editing a moderator's warning. Zymurgist |
Joe Phoenix
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Posted - 2010.09.18 01:45:00 -
[3]
KICK HIM IN THE CRUTCH AND RUN!
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Cat o'Ninetails
Caldari
Rancer Defence League
Eternal Ascension
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Posted - 2010.09.18 01:51:00 -
[4]
 Originally by: Joe Phoenix
KICK HIM IN THE CRUTCH AND RUN!
I would seriously love to punch this guys lights out. I'm trying to be the professional one here though.
In a way, I've gone formal with this because it gives me an avenue for legal recourse against the company for constructive dismissal if I have to resign because of it.
x
EVE Garden |
Intense Thinker
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 02:02:00 -
[5]
Oh, he has to use a crutch? You wouldn't kick a cripple would you, Cat?
Signature locked for editing a moderator's warning. Zymurgist |
Cat o'Ninetails
Caldari
Rancer Defence League
Eternal Ascension
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Posted - 2010.09.18 02:11:00 -
[6]
you need to put down that medicinal catnip lol
x
EVE Garden |
ViolenTUK
Gallente
Rise Of Man
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Posted - 2010.09.18 02:18:00 -
[7]
Smash his face into something when noone is around m8.
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So Sensational
GREY COUNCIL
Nulli Secunda
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Posted - 2010.09.18 02:28:00 -
[8]
Edited by: So Sensational on 18/09/2010 02:29:17
One day randomly walk up to him and start screaming like you're a barbarian with an axe charging into a heap of roman troops. That should do the trick, he'll never talk to you again.
Oh and let your boss know you're not doing it because you're insane beforehand.
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Crimsonjade
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Posted - 2010.09.18 02:32:00 -
[9]
Edited by: Crimsonjade on 18/09/2010 02:34:06
Well 2 ways to handle this really.
A) document everything. Keep your ass safe and I would show up just to annoy him. Its obvious he either hates you or has the hots for you. be the proffesional and let him act like an ass.
B) follow him home one night and abduct him. I would suggest smashing the balls of his feet with a leadpipe, it normally gets the point across
FREE MONGO PECK CCP |
Taser Monkey
Against All Asteroids
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Posted - 2010.09.18 03:15:00 -
[10]
I've never had bullying, but I have had discrimination. Most of my colleagues are racists (I live in some undisclosed Eastern countr, beyond the Middle East) and they show it by not talking to me, going out of their way not to even meet me on the corridor, or when they do go to the far side to avoid me.
There's one guy who we call 'Rat Man' because he is as stupid as he looks and he's got a ratty look about him. Last time we went out for dinner with the department all he had to say for himself was that we were neighbours and toasted me and he's one of the very few who talk to us, most ignore us (non-natives) at all cost. I do know they gossip behind our backs and say nasty things but I don't really care as they're pretty stupid and have nothing to add to my life anyway.
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Intense Thinker
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 03:41:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails
you need to put down that medicinal catnip lol
x
Nevah!!! It keeps me normal
Signature locked for editing a moderator's warning. Zymurgist |
Atticus Fynch
Gallente
The Scope
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Posted - 2010.09.18 03:59:00 -
[12]
Cat, you are being bullied by some 60 year old fart?
The best way to handle this is to undermine his existence. Don't even acknowledge him.
The fact that you took time to post this shows that you care too much what people think.
When he addresses you verbally, start another conversation with someone else. When he walks into a room, it's as if he weren't there. De-value his presence, his comments, his thoughts. As far as you are concerned he is a non-person. Void of any value to you.
Adopt this attitude. Stop being such a nice guy.
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illford baker
Caldari Provisions
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Posted - 2010.09.18 04:16:00 -
[13]
try psychological warfare, next time he says something, just say something like "good one, tell me more. infact, type them all up in an email and send em to me"
he can ether
A. be weirded out and stop
B. use up all his ammo in the email (you don't have to read it), and stop (or at least become a lot less frequent)
C. sends you an email and you have all the ammo you need for a formal complaint. perhaps blackmail him with the threat of a formal complaint?
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Toshiro GreyHawk
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Posted - 2010.09.18 04:25:00 -
[14]
We live in a bureaucratic world with bureaucratic rules that hates controversy.
The best thing you could do for yourself - is to find another job - preferably one with better pay and benefits.
Most places do not have people like this. If your employers can't disciple this kind of behavior - then they don't deserve to keep their employees.
If you stay - you need to go back to the petty bureaucratic procedures you began, with logging every thing he does - and - periodically showing this log to your supervisors.
Your best choice - if they won't do anything about it - is to leave.
Orbiting vs. Kiting
Faction Schools |
Mire Stoude
The Undesirables
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Posted - 2010.09.18 04:45:00 -
[15]
It seems passive aggressive. Ignoring or putting up with someone being passive aggressive is probably the worst thing to do. Address it constructively so it doesn't look poorly on you. Perhaps you can make it a point to specifically say "Hi, (whatever his name is)" after you say good morning to everyone. Don't leave his comfort zone until you get an answer to your questions. If he scoffs when you stumble on your words or make a mistake, perhaps you should pretend like you thought he said something and ask if he has any input on the matter.
Or you can just key his car and slash his tires.... one or the other may work.
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Ulhass
Caldari
Astrowork Systems
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Posted - 2010.09.18 06:05:00 -
[16]
I believe that this song should help you decide how to remedy your situation, its toward the middle/end
way to handle that guy
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dr doooo
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Posted - 2010.09.18 09:24:00 -
[17]
You need to sort this **** out one way or another. Everything you think and do becomes part of who you are and who you will be, so you really don't want to be spending any of your time worrying about this sort of crap. Do you feel like you have exhausted all options before the level of formal complaint?
Have you talked to this guy about his behaviour? Talked to your colleagues about it, pointed out his childish behaviour and asked if they know why etc. If you talk to all your colleagues you may end up finding out you are surrounded with moral support when it comes to confronting him. If not, it's a sh*t place to work: start looking for another job.
Pull him up publicly in front of your colleagues for every little jib, preferably in a light hearted way that will then leave him looking childish. You never know, he may react to that by escalating things and giving you something more substantial to complain about, or he may back off. Good luck.
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MatrixSkye Mk2
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 13:49:00 -
[18]
Proceed with the formal complaint. As was mentioned by someone above me, make sure you document everything. When HR meets with you ask what this guy's problem is with you and that it needs resolving ASAP. If they don't help you, politely ask to have the matter escalated.
Tell them you're trying to do your job but he's not making it easy. And that he doesn't have to like you. But he needs to respect you as a co-worker. Mention specifically that when you ask him work-related questions he ignores you, further making your job more difficult.
If you can (and want to) ask to meet with him with HR present. Tell him that he doesn't need to like you, but you expect to be treated professionally by EVERYONE in the workplace. And that if he keeps it up with his attitude, if he so much as gives you a dirty look you will file another complaint, and another until either you or him gets fired.
It think it's clear on who would be getting fired  . But if by some mishap chance you get canned, then go the good 'ole American route... SUE!
Good luck.
Grief a PVP'er. Run a mission today! |
AlleyKat
Gallente
The Unwanted.
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Posted - 2010.09.18 14:28:00 -
[19]
The steps to follow are thus:
1 - speak to this person in a closed session with manager present and explain your concerns regarding their behaviour.
2 - if no joy, have another session, explaining what has been discussed and that nothing has changed since the last session.
3 - if no joy, follow your internal escalation grievance procedure laid out in your contract/workplace guide. (which is where I guess you are right now)
If option 1 or 2 are refused by management, go directly to option 3.
Some people don't get along - but everyone should be able to be professional about their job, if they cannot be that, well...then they are no longer an asset to the firm, but a liability.
I've had to manage situations like this in the past and it rarely gets to 3 as most people understand the severity of their actions if it gets to 3.
AK
EVE-ONLINE Video-Making Tutorials
Vid - New Tricks |
Atticus Fynch
Gallente
The Scope
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Posted - 2010.09.18 14:35:00 -
[20]
**** in his coffee cup
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Grez
Empire Assault Corp
Dead Terrorists
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Posted - 2010.09.18 15:05:00 -
[21]
This will be dealt with.
---
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Mystri
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Posted - 2010.09.18 15:11:00 -
[22]
Well we have your side of the story... so what's his beef?
If he has a professional problem with you rather than a personal one then he personally despises you so:
a) I wouldn't avoid work do's because of him, rather go to them and take the p*ss out of him if he gives you any lip, it is a social setting after all so good humour may gain you some friends rather than be someone who "just takes it". Use indirect humour at work, if he is confrontational then keep the focus on him. If a boss leaves the room and he pipes up just cut him down, he isn't your boss so can speak your mind quite freely.
b) If your head starts fizzing and you lose your patience with him then deal with it outside work. If you are not that way inclined then ask family or a friend to have a wee "chat" with him. Make sure there are no witnesses... 
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails
...
When I say good morning to everybody in the office, he is the only one to not reply. The next person through the door, he will enthusiastically greet. I am missed out consistently when it is his turn to make the teas.
...
I'm very mild mannered, professional, and helpful. He has an extremely aggressive attitude to customers and colleagues.
Care to expand on his personality? Can you tell us what his positive points are, even if you do say it with gritted teeth?
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails
...
Today after our weekly quiz, which is intended as just some light relief, there was some banter which for some reason I do not understand (as I was not involved in the conversation, I was on the phone to a customer for most of the quiz) he called me a ****wit in front of all my team. He was clearly not joking, and my team leader snapped at him right after his little remark.
...
Why did he say that? What didn't you understand? Can you be more forthcoming with other side of the story because it comes across as skewed from your perspective rather than objective?
As it stands... He bad person. me good, gis a bosie.
Mystri |
Planks
Unjustified Ancients of MuMu
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Posted - 2010.09.18 16:30:00 -
[23]
Cat, have you tried speaking to him alone? I know it's much MUCH easier to type than to actually do, but have you tried cornering him and asking if there is a problem? Could be you said something or did something innocent that offended him and he is so insecure he has started a vendetta against you. If so you can sort it out face to face.
Bullying (as opposed to harassment) is usually down to the bullies insecurity, inadequacy or jealousy. They feel threatened and fight back by undermining you to make you feel smaller than they feel.
Whether your bully is your immediate boss or if he is an 'equal' colleague, you still need to take it to the very top and bypass the lower levels of management. Everywhere I have worked there have been cliques within management and their drones and you are either in favour or out of favour. But the CEO or directors are usually on your side. If the top brass are not on your side then your only option is to carry on as you are and keep logging events to build a case for the inevitable constructive dismissal.
Good luck, but try speaking to him first to see if you can nip it in the bud early on.
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Atticus Fynch
Gallente
The Scope
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Posted - 2010.09.18 16:35:00 -
[24]
Cat, there is also the possibility that he doesn't like your ethnicity or sexual orientation.
I'm just shooting in the dark here, but there is something about you he just doesn't like.
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Drone 613
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Posted - 2010.09.18 18:33:00 -
[25]
If everything you said is true, he sounds like one of those people that are wannabe alphas. Stand up to him and he'll back off. You probably just happen to be the only one there that hasn't done it so he keeps pushing.
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Joe Phoenix
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Posted - 2010.09.18 18:47:00 -
[26]
Actually if i was in your position i would embark on a campaign of horrifically evil practical jokes. For example i would i make him a cup of coffee and lase it with the strongest laxatives i could get my hands on, or fill his computer hard-drive up with fetish **** and then get the boss in the investigate 
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Atticus Fynch
Gallente
The Scope
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Posted - 2010.09.18 18:50:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Joe Phoenix
Actually if i was in your position i would embark on a campaign of horrifically evil practical jokes. For example i would i make him a cup of coffee and lase it with the strongest laxatives i could get my hands on, or fill his computer hard-drive up with fetish **** and then get the boss in the investigate
In other words, dont get mad...get even.
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Cat o'Ninetails
Caldari
Rancer Defence League
Eternal Ascension
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Posted - 2010.09.18 19:09:00 -
[28]
I had the idea this morning of saying to my boss "look, I don't want to make a big deal of this right now, but I would forget the whole thing if I get a written letter of apology from him."
That would be fairly humiliating lol
x
EVE Garden |
Wendat Huron
Stellar Solutions
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Posted - 2010.09.18 20:00:00 -
[29]
His undoing, I'll admit I stopped reading after I've gotten to the grail. His undoing is not responding on work related issues, he's being uncooperative and hard to work with, that is something your bosses will and should factor in.
If you hate someone at work, like I do, you make damn sure to be the perfect co-worker and keep the personal silent treatment outside of that.
Focus on what the man gives a damn about, someone rocking the boat.
Delenda est achura. |
MatrixSkye Mk2
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 20:15:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails
I had the idea this morning of saying to my boss "look, I don't want to make a big deal of this right now, but I would forget the whole thing if I get a written letter of apology from him."
That would be fairly humiliating lol
x
I was under the impression you genuinely were looking to resolve this issue, but after this comment you're kind of just looking to stoop down to his level  .
Grief a PVP'er. Run a mission today! |
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