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Intense Thinker
Minmatar
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Posted - 2010.09.18 22:03:00 -
[31]
Originally by: MatrixSkye Mk2
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails I had the idea this morning of saying to my boss "look, I don't want to make a big deal of this right now, but I would forget the whole thing if I get a written letter of apology from him."
That would be fairly humiliating lol
x
I was under the impression you genuinely were looking to resolve this issue, but after this comment you're kind of just looking to stoop down to his level .
Actually the only way to win this is to stoop down to below his level, I'm sure Cat can do it Signature locked for editing a moderator's warning. Zymurgist |
Jhagiti Tyran
Invicta.
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Posted - 2010.09.18 22:35:00 -
[32]
I can understand why people might feel bullied or intimidated in the workplace but in this case its really best to just simply ignore him, not greeting you and a "****it" remark really is nothing and I have seen much worse in the past. failing to attend department activities might look bad to management to as it gives the impression you are no prepared to put aside the personality clash between the two of you and socialise with the rest of the staff.
If he does other things like making threats or using physical intimidation or any kind of discrimination there would be a problem that needs fixing ASAP but complaining to the boss because he wont say good morning? Sorry if this comes across harsher than I mean it to and if there is more to it than what you posted I can see why you are upset but these very minor issues are not worth getting riled up about.
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Wendat Huron
Stellar Solutions
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Posted - 2010.09.18 23:30:00 -
[33]
Originally by: Jhagiti Tyran ...failing to attend department activities might look bad to management to as it gives the impression you are no prepared to put aside the personality clash between the two of you and socialise with the rest of the staff...
Don't know about that, if there's alcohol served you might be best off not attending. I don't at ours anymore and people know why. They'd rather have me there but they understand my position. At one informal they just disregarded the other guys phonecalls as they knew I'd walk if he showed up.
Delenda est achura. |
N0N
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Posted - 2010.09.19 09:42:00 -
[34]
I don't understand why you would get bullied at work. No really, it's a mystery.
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Sral TBear
Shipwreck Island
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Posted - 2010.09.19 11:50:00 -
[35]
Never had this problem my self, but i helped out one of my freinds who had this problem...He worked for a IT company and had a simulare "oldie" doing the same...no boss provocations...
One daw we had a few beers and he told me about it. I kinda though on what he could do, that wouldnt get him fires (my solution to things like this is...stop or woop azz, ya i know im primitive)
One day he called me and asked if i could get hes daughter from daycare and it struck me how i could do something, i asked if hes "oldie" was there and hes said yes....and the rest was simple...
I made a few phone calls and had one of my friends give me and hes daughter a ride to her dads job. I left my phone in the f¦riends car and when into the building with the daughter and up to her dads floor (they work in this open office inviroment, like stables....)
While i was talking to my m8, a few HD`s turned up on the parking lot and half the office staff stood there and look outside..what are they doing here etc....Then my freind from the car comes in wit two others walk up to my "office friend, shakes my hand gives me my phone i had "forgot" talks to my friends daughter and just walked again.....
This did shut the "oldie" up, those with big mouths have a tendency not to be brave, and indirect "bad guy relatationships" normaly have a great way of showing them how big cowards they are...
please shut up or i have him bring my lunch tomorow :)
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Cat o'Ninetails
Caldari Rancer Defence League Eternal Ascension
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Posted - 2010.09.19 15:28:00 -
[36]
Originally by: MatrixSkye Mk2
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails I had the idea this morning of saying to my boss "look, I don't want to make a big deal of this right now, but I would forget the whole thing if I get a written letter of apology from him."
That would be fairly humiliating lol
x
I was under the impression you genuinely were looking to resolve this issue, but after this comment you're kind of just looking to stoop down to his level .
Not really looking to stoop down to his level, I'd much rather it just stopped, but that won't happen without some affirmative action. I don't need his snide little comments and attitude. I just wanna go in, do my work, collect the paycheck. If I wanted drama in my life, I'd just post here
An expansion on my earlier idea is to offer him a choice. He can send me a signed letter of apology, with an assurance it will not happen again; or I can initiate grievance procedures.
My guess is as bad as it would make him feel, and as hollow as it would be, is that he would choose the letter. Then if he gets out of line again, he's already said he'd stop doing it. In black and white.
It's hard to explain what this guy is like, I don't think some of you are getting what I'm saying. It's a hundred little things that on their own are insignificant, but daily. The sum total of this is a nuiscence, and one I should not have to suffer. The UK laws are pretty clear on this, and as I say, his attitude ticks all the relevant boxes on the government website.
He just dislikes me, he dislikes a lot of people, but me the most. I honestly do not know what his issue is, everybody else does not seem to have a problem with me. If they do, they're being profesional about it and I have no issue... I imagine he thinks I'm an easy target, which is probably true. I don't like arguments, and avoid them. I've accidentally snapped back at him a few times, now that is stooping to his level.
x
EVE Garden |
Joe Phoenix
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Posted - 2010.09.20 00:43:00 -
[37]
Originally by: Joe Phoenix Actually if i was in your position i would embark on a campaign of horrifically evil practical jokes. For example i would make him a cup of coffee and lase it with the strongest laxatives i could get my hands on, or fill his computer hard-drive up with fetish **** and then get the boss in to investigate
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Sergeant Spot
Galactic Geographic BookMark Surveying Inc.
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Posted - 2010.09.20 03:03:00 -
[38]
While its been a number of years (well over a decade), I've had similar problems.
In ALL cases, it was either during high school, or adults that thought they were still in high school. Most of my life has been military, so the post high schools ones ended FAST.
In short, I RADIATE "nerd" (History nerd in my case). I've been confortable with this for decades, but it seems there is a class of idiot out there, that in their own words "I don't like your kind" (I'm not making that up).
Show NO mercy, but if victorious, be CERTAIN to NOT be petty. The guy that told me he "did not like my kind" ended up becoming a minor friend.
Play nice while you butcher each other.
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Jastra
Gallente Black Thorne Corporation Black Thorne Alliance
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Posted - 2010.09.20 17:39:00 -
[39]
My sympathies Cat
You dont state which country you are in but keeping a log and ensuring that complaints are also made in writing is important.
Now you have complained, I would take the opportunity to be the better person, if you say hello and he ignores it, in a nice strong voice say "Hi, <insert name here>" good morning, if he still ignores you after that in front of the rest of the team it's him that will look like an idiot, if he forgets your team and stuff ignore it, but make a point of asking him when it's your turn, be polite.
As with any buly he is winning is he is impacting you, so if you choose to ignore him you are in control, the gap between stimulus and response is choice, so choose very carefully how you react, and sounds liek you can show him up very easily with a little forethought
I can fully sympathise as I have seen and had this sort of thing happen either to me or people I know, so all I can suggest is to carry on being the bigger person, and you will gain if nothingelse moral superiority and if you have good boses they will notice your attitude starkly against his.
Cheers
Jas. _ _ _
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Sidus Isaacs
Gallente
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Posted - 2010.09.21 07:47:00 -
[40]
Originally by: Jastra My sympathies Cat
You dont state which country you are in but keeping a log and ensuring that complaints are also made in writing is important.
Now you have complained, I would take the opportunity to be the better person, if you say hello and he ignores it, in a nice strong voice say "Hi, <insert name here>" good morning, if he still ignores you after that in front of the rest of the team it's him that will look like an idiot, if he forgets your team and stuff ignore it, but make a point of asking him when it's your turn, be polite.
As with any buly he is winning is he is impacting you, so if you choose to ignore him you are in control, the gap between stimulus and response is choice, so choose very carefully how you react, and sounds liek you can show him up very easily with a little forethought
I can fully sympathise as I have seen and had this sort of thing happen either to me or people I know, so all I can suggest is to carry on being the bigger person, and you will gain if nothingelse moral superiority and if you have good boses they will notice your attitude starkly against his.
Cheers
Jas.
Cat is in UK ;) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://desusig.crumplecorn.com/sigs.html |
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Sanguis Sanies
Amarr
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Posted - 2010.09.21 11:03:00 -
[41]
Originally by: Cat o'Ninetails I've now lodged a formal grievance, which in all honesty puts my own job at risk more than it does his.
Sorry but I really don't understand under what circumstances you would be at any risk for filling a complaint; assuming the company does it's job and investigates properly and the complaints are genuine (i.e. you're not making it up or exaggerating) then you shouldn't be at any risk at all.
As to actual advice; all bullies are cowards, always and without exception. The physical bullies I at least have a modicu.m of respect for (if that's the right word for those people) as they are at least putting their money where their mouth is and putting themselves at some risk (it's always possible that their victim is a black belt), but people who sit at the back making snide comments I have zero time for.
Destroy them; utterly and completely. Get their job description and record every way they don't complete it. Get signed affidavits from other co-workers and especially supervisors and managers about his behaviour towards you and others. Sorry but for this you are going to have to be Cat. Cat on a very bad day. |
Sturmwolke
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Posted - 2010.09.21 14:30:00 -
[42]
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
several good points
Toshiro's got it spot on. Winning or losing matters little. Depending on your company's culture, stirring the pot carries a long term stigma, regardless of whether you're the bully or you're the one being bullied. The only genuine winning move is not to play the game .. and I echo his recommendations.
Remember, some bullies are clever in covering their bottoms (either politically or professionally) that it becomes an open secret which everyone is aware about, but the management won't lay a finger on due to circumstancial evidences. Normally they usually have to review both side of the story in a dispute and it can get messy with claims and counter-claims.
Think long term and do what's best (less ego, more logic).
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Wendat Huron
Stellar Solutions
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Posted - 2010.09.21 16:03:00 -
[43]
Honestly I think he just see you as a weakling, a girlyman and have issues tolerating this. I've picked that up on how you come across on the forums, if I'm off the mark bear with me for a few paragraphs...
I know I do falter at times have to check my rude remarks towards people for a disposition not necessarily of their own making.
He may not have come to the insight that when you point fingers and deem someone useless someone else find yourself equally so.
Tell him in plain english that you've understood he doesn't like you and you're fine with it. You don't want to be his friend or sort anything you just want to do the job and his behavior is making it difficult, something the people upstairs will catch on to and it will mean a bad review on his part for sure.
Ask him if he has anything on you that is making his work difficult and stress again that when this scenario unfolds it'll be on him if he cannot produce anything of substance.
Now you've given him fair warning and a chance to check himself. If you like the cloak and daggers you might want to record the confrontation as to not get misquoted.
Delenda est achura. |
Logitrac
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Posted - 2010.09.21 20:33:00 -
[44]
What a moron... Pleease Keep us updated! ooh yeah, and by the way.. Do you have his Email HE HE HE
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Chris Bailey
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Posted - 2010.09.21 20:44:00 -
[45]
Camp his usual freighter runs after he gets up to leave Sit in a macherial with estamel mods And as he walks out and scramble him and turn your mwd on ransom him and gank him K?
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Barakkus
Ishukone Institute of Technology
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Posted - 2010.09.21 21:39:00 -
[46]
Originally by: Jastra You dont state which country you are in...
There's only one country that comes to mind that would have it's employees make tea in the middle of the day, and take turns at it at that.
Originally by: CCP Dropbear
rofl
edit: ah crap, dev account. Oh well, official rofl at you sir.
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Danton Marcellus
Nebula Rasa Holdings
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Posted - 2010.09.21 22:29:00 -
[47]
Originally by: Barakkus
Originally by: Jastra You dont state which country you are in...
There's only one country that comes to mind that would have it's employees make tea in the middle of the day, and take turns at it at that.
The Shire.
Should/would/could have, HAVE you chav!
Also Known As |
AR5ENAL
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Posted - 2010.09.22 02:58:00 -
[48]
I have the same issue, my boss uses more sexual type harasment tho, and what ive found is get a digital recorder, and put it in your pocket, then note the times he said stuff and let it run all day, nothing is better when they try to deny it and you say "well isnt this your voice?"
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Indimiel
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Posted - 2010.09.22 14:22:00 -
[49]
Originally by: Sanguis Sanies Sorry but I really don't understand under what circumstances you would be at any risk for filling a complaint; assuming the company does it's job and investigates properly and the complaints are genuine (i.e. you're not making it up or exaggerating) then you shouldn't be at any risk at all.
HR action research indicates that in most cases of workplace bullying the most commonly applied solution is to move the person lodging the complaint. If Cat lol x elects to file for formal action, they need to be aware this is a very likely outcome.
I think confronting this guy in public if he is directly insulting again is what you should do before running to the bosses. By being this fragile flower of the fields who starts seeing their primary source of income in negative terms because one guy doesn't say hello to you in the morning you make yourself the victim. You are giving this guy the opportunity to vent his frustration with his day by being mean to you, and he even gets a feeling of superiority when he sees how much you let this affect you.
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Sazkyen
State War Academy
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Posted - 2010.09.22 16:40:00 -
[50]
If you really want to take him out and you lack the muscle force required then you can always pull a nasty trick. Simply make the guy hit you. You should not hit him though. Simply tell him stuff until he snaps.
Pull *any* card necessary.
Deny everything. Sue him.
-SIG- Ship comparison |
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Pathetic Toon
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Posted - 2010.09.22 18:10:00 -
[51]
Edited by: Pathetic Toon on 22/09/2010 18:11:28 Har har har.
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Lord 'Flashheart
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Posted - 2010.09.22 18:12:00 -
[52]
The manager was back today, so we had a meeting about the situation. I explained how I "didn't want to get the guy in trouble or anything,.... didn't want to make a big deal about it.... just that I wanted it to stop."
The boss said she couldn't ignore my allegation at this point. I could only withdraw it, or HR would be involved. She suggested that involving HR would only make the relationship worse between us, and I responded that I wasn't going to withdraw what I said, what were the other options?
Turns out she regarded the incident Friday as being reported to her by our team leader anyway, and that it was innappropriate. She also recalled that it's been going on for over two years, citing that she's mentioned this very issue to him in his last two reviews.
She said he'd had enough verbal warnings by now, and would I be happy if he got a written warning? I asked of the other two in the room (boss & team leader) "do you think this is fair?" And they both agreed it was.
So there we are, stay tooned
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CCP Adida
C C P C C P Alliance
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Posted - 2010.09.22 18:28:00 -
[53]
removed a post at the player's request
Adida Community Rep CCP Hf, EVE Online
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Wendat Huron
Stellar Solutions
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Posted - 2010.09.22 18:35:00 -
[54]
Edited by: Wendat Huron on 22/09/2010 18:39:00
Originally by: Lord 'Flashheart The manager was back today, so we had a meeting about the situation. I explained how I "didn't want to get the guy in trouble or anything,.... didn't want to make a big deal about it.... just that I wanted it to stop."
The boss said she couldn't ignore my allegation at this point. I could only withdraw it, or HR would be involved. She suggested that involving HR would only make the relationship worse between us, and I responded that I wasn't going to withdraw what I said, what were the other options?
Turns out she regarded the incident Friday as being reported to her by our team leader anyway, and that it was innappropriate. She also recalled that it's been going on for over two years, citing that she's mentioned this very issue to him in his last two reviews.
She said he'd had enough verbal warnings by now, and would I be happy if he got a written warning? I asked of the other two in the room (boss & team leader) "do you think this is fair?" And they both agreed it was.
So there we are, stay tooned
WTH kind of nanny corporation are you working for? One wrong move at my place and I got a written warning and a paycut, there were no verbal warnings issued for offending a co-worker at work.
Once a complaint is formally logged there is no way back, the employer has an obligation to follow through.
There is no 'sort-of' reporting someone, either you go on record or you don't.
He'll hate our guts now, if he only resented you before and if he's anything like me he'll bide his time, highlighting all of your flaws at the oppertune time and set other people up against you, burning you over time on the slow roast.
Delenda est achura. |
Lord 'Flashheart
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Posted - 2010.09.22 18:50:00 -
[55]
Originally by: Wendat Huron
WTH kind of nanny corporation are you working for? One wrong move at my place and I got a written warning and a paycut, there were no verbal warnings issued for offending a co-worker at work.
Once a complaint is formally logged there is no way back, the employer has an obligation to follow through.
There is no 'sort-of' reporting someone, either you go on record or you don't.
He'll hate your guts now, if he only resented you before and if he's anything like me he'll bide his time, highlighting all of your flaws at the oppertune time and set other people up against you, burning you over time on the slow roast.
I did figure that beforehand. This kind of accusation would put me under the spotlight as well, I knew that. As I said to them in the meeting, he can hate me as much as he wants, but he doesn't have to rub my nose in it all the time.
I think that the meeting went well, but I know that this isn't the end of it.
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