Lets put it this way, I had two logis trying to keep me up and at the end of the fight the logis couldnt belive how bad they wanted me dead....

But thats a GOOD thing lol. Imagine how much DPS they wasted trying to kill you while your fleet kept bashing away and picking them off! Rather then killing off the rest of your fleet.

Id rather not say hence the alt post.

So really it simply comes down to tanked out the balls ships only....

*sigh*

Recockulous tankage with help from the logi drones, I would also keep that second account cloaky on-grid to monitor as a just-in-case as was mentioned earlier. As an FC, to not put out DPS is a bit of a pain on a personal level, but if they primary you, then use that as an advantage point to hold fire and keep them occupied. Flexibility and adaptability count for a lot here.

Hell, you could probably even pull in some spider tank just because.

You didn't tell us the ships you can use, you didn't tell us the types of fleets you are flying in, you didn't tell us whether you are living in high/low/null sec. If you WANT help, start by being a bit more specific.

Doesnt matter where I live. I fly everything from Battleship down. We fly mostly Cruiser hull fleets (t2 cruisers down) as well as t3 bcs.

Actually it doesnt matter where he lives or what his fleet compositions are (lr, sr, shield, armor etc,) it matters the size of the fleet and the structure of the fleet, (-20 or + 100)

Because of your small, (relatively) fleet sizes much of the post ive written doesnt really apply. but when you scale up past 50 or so it will. for your 20-30 ship fleets, I would run through all of the tactics you described, it seems the people that you are fighting are know to you and you to them, so intentionally over tanking a ship and flying like fc (but not being fc) is a really good choice if they are that determined to scrape you off the field. or cloaky ship for the added bonus of enemy confusion when they cant find you to target (but see you in local). Continually change your tactics to keep from stagnating.

Basically yes. FC's will be primary, using alts or other ships as anchors will help when you get alpha'ed to maintain positions and targets.
Role delegation is an important skill for any commander. and its something that you must learn if you wish to be successful in your position.

~ you will most likely be primary. this i believe you already know. so your job becomes that of a tank. as any other fitting will drop you out too fast (though in many fleet fights it simply does not matter what ship you are flying, alpha will kill you).
Your role is to get the damage ships to do damage.
~ trust your fleet exo, also not being the anchor will help maintain your fleets position after you are gone. and allow someone else to take over quickly when you can no longer see target ranges to call correct primaries and secondaries.
~ Some commanders charge with their men into the fight, some commanders have to see the entire picture. there are benefits and drawbacks to both approaches and times when one is better then the other. learn these.

But it all boils down to - you are no longer just "one of the men", you are the commander and your role responsibilities are different. A captain has many of the same roles as a major, but they are not the same.

surprised nobody has mentioned HICs as an alternative yet.