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Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.08.08 10:19:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Darius III on 08/08/2011 10:19:51
Gentlemen, allow me to share a tale, filled with vile acts of piracy and rife with deception most foul. I was employed in my favorite past time, suicide ganking near the trade lanes approaching Jita, when I came upon a sight most pleasing. I spied an industrial vessel, filled to the brim with valuable loot and treasures most rare and exquisite.
This vessels pilot was blithely unaware of my observations of his cargo. Further, he seemed to think that his untanked Iteron would be vouchsafed by the local authorities. This was a grave error indeed. The contents of this woefully unprepared ship? Six pristine Faction Shield Boosters, Faction Microwarp drives 3 in total, a Faction Target Painter, and a Faction Shield Boost Amplifier. Truly a delightful assortment of goods most fine, I assure you.
Immediately upon assaying this neophyte capsuleer's cargo, I reported my find to a rather grim gentleman in my employ. His job is to waylay the unwary, kill the innocent, and he ply's his trade with expertise. Some time ago I, worked with him on a particularly early Christmas morning, and in the space of 17 minutes ganked 4 billion Isk from 2 separate vessels. But I digress, this is a tale both authentic and recent, which I am relating to you herein.
My highwaymen friend agreed that we should make efforts to relieve this poor wayfarer of his delightful cargo posthaste! As I had an agent working to survey the gate he would jump through, I was able to accurately predict when he would show in Jita-and true to my prediction-he jumped through on my mark.
The very instant his vessel was targetable, a rapidly locking Battleship of the Apocalypse class immediately targeted him. Nearly instantly thereafter he was hit with a salvo capable of destroying his ship several times over. The explosion was grand, with small fiery bits of Iteron streaking askew in every direction.
Immediately when the wreck appeared on overview, I warped on top of the wreck and opened it with most urgency. Inside I saw a delightful sight-an unopened courier package marked with the Jita 4-4 station for delivery! Scooping the box and making speedy egress, I opened the package midwarp. Inside were all the contents describes to you previously. Both my murderous friend and I were ecstatic upon the joyful news of our 100% drop rate. This portion of the tome has covered the Piracy I mentioned, but what, you may ask, of the deception mentioned above?
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Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.08.08 10:22:00 -
[2]
Part Two: The deception
Verily near the instant I docked our prize safely in Jita 4-4, I began a conversation with the newly deceased. I inquired whether he had recently been the victim of a heinous act of villainy? He responded after a short time with a question of his own. He asked "Why" to wit I assumed he was asking me why I was querying him about his grisly fate, not "why" had he met so terrible a fate. Using my alternate character, I informed him that I had scooped he contents of a vessel registered to him. I described the contents that I had scooped as "some sort of brown box with writing on it."
He then answered that indeed yes, as a matter of fact, he HAD recently been the victim of a terrible crime and scoundrels has violenced his fine ship. At that juncture I asked him whether the contents of the box were in fact of any value? His reply was terse, a simple "yes." I offered to deliver the goods in the brown box marked "Jita 4 Moon 4 Caldari Navy Assembly Plant" in exchange for adequate remuneration.
After some short negotiation, he agreed to exchange the box for a valueable Tech II Cybernetic Implant, valued close to Two Hundred Million Isk. I was elated that I would be receiving more of his hard earned Isk. I informed my homicidal cohort that I was in talks to acquire even more wealth from his dastardly deed and was met with rough laughter. Chilling really, this uncaring assassins mirth.
I openned a trade window with the unfortunate victim, and into the window, I put forth a box marked "Jita 4 Moon 4 Caldari Navy Assembly" and he offered up the Implant. Cautiously hopeful, I clicked accept, and he did the same. As the window closed, I let forth a chorus of laughter myself over comms, letting my dispassionate hoodlum friend know that we had scammed the victim after the robbery.
As I was enjoying the fruits of my deception, I saw my contract window flashing. Ahhh he had completed the contract I had sent myself! I didnt even bother to thank him for delivering my goods. One can only hope he has learned multiple lessons from during our interchange. I think perhaps I should ask him to make another payment for the valuable knowledge I have worked so hard to share with him?
TL:DR Tank your hauler, don't do business with strangers-D3
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Drunken Troll
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Posted - 2011.08.08 10:36:00 -
[3]
ROFL, Keep up the good work.
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foksieloy
Minmatar
Rockets ponies and rainbows
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Posted - 2011.08.08 11:21:00 -
[4]
I like the style. Would read again.
_______________________
The best thing in EvE is Barrage M. |
Cable Udan
Caldari
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Posted - 2011.08.08 14:15:00 -
[5]
 Originally by: foksieloy
I like the style. Would read again.
Chasing the Blue Flash - My PvP Blog! |
fgft Athonille
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Posted - 2011.08.08 14:22:00 -
[6]
fake
Originally by: Skippermonkey
keep trying and you can be an hero just like fgft Athonille
Originally by: Singeaboot Raj
Tbh i am beginning to see the win - it's the haircut, makes people take notice.
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Sijfon
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Posted - 2011.08.08 15:25:00 -
[7]
Always been interested in this, but seeing as I cant fly an abby, is it viable to do this in a stealth bomber?(Not using the bomb ofcourse, but just the torps)
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daddys helper
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Posted - 2011.08.08 16:31:00 -
[8]
Edited by: daddys helper on 08/08/2011 16:34:21
Edited by: daddys helper on 08/08/2011 16:32:34
Originally by: Sijfon
Always been interested in this, but seeing as I cant fly an abby, is it viable to do this in a stealth bomber?(Not using the bomb ofcourse, but just the torps)
lolololololol
*cough cough*
kaff!
um
NO
not nearly enough DPS output in the 3-5 seconds you will live (unless you are like mr 1337 torp dude)
and even the BS would fail if not for a decent alpha.
the bigger the aggressor the more tools concord employs against you
if it takes you more than 1-2 shots in a BS you will get jammed before you can finish
frigs can usually shoot until killed, but big boats will be forcefully disengaged
and if concord is on the gate already? move on
don't gank with them around, only do it when the local forces are there
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Victoria Wolfe
Caldari
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Posted - 2011.08.08 17:57:00 -
[9]
Edited by: Victoria Wolfe on 08/08/2011 17:57:05
I normally frown upon the evil doing that goes on in C&P but I must admit this is an exceptional tale!
Bravo sir!
___
"Speak for yourself sir, I intend to live forever" - Commander William Riker |
Ciggar Nock
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Posted - 2011.08.08 22:52:00 -
[10]
So you sold him that faction loot back for a 200 M implant? And who is your murderous cohort?
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Lady Spank
Amarr
In Praise Of Shadows
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Posted - 2011.08.08 22:57:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Ciggar Nock
So you sold him that faction loot back for a 200 M implant? And who is your murderous cohort?
He gave him a courier delivery; obviously not the same one that had the shiny goods in.
Nice work deethree.
~~~
Screenshot batch compression |
Aeneus McKay
Pilots of Epic
Roughneck Regulators
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Posted - 2011.08.08 23:12:00 -
[12]
A fine tale indeed.
Who would play the pro-(?)tagonist in the filmed version of this delightful yarn?
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Dorn Val
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Posted - 2011.08.09 12:35:00 -
[13]
LOL! Excellent read!
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Praxis Astra
Minmatar
Smiling Friends Social Club
Hearts And Minds Alliance
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Posted - 2011.08.09 12:38:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Praxis Astra on 09/08/2011 12:42:22
Proud to be a member of a species that can come up with such antics!
Hey Darius any chance I could put this tale of wickedness on my web site?
Praxis Astra
Master of Assassins and Punctuality
Executor of Hearts & Minds Alliance
http://heartsandmindsalliance.org |
War Kitten
Panda McLegion
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Posted - 2011.08.09 12:41:00 -
[15]
Awesome :)
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Lady Go Diveher
The Independent Troll Society
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Posted - 2011.08.09 13:49:00 -
[16]
10/10
Would read again
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Singeabooty Raj
Marcabian 5th Invasion Fleet
HYDRA RELOADED
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Posted - 2011.08.09 17:35:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Dorn Val
Excellent read!
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poeke
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Posted - 2011.08.10 00:49:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Lady Spank
Originally by: Ciggar Nock
So you sold him that faction loot back for a 200 M implant? And who is your murderous cohort?
He gave him a courier delivery; obviously not the same one that had the shiny goods in.
Nice work deethree.
Fake courier box for the win
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Larry Mario
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Posted - 2011.08.10 06:16:00 -
[19]
You fail at grammar, spelling, and punctuation. |
Xearal
Minmatar
SOL Industries
Black Thorne Alliance
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Posted - 2011.08.10 08:06:00 -
[20]
Thank you, for again showing Darwinism at work in the universe of Eve.
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Alxea
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Posted - 2011.08.10 09:59:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Darius III
Part Two: The deception
Verily near the instant I docked our prize safely in Jita 4-4, I began a conversation with the newly deceased. I inquired whether he had recently been the victim of a heinous act of villainy? He responded after a short time with a question of his own. He asked "Why" to wit I assumed he was asking me why I was querying him about his grisly fate, not "why" had he met so terrible a fate. Using my alternate character, I informed him that I had scooped he contents of a vessel registered to him. I described the contents that I had scooped as "some sort of brown box with writing on it."
He then answered that indeed yes, as a matter of fact, he HAD recently been the victim of a terrible crime and scoundrels has violenced his fine ship. At that juncture I asked him whether the contents of the box were in fact of any value? His reply was terse, a simple "yes." I offered to deliver the goods in the brown box marked "Jita 4 Moon 4 Caldari Navy Assembly Plant" in exchange for adequate remuneration.
After some short negotiation, he agreed to exchange the box for a valueable Tech II Cybernetic Implant, valued close to Two Hundred Million Isk. I was elated that I would be receiving more of his hard earned Isk. I informed my homicidal cohort that I was in talks to acquire even more wealth from his dastardly deed and was met with rough laughter. Chilling really, this uncaring assassins mirth.
I openned a trade window with the unfortunate victim, and into the window, I put forth a box marked "Jita 4 Moon 4 Caldari Navy Assembly" and he offered up the Implant. Cautiously hopeful, I clicked accept, and he did the same. As the window closed, I let forth a chorus of laughter myself over comms, letting my dispassionate hoodlum friend know that we had scammed the victim after the robbery.
As I was enjoying the fruits of my deception, I saw my contract window flashing. Ahhh he had completed the contract I had sent myself! I didnt even bother to thank him for delivering my goods. One can only hope he has learned multiple lessons from during our interchange. I think perhaps I should ask him to make another payment for the valuable knowledge I have worked so hard to share with him?
TL:DR Tank your hauler, don't do business with strangers-D3
I like you! 
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Alxea
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Posted - 2011.08.10 10:02:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Larry Mario
You fail at grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
So you are the english police?! 
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Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.08.10 10:12:00 -
[23]
Originally by: Alxea
I like you!
Thanks! You can show your love by voting for me and having your friends and corpmates do the same, in the CSM7 election in spring.
I am the only suicide ganking CSM and one of only a few that don't have 0.0 agendas. I am also the only CSM who actively trolls the other CSM and CCP. Not during official business, but there's always time to troll after the meetings and at lunch :D
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Sgt Lurch
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Posted - 2011.08.10 11:18:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Larry Mario
You fail at grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
I hope that comma before "and" was a troll. |
Jienna Sarain
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Posted - 2011.08.10 11:41:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Sgt Lurch
Originally by: Larry Mario
You fail at grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
I hope that comma before "and" was a troll.
MUHAHAHA
How ironic. 
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Nathan Jameson
Talocan Vanguard
Talocan United
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Posted - 2011.08.10 12:13:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Darius III
As I was enjoying the fruits of my deception, I saw my contract window flashing. Ahhh he had completed the contract I had sent myself! I didnt even bother to thank him for delivering my goods.
Okay, that was the best part of the whole thing.
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Tykas Gromhart
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Posted - 2011.08.10 16:36:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Sgt Lurch
Originally by: Larry Mario
You fail at grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
I hope that comma before "and" was a troll.
um....the comma before the "and" is correct grammar.
0/10
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Syekuda
Hell's Revenge
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Posted - 2011.08.10 16:39:00 -
[28]
The best lessons are given the "hard" way. But to make a stupid mistake a 2nd time is really stupid lol.
good read thanks
--------------------------------------------------
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
ISAAC ASIMOV |
Kumq uat
Gallente
Guiding Hand Social Club
Dystopia Alliance
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Posted - 2011.08.10 20:48:00 -
[29]
I approve of this product and/or service
---------------------------------------
www.eve-pirate.com original author |
fgft Athonille
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Posted - 2011.08.10 21:02:00 -
[30]
completely fake. d3 uses fake alts to talk to himself all the time and the proof is everywhere
you are bads for believing this wallotext
Originally by: Skippermonkey
keep trying and you can be an hero just like fgft Athonille
Originally by: Singeaboot Raj
Tbh i am beginning to see the win - it's the haircut, makes people take notice.
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