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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:10:00 -
[1]
Well, I thought it was about time we had another "how I lost my battleship in an amusing way" thread. To start us off, here's my confession:
Deep in the mists of time (ahem!) I was an agent runner in my Raven. Well, I thought I was pretty hot, and I could pwn every level 3 mission passed to me by my agent. After completing the 5th Extravaganza mission in one week (my agent had a thing about Extravaganza missions at the time) I thought it was time for me to progress to the big money level 4 missions. So, I found myself a level 4 agent in a good system, and requested my first mission. The one I was given involved multiple levels of drones.
"How difficult can it be? I completed that one loads of times at level 3" I thought to myself. So after filling up with torps, I made my way to the Deadspace
jumpgate and warped in.
"First job, align with exit point, in case I need to leave in a hurry. Second job, start targeting.....hang on, I'm into armour - what's going on here?!"
I jumped out in a hurry. "OK, this ain't going to be so easy after all - obviously my skills in this area leave something to be desired. LetÆs be smart about this."
So I came up with a plan - warp in, kill at least one drone, warp back out, repair ship. All was going well until about my 5th warp in. What I hadn't noticed was that my antics hadn't gone unobserved, and every drone in the level was converging on my warp-in point - and they weren't there to deliver pizza. When the warp field cleared for the 5th time I noticed that firstly, there were a hell of a lot of drones waiting for me, and secondly in the time it took me to notice this I was into armour again.
"OK, lets line up an exit point and get the hell out of here", I thought to myself. So, decision made and buttons clicked, my Raven started to align itself with the exit point. Slowly....slowly..."Come-on, get a move on!" We're into structure now, but I have enough cap to recharge the shield slightly, just enough to make it...
"It's going to be a close one..."
Meanwhile, in another part of the house.....
My cat (who for the purposes of this story and to protect his identity, shall be referred to as "the cat"), was returning after a fruitless hunting expedition in local fields. Now the cat, how shall I put this gently, is not small. In fact, he is large. He is so large that local mice, when they see him lumbering over the horizon in pursuit of dinner have enough time for a good laugh and a cup of tea before they need to take any sort of evasive action. The cat was therefore not pleased upon his return to the house; he was hungry, tired, and fed up of laughing mice. To top it all off, his owner was so keen that evening to play Eve he had forgotten to prepare dinner for him. Now the cat wasnÆt the brightest of the feline species, but he did know enough to now that where there should have been dinner waiting for him, there was a cold empty bowl. He also knew whose fault that was, and he was darn well going to do something about it, once and for all.
Meanwhile, in the battle zone.....
Slowly, slowly...
"Yes, I'm aligned! I'm going to make it, I'm going to......" Crump.
"What - Windows Start Menu? Control Panel?!! What the...." I looked down into a pair of angry eyes looking up at me from where the keyboard usually resided.
"Get off, get off...what the...ouch..."
Anyway, when the dust had settled, and I had cleared an angry cat off my keyboard and closed Windows Control Panel and maximised Eve again, I was left with a nice shiny new pod, and multiple lacerations.
So I learned 2 important lessons from this debacle; one, don't poke a swarm of drones with a stick unless you have the skills to deal with the result, and two, always feed your cat before playing Eve. After all, a well fed and happy cat is less likely to try and maul you and leave you in a pod.
Here endeth the lesson.
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Nyphur
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:14:00 -
[2]
Hehe. Excellent story :). I'm in a similar situation myself with tough missions, I think I'll get a friend or two to help.
Give mister cat a hug from me :).
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Skogen Gump
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:14:00 -
[3]
Im sorry for your loss but LMAO :) Good story!
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Bsport
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:16:00 -
[4]
gods have owners,, cats have staff
--------
|~~~| I run out of money, so bunny has been
| OIL | grounded down to make grease for my
|____| rifter- poor bunny
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Salusa VC
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:18:00 -
[5]
You sure your cat is not a Caracal? 
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Calprimus
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:21:00 -
[6]
Blaiyne,
thanks for the good story and for the good 5 minutes laughing in the office.
If you need an help, once you are back on a new ship, give me a tell in game.
Would be good fun, even if I'm a noob myself.
You need to feed "the cat" first tho........
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Valdruk
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:22:00 -
[7]
Excellent Story.
___________________________________________
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ghhhhhhh
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:42:00 -
[8]
sorry for your loss but well written ;)
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Matanga
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:42:00 -
[9]
Cats and Eve don't mix 
"ÆIn accordance with the principles of double-think it does not matter if the war is not real. For when it is, victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, but it is meant to be continuous.Æö
George Orwell ô1984ö |
Agenor Deteis
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:47:00 -
[10]
heheheh, i also learned a lesson the hard way
I wanted to transport my npc raven(nicely but not gorgeously fitted) to another agent so i activated my trustworthy autopilot and went afk. When i came back later i saw my small pod rolling in space.
"Wtf, did  set up a gate camp and roasted my raven? Hmm, no, they would have podded me....so why i am in a pod?
"You have mail, sir!"
"Oh, yes, lets check:
 Originally by: EVE Mail
2005.04.17 19:33:00
Victim: Agenor Deteis
Corporation: Versus Corporation
Destroyed Type: Raven
Solar System: Tamo
System Security Level: 0.3
Involved parties:
Name: Guristas (laid the final blow)
Some Gurista bugs killed my raven? In 0.0, ok, but in a 0.3 system? Wow...now i know
Good to know my insurance company was telling me right now that our deal expired some weeks ago, ah, well, 45m ISK at last
_________________________________________________
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Jim Steele
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:50:00 -
[11]
Raven losses are expensive drone missions are fairly easy once you learn not to agro the group and fit your raven properly.
Anyway i hope you fed your cat, otherwise he might join Me0w and podkill you..
Death to the Galante |
BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:53:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Salusa VC
You sure your cat is not a Caracal?
Ah - that's where the name come from! No, this one's my cat:
blummin' computer
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Seleene
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Posted - 2005.04.19 12:59:00 -
[13]
LMAO!!
Contact me for a free Raven BPC if you want one. That story was worth it.
-
T2 Weapons Testing in progress! Volunteer today! |
BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 13:01:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Seleene
LMAO!!
Contact me for a free Raven BPC if you want one. That story was worth it.
Thanks - I might take you up on that!
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SUMZER0
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Posted - 2005.04.19 13:23:00 -
[15]
LMAO..been in the same situation myself..except the animal is a German sheppard - Artic Wolf Hybrid. When she decides its time for her attention, she will jump on my lap (she is about an 50 LB dog at 8 months old). The keyboard is knocked to the floor, I cant see the monitor past the 4" think fur. Lost a few ships that way including my very first battleship!! But who am I to say no to an animal that can make my friends Pure breed Pitt go running under a table. OK so she is really a very behaved dog, just really likes her family. Hit me up sometime if you want help with the missions. I know how it is :)
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Grimpak
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Posted - 2005.04.19 13:27:00 -
[16]
Originally by: BLAIYNE
Originally by: Salusa VC
You sure your cat is not a Caracal?
Ah - that's where the name come from! No, this one's my cat:
blummin' computer
JEEBUS! now that's a big cat
-------------------
Quote:
Fragm's Oversized Ego Cannon barely scratches the forums, inflicting omgnoonecares damage
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Jozo
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Posted - 2005.04.19 13:27:00 -
[17]
rofl post of the day.
one of the best ever, damn i spewed beer all over my monitor :P
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feroci0us
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Posted - 2005.04.19 13:30:00 -
[18]
great story;)
** Proud Member of the Fountain Alliance **
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 14:11:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Grimpak
Originally by: BLAIYNE
Originally by: Salusa VC
You sure your cat is not a Caracal?
Ah - that's where the name come from! No, this one's my cat:
blummin' computer
JEEBUS! now that's a big cat
He ain't small, that's for sure! Although maybe I did take a bit of poetic licence with his hunting abilities (just in case he's learned how to use the computer by the time I get home!)
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anter
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Posted - 2005.04.19 14:29:00 -
[20]
You have excellent writing skill.
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Jeretomi
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Posted - 2005.04.19 14:32:00 -
[21]
Nice story.....and strangely familiar 
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Ishana
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Posted - 2005.04.19 14:56:00 -
[22]
Although funny and familiar, I don't what I laughed harder at...
Your cat jumping on and making you lose your raven, or the fact that you can't finish a lvl 4 rogue drone harrasment in a raven without warping away multiple times...
Nice story though.
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Winterblink
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Posted - 2005.04.19 14:59:00 -
[23]
Shave it bare for its indescretions!
*steels self for inevitable tide of jokes stemming from this comment*
___winterblink/warp_drive_active/eve_nature_vraie// |
BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 15:16:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Ishana
Although funny and familiar, I don't what I laughed harder at...
Your cat jumping on and making you lose your raven, or the fact that you can't finish a lvl 4 rogue drone harrasment in a raven without warping away multiple times...
quote]
What can I say? Maybe my skills weren't quite what I thought they were! 
Become a bit of a miner since then - maybe I'll get em next time once I start doing agent missions again!
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 15:17:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Winterblink
Shave it bare for its indescretions!
*steels self for inevitable tide of jokes stemming from this comment*
Hmmm... I feel a trip to the hospital coming on (for me!)
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Uther Doull
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Posted - 2005.04.19 15:40:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Uther Doull on 19/04/2005 15:41:34
hehe, my cat usually is the cause of much hilarity in corp chat =)
he used to try and catch the rats or lasers or whatever while standing on my keyboard, talking gibberish to corp m8's =)
almost cost me a ship once too
when he took a lie down on my comp i just couldn't resist taking a picture
no to high quality cus i took em with my phone.
Cat1
Cat2
these photos are from when he was still pretty small... but the damn things grows bigger by the day :P
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Imran
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Posted - 2005.04.19 15:50:00 -
[27]
Kitty!!
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CaldariCitizen 9735
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Posted - 2005.04.19 16:08:00 -
[28]
Bloody brilliant... I feel your pain M8... loosing a ship is sh i t ty even in the best of circumstances. (I'm doing lvl2 runs in a Kessie.. heh.. VERY interesting)
just an FYI.. I have 2 cats that loved the keyboard too.. until I got a spray bottle full of water.. 2 or 3 spritzes with it and they haven't gotten up since.. although I've felt 10 claws digging into my thighs on more than one occasion when they want attention.
Cloune d'Que!! zhey iss all ze Cloune d'que!! |
SBO Braveloco
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Posted - 2005.04.19 16:12:00 -
[29]
Nearly the same thing happened to me in Star Trek SFCIII, so I am still ROFL at this post!!!!
My cat thought it was a good idea to jump on the keyboard to get my attentio while I was PvPing and warped me into the freaking sun! Lost a nice, shinny Galaxy class that night!
And NO she didn't get fed. I let her sit in the bathroom crying for an hour first!
D-
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Aran Cole
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Posted - 2005.04.19 16:30:00 -
[30]
CCP nerf cats plz 
-----------------------------
Aran Cole
Director - Xerxes Enterprises |
Question2
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Posted - 2005.04.19 16:59:00 -
[31]
I cant help but feel this is exaggerated somehow.Even if he warped in without hardeners on and shield booster not going it would have taken a lot longer than "OMGZ IM INSTANTLY IN ARMOR!!!".
Still......yep that sucks.
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.19 17:14:00 -
[32]
Originally by: Question2
I cant help but feel this is exaggerated somehow.Even if he warped in without hardeners on and shield booster not going it would have taken a lot longer than "OMGZ IM INSTANTLY IN ARMOR!!!".
Still......yep that sucks.
Well, OK, it may have taken a teeny bit longer than that, and I was obviously badly set up, but hey - I'm pretty sure about the mice drinking tea bit!
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Lomong
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Posted - 2005.04.19 17:49:00 -
[33]
I had a similar thing happen to me once.
Our two cats were playing around, chasing each other, the small female cat(weighing in at 1.7kg) and the large male cat(weighing in at almost 5kg, yet not that much fat), when Busan, the female cat, suddenly turns 90 degrees into my computer room, jumps over my arm and lands on the keyboard, using it for extra traction, hitting the suspend key with a claw, while Kurre, the large male cat, misses the turn to a certain degree, instead slamming into my large bottle of cola. While I'm busy catching the bottle, I notice that EVE is shutting down, as are all the other programs, and the computer itself, and go WTF?!?
Fortunately my ship survived that.
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The Ratfink
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Posted - 2005.04.19 18:01:00 -
[34]
good story i give you an A- for humerous content
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ErrorS
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Posted - 2005.04.19 18:29:00 -
[35]
when my cat gets mad he walks behind my computer.. only because i freak out when he does it. He knows it will get my attention
he sometimes tries to use my leg as a scratching post because he'll get a similer response out of me.
________
I'm strict Caldari
"The grass is always greener on the other side" - Maybe they're not as uber as you think?
-ErrorS |
Corvus Dove
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Posted - 2005.04.19 18:37:00 -
[36]
Originally by: Matanga
Cats and Eve don't mix
There's a synonym for "cat" that also applies to this little proverb.....
"You Griefer!!!" = "You Doodyhead!!!" |
Sybylle
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Posted - 2005.04.20 09:27:00 -
[37]
Edited by: Sybylle on 20/04/2005 09:27:58
Originally by: BLAIYNE
Originally by: Salusa VC
You sure your cat is not a Caracal?
Ah - that's where the name come from! No, this one's my cat:
blummin' computer
This probably is the most stupid project I've ever seen...But it's fun anyway
I should post my cat too...But I fear he won't fit on the screen...He is 15 years old and has the same weight
Anyway, sorry for your loss...I've lost many ships due to animals...Being rats or furret...
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <)=Oveur (proof)
"Jumping 50 systems I can like, have sex 150 times during that period" |
BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.20 10:09:00 -
[38]
Originally by: Sybylle
Edited by: Sybylle on 20/04/2005 09:27:58
Originally by: BLAIYNE
Originally by: Salusa VC
You sure your cat is not a Caracal?
Ah - that's where the name come from! No, this one's my cat:
blummin' computer
This probably is the most stupid project I've ever seen...But it's fun anyway
I should post my cat too...But I fear he won't fit on the screen...He is 15 years old and has the same weight
Anyway, sorry for your loss...I've lost many ships due to animals...Being rats or furret...
Yeah - it is a bit of a mad project, and getting him to sit still long enough provided plenty of entertainment in itself! As for losing your ship to a ferret - now that sounds an interesting story! 
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meowcat
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Posted - 2005.04.20 10:21:00 -
[39]
you are not alone in having been blown to smithereens by your cat
consider yourself lucky you dont have 10 cats, i have to close the door and do a sweep of the room before logging in. Naturally the wife usually lets a couple of them in during frenzied PvP, as one of her many tactics to get me to "stop playing that f***ing game"
ahem
~~~~)\~~~~~\o/~~~~
yeah but no but yeah but no but |
MrTurboDK
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Posted - 2005.04.20 10:38:00 -
[40]
OMFG LOL, Great storys.
this is my first post in this marvelous forum, being new here and loving it every second.
keep those great storys coming, i laughed so hard that i cried tears afterwards
cya in tha game, Mr.TURBO.DK
(\_/)
-------<--
(O.o)
(> <) This is Bunny .. Bunny got scalped .. ROFLOL
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Disphforia
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Posted - 2005.04.20 10:51:00 -
[41]
funny.... Next time you go into armor in a mission. Go to eve-i.com and learn about your ennemies, npc.. ouch.
Supreme drone are a pain but >.> good story.... another raven pilot learns the hard way..
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d'hofren
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Posted - 2005.04.20 11:46:00 -
[42]
Edited by: d''hofren on 20/04/2005 11:50:07
It is worse if they can catch mice. Ever tried to do a fleet battle while your girlfriend is screaming and two cats are chasing a half dead mouse around the living room?
my co-pilot cat tries to help (again)
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Joram McRory
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Posted - 2005.04.20 12:03:00 -
[43]
I was in a fleet battle once and my dog, who was under the desk, moved and pulled the power cable out of the back of the PC. Luckilly I was not targeted while rebooting and got out intact.
BTW on the drone missons: fit cruise and a good number of hardners in future. But most importantly only poke the clumps one at a time. Kill one, recharge shields and then poke the next - easy :-)
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.20 12:15:00 -
[44]
Thanks for the tips - it's been a while since I did any agent missions, but I'll have to have another go at this one just to salvage a bit of pride. I'll just make sure the cat is out and my insurance is fully paid up before I go in! 
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dort
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Posted - 2005.04.20 12:18:00 -
[45]
Originally by: Winterblink
Shave it bare for its indescretions!
Wot. Like this? http://www.petebevin.com/archives/2003/02/06/lion_cut.html
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zat evad
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Posted - 2005.04.20 13:20:00 -
[46]
I find that women and children can have much the same effect as cats. Not so much the jumping on keyboards but the uncanny ability to require your total attention, afk, urgently just at the moment you need all your concentration just to survive. 2 indies, a kesie, a moa and a raven have all died to this. you'd have thought I'd have learnt by now :-(
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Winterblink
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Posted - 2005.04.20 14:14:00 -
[47]
One time I was running the gauntlet(s) from empire down to Impass, and I was coming up on Kehour. The map told me that there were dozens of pilots in space, and many ships shot down and pods popped in the last hour. But I warmed up my Atron's (hey, it's cheap) micro warpdrive and patted my warp core stabilizers and thought, "who wants to live forever?" and pushed forth. Blockade running can be pretty interesting, especially on long trips.
Just as I was making the jump into Kehour, my girlfriend decided her phone reception downstairs wasn't the pinnacle of perfection, so she started slamming the frequency change button. Inevitably, the 2.4Ghz phone in her hand locked on a frequency that was close enough to the carefully chosen one of my wireless 802.11g network. Windows XP dutifully informed me I no longer had an internet connection just as EVE closed up to its login screen.
I flew out of my chair, muttering "*expletive*, *expletive*, *expletive*", and ran downstairs plucking the phone out of my girlfriend's hand. I mashed the frequency button a few times, then tossed it back to her and ran upstairs. I forced XP to try to reconnect, and logged back into EVE thinking my poor little Atron was spacedust.
Miraculously, the main blockade was on the other side of the system. I couldn't believe my poor ship was just sitting there for probably a couple of minutes straight with nobody taking it out.
A rare thing
___winterblink/warp_drive_active/eve_nature_vraie// |
Judoman
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Posted - 2005.04.20 15:24:00 -
[48]
CONGRATULATIONS to everyone on resisting the lame ***** on the keyboard jokes...etc etc my god r we actually able to have a grown up convo......
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.21 09:49:00 -
[49]
Originally by: Judoman
CONGRATULATIONS to everyone on resisting the lame ***** on the keyboard jokes...etc etc my god r we actually able to have a grown up convo......
Bugger - well that's my next line gone then!
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Pagefault
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Posted - 2005.04.21 10:26:00 -
[50]
Do you play Eve on a laptop?
Do you have a girlfriend, that supplies you with a cup of coffee while playing?
Did you ever absentmindly say "thanks" when she places this cup between the laptop and the mouse?
I was fast enough to rip the AC-Adaptor and the battery of the laptop before the coffee reached the mainboard and could cause a short circuit. Half a liter of alcohol to clean the mainboard. And a new keyboard. The new ship was of little concern....
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Mr Needa
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Posted - 2005.04.21 10:44:00 -
[51]
Originally by: Pagefault
Do you play Eve on a laptop?
Do you have a girlfriend, that supplies you with a cup of coffee while playing?
Did you ever absentmindly say "thanks" when she places this cup between the laptop and the mouse?
I was fast enough to rip the AC-Adaptor and the battery of the laptop before the coffee reached the mainboard and could cause a short circuit. Half a liter of alcohol to clean the mainboard. And a new keyboard. The new ship was of little concern....
Ouch!
_______________________________________________
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Fantome
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Posted - 2005.04.21 11:02:00 -
[52]
Nice story , very funny :)
well some tips :
drones do mainly Therm/kin damage : fit as many you can this type of hardeners,
Drones are slow (except 2/3 type) : fit an AB
Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum. |
BLAIYNE
|
Posted - 2005.04.21 11:06:00 -
[53]
Originally by: Pagefault
Do you play Eve on a laptop?
Do you have a girlfriend, that supplies you with a cup of coffee while playing?
Did you ever absentmindly say "thanks" when she places this cup between the laptop and the mouse?
I was fast enough to rip the AC-Adaptor and the battery of the laptop before the coffee reached the mainboard and could cause a short circuit. Half a liter of alcohol to clean the mainboard. And a new keyboard. The new ship was of little concern....
Not nice.
In a past life I did PC support, and had a call from a salesman whose laptop had mysteriously stopped working. When I arrived on site and picked the laptop up, half a cup of coffee came streaming out of the keyboard over the desk.
Once it had stopped dripping, and I had mopped up whatever I could see, I sent the whole lot off to Toshiba for an estimate of the damage. To their credit, they repared and replaced what was necessary under warranty and sent it straight back free of charge.
That salesman was given an abacus and told not to come back!
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BLAIYNE
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Posted - 2005.04.21 11:07:00 -
[54]
Originally by: Fantome
Nice story , very funny :)
well some tips :
drones do mainly Therm/kin damage : fit as many you can this type of hardeners,
Drones are slow (except 2/3 type) : fit an AB
Thanks - I'll give that a go.
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UK Glum
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Posted - 2005.04.21 12:10:00 -
[55]
wasnt my 6.1kg heavyweight moggy but my Wife's few hundred gram TORTOISE that got me.
some chums and I playing with some Lvl 2 driods (cos we're newbies) blasting away etc. Along comes the tortoise and things "mmm, dark under that desk, and seems warm too near that big black whirring thing" and wanders behind my not-on-the-desk-but-under-it desktop. scratches around, out pops usb mouse and keyboard, then the power. plop.
Thankfully my chums kept the drones busy and I didnt loose my (uninsured) ship.
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