Neslo
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Posted - 2003.07.21 09:49:00 -
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------ Press Release ------
To: All Eve News Sources
From: Federation X Research Division
--- Start Federation X News theme music ---
Federation Scientists in an attempt to find out why Quafe softdrinks are popular to the miners attempted to break down the chemical composition and release it to the public for Quafe-a-like materials. However when doing clinical trials of the softdrink on average day miners, scientists discovered something interesting.
Finding: The soft drink lead to the miners realizing they had a 20% reduction in ball size.
Now as crude as this sounds, Neslo Developer, Federation X's Lead Scientist said the following: "I was suprised at first by the finding."
But as always in the world of eve, the subject turned to galactic politics when Neslo Developer said the following "but you know what, this may account for the great number of people running from Pirates in eve. I mean... people refuse to stand up and fight these guys, so I did a correlation in an expanded study: Does Quafe affect more than physical appearance?"
Finding: Yes, it affects the brain by increasing the part of the brain that controls "fight or flight" by stimulating the flight portion.
Concord, one of the primary distributors of Quafe, when asked about the shocking findings had the official statement of "no comment."
But speaking under the condition we would not release his name, one Concord official said the following:
---- Transmission Starts ----
Official - "I, uhm, I shouldn't be talking to you..."
FedX Reporter - "come on just tell us what the true purpose of quafe is? The findings are conclusive you have to admit to that. This isn't a coincidence..."
Official - "Ok, look Concord developed quafe as the ultimate passifier. They have been in secret negotiations with the major empires to distrubute a drink that would allow MASS pacification should a rebellion start to happen."
Federation X Reporter " So you are saying this is being used to 'drug' the people? Isn't that sorta illegal?"
Official - "We didn't know it was a drug at first. But here (handing a memo) This is what was sent around in house after Quafe was released into the public. *looks around* I really could get in trouble for that... "
Federation X Reporter - "Your identity is safe with us. Let's see this memo *quickly glances looking at the highlights*"
Official - "Only thing we didn't count on in Concord was our own pilots drinking Quafe. They started only worrying about miners and not REAL pirates. Like take out most secure areas where we have battleships deployed. The smallest serpentis fighter can come in and CONCORD officials just let it attack miners. It's cuz the commanders are too afraid to do anytihng. So they let it happen. It's also why they can't seem to determine who is at fault when a battle happens in secure space. They just blow up anyone fighting. Their brains... they just don't work right."
Federation X Reporter - "I am speechless, This is pretty drastic stuff? Is there anything being done about it in Concord or the Empires?"
Official - " don't you get it? The drug has backfired... the pirates that Concord is supposed to be protecting us from... are using the quafe to control the empires... and Concord. It's addictive. The pirates pay the corporations to put it on holo-billboards so that miners drink it, corps drink it... everyone gets addicted and RUNS and in doing so... sometimes die..."
Federation X Reporter - "That's absolutely insane, my kids have been drinking it for years."
Official - "That's how it starts hook them on young and get them addicted... make them mine mine mine mine mine and then when pirates come in to pluck the loot... They are ripe and slow and stupid."
Federation X Reporter - "What was that sound?"
Official - "what sound?"
***both people shot dead as concord shock troops storm in***
---- Transmission cut out ----
*Neslo Developer turns to you the audience* DON'T DRINK QUAFE, CONCORD IS YOUR ENEMY, FIGHT PIRATES WITH FELLOW MINERS
*Explosion in the Lab causes fuzzy transmission*
GOTTA GO...
---End Press Release ---
From Ashes to Ashes... From Dust to Dust....
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