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| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.13 12:33:00 -
[1]
[under construction]
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.13 12:33:00 -
[2]
As some of you perhaps have noticed, there have been a couple of "TCSP teasers" published in our Library.
Time to launch the real thing: ladies, gentlemen and other sentient beings, we present for you reading pleasure the first installment of a nine chapter novel.
Hope you find this first chapter enjoyable, and please be merciless with your comments and critics.
Chapter #1: Players
Chapter #2: First Impressions (coming 21 nov)
...Orelen grabbed the nearest handle and closed his eyes, letting his feet decide which direction he should be standing.
"Your eyes two meters in front of your feets, monsieur" he hear behind him. "Follow the arrows on the floor, and whatever you do don't look at the horizon"...
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Wanoah
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Posted - 2005.11.13 13:39:00 -
[3]
21st November you say? Damn! Better write something quick...
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Skidd Chung
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Posted - 2005.11.13 16:13:00 -
[4]
o/ herko.
Good read so far. Not really sure where this is going yet, which is good ^^. Can't wait for the next 1.
Safe travels.
skidd
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War does not determine who is right, only who is left. - Russell Bertrand -
Eve Total War participant,
NBSI Vs. (5), VI, ASCN
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Ly'sol
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Posted - 2005.11.13 16:17:00 -
[5]
Dammit Herko,
Why did you guys have to raise the bar like that lol. Now i got to re-edit my little novella and slap it to PDF....
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Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.14 21:06:00 -
[6]
Looks to be good. The more corporate side of Eve could use a bit more illumination. And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
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Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Help the State, Make tens of millions!
The Summit |
Pulgor
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Posted - 2005.11.14 23:44:00 -
[7]
 Originally by: Silver Night
Looks to be good. The more corporate side of Eve could use a bit more illumination. And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
Yup, you and Horatio are the only old timers left.... so.... looking for a new corp? =P.
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Get you the hot lasers of gank omen to die! |
Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:12:00 -
[8]
Finally!
If you'd like any help, be it ideas, editing, "consulting" (I'm brilliantly suited to being confused, and I'd be happy to consult you on that) I'd love to contribute something to this.
I haven't been logged on to EVE much lately so if you ever feel like contacting me, just e-mail me at [email protected].
*Gets comfortable, fires up Adobe Reader, and starts reading*
GDBT is recruiting! |
Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.15 08:44:00 -
[9]
Originally by: Herko Kerghans
please be merciless with your comments and critics.
First things that come to mind? Just what jumps out at me? Well I'm not sure if all of the few instances of incorrect grammar were intentional or not, so if they were, ignore my thickheadedness, and if they were accidental, don't worry because it's not a big deal anyway. Also... 3.778% revenue increase [or 3,778% in your crazy eurospeak, whatever *sigh*]? Come on, what corporate executive really comes up with a number as bizarre as that, I'd expect 4% or 3.8% but 3.778? That's a little WEIRD.
The positive aspects? It's great so far because it seems like a relatively boring subject, but I'm really intrigued. Also, I like the font you picked, what's it called?
GDBT is recruiting! |
Wanoah
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:02:00 -
[10]
Incorrect grammar you say? That'll be my fault, then, as I was the last person to read through it while I did the pdf bit. PDFs are easy to print and read, but maybe I should have printed it and read it myself - you never seem to catch everything when you just read from the screen. The font is Bookman Antiqua.
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Logan Xerxes
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:15:00 -
[11]
More good stuff!
Originally by: FrankyB
no, It'll be IRONASS
Imperial republic of the north and some south.
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Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.15 10:49:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Wanoah
Incorrect grammar you say? That'll be my fault, then, as I was the last person to read through it while I did the pdf bit. PDFs are easy to print and read, but maybe I should have printed it and read it myself - you never seem to catch everything when you just read from the screen. The font is Bookman Antiqua.
If you're obsessive and want to fix it and update the PDF, I'd be happy to show you where I found errors.
[SHAMELESS PLUG]
I also have more time to hopefully contribute something to this, now that I've FINALLY finished coughing up my latest bit of nonsense onto the Library floor.
GDBT is recruiting! |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.15 22:21:00 -
[13]
Edited by: Silver Night on 15/11/2005 22:23:13
The percent doesn't seem odd. Sort of thing a computer or scientist might had off to the executives. The comma is a bit confusing though, Is it 3k%? Because there is little preexsisting market and they want to grow it fast and in a big way? Or 3%, because thsoe are the terms large corporations generally think in?
Good news though if a little oddity in a number is the worst flaw so far. Will have to wait for more critical members of the community to pass judgement though.
/me looks around for Raem...
Edit: By the way, the off-site thing seems like an awesome idea. The greater flexibility in wording, and formatting really helps with the little touches that get mauled on the forums.
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Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Help the State, Make tens of millions!
The Summit |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.16 02:14:00 -
[14]
Wow, thanks for the good feedback!
Originally by: Skidd
Not really sure where this is going yet...
Originally by: Silver
Looks to be good.
*nods*
The main challenge will be to keep a good pace... all of us are short stories tellers; we'll see what we can do to build up tension in a 50 thou words story...
(and thanks for the heads-up Skidd!)
Originally by: Ly'sol
Why did you guys have to raise the bar like that
Quote:
By the way, the off-site thing seems like an awesome idea.
*smiles*
*points at Wanoah and Pulgor*
My idea was just to host it in an outside forum, in humble forum post format... then Wanoah comes with this slick .pdf idea... then Pulgor goes ballistic with the cover art... then we just had to have it like that!
Quote:
...if all of the few instances of incorrect grammar were intentional or not, so if they were, ignore my thickheadedness, and if they were accidental, don't worry because it's not a big deal anyway...
Go right ahead and point as many as you find; we'd love to have this project as polished as possible; any comment will be added.
Quote:
Come on, what corporate executive really comes up with a number as bizarre as that, I'd expect 4% or 3.8% but 3.778
Quote:
The percent doesn't seem odd. Sort of thing a computer or scientist might had off to the executives. The comma is a bit confusing though, Is it 3k%?
It is a decimal point. Good point! *winks*
Three decimals places is our guess of what will be the norm when usin Excel 23341...
Originally by: Niko
If you'd like any help...
Sure! Drop by and say hi! (and I mean, do say hi; you won't find it just by looking... *winks*)
Originally by: Silver
And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
New corps are the new black... plus a CEO chair gives a nice touch for writing CEOs' stories!
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Ly'sol
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Posted - 2005.11.16 09:48:00 -
[15]
Quote:
And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
Sticking with an old corp is soooo september '05.
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Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.16 17:22:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Ly'sol
Quote:
And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
Sticking with an old corp is soooo september '05.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same semi-dormant corp I've been in for almost ten months. Wanna join me? :P
GDBT is recruiting! |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.17 04:12:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Nikolai Nuvolari
Originally by: Ly'sol
Quote:
And is everyone except me in a new corp these days?
Sticking with an old corp is soooo september '05.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same semi-dormant corp I've been in for almost ten months. Wanna join me? :P
Naw, ICT lets me be a Director(for some reason), which means keys to the corp assets for the good of the corp(raiding the liquor cabnet), and allows me to carry out important corporation related personel activities (Exotic dancer evaluation). So I'm good.
Anyway, look foward to the next installment of the story. And I don't think a longer story will be any obstacle to your combined talets Herko. Anything I can do to help, lemme know. Can't imagine what ya might need that I could help with, but if there is anything.
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Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Help the State, Make tens of millions!
The Summit |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.17 05:06:00 -
[18]
Originally by: Silver Night
Anything I can do to help, lemme know. Can't imagine what ya might need that I could help with, but if there is anything.
Alright! Drop by, say hi, we'll sprinkle the pixie dust so you see the Kitchen of Chaos, and you are onboard.
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.17 05:25:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Herko Kerghans
we'll sprinkle the pixie dust so you see the Kitchen of Chaos, and you are onboard.
Does the Kitchen of Chaos serve fried pixie?
GDBT is recruiting! |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.18 00:48:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Nikolai Nuvolari
Does the Kitchen of Chaos serve fried pixie?
Even better.. fried baby pixies!
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Wanoah
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Posted - 2005.11.21 23:22:00 -
[21]
Warning! Next chapter is imminent!
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Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.22 13:30:00 -
[22]
You mean the third??? Writing, writing!
Hope you guys enjoy the second, just posted chapter. Longish (30+ pages), and Wanoah will need reinforced vitamins after single-handedly editing the whole of it. 
Harsh critics are worth their weight in gold; if you are feeling generous, please spare a coin good lady/sir. Thanks in advance.
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.22 20:05:00 -
[23]
It's good. Very good, can't wait to see where it's going. Read it through the first time without being critical, will have to go through again looking for things wrong. Will get back to you with that. That it can be read without any glaring problems is a good sign though, right?
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Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Drink Starsi!
Join 'The Summit' in game RP channel. |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.24 01:52:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Silver Night
It's good. Very good
Heyya man, thanks a lot!
Sailing through uncharted waters makes pats in the back all the more welcomed...
Quote:
will have to go through again looking for things wrong. Will get back to you with that
Please do! Tough feedback is the best reward.
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Logan Xerxes
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Posted - 2005.11.25 05:05:00 -
[25]
Goddamn this is some great stuff Loving the way the caldari are portrayed I'm waiting eagerly for hte next part...
Originally by: FrankyB
no, It'll be IRONASS
Imperial republic of the north and some south.
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Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.27 07:56:00 -
[26]
Yup, a trip to the Caldari mind through the eyes of high-level traders!
Originally by: Logan
I'm waiting eagerly for hte next part...
Being cooked as we speak; you should have it on your plate by mid-week!
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
Asestorian
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Posted - 2005.11.27 13:03:00 -
[27]
This is some seriously good stuff. I often don't enjoy reading EVE stories, but this one managed to keep me wanting to read more, and I was annoyed at the ending of the second chapter..
Looking forward to the next installment :D
Originally by: Noriath
Duct tape is like the force, it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together...
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Nikolai Nuvolari
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Posted - 2005.11.28 08:41:00 -
[28]
I read all of the second chapter in one sitting and now I feel terrible for leaving Wanoah to edit it by himself! Ah well, I'm loving this so far. Orelen's meeting was definitely brilliant.
The only thing that particularly bothered me was some of the artwork...I hate to criticize something that I know I couldn't do any better (or even nearly as well) but they felt out of sync with the feeling of the story. You end page 13 with Orelen SERIOUSLY nervous, and then show him to us with that happy-go-lucky expression on his face and it just seems out of tune. (Holy crap did I just say "happy-go-lucky?" Weeeird...) Using the same picture again on page 27 seemed equally inappropriate, and stretching it vertically makes it look...well...wrong some how. I can't quite figure out the word, but if I think of it I'll post it. Stretching Leceria's picture horizontally on page 30 has the same effect.
Another thing that caught my eye was the wooden table on page 31. After going through such lengths to describe how we Caldari are so overwhelmingly practical that we would rather have six floors than a ceiling and four walls, wood seems out of place. It would seem perfect in Nutura's monastic offices, or maybe a rough-hewn wooden slab table in a Home Brew cafe...hell, it would work in Caille, I suppose. But to me, it sticks out like a sore thumb right here.
And then there's one other thing that is neither praise nor criticism, but rather something interesting I wanted to share. In the meeting scene starting on page 17, I somehow knew Murata was going to anticipate the Fahama's bugs...because while you guys were writing about two Nutura executives, I was having a sort of flashback of Soviet generals in a scene from Red Army, which was a book written in the '80's describing a possible Soviet-invasion-of-Europe scenario. It was one of my absolute favorite books when I was younger, and it had a scene where the generals are sitting together in a traditional steam room, and one of them gets up to pour a fresh stream of water over the heated rocks before he begins discussing important matters, knowing the hiss of steam will defeat any audio bugs. Same scene, different setting. Oh, except for the fact that none of the Soviet generals ever had sex with each other. I hope.
--------------------------------[04:04:04] Tom Thumb > for a nut case you rawk |
Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.11.28 23:55:00 -
[29]
The table is an odd note, but seemed to emphasize the weight given to tradition and formality. Least thats what it seemed like to me. Will be digging up those critiques soon btw, been busy.
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Silver Night
Director -Production and Science
Drink Starsi!
Join 'The Summit' in game RP channel. |
Herko Kerghans
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Posted - 2005.11.29 04:31:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Asestorian
...some seriously good stuff...
Heyya, thanks! That is one really encouraging comment! Originally by: Niko
Ah well, I'm loving this so far
Originally by: Niko
The only thing that particularly bothered me was some of the artwork...they felt out of sync with the feeling of the story.
*nods* Point taken.
What about the cover art, btw? Originally by: Niko
Another thing that caught my eye was the wooden table on page 31. After going through such lengths to describe how we Caldari are so overwhelmingly practical that we would rather have six floors than a ceiling and four walls, wood seems out of place.
Hum... yup, that is one very interesting piece of feedback... Quote:
The table is an odd note, but seemed to emphasize the weight given to tradition and formality.
Yes, it was there to emphasize tradition... but it is clear that it also stands out... an idea to explore... *thinks* Quote:
been busy.
That is all of us, then!
We got some RL issues and we'll have to push chapter #3 a few days, for as early next week as possible. Sorry for missing the promised schedule.
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Barriers - an EVE novel |
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