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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
1
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Posted - 2013.06.18 21:59:00 -
[1] - Quote
I am looking for a good laugh. What are some of the funniest noob questions (real or not real) you've ever heard?
aka the classic "my ship just exploded and I'm an egg now, did i just level up?"
"Why have I been approaching the gate for hours and still 60 au away?" |
amin Kion
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
0
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:07:00 -
[2] - Quote
 looking for a laugh at someone elses expense,is what you meant to say. |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
1
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:10:00 -
[3] - Quote
amin Kion wrote:looking for a laugh at someone elses expense,is what you meant to say.
Yes. Exactly that. That is what the majority of EVE encompasses isn't it? |
Vortexo VonBrenner
Coldest Sea Sailing
465
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:14:00 -
[4] - Quote
Were you ever a new player OP?
I'm listening to-áBj+¦rk, playing EVE, eating fishsticks, and I'm cold....this is immersion gaming. |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
1
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:21:00 -
[5] - Quote
Vortexo VonBrenner wrote:Were you ever a new player OP?
*Sigh* I'll answer your deliberately leading question. Yes a long time ago. I'm sure I asked my fair share of them. So what? Don't know why it has to be taken personally. No one is making fun of them, I'm laughing at the question asked. I don't know why people have to get defensive because some questions happen to be funny. That doesn't make the question stupid because it is funny for one reason or another, they obviously want to know something. I'm sure everyone has laughed at there share of failfits involving hull repps or whatever, is there a difference? |
Ruze
Next Stage Initiative
Trans-Stellar Industries
367
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:25:00 -
[6] - Quote
Seriously:
How do I save my game?
If you're driven to threaten others with harm or violence because of what they do in game, you can't separate fantasy from reality. That "griefer/thief" is probably more sane than you are. How screwed up is that? |
Gallowmere Rorschach
Alpha Strategy
The Unthinkables
147
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Posted - 2013.06.18 22:26:00 -
[7] - Quote
/sigh Start a thread for fun, gets turned into self-righteous attempts at guilt tripping.
Best one I've seen so far OP, during an op, the FC called for everyone to align to the sun when someone in comms says "dude, where's the f*cking sun? I don't see it in my overview." |
Vrenth
Nergal Tech
Fatal Ascension
0
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Posted - 2013.06.18 23:59:00 -
[8] - Quote
I just did the math on this. In a interceptor flying at 10km/s, you would arrive at that gate in 76 years. Who wants to break it to him. |
Gallowmere Rorschach
Alpha Strategy
The Unthinkables
158
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Posted - 2013.06.19 00:03:00 -
[9] - Quote
Vrenth wrote:I just did the math on this. In a interceptor flying at 10km/s, you would arrive at that gate in 76 years. Who wants to break it to him.
That's not counting for daily downtime, or extended downtime for patches either. Every little bit counts when you are slowboating across a solar system. |
Doc Fury
Furious Enterprises
2520
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Posted - 2013.06.19 00:03:00 -
[10] - Quote
"Is there a skill for taming NPCs?"
followed by:
"Why not?"
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the ho's and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' and I'll look down, and whisper 'Hodor'. |
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Liam Inkuras
Chaotic Tranquility
Casoff
308
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Posted - 2013.06.19 01:17:00 -
[11] - Quote
"My ship just blew up, how do I get it back?"
Then:
"What do you mean I'm not given my ship back?!?!?!"
I wear my goggles at night.
Any spelling/grammatical errors come complimentary with my typing on a phone |
Vortexo VonBrenner
Coldest Sea Sailing
465
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Posted - 2013.06.19 02:30:00 -
[12] - Quote
OP. I thought you were wanting to make fun of new players. I was wrong. I a....ap...ap...apologise. (*whew*)
I'm listening to-áBj+¦rk, playing EVE, eating fishsticks, and I'm cold....this is immersion gaming. |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
4
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Posted - 2013.06.19 02:39:00 -
[13] - Quote
Vortexo VonBrenner wrote:OP. I thought you were wanting to make fun of new players. I was wrong. I a....ap...ap...apologise. (*whew*)
Its alright. Actually I enjoy helping new players out. But they say the darndest things sometimes. |
Hevymetal
POT Corp
Semper Ardens Alliance
67
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Posted - 2013.06.19 02:56:00 -
[14] - Quote
Can anyone here in local help me out with a mission?
(While being asked in a .4 system)
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ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
Late Night Alliance
2660
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Posted - 2013.06.19 03:37:00 -
[15] - Quote
Back when Titans had their old Area of Effect doomsdays...
*I jump into system with fleet*
FC: Alright everyone... set up the camp here at (null-sec gate)!!
Random: CYNO!!!
*BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!*
*BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!*
FC: Two Titans in! Scatter!!
Me:  Oooooo... they're so... BIG... 
FC: Scatter you nub!!
Me: Hey... why are they glowing like tha--
*POOF**splat*
Change isn't bad, but it isn't always good. Sometimes, the oldest and most simple of things can be the most elegant and effective. |
Jake Warbird
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
2942
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Posted - 2013.06.19 03:40:00 -
[16] - Quote
'Hey I just saw a bright blue flash and now I'm in station. Did I just level up?'
Stolen from someone's bio. |
La Rena
Snow Fox Inc.
10
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Posted - 2013.06.19 04:30:00 -
[17] - Quote
Heard this in local some odd years back;
nub: how do i put explosive charges into railguns
other player 1: charges? you need hybrid ammo for rails
nub: but isnt hybrid ammo is used for blasters
Other player 2: *explains to nub how the ammo system works in eve along how to load the proper ammo into his guns*
other player 1: thx for the lecture, you still suck ****
nub: now how do i get into contact with a gm
me: press the ctrl key followed by the q key to bring up the menu to get into quick contact with a gm for the verge vender server
nub: thanks *quits current session*
other player 2: nice, never thought i would see someone pull that one out of their a**
me: ;) wanna see some concordokken if nub comes back
local: |
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ISD Gallifreyan
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
182
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Posted - 2013.06.19 05:01:00 -
[18] - Quote
I have no stories to add here. I'm sure I asked a few doozies when I was new.
I will suggest anyone posting here be carefull not to post chat logs, or bash new players.
So far everyone has been repectfull of the rules.
Thank you.
ISD Gallifreyan
Lieutenant
Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)
Interstellar Services Department |
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Peter Raptor
THE AESIR.
Get in the Van.
521
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Posted - 2013.06.19 05:19:00 -
[19] - Quote
I don't recall funny noob questions, but i did commit a "noob" mistake once; was deep in null sec and wanted to quickly get to hisec, so decided to self destruct.........only later did I realise I hadn't upgraded my clone..........about 10 days worth of training gone in 60 seconds (approx) 
Evelopedia;-á
The Amarr Empire, is known for its omnipresent religion -áGÇá-á-á |
Cat Troll
Systems Federation
Coalition of Galactic Unity
313
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Posted - 2013.06.19 05:40:00 -
[20] - Quote
I remember going into a level 4 with my CEO.
Mind you I was a total nub, I was in an Incursus, he was supposed to get all the agro and then I come in and take care of frigates.
Problem is that I forgot the part where he is supposed to get all the agro, I got through a gate without my CEO and before my computer could even react... splat.
I would also stop while fighting people because I thought that makes it easier to hit them.
Lolwut:
"Yes, you kids don't know how lucky you have it. These days noobs get given free tackle ships for PvP but back in the old days the only tackle ships we were given were our pods. We had to use them to bump their rookie ships out of alignment to stop them warping off." |
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bbb2020
Carebears with Attitude
60
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Posted - 2013.06.19 06:20:00 -
[21] - Quote
Here you go: http://omgrawr.net/
The official Eve Online make fun of noobs quote site
|
Yummy Chocolate
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
275
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Posted - 2013.06.19 06:54:00 -
[22] - Quote
DauntlessK wrote:"there was a flash of light and my ship turned into what looks like an egg, did i just level up?"
fixed. |
Nihi Lismus
Chaos From Order
Manifest Destiny.
157
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Posted - 2013.06.19 08:15:00 -
[23] - Quote
from a local chat, in a random starter system:
wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadsssssdddddwwwwaaaassssswswhy my ship doesn't move? |
Muad 'dib
The Imperial Fedaykin
Amarrian Commandos
1135
|
Posted - 2013.06.19 08:28:00 -
[24] - Quote
dont know but the question but the answer was "it is an amarr fighter used by carriers"
Cosmic signature detected. . . .
http://i.imgur.com/Z7NfIS6.jpg
I got 99 likes, and this post aint one.
|
Nariya Kentaya
Exclusion Cartel
The Kadeshi
624
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Posted - 2013.06.19 09:07:00 -
[25] - Quote
Huh, cant think of any noob questions, not even of my own, since i kinda just jumped into EVE and never asked for help...
but there was one time where i actually asked how much money i could make in a week just repeatedly dokig deleting and redocking for noob ships and trit, and was actually amazed at how much it sounded like i could make.
i was a noob, and a kid, i was impressed by anything longer than 5 digits. |
Ace Menda
Phoibe Enterprises
70
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Posted - 2013.06.19 09:25:00 -
[26] - Quote
My personal favorite:
What should I do?
Followed by:
Where is the storyline quest system?
Are you in need of some nice chat? Are you new and want some help? Look no further and join: Crazy Dutch Guy |
Ruze
Next Stage Initiative
Trans-Stellar Industries
375
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Posted - 2013.06.19 11:46:00 -
[27] - Quote
Noob: Why does everyone keep telling me this game is huge? There's only like 100 people around me.
Vet: Hit F10, give it a minute to load, and you'll see.
Noob: What ... um ... what am I looking at?
Vet: See each one of those lights? That's another star system just like the one your in.
Noob: Oh, my ...
Silence
Noob: Now what do I do?
If you're driven to threaten others with harm or violence because of what they do in game, you can't separate fantasy from reality. That "griefer/thief" is probably more sane than you are. How screwed up is that? |
Jove Death
Jovian Vengeance
1
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Posted - 2013.06.19 11:53:00 -
[28] - Quote
Hmm not sure this is a noob question
BUT......
After recent patch Pretty much all i heard was
How do i get into space as the undock button has gone.
Thats for vets and noobs |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
13
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Posted - 2013.06.19 15:09:00 -
[29] - Quote
Thank you for this! |
Khergit Deserters
1223
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Posted - 2013.06.19 15:13:00 -
[30] - Quote
[Outside high sec station]
Upper level beginner player: "Oh crap, I just accidentally targetted the station!"
Noob (me): "Is it possible to blow it up?" |
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Dachhan
Pnex Pwn Squad
0
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Posted - 2013.06.19 17:01:00 -
[31] - Quote
ShahFluffers wrote:Back when Titans had their old Area of Effect doomsdays...
*I jump into system with fleet* FC: Alright everyone... set up the camp here at (null-sec gate)!! Random: CYNO!!! *BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!* *BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!* FC: Two Titans in! Scatter!! Me: Oooooo... they're so... BIG... FC: Scatter you nub!! Me: Hey... why are they glowing like tha-- *POOF**splat*
This is why I love eve.. Awesome man |
Dachhan
Pnex Pwn Squad
0
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Posted - 2013.06.19 17:08:00 -
[32] - Quote
Yes.. this is great stuff. |
Muad 'dib
The Imperial Fedaykin
Amarrian Commandos
1139
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Posted - 2013.06.19 17:16:00 -
[33] - Quote
yey immortalized in omgrawr forever! \o/
Cosmic signature detected. . . .
http://i.imgur.com/Z7NfIS6.jpg
I got 99 likes, and this post aint one.
|
Are deth
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
0
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Posted - 2013.06.19 19:54:00 -
[34] - Quote
You sir are awesome! Thank you for the link. |
K'hanesh Lor'al
The Golden Knights
EDEN Alliance
13
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Posted - 2013.06.19 21:31:00 -
[35] - Quote
Noob questions are funny, but Vet questions are even funnier.
About 6 months into me playing, myself and our former CEO and some noobs were running some lvl 4's, and I explained to our noobs about locking multiple targets at one.
Noob1: "Oh! I get it, thanks!"
Noob2: "How many ships can you lock at once?"
Me: "Depends on several different skills, the hull of the ship, and a few select mods."
CEO: "Khan!?! WTF you talking about!?!? Stop talking **** to the recruits! Show me a ship that can lock more than 7 targets at once, Jeez!"
*awkward silence*
Me: *links Paladin*
*awkward silence*
CEO: "Oh."
Funnier because he was an 07 player. |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
16
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Posted - 2013.06.19 21:41:00 -
[36] - Quote
Not exactly a noob question but I forgot about this until reading over some hilarious quotes on omgrawr.
(local chat)
Explorer guy > Want a location for a small gravy site?
random local dude > sausage or brown?
random local dude > are biscuits involved? |
Rath Kelbore
The Six-Pack Syndicate
Hashashin Cartel
384
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Posted - 2013.06.19 23:24:00 -
[37] - Quote
Cat Troll wrote:I remember going into a level 4 with my CEO.
Mind you I was a total nub, I was in an Incursus, he was supposed to get all the agro and then I come in and take care of frigates.
Problem is that I forgot the part where he is supposed to get all the agro, I got through a gate without my CEO and before my computer could even react... splat.
I would also stop while fighting people because I thought that makes it easier to hit them.
That last part isn't necessarily incorrect.
I plan on living forever.......so far, so good. |
ShadowFire15
Legio Geminatus
Gentlemen's Agreement
83
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Posted - 2013.06.19 23:33:00 -
[38] - Quote
saw this in a help chat waaaay back. thought it was funny.
"Guys...... I swear I saw an Orca give birth to a hulk.... There was one player name for the orca, and then another name appeared for the hulk..... I'm just not sure how one does that..."
Stan Smith
had a snow storm over weekend guy was shoveling snow outside, so i shot him and mined the snow myself. concord never showed up. on an unrelated note, i have a court date next tuesday |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
16
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Posted - 2013.06.20 00:11:00 -
[39] - Quote
Here's a few gems:
On warping into his first mission:
noob> What are all these red crosses? Are those health packs I can pick up?
noob2> Can someone tell me how to cancel a self destruct in the next 10 seconds please?
noob3> Where can I find epic items in this game?? |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
16
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Posted - 2013.06.20 00:14:00 -
[40] - Quote
noob> npcs are talking to me in local
noob> in green font ??
noob> is that normal ? |
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DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
21
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Posted - 2013.06.21 22:38:00 -
[41] - Quote
noob> There are tons of red crosses in my mission, but the healthpacks won't heal me when I run over them. Is my game broken? |
Rhapsodae
Bedlam Escapees
Silent Requiem
35
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Posted - 2013.06.21 22:48:00 -
[42] - Quote
"my guildmaster told me the questgivers where here, but i dont see any question marks"
I seriously enjoy this thread, keep them comming and i might end up getting some on Jitters 4-4
Jitters 4-4: Eve Online Comic. |
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
4690
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:27:00 -
[43] - Quote
Is there a better ship than the Catalyst? My lazers dont seem to reach very far.
Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings? |
Minmatar Citizen160812
The LGBT Last Supper
288
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:33:00 -
[44] - Quote
Not much of a question but very interesting:
(after being asked if he ate paint chips as a kid)
Nub > no i ate me hair to help the connectivity in my brain by ripping out my hair im now schizophrenic it a real disorder but not nearly as bad as your blue anal waffles !!
|
Kiarra Steele
SYNDAX CORPORATION
Yulai Federation
0
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:34:00 -
[45] - Quote
I cant think of any new ones but all of this thread has me cackling like a paedo at a boy scouts meeting. |
Caldari Citizen 20120308
State War Academy
Caldari State
20
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:35:00 -
[46] - Quote
I'm not going to lie, when i started I was wondering how people were able to fly to a stargate at 0. I would always autopilot to a stargate b/c for some reason I thought I would get "lost" in space haha. My question, "how do you warp to a stargate at 0" lol
That's of course like my second day playing. |
Nexus Day
Lustrevik Trade and Travel Bureau
659
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:45:00 -
[47] - Quote
"Do you think EvE will ever have Pandas?"
This thread has so much content it may be 'Thread of the Year' and it is only January.
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Arch Stanton's Neighbour
Forceful Resource Acquisition Inc
47
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:55:00 -
[48] - Quote
Quote:Just a quick question. There seems to be numbers at the bottom on my screen that appear to go up randomly. They don't seem special, white text, normal font, just numbers sitting there going up every now and then.
Do I have a reason to be worried or is it a glitch?
from here |
Kusum Fawn
State War Academy
Caldari State
337
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Posted - 2013.06.21 23:55:00 -
[49] - Quote
is a pod good for mining,
i have this thing that i want to put on my ship but i cant cause it says not enough cpu is a Modulated Strip Miner II good for a incursis?
Its not possible to please all the people all the time, but it sure as hell is possible to Displease all the people, most of the time.
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Mytai Gengod
Sebees
26
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Posted - 2013.06.22 00:49:00 -
[50] - Quote
Looking back on my own question from 4 months ago is pretty funny:
Why aren't wasd working? |
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DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
24
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Posted - 2013.06.22 00:54:00 -
[51] - Quote
Mytai Gengod wrote:Looking back on my own question from 4 months ago is pretty funny:
Why aren't wasd working?
Ah yes! The classic WASD question! I completely forgot about that! Thank you! |
DauntlessK
Research Industry Mining and Support
Gatekeepers Universe
24
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Posted - 2013.06.22 02:40:00 -
[52] - Quote
How do i change my ships color? |
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