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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
406
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Posted - 2013.09.20 15:04:00 -
[1] - Quote
News reaches Gutter Press that the Gallente Navy thwarted a plan by a capsuleer to vandalise a moon!
The act of cosmic vandalism, was intended to carve a diagram of a male organ onto the surface of a moon, facing the planet which the capsuleer's ex-spouse lived on!
Relations between the two had soured, eventually ending in divorce, after alleged infidelity, involving a different capsuleer with genetic sculpting to be a lookalike!
The vandalism plan involved thousands of moon-mining arrays, which the Gallente Navy intercepted, as the capsuleer was in the process of attempting to deploy them, in defiance of CONCORD legislation involving moon mining!
The moon remains in a pristine state, untouched by human hands or mining equipment.
A University of Caille social studies professor said, in response to this and other incidents, that there was a downwards trend in the number of capsuleers involved in divorce proceedings, with a 33% decline in the number of capsuleers alleged to have been an adulterous third party.
It is speculated that the ongoing militia wars have reduced the appeal of capsuleers as potential partners in illicit affairs, due to the unpopularity of the wars with many sectors of civil society.
It is not yet known if planetary mercenaries will similarly find their fame and celebrity status leads to becoming involved in illicit affairs with adoring fans.
Gutter Press, bringing you the news you never thought you'd hear. Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours! |
Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
87
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Posted - 2013.09.20 15:19:00 -
[2] - Quote
Muck Raker wrote: ...It is speculated that the ongoing militia wars have reduced the appeal of capsuleers as potential partners in illicit affairs, due to the unpopularity of the wars with many sectors of civil society...
Well, ****.
There goes half of my fun... >.< |
Constantin Baracca
99
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Posted - 2013.09.20 16:36:00 -
[3] - Quote
Isis Dea wrote:Muck Raker wrote: ...It is speculated that the ongoing militia wars have reduced the appeal of capsuleers as potential partners in illicit affairs, due to the unpopularity of the wars with many sectors of civil society...
Well, ****. There goes half of my fun... >.<
Oh come now, dear, that only means we'll have to make do having illicit affairs with each other. There are plenty of marginally unstable capsuleers looking for that last straw in a relationship to really drop off the edge of reality.
It's a bit like roulette. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Constantin Baracca
99
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Posted - 2013.09.20 16:38:00 -
[4] - Quote
Muck Raker wrote: The act of cosmic vandalism, was intended to carve a diagram of a male organ onto the surface of a moon, facing the planet which the capsuleer's ex-spouse lived on!
You never know, maybe the capsuleer in question mistakenly thought that particular act of vandalism would be covered under the exception clause covering Erections for the Purposes of Communication. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
87
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Posted - 2013.09.20 16:57:00 -
[5] - Quote
Constantin Baracca wrote:Isis Dea wrote:Muck Raker wrote: ...It is speculated that the ongoing militia wars have reduced the appeal of capsuleers as potential partners in illicit affairs, due to the unpopularity of the wars with many sectors of civil society...
Well, ****. There goes half of my fun... >.< Oh come now, dear, that only means we'll have to make do having illicit affairs with each other. There are plenty of marginally unstable capsuleers looking for that last straw in a relationship to really drop off the edge of reality. It's a bit like roulette.
I got this strange image of that somehow ending up with me collared, tied down, draped in scented oils, and bathing in the fine glow of candlelight as distant choirs resound through distant halls ... wherever this must be.
But you know I bite, and there is a black glow of raw feral hatred in my gaze. Even the smell of you provokes a carnal fire within my movements. Yet feral purrs or snarls are also not likely enticing to your fine ears... I'm sure it won't be long before I'm gagged.
My, the thought is actually quite enticing... Something about that collar almost provokes blissful dreams of being put in my place, by anyone or anything subject to my master's (or mistress's) wishes.
And then I remember that collar had a Vitoc injector embedded in it...
There goes all the blissful moments to rot swirling within the black ichor of your ultimate control card.
A real shame really... I think slavery wouldn't be so bad without it. |
Constantin Baracca
100
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Posted - 2013.09.20 17:27:00 -
[6] - Quote
Isis Dea wrote:Constantin Baracca wrote:Isis Dea wrote:Muck Raker wrote: ...It is speculated that the ongoing militia wars have reduced the appeal of capsuleers as potential partners in illicit affairs, due to the unpopularity of the wars with many sectors of civil society...
Well, ****. There goes half of my fun... >.< Oh come now, dear, that only means we'll have to make do having illicit affairs with each other. There are plenty of marginally unstable capsuleers looking for that last straw in a relationship to really drop off the edge of reality. It's a bit like roulette. I got this strange image of that somehow ending up with me collared, tied down, draped in scented oils, and bathing in the fine glow of candlelight as echo of choirs resound through distant halls ... wherever this must be. But you know I bite, and there is a black glow of raw feral hatred in my gaze. Even the smell of you provokes a carnal fire within my movements. Yet feral purrs or snarls are also not likely enticing to your ears... I'm sure it won't be long before I'm gagged. My, the thought is actually quite enticing... Something about that collar almost provokes blissful dreams of being put in my place, by anyone or anything subject to my master's (or mistress's) wishes. And then I remember that collar had a Vitoc injector embedded in it... There goes all the blissful moments to rot swirling within the black ichor of your ultimate control card. A real shame really... I think slavery wouldn't be so bad without it.
Well, in that case, you should really drop by my penthouse on Amarr Prime. My family has always called Vitoxin and Vitoc a terrible diversion from our purposes.
In any case, there are chemicals in your brain right now that make Vitoc feel like a cup of coffee.
Perhaps I can tie you down and explain the repeated Amarrian metaphor of the Second Coming? "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
87
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Posted - 2013.09.20 17:44:00 -
[7] - Quote
@Constantin
Nice touch.
See you in space, Bishop. Or who knows where else. ;3 |
Constantin Baracca
101
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Posted - 2013.09.20 18:22:00 -
[8] - Quote
Isis Dea wrote:@Constantin
Nice touch.
See you in space, Bishop. Or who knows where else. ;3
If I am fortunate enough to be so blessed, dear. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Makoto Priano
Priano Trans-Stellar State Services Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
4771
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Posted - 2013.09.20 18:24:00 -
[9] - Quote
Ah, the capsuleers, into death and sex in a night-time holo sort of way.
...
I'll admit, I wish I looked nearly as smashing as that comedian in sequins. |
Shintoko Akahoshi
The Synenose Accord Celestial Imperative
407
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Posted - 2013.09.20 18:47:00 -
[10] - Quote
And this is why the Federation must be destroyed!
Oh, man. I couldn't resist... Bio and writing
(Nothing I say is indicative of corporate policy unless otherwise stated) |
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Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
87
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Posted - 2013.09.20 18:49:00 -
[11] - Quote
Shintoko Akahoshi wrote:And this is why the Federation must be destroyed!
Oh, man. I couldn't resist...
One simply cannot hit "Like" enough... |
Anslo
The Scope Gallente Federation
2754
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Posted - 2013.09.20 18:55:00 -
[12] - Quote
Thread started akward. Ended hilariously. Left satisfied, if not a little confused.
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Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
89
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Posted - 2013.09.20 19:09:00 -
[13] - Quote
Next week's Gutter Press headline: Sex Scandals on multiple warfronts, Federation collapse imminent! |
Constantin Baracca
102
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Posted - 2013.09.20 19:14:00 -
[14] - Quote
Makoto Priano wrote:Ah, the capsuleers, into death and sex in a night-time holo sort of way.
...
I'll admit, I wish I looked nearly as smashing as that comedian in sequins.
In our own ways, we're all just trying to unload the largest cannons we can manage. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Denak Calamari
Intaki Liberation Front Intaki Prosperity Initiative
111
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Posted - 2013.09.20 20:13:00 -
[15] - Quote
Next thing we know someone decides to make a prank by mining the sun until its nuclear fusion fuel runs out. Immortality is overrated.
Member of the Intaki Liberation Front and the writer of a CCP Mintchip supported blog! clonesoldier.blogspot.com |
Podre Solette
Federal Navy Academy Gallente Federation
7
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Posted - 2013.09.20 23:12:00 -
[16] - Quote
This gives me an idea, lets steal an Imperial Navy Apocalypse and use it to carve a giant image of a vagina into the face of Caldari Prime, then blame it on the Amarrians, whos with me? |
Anabella Rella
Gradient Electus Matari
1044
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Posted - 2013.09.20 23:35:00 -
[17] - Quote
This certainly deteriorated quickly. I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused. |
Pieter Tuulinen
Pyre Falcon Defence Cadre XV-01A Pyre Falcon Defence Combine
1733
|
Posted - 2013.09.20 23:52:00 -
[18] - Quote
Podre Solette wrote:This gives me an idea, lets steal an Imperial Navy Apocalypse and use it to carve a giant image of a vagina into the face of Caldari Prime, then blame it on the Amarrians, whos with me?
I've always wondered EXACTLY what it would take to crack the crystal boulevard. Who's with me?
For science. |
Constantin Baracca
103
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 00:06:00 -
[19] - Quote
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:Podre Solette wrote:This gives me an idea, lets steal an Imperial Navy Apocalypse and use it to carve a giant image of a vagina into the face of Caldari Prime, then blame it on the Amarrians, whos with me? I've always wondered EXACTLY what it would take to crack the crystal boulevard. Who's with me? For science.
As if our ship design wasn't phallic enough on its own.... "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Podre Solette
Federal Navy Academy Gallente Federation
7
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Posted - 2013.09.21 02:36:00 -
[20] - Quote
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:Podre Solette wrote:This gives me an idea, lets steal an Imperial Navy Apocalypse and use it to carve a giant image of a vagina into the face of Caldari Prime, then blame it on the Amarrians, whos with me? I've always wondered EXACTLY what it would take to crack the crystal boulevard. Who's with me? For science. I mention a relatively harmless prank of burning an image from orbit into an uninhabited field on Caldari Prime, he responds with a major terrorist attack on a densely populated civilian sector.
You sir are a very bad person and in need of a hug from your mother. |
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Pieter Tuulinen
Pyre Falcon Defence Cadre XV-01A Pyre Falcon Defence Combine
1733
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 03:33:00 -
[21] - Quote
I'm tubeborn, you dolt. |
Podre Solette
Federal Navy Academy Gallente Federation
7
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 03:44:00 -
[22] - Quote
Pieter Tuulinen wrote:I'm tubeborn, you dolt. Well than go ask a State geneticist for a hug.
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Scherezad
Lai Dai Research Spacelane Security
1159
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 03:51:00 -
[23] - Quote
Free hugs! Limited time offer! |
Eran Mintor
Esoteric Philosophy
137
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 04:26:00 -
[24] - Quote
Scherezad wrote:Free hugs! Limited time offer!
What's the catch?
-Eran |
Scherezad
Lai Dai Research Spacelane Security
1160
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 04:52:00 -
[25] - Quote
Eran Mintor wrote:Scherezad wrote:Free hugs! Limited time offer! What's the catch? -Eran
Sometimes there is no catch. |
Veikitamo Gesakaarin
Pyre Falcon Defence and Security Pyre Falcon Defence Combine
737
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 04:59:00 -
[26] - Quote
Podre Solette wrote:Pieter Tuulinen wrote:I'm tubeborn, you dolt. Well than go ask a State geneticist for a hug.
Real Civire men don't hug. They headbutt.
Failing that, stroking each others beards.
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Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
95
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 06:28:00 -
[27] - Quote
And real Civire women? o.o |
Veikitamo Gesakaarin
Pyre Falcon Defence and Security Pyre Falcon Defence Combine
737
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 06:39:00 -
[28] - Quote
Real Civire women still headbutt, except they have mustaches and not full beards. |
Constantin Baracca
103
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 06:40:00 -
[29] - Quote
Isis Dea wrote:And real Civire women? o.o
Prefer vodka to chardonnay. "What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"
-Matthew 16:26 |
Isis Dea
Combat Cruise Control
95
|
Posted - 2013.09.21 06:46:00 -
[30] - Quote
Constantin Baracca wrote:Isis Dea wrote:And real Civire women? o.o Prefer vodka to chardonnay.
Well.. then........... *hides her bottle of champagne*
Scherezad wrote:Eran Mintor wrote:Scherezad wrote:Free hugs! Limited time offer! What's the catch? -Eran Sometimes there is no catch.
*would totally catch Scherezad* :3 |
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