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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 6 post(s) |
Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.13 03:27:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Benilopax on 13/02/2006 03:28:18
I needed to say this to all of you as it helps me sort myself out. I wanted this to be in general chat as most of my friends are here. Today i tried to destroy my own corp. I stole everything and locked everyone out of the pos' we had. This is the mail i sent explaining why:
As you all know i have been quite sick since christmas the medication i have to take causes me confusion depression and paranoia. I struggled through this and tried to
continue as CEO.
*deleted* kept picking at my actions until i couldn't stand him anymore. Aswell as my paranoia causing me to think *deleted* was trying to take the corp from me through *deleted*. When
i saw *deleted* demand the vote take place in game i realised he had a bulk of the shares. I paniced and ran for it thinking that i was being forced out.
During today I have been feeling guilt and fear that one of you will find me out of game, all due to the drugs, and even now im scared that you will find me. The pills have
caused more problems than they prevented. I am seeing the doctor on wednesday and im going to get help.
If i am right and you did plan to get rid of me my heart is broken. I need help i can admit that. I have returned everything and now i don't know what to do.
I'm sorry i have struggled with this trying to be normal and pretend i was fine but something is wrong with me.
I felt bullied by some corp members and felt stupid. Some of you have still tried to speak kindly to me I thank you.
And now i will take my ship to alpa and face my punishment................. I'm sorry everyone.
This game is a powerfull thing people say it's just a game but it can suck you in so much things like this happen.
Yet i do love it so much.
I'm on the road to getting better and i hope i can return to you all soon.
Thanks
Benilopax.
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.13 03:31:00 -
[2]
Thankyou it's all part of the healing process i needed to say this i needed to admit this problem.
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.13 14:27:00 -
[3]
Thank you all for your kind words. Just to clarify the pills were for a stomach ulser/ rupture. They were intended to lower my acid levels. However the side effects were more severe in my case.
As for EVE I do have trouble getting throuh the day without playing it but thats really because being a student I don't have anything else to do all day. 
I use eve as an escape im sure alot of you do the same. However when the game begins to give you problems aswell it finally hits home theres something up. I suggest you all stop for a moment and think.... should I be playing it as much as I am?
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.15 15:18:00 -
[4]
I can honestly say that when i saw a gold bar next to this thread I felt a lump in my throat. So many of you have wished me well and I thank you all for it.
Unfortunately my corp did not agree that i should remain and i was kicked while i was at home making some decisions. I don't blame them for this action it was their choice and i remain loyal to them and consider them friends.
So what has happened....
Well on monday I decided that I had taken all I could from life at UNI and wen't home. A surprise to my housemates and family I can assure you. After two days talking and thinking things over I decided to return to face what I was up against. I wen't to the doctor and he prescribed a new medication in order to stop the side effects while keeping my stomach healthy.
He also advised that I needed to stop and rest and get myself sorted. To that end I have decided that I need a break from stress and will quit my uni course for the year and pick it up again in september, to repeat the second year. This gives me a six month "vacation" in which to get better and also relax and maybe see some of the world before returning to start again.
On the eve front im gonna ease off gently the shock of just leaving was hard. I may stick with some light admin duties in my alliance or just stay in scope and do my own thing. However leadership and politics is definatly out. 
Be assured I will return eventually. As I know in my heart that this game is on the brink of greatness. And im proud to say that I help build it like each and every one of you did aswell.
Thats all for now.
Goodnight and Goodluck
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.15 16:23:00 -
[5]
 Originally by: Debolika
Whoa there buddy, don't go off on some half-ass tirade because people like me have a 'mental toolbox' that is able to sort OUR issues out without drugs and the like...
You are right about one thing, people who deal with the not-so-kind aspects of life in a way that doesn't force them into a depressive state, don't understand those of you who are weaker in this regard...
I have been to hell and back, taken the worst turns in my life and about screwed myself over into oblivion, yet you don't hear me complaining about my woes... The one thing I would want to hear from you supposed "victims" is to say that those of us that don't have depression are indeed 'stronger'... Any takers?
Just a quick word to this guy. YOU DISGUST ME!
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.15 19:22:00 -
[6]
As you know my alliance kicked me out. But they also banned me so as im hated so much why not put away childish things and become a pirate and attack them all the time.
So I have through Darkon Gatland my slave. "Irony"
I belive letting go and just playing to have fun with pvp is just what I need. So I now say.....
Goodbye FREGE!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!! 
Watch out EVE you just got a new AVON/Tank CEO! 
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.16 02:51:00 -
[7]
Originally by: Conner Aeolus
Edited by: Conner Aeolus on 16/02/2006 02:01:21
lol ben, dont you have people in real life to ***** to instead of posting this bull****?
Yeah well conner are you gonna keep podding corp mates when rl gets you down?
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.16 03:02:00 -
[8]
Ive had a bad day today after returning to my house at my uni city and logging on to find out what had happened to me i got insulted by former friends who just didn't understand what i was going through so i got angry and made a few stupid threads.
I'm sorry but i just lost it for a bit when my good friend threw everything back in my face.
I'm thinking about quitting my character and starting again so i can carry on without abuse. Is that a good idea?
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Benilopax
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Posted - 2006.02.16 04:59:00 -
[9]
Can't handle the abuse and stigma im getting so im quitting eve. Have filed petitions on those who were most unkind on a sensitive subject. Goodbye peeps. Flysafe.
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