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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 10:46:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Hardin on 15/09/2003 10:47:26
 Quote:
It has all the more impact having just read Hardin's recent account of yet another 'love in' with oracle....
the thought of PIE Inc's senior Ni Kunni walking into a Gallente club with biker boots, shinny pvc hotpants glowing lumionusly from within after a hard day's minnie bashing was just too much to take....
OH MY GOOD GOD!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry!
As an upstanding Amarr (just ask Miso!) I had not until now noticed this thread.
To be honest I had wrongly assumed a thread about Caldari/Gallente relations would contain much boring conversation about the tendency of Gallente mother-in-laws to hit on their daughter's new husbands 
I certainly assumed that it would contain nothing to interest a loyal Amarr like me.
I now find that my name has been horribly besmirched and my reputation lies in tatters.
How in all honesty can I continue to post updates on our war with the terrorist Minnies when people are presented with images such as the one above?
I am deeply disturbed by all this.
Let me set the record straight:
I admit I do have what many other Amarr would consider a slightly perverted interest in Gallente women. I think this was due to the fact that my first nurse slave was a particularly attractive Gallente lady and I really enjoyed being 'tucked in' by her every night.
I am aware that this penchant for Gallente wenches is wrong according to our scriptures. However, I am weak and often succumb to these unnatural lusts. I am sure you can all understand that as a religious man this causes me a great deal of guilt.
This is in part why I take such joy in combating the Minmatars on behalf of the Emperor as it makes me feel holy and pure again.
I do however want to make it perfectly clear that I do not have an S&M or leather fetish. Nor do I have glowing, luminous disco balls or frequent Gallente clubs of ill-repute.
Infact, apart from my unnatural liking of Gallente females such as Miso and Daesdemona, I would be a perfectly normal, devilishly handsome and charming Amarr male (as we all are)...
I do admire Miso for her wit and charm but she does sometimes get a little carried away and overly descriptive when in the presence of such a fine figure of Amarrian manhood...
Miso... if you would consider adopting our scriptures and behaving as a respectable Amarr lady I could even go so far as to make you my wife...
This would certainly ease my guilt and would be a great distinction for a Gallente such as yourself.
I am sure that the Inquisition could overlook your Gallente heritage in view of my long service to the Emperor as long as you agreed to adopt our customs and traditions.
Please think on this honour!
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 11:13:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Hardin on 15/09/2003 11:16:55
Edited by: Hardin on 15/09/2003 11:13:59
Tharrn - You do not have to remind me 
Since the Inquisitor Brother Annoing joined our corp red hot tongs have been foremost in my mind.
Miso - it is a very tempting offer however my internal torment and guilt would not allow me true contentment despite the many diversions and to be honest fighting the evhul Minnies is kinda fun atm 
Long Live The Emperor - and all that!
ps. That couldn't have been me Daes saw at the 'Greased Monkey' as I was studying the scriptures that night!
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 11:49:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Hardin on 15/09/2003 11:56:59
Jobe - this is not an area I feel I should really discuss with my corp mates - but as you have brought up the subject I suppose I should explain.
I am an original... Despite my advanced age and numerous clashes with the Minmatar I have not yet activated a single clone.
Despite this I have on occasion had some close calls. Early in my career, before I had even earned my cruiser wings, I was mining some Bistot in my Punisher - A risky business when in 0.0 space.
Unfortunately, after a particularly long day watching my lasers chewing rocks I somehow fell asleep and did not notice a group of pirates warp in.
It was their barrage that woke me and I quickly discovered there was no way I could save my trusty frigate. I dashed for my pod as the alarms sounded and had just reached it and was closing the hatch when an unfortunate richochet caught me in a VERY UNFORUNATE location.
Anyway, to cut a long story short (so to speak) I warped out and then patched myself up as best I could. However such was the damage that I needed some expert help.
I headed straight to Hedion University in Sehmy where I had heard they had been experimenting on some new prosthetics.
Anyway a mere 4 hrs later I came away feeling more than whole again... indeed you could call me the 'bionic' man (well part man anyway)
Some have since suggested that I should have myself killed as my clone would not need such enhancements - but I am proud to be an 'original' and intend to remain one as long as possible.
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 12:28:00 -
[4]
You forgot to mention that it also features a handy death dealing laser for those sticky situations.
My only real complaint is that it does cause me a lot of bother when passing through station security checks.
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 12:42:00 -
[5]
No I don't need a licence -
Probably because no government official would ever really want to examine it!
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 13:13:00 -
[6]
Quote:
I hope there are no kids watching.....
You asked Jobe
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 13:37:00 -
[7]
A good point fair j0sephine...
I will rename my prized Armageddon "Hardin's Disco Balls" this evening... and I shall mount Miso's frozen corpse on the front.
I am sure the Oracle terrorists will be suitably awed!
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 14:48:00 -
[8]
Quote:
Hardin - Did you every imagine that one day your privates would be so big in Eve?
You are clearleh the ace ball promoting person in EVE Miso. Even Ms. Constantspin couldn't do a better job
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 15:07:00 -
[9]
I will have to stop posting here now...
You are diminshing my stature and standing in the Amarrian community with all the 'Greased Monkey' talk.
I have never been in the damn club and therefore have not read the grafitti about Ms. Constantspin (altho I can readily believe it).
I am also upset that you did not give my marriage proposal the respect it deserved 
I am off to whip some Minmatar slaves...maybe that will cheer me up!
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.15 20:55:00 -
[10]
Okay BB - sorry
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Hardin
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Posted - 2003.09.16 08:45:00 -
[11]
*drool*
Only Caldari's?
Conscience: No no Hardin stop it... The scriptures remember?
Oh but it it sounds such fun...
Conscience: Yes but the Inquisition will not be pleased and those hot tongs are painful...
Ah...yes Brother Annoing is so zealous...I sometimes wish I had not be born with these principles
Conscience: Just think of the Emperor and these lustful thoughts will go away. Better yet kill a Minmater!
Oh yes...good idea...that is almost as much fun...
Conscience: Indeed 
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