EVE Search - D.I.Y Sex Toys are bad m'kay?

Check My IP Information

All Channels

Out of Pod Experience

D.I.Y Sex Toys are bad m'kay?

» Click here to find additional results for this topic using Google

Monitor this thread via RSS [?]

Pages: [1] 2 :: one page

Author	Thread Statistics \| Show CCP posts - 0 post(s)
Pepper Solette University of Caille Gallente Federation 354	Posted - 2014.05.06 13:49:00 - [1] - Quote TL:DR Woman nearly gets severely injured from a sex machine and porno studio catches fire. Firstly, i need to give you some background. I'm a firefighter and naturally we get some pretty amazing calls. But in all my years, i have NEVER had something happen that was not only the funniest thing, *but was also caught on camera!* This happened 2 days ago and was the result of a short in the electrical of the studio. Investigators took all available footage from the cameras as well as part of the investigation. This is what happened......... Background: Budget Porno Studio Cast: Blondie: The Actress Sex Machine: Let's call it the Thrust-O-Matic Laughing Boy: Stoned Cameraman. Paranoid Lloyd: Owner According to the statement given, the machine was apparently home built by the studio after searching the internet and getting "how to" instructions. This machine was powerful enough to start a jumbo jet engine and worked in a rotating piston design that worked in 2 ways. 1: The shaft of the unit would continuously spin 360 degrees and 2: It would also push in and out like a piston. It was mounted to an aluminum frame and bolted to the bed frame for stability. There are 2 tripod mounted cameras and the cameraman that has a portable unit. Blondie is hired by the company to do a shoot with the Thrust-O-Matic. We can see her get onto the bed and place looped straps around her arms and legs. These are merely like a leash looped inside that can easily be removed but when you pull against them, they tighten. (This is important information!) Let the fun begin: Blondie is now tied-ish up and Laughing Boy starts the machine and grabs the portable camera to film close-ups. Things are going well for about 2-3 minutes and Blondie is having a great time with Thrust-O-Matic. Laughing Boy then slides the control up speeding up the machine and this is when things start to go wrong........... Now you must understand that everything i am about to type happened in under 3 minutes. Suddenly we see a small blue flash off screen, like a camera flash, and you can hear the machine kick into overdrive. All of a sudden you can clearly see on the face of Blondie that things have taken an unpleasant turn of events and she starts to make more noise. Laughing Boy has the camera and you can see it start to shake as he starts to giggle. The Machine is going for all it's worth and Blondie starts to yell, this only makes Laughing Boy laugh even harder and he can no longer hold the camera upright. Blondie is now trying to get away from the machine pounding into her lady bits and has managed to get her arms out of the loops...................................Now she has managed to get the toy out of her thing but the machine is still going and the dildo on the end is still spinning and pumping. Picture a rotating flailing dildo now slapping the inside thighs and abdomen of this poor woman for a minute..................Laughing boy has dropped the camera and is now on his knees holding his sides and clearly trying to get air in. By now she's howling as Thrust-O-Matic has turned into a torture device. Her arms are free and she's trying to get away but the ankle tethers are now tight as she is pulling against them. She has no other choice at this stage but to arch her back and try and get the dildo away from slapping her. But now her ass is in the air and the dildo is now hitting her cheeks. She's screaming at this stage to "Pull the cord, pull the cord!" but no one is listening, least of all Laughing Boy who is now on his side shaking from laughter. Out of nowhere we hear an alarm go off (Fire Alarm) and another voice screaming "Fire Fire" and that he has to get rid of the drugs! Paranoid Lloyd now comes running onto the scene stage right and sees the calamity before him. A screaming woman, an out of control machine, and a man lying on the floor. The woman is still screaming to "turn this ******* thing off!" and Paranoid Lloyd runs over and pulls out the cord and then leaves suddenly to flush the stash. By now, as Blondie has unlooped her legs, Laughing Boy has rotated to his hands and knees and is about to get up. He is still shaking from laughing. You can see the angry and visible welts on Blondie are pretty epic and she struggles to stand straight as she gets off of the bed. She walks over to Laughing Boy who is still shuddering and kicks him fair in the balls from behind...............this launches Laughing Boy forward and the howl was louder than the fire alarm. Blondie is screaming and kicking Laughing Boy for all she's worth at this stage and you can hear Paranoid Lloyd running around and yelling where are all the drugs. It is a few more minutes before you can hear the fire engine and things start to happen from when we arrive. When we came upon the scene, we had a screaming naked woman hunched over a man balled-up on the ground. She was quite angry and we had to pull her off of him. Smoke was coming from one part of the studio and we found Paranoid Lloyd in the toilets. What a day.
Shalua Rui Rui Freelance Mining 25358	Posted - 2014.05.06 13:59:00 - [2] - Quote ...nope, I'm pretty convinced the message here still is: Drugs are bad, mkay. Ok, and now I'll continue to stare in disbelieve... "ginger forum goddess, space gypsy and stone nibbler extraordinaire!" Shalua Rui - CEO and founder of Rui Freelance Mining (RFLM)
Random McNally Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance 60707	Posted - 2014.05.06 13:59:00 - [3] - Quote This had to have been one of those "mark this day on the calendar" days. Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat
Krixtal Icefluxor INLAND EMPIRE Galactic 110932	Posted - 2014.05.06 14:04:00 - [4] - Quote Wow. (obligatory eve forum snark): Is this the new technique for the "Bonus Room" ? "He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."-á - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882
Aspalis Red Federation RvB - RED Federation 705	Posted - 2014.05.06 14:47:00 - [5] - Quote Ah, I quite enjoyed this tale with a platter of caviar and Dom P+¬rignon. So deliciously decadent and exquisite!
Grimpak Shifting Sands Trader Cartel Bleak Horizon Alliance. 1454	Posted - 2014.05.06 14:53:00 - [6] - Quote no way. this story is too impossible to be a lie [img]http://eve-files.com/sig/grimpak[/img] [quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114782	Posted - 2014.05.06 14:58:00 - [7] - Quote You have won the internet. What happened after? "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate
Sibyyl 720	Posted - 2014.05.06 15:21:00 - [8] - Quote Had to double check that this wasn't the Office Diaries thread.. Take solace knowing that even after the sun sets, and your sky is filled with darkness, that the sun is still shining. -D. Entervention Psychotic Monk joins BNI
Doreen Kaundur 25	Posted - 2014.05.06 15:42:00 - [9] - Quote For all your Freighter-ásize shipping needs, contact Lord Chanlin. Fast, affordable, reliable service. https://gate.eveonline.com/Profile/Lord%20Chanlin
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114782	Posted - 2014.05.06 15:43:00 - [10] - Quote Sibyyl wrote: Had to double check that this wasn't the Office Diaries thread.. UAE is going to make me. But reread that story and replace every mention of the lady as Rhonda the Hutt and the laughing guy as Randy the Pornstar. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate

Unsuccessful At Everything The Troll Bridge 13232	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:05:00 - [11] - Quote You cant see me right now, but im standing and applauding. Well, not right at this moment because im typing this.. BTW, I read this out loud to Section 2.. and because my voice travels and "someone" was on a speaker phone... Sections 3 and 5. OP, thank you for the HR complaint that is clearly incoming, because it was worth it. *Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?*
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114787	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:12:00 - [12] - Quote Unsuccessful At Everything wrote: You cant see me right now, but im standing and applauding. Well, not right at this moment because im typing this.. BTW, I read this out loud to Section 2.. and because my voice travels and "someone" was on a speaker phone... Sections 3 and 5. OP, thank you for the HR complaint that is clearly incoming, because it was worth it. Would this count as player made emergent gameplay? Man EVE is awesome. I also look forwards to the update. keep up the trolling work. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate
Jayem See CTRL-Q Iron Oxide. 2620	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:12:00 - [13] - Quote Beautifully written. That's definitely one for the journal! Couldn't help feel rather sorry for the lady in this - though it sounds like she got her revenge! Aaaaaaand relax.
Pepper Solette University of Caille Gallente Federation 364	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:30:00 - [14] - Quote Unsuccessful At Everything wrote: OP, thank you for the HR complaint that is clearly incoming, because it was worth it. The pleasure is all mine. I enjoyed reading your office posts so much that i figured that i needed to share a few stories myself. We only saw the tape last night after the investigator came out in tears. He hauled us in and made us watch it. Benny Hill music would do it proud. When we walked in it was a sight as i wrote. We really had to haul that poor woman off of the guy. At the time we had no idea what happened but she was clearly pissed and it took a lot of time to find out what had transpired after we got everyone out safely and put the fire out. We had to keep them separated outside as well. Although the guy was truly in no condition to go anywhere. We ended up finding drugs in the toilet, bags of ********* and the paraphernalia that goes with it. The owner was clearly on something stronger as well, but we leave all that to the police. We just make sure they are safe and ok. Thanks for the kind words, i've got more from a while ago, but nothing as good as this. I'll post more now and again if there is any interest.
Random McNally Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance 60726	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:33:00 - [15] - Quote Graygor wrote: Sibyyl wrote: Had to double check that this wasn't the Office Diaries thread.. UAE is going to hate me. But reread that story and replace every mention of the lady as Rhonda the Hutt and the laughing guy as Randy the Pornstar. This was exactly what went through my mind. I did the same thing before you posted this, Gray. Great minds think alike! Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114790	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:35:00 - [16] - Quote More! We demand it! Between this, the Office Diaries, the Grr thread and LAGL im pretty good now for quality reads. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate
Aspalis Red Federation RvB - RED Federation 711	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:36:00 - [17] - Quote Random McNally wrote: Graygor wrote: Sibyyl wrote: Had to double check that this wasn't the Office Diaries thread.. UAE is going to hate me. But reread that story and replace every mention of the lady as Rhonda the Hutt and the laughing guy as Randy the Pornstar. This was exactly what went through my mind. I did the same thing before you posted this, Gray. Great minds think alike! Still, getting something like this for your mrs. wouldn't be a bad idea. At least she wouldn't miss out on not having the kids home.
Mizhir Euphoria Released Triumvirate. 61459	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:39:00 - [18] - Quote This is just insane. Poor blondie. One Man Crew - Collective solo pvp
Random McNally Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance 60727	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:40:00 - [19] - Quote Aspalis wrote: Random McNally wrote: Graygor wrote: Sibyyl wrote: Had to double check that this wasn't the Office Diaries thread.. UAE is going to hate me. But reread that story and replace every mention of the lady as Rhonda the Hutt and the laughing guy as Randy the Pornstar. This was exactly what went through my mind. I did the same thing before you posted this, Gray. Great minds think alike! Still, getting something like this for your mrs. wouldn't be a bad idea. At least she wouldn't miss out on not having the kids home. I still have this coming Thursday.... Kids staying after school on that day as well. Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114793	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:42:00 - [20] - Quote Bugger i cant believe no one asked this yet! Just shows how different OOPE is to GD. On a score of 1 to 10 where do you rate Blondie? There. The balance of the internet is restored. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate

Random McNally Rifterlings Point Blank Alliance 60729	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:47:00 - [21] - Quote Graygor wrote: Bugger i cant believe no one asked this yet! Just shows how different OOPE is to GD. On a score of 1 to 10 where do you rate Blondie? There. The balance of the internet is restored. Do you mean "pre-pummeled Blondie"? Co-Host of the High Drag Podcast. http://highdrag.wordpress.com/ Check out the space music at http://minddivided.com In Game Channel HighDragChat
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114802	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:49:00 - [22] - Quote Either / or. It takes all kinds to make a world. But prepummeled Blondie for preference. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate
Unsuccessful At Everything The Troll Bridge 13235	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:49:00 - [23] - Quote Random McNally wrote: Graygor wrote: Bugger i cant believe no one asked this yet! Just shows how different OOPE is to GD. On a score of 1 to 10 where do you rate Blondie? There. The balance of the internet is restored. Do you mean "pre-pummeled Blondie"? No no.. post-pummeled, walking like John Wayne after a horse ride Blondie. *Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?*
Pepper Solette University of Caille Gallente Federation 364	Posted - 2014.05.06 16:50:00 - [24] - Quote Graygor wrote: On a score of 1 to 10 where do you rate Blondie? There. The balance of the internet is restored. A quality question that deserves a proper answer! She was a tasty tasty woman, well.................not covered in welts and screaming like a banshee. But she was certainly noteworthy. Soft, creamy skin............covered in welts. Natural everything if you get my meaning. Downstairs was nicely shaven............and looked as red and angry as Rob Ford after his crack ******* was taken away. I'm sure in real life she's a wonderful person, i guess we just caught her on a bad day.
Graygor 1kB Realty 1kB Galactic 114808	Posted - 2014.05.06 17:01:00 - [25] - Quote You sir just made me laugh out loud and awoke mrs gray. Well played. The Rob Ford refere is a classic. "I think you should buy a new Mayan calendar. Mine has muscle cars on it." --áKenneth O'Hara "I dont think that can happen, you can see Gray has his invuln field on in his portrait." - Commisar Kate
Unsuccessful At Everything The Troll Bridge 13237	Posted - 2014.05.06 17:07:00 - [26] - Quote Pepper Solette wrote: She was a tasty tasty woman, well.................not covered in welts and screaming like a banshee. But she was certainly noteworthy. Soft, creamy skin............covered in welts. Natural everything if you get my meaning. Downstairs was nicely shaven............and looked as red and angry as Rob Ford after his crack ***** was taken away. I just read this out loud in Herbert from Family Guys voice. There aint gonna be any work getting done today. 2 simultaneous spit-takes just took out the reports we just printed. Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?**
Jonah Gravenstein Machiavellian Space Bastards 18222	Posted - 2014.05.06 19:08:00 - [27] - Quote Well played OP, well played indeed. Never go full Ripard
Doc Fury Furious Enterprises 5415	Posted - 2014.05.06 19:17:00 - [28] - Quote Pepper Solette wrote: Background: Budget Porno Studio Cast: Blondie: The Actress Sex Machine: Let's call it the Thrust-O-Matic Laughing Boy: Stoned Cameraman. Paranoid Lloyd: Owner That...was...Awesome! The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the ho's and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' and I'll look down, and whisper 'Hodor'.
Eurydia Vespasian Storm Hunters Disturbed Acquaintance 7952	Posted - 2014.05.06 19:54:00 - [29] - Quote Well...just when I thought I didn't have enough reasons to not get involved in the porno business; this.
Grimpak Shifting Sands Trader Cartel Bleak Horizon Alliance. 1456	Posted - 2014.05.06 19:59:00 - [30] - Quote pete's sake somebody needs to put that movie online. [img]http://eve-files.com/sig/grimpak[/img] [quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right



Pages: [1] 2 :: one page
First page \| Previous page \| Next page \| Last page

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
EVE Online, the EVE logo, EVE and all associated logos and designs are the intellectual property of CCP hf. All artwork, screenshots, characters, vehicles, storylines, world facts or other recognizable features of the intellectual property relating to these trademarks are likewise the intellectual property of CCP hf. EVE Online and the EVE logo are the registered trademarks of CCP hf. All rights are reserved worldwide. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. CCP hf. has granted permission to EVE-Search.com to use EVE Online and all associated logos and designs for promotional and information purposes on its website but does not endorse, and is not in any way affiliated with, EVE-Search.com. CCP is in no way responsible for the content on or functioning of this website, nor can it be liable for any damage arising from the use of this website.