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Vorag
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Posted - 2006.07.17 20:57:00 -
[1]
This seemed like the best place to go since I dont want this to be known amongest my friends at the moment.
Alright so one of my better friends drew, is being stupid and hasnt gotten over a relationship that ended over 3 months ago, and he is slowly bringing everyone else in the group to there breaking point (misery loves company).
anyway last night my Girlfriend has snapped on him as she put it. Now ive known drew for a long time, longer then my girlfriend and I dont want to let him go. but my GF has said that she cant be around him anymore, cant even see him.
Now she pulled out the big weapons with she has fallen for me and loves me, so its ethier her or my friend, now if I dump her im gonna lose a few more friends with her and same goes with drew, so I have this major deleima, and any advice would be much apperiated.
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Verranda
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Posted - 2006.07.17 21:05:00 -
[2]
I fell sorry for you my friend!
I have been in the exact same place before, never got round it.
All I can say for you is, if you dont make up your mind soon, you will end up losing both!
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Kurren
Farscape Mining
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Posted - 2006.07.17 21:31:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Kurren on 17/07/2006 21:34:17
Girls come and go. Good friends are forever. Rule of thumb, pick whoever you've known the longest.
Two, take your friend to a strip club. Nothing cures my alements like a lap dance.
edit - Do not let your "epeen" make your life decisions.
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SobaKai.com
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Baldour Ngarr
Artemis Rising
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Posted - 2006.07.17 21:42:00 -
[4]
If he's being that stupid over a period of 3 months, I'm surprised you even have to ask - or that anyone else is still hanging around him.
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"I tried strip mining, but I lost, and it's cold flying around in space naked." |
Kurren
Farscape Mining
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Posted - 2006.07.18 02:57:00 -
[5]
 Originally by: Baldour Ngarr
If he's being that stupid over a period of 3 months, I'm surprised you even have to ask - or that anyone else is still hanging around him.
You're simply different than he is. Stupid is one thing, the guy's got a broken heart. It took me damn near a year to get over my first love. I stopped acting so rediculous around my friends when they decided to tell me my attitude just wasn't going to work. I could still be self-loathing and all that, but they sort of "forced me" to have a good time when I was around them.
To make a good friend, you must be one. Ditching somebody in their time of need is certainly worse on your part than theirs. I would never shoot my dog because it was sick. That's just me though. Try helping him instead of just looking at him in annoyance and disgust. Tell your girlfriend to **** off, too. Anybody willing to do it to one person is willing to do it to another, and the next could be you... then that might out you in your friend's shoes. Would you want your friends telling to go screw yourself when you needed them most? I didn't think so.
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SobaKai.com
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xeom
Obsidian Sins
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Posted - 2006.07.18 03:22:00 -
[6]
Just hit her with the good ole.
"if ya love me you would accept the choices i make in friends.Im not forcing you to hang out with them."
CCP where are our t2 shield power relays? | Join[..SIN] |
Aloysius Knight
Minmatar
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Posted - 2006.07.18 03:44:00 -
[7]
well you can always stick to "bros before hoes"
or you can try to work it out
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Samirol
Ore Mongers
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Posted - 2006.07.18 07:04:00 -
[8]
i agree with kurren
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Scots Crusader
Minmatar
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Posted - 2006.07.18 09:02:00 -
[9]
IMHO, this is the time that your friend needs you the most. Some people take longer to get over relationships than others and it is unfair on your friend for anyone to place a time limit on how long your hurt should last. if you are any kind of mate, you will not be able to drop him, true mates do not dump friends because they are a bit f****ed up in the head over a woman, they stick by them and get them out of it.
As for your girl.........mmm let me see, she is starting to dictate to you about your friends already????? Any woman that is trying to control you to that extent now, will become a whole lot worse as the relationship wears on.
The choice is yours to make but as a rule, I wort the saying. "A mate will come bail you out of jail. A true mate will be sitting next to you saying, "Holy sh*t!! We f***ed up!!""
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O wad some power, the giftie gie us,
To see oursels as ithers see us!
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Ombey
UK Corp
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2006.07.18 10:46:00 -
[10]
IMHO, any girl who says "it's your friend/s or me", really isn't up to much. There may of course be mitigating circumtances, but for her to make you decide like that is not on.
Stick with your friend, help him through it. Don't dump her, let her dump you if that's what she's going to do. Then you'll have the moral high ground, and she has to live with the stigma of dumping someone just because he wanted to help his mate through a rough patch.
Good luck!
--
ombeve |
Danton Marcellus
Nebula Rasa Holdings
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Posted - 2006.07.18 11:09:00 -
[11]
Ultimatums suck, being given one means you're the loser either way, caving to one will make you less of a man in her eyes and not doing so will probably push her away. Stupid move on her part.
3 months is nothing, you being in a relationship isn't the best way to jolt him out of it either, stick by your friend and let her go so you can go out with him and get his **** together. Be sure to let him know in some subtle way what transpired and what sacrifice you made if he's on the dense side. Perhaps not the correct way of doing things but it might get him to get his **** together sooner than later.
Remind me about The Maze.
I'm Danton Marcellus and I approve of this message. |
Velsharoon
Gallente
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Posted - 2006.07.18 12:10:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Velsharoon on 18/07/2006 12:10:10
If she loves you she will stick by your decision
Edit: the decision to stick by your friend ofc 
As danton said ultimatums are silly
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Jenny Spitfire
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 12:22:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Kurren
Good friends are forever. Rule of thumb, pick whoever you've known the longest.
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RecruitMe@NOINT!
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Frobisher
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 15:09:00 -
[14]
Sounds to me like it is not just your GF feeling that way and she had no problems with him before. You obviously don't want to lose either.
What you really need to do is get your friend over his broken heart so he is ok to be around. Get him out somewhere fun to draw him out again.
Hey, this is my reality ... and I don't remember inviting you |
Samirol
Ore Mongers
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Posted - 2006.07.18 15:14:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Frobisher
Sounds to me like it is not just your GF feeling that way and she had no problems with him before. You obviously don't want to lose either.
What you really need to do is get your friend over his broken heart so he is ok to be around. Get him out somewhere fun to draw him out again.
kurren's idea of a strip club should sort it out 
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Frobisher
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 15:28:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Samirol
Originally by: Frobisher
Sounds to me like it is not just your GF feeling that way and she had no problems with him before. You obviously don't want to lose either.
What you really need to do is get your friend over his broken heart so he is ok to be around. Get him out somewhere fun to draw him out again.
kurren's idea of a strip club should sort it out
Was thinking that ... but didn't really want to say it "explicitly". 
The man needs a reminder that there are other options.
Hey, this is my reality ... and I don't remember inviting you |
Zaphoniggan
Lordless
Unbrella Alliance
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Posted - 2006.07.18 18:01:00 -
[17]
Theres no way you cant hang out with your friend sometimes, and your girlfriend at other times?
Compromise might work.
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I refuse to use a sig until my picture is up
.... Wait this is a sig |
HippoKing
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 18:57:00 -
[18]
If your girl is trying to get rid of your friends for you, get a new girl.
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Border201
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 19:02:00 -
[19]
Originally by: HippoKing
If your girl is trying to get rid of your friends for you, get a new girl.
QFT
Originally by: Tuxford
once tried to kick my brother when I had my pants around my ankle. Probably not my brightest moments.
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Wired
An Eye For An Eye
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Posted - 2006.07.18 19:53:00 -
[20]
If it was the other way around and you GF had a friend who was going thru a break-up, i'd put money (not that i have much) that'd she'd probably be spending a lot of time with her mate til she got over it.
If she is completely serious about her or your mate then i'd go with your mate (not in that way). That is of course unless you have been neglecting her completely.
You do need to spend time with the GF her happy, but you also need to stop your mate from getting worse, a trip down the strip-club however great it does seem (and i'd try and be at the front of the queue to get in) like a good idea, but it wont be the best thing for your mate, you do need to go easy on him, but just do the stuff that you did before and eventually he'll get over it.
If he doesn't get over it in the next 2 years, eve-mail me (i've been here 3 years, and will prob be here in another 2), and i'll send a big bag of swag your way for being wrong.
If you like my thoughts/opinions, write to the dev's and see if you can get them to give me my own show on EVE-TV.
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My sig got edited, and all i got was a lousy e-mail |
Sakura Nihil
Tharsis Security
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Posted - 2006.07.18 20:01:00 -
[21]
Originally by: xeom
Just hit her with the good ole.
"if ya love me you would accept the choices i make in friends.Im not forcing you to hang out with them."
Nice one, an excellent way to dodge this. If you go with this, you'll be able to transfer the guilt if a breakup occurs onto her, as like you said, she isn't being forced to hang around with him, and if she really loves you, she'd understand and deal with it, rather than forcing you to decide between him and her.
What's that quote...ah yes:
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
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Nikolai Nuvolari
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 20:09:00 -
[22]
Psychiatry.
Serious, three months? The man NEEDS a proper psychiatrist. I know this from experience.
As for your girlfriend...is it that time of the month?
------------------ Originally by: kieron
Buy ISK for RL cash here!
Mebrithiel Ju'wien > Nik's bio 4tw btw
Graelyn > Nikolai for Dev 108!
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Banzor
Gallente
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Posted - 2006.07.18 21:45:00 -
[23]
Kick the ***** to the curb.
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Ithuriel
Caldari
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Posted - 2006.07.18 22:08:00 -
[24]
Kill them both with an axe and feed them to the pigs. Problem solved.
The "it's either them or me" speech from girls has ended a couple of relationships with gf's in my life, and I don't have any regrets. That kind of domineering attitude generally tells me that any future with said girl is going to be fraught with control issues, and no one needs that.
I have no illusions about the grandness of love, tend to be kind of cynical about it, but loyalty to friends defines a person, especially when they're in a rough spot.
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Murukan
Minmatar
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Posted - 2006.07.18 22:58:00 -
[25]
I would simply tell her that if she doesn't like the guy she doesn't have to hang around him. And that if she really does love you then she would want you to be happy and part of that happiness is keeping your friends. Unless she is hanging on your arm 24/7 you should have plenty of time for friends outside your lady.
In rust we trust!!! |
Vorag
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Posted - 2006.07.19 02:05:00 -
[26]
Thanks all went with my friend, and she stuck around awesome
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Kurren
Farscape Mining
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Posted - 2006.07.19 02:19:00 -
[27]
Good for you!
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SobaKai.com
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Laughlyn Vaughns
Gallente
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Posted - 2006.07.19 23:45:00 -
[28]
it took me ages to get ove rone girl i went out with, we was together for 2 yrs and things went a bit mad in the alst few months, i was havign rough time at home of things and wa sdrinkign more than normal, she wa s abit stuck up (that i see now) and it seemed she didnt give me the chance i needed and it took a long time snce i had planned out a Proposition and everythign fo rus befor eshe went to university, i moped around and was upset for ages and ages, my work was all over and i wasnt sleepign or eating then after a while i spoke to her and she was seeign sumone else which i got angry abotu but it showed she had moved on and i was beign silly.
Luckily my friends stood by me and did their best to cheer me up all they coudl but it just took me to attempt to go out and i ran into a coupel of her friends who was really nice, they thought the way she finished things was a bit unfair and i ended up havign the best night out in ages and it cheered me up that i started seeing relationships come and go and theres no point wallowing in it.
Your mate probs feels liek he'll never love anyone again and he'll probs still have feeling and thought for this girl years down the line but given time he'll sort himself out.
As for ur girl, she sound slike she's beign a bit unfair, admittedly ur mate is harping on a bit about htings but friends stick by each other. if it was one her mates she'd be doign same thing and trying to suport them so she shud try and understand u have to do that as well.
think it may be a good idea to talk to both of them, get ur mate to the side and tell him that he's bringing the group down and he needs to start moving on, he needs to stop living with sumam the cant get back and sooner he realises it the better for all of you and to your girl friend then tell her that u still need to see him but when ur with her stay fo ra short while and make ur excuses to spend time with her, but ur mate needs to realise that u have a relationship and need to spend time with her and shudnt call u mopping on the phone when ur cuddled up getting sum lovin. no one but your mate can help him get over the girl really and ur girl just needs to accept ur mates no matter how annoying they may get
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