What gives you the strength to carry on?

I don't think my life is hard. I'm blessed, though sometimes I don't realize it.



I just wish I could go climb a rock 24/7. Not doing so makes me grumpy.

Spite.

Also, copious amounts of beer. Spite and beer is all you need.

Myself and the fact that I hate you lot enough to **** you off with my existance! :D

^ so, spite :) Is okay, it keeps me moving.

I don't like some aspects of Eve and what people do to others. So, I'm doing something about it. That's what keeps me here.

I don't like some aspects of Eve and what people do to others. So, I'm doing something about it. That's what keeps me here.

Oh. Well. Then. GTFO.

EVE certainly helps me get through my life. Sometimes it provides for me an outlet for my desire to be a force for good, sometimes it gives me a place to use violence to right wrongs, sometimes it lets me sink into the fold and go with the flow in a grander scheme that I may not support. I have an innate desire to do all of these things but sometimes I avoid them in normal life because of the long-term impacts of my actions, or the difficulty in their completion. Alternatively, these forums provide for me the Out of Pod Experience, where I can talk about anything that's important to me, and have so many of you from all over the world listen to me and talk back, recounting your experiences. That's one of the things I treasure most of everything I have.

*hugs*

*hugs back, squeezing super tightly*

What gives you the strength to carry on?

Instinctive will to live. I don't want to die, so I'm here for good. (until I die)

So since I'm here, it only makes sense to live the best possible life that I can. Which means enjoying myself no matter what I am doing, which is something that I seem to have forgotten how to do for a while there. It was like I became someone else other than myself for like a year or so. Now I feel like I've come full circle and become the person who I am supposed to be.

"Then comes the question of is it nature or is it nurture? How do you become who you already are? It's both, it's an evolution."

I partied and chased girls for almost a whole year and then I realized what I was doing was not only stupid but it just wasn't me. I'm an adult now, 230 pounds of muscle with a full beard but it's like I went back to how I was when I was a kid playing games and reading books all day at home. I've become my SELF, but it's like a much more hardcore version of myself, like a super saiyan version of myself.

I treat art like a study session. I play games to learn about people, including my self. Same with reading books, I love fiction and just reading is one of my favourite things to do. Movies, music, anything like that, I love. I've started drawing all kinds of crazy pictures in crayon. I want to start painting but it's really hard.

I live life almost like a zombie movie now, it's improvisation to the max, and one thing I've worked on SO hard is "not giving a ****". Because I'm such a shy, nice person it's hard to not give a ****, especially around lots of people or around people you don't know. I think I suffer from minor social anxiety, as well as some other social disorders such as ADHD, aspergers, OCD, and maybe a few other things.

**** all that. I try to say whatever I want whenever I want to whoever I want, it's almost like I don't give a **** what people think, but it's not quite that because I actually do care what people think. But it's more important to me to be myself than it is to act a certain way to please people.

Some people who don't like me have called me fake and arrogant and stuff like that. Before I used to argue, or try to reason with people. But a guy called me a "fake person" the other day, and instead of what I usually would have said, my response was, "yeah, I am fake. What's your point? You gonna do something about it?"

What's wrong with being fake? We are ALL fake to an extant. If you've told a lie once in your life you are fake.

I think of people as shapes. Most people are squares, because they have a few main sides that they show. So then I thought, well I'm just a hexagon or an octagon or something, I have more sides than other people.

That was close but that wasn't it. People are shapes, with a certain amount of sides that they show people, maybe it's 3 sides or 4 sides or 8 sides, but me, I'm a circle, or a sphere. I have no sides, I just do and say what I want and I don't really care what you think about it because the important thing is what I think about it. A perfect circle.

I'm ranting so much here. Not even sure what I'm talking about here any more. I keep going because I've got to make some money some how.

So here are some priorities

1. Enjoying your life (this can be done in so many different ways)
2. Making money
3. Family and friends are very important. This should be under the "enjoying life" category.
4. I love ART
5. Eve Online counts as art.

This is such a huge question I can't just answer it with one sentence. Unless it's a joke sentence like "caffeine" or "spite".

I find a lot of me in your post. A lot of the same thoughts. I feel like I would be where you are today if I did not have my wonderful 2.5 year old daughter. No matter how much strife the relationship with here mother brought to the surface, I enjoy every minute with my daughter and will even dance at the Ice Cream stand or in the food line when she decides she wants to dance to the music.

The one thing that really struck a cord with me was that people have called me stuck up and arrogant in the past as well. I would also try to reason and so fourth, but now I am just straight up about it; whatever it may be at the ti

I'll say this, and the grim determination to see most of the people I know buried.

Booze and pills.

I liked your post but it looks like it is unfinished at the end there, maybe a forum glitch or something.

Due to all this reading, viewing and discussion with superiors, I am very comfortable having discussions about so many things and feel like I can speak, not as a professional on most of the subjects I am familiar with, but that I can speak with strong conviction. If I am in a conversation with someone that is educated heavily on a topic I am familiar with I am able to participate but I take a position of a student, I listen and take in what they say and add it to my file while being able to have an expanding conversation on whatever the topic may be. When I have conversation with people on a topic where neither of us are a 'trained professional' I sometimes speak with more conviction then maybe I should but never pose as someone in a position of authority. People have called me arrogant because I can talk about so many things with confidence, people I would call friends, and it used to bother me. I used to try rationalize this with my friends, but now I just tell people they need to read more if they want to feel more comfortable in their daily conversations.

Spending the night on the balcony, with some quality ganja and my favorite hiphop blasting through me headphones, It gets me trough rough times for over 8 years.

In a way, a part of what keeps me going, is that I want to show people that I am better than they are. I want people to feel my superiority some how.

Just hip hop? No metal? No disco?

Not everyone that games like metal ;)

You dont like any metal at all?

Belief that the nature of the real world is actually something much smarter, integrated, sensible and more beautifully intricate than is apparent. And that each of us has the opportunity to train ourselves to see and know that real reality. Not to live in the mud or like a frog in a well, but climb out, fly with binocular vision, and keep looking higher and deeper into the unknown, but knowable.

In other words, belief in a higher attainable. This life experience is just a school/boot camp opportunity, IMO.