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Aries Acheron Caldari The Valour	Posted - 2006.11.03 10:08:00 - [1] Edited by: Aries Acheron on 03/11/2006 10:16:11 Compared to all those other MMORPGs out there, EVE has struck me as something special. I'm relatively new to the game, and of course I hardly know all of it's secrets... but the way the game is dependant on the players for action is unique and special. But still, some quirks make it a rather odd form of live. That brings me to a point. Eve is in many ways like real life. There's cheating, there's no free lunch and the market guides itself for better or worse. There's stock crashes, wars caused by misunderstandings and so on. But... What if Real Life... was like EVE? I boldly decided to find out, putting my life and self-respect on the line. Using the help of common household chemicals formulated into something that could I suppose be called a 'booster', these are the memoirs of a Real Life Eve Survivor... --- Day 01. I woke up with a terrible hangover. Maybe it was a phenomenal party the night before. Perhaps it was from adventures with innumerable friends, and the great impression I made upon many members of the opposite sex. That was before I remembered what I REALLY was doing that night, sitting in front of a computer and drinking mouthwash. Reality was a bitter pill to swallow, and the empty bottles of Quafe laying strewn over the desk didnÆt do much to help my ego. I gathered my senses quickly, assessing my situation. I was located in a small apartment, dirty and situated on 5th and Jita, probably the most annoying traffic conjested intersection I had ever seen in my life. I had a pitiful 5000 dollars on me as my life savings, and nothing but a worn out '78 Ibis in the parking lot below. I had to survive this somehow. Survive, and make a good life for myself. As I was about to take my first steps, getting up in the morning and all. That was when I noticed something else odd indeed. My entire room was covered in post-it notes. Thousands of them. ôWhat the hell is this?ö, I asked aloud. I sat up, and felt an itch on my forehead. My hand reached up, and I peeled a yellow note from my brow. It was uncanny, as well as unusually condescending for a post-it note. Quote: æThis is a tutorial. You are currently in bed, and will need to get out of bed. (next note --->).Æ ôThis is stupid, I donÆt need this.ö I snorted, trying to get up only to find that I was paralyzed from the legs down. I couldnÆt escape! Directly ahead of me however was another note, which I snatched quickly to read. Quote: æYou are in the bed menu. To leave, please follow the next set of instructionsàÆ Crap. Having no other options, I carefully decided to follow the tutorial notesà ...Two hours later, I successfully got out of the bed. I cast the notes aside in relief, as this troublesome business was out of the way and I was ready to get to lifting myself out of this pitiful existence... or so I thought. I walked out of my building then, heading for the familiar chipped paint of my Æ78 Ibis, a vehicle of good quality so I was told. I hopped in, keying in the ignition. The engine coughed a few times before I pulled out slowly, noticing the odd irregular lump of metal I was given as a ægratuity giftÆ by the insurance company in the back seat. Ignoring this completely bizarre gift, I realized that I was feelinÆ pretty good about myself. Having escaped the two hour tutorial to undock from bed, I figured it wasnÆt going to be too long before I had some steady jobs and the cash that comes along with it. I didnÆt realize of course, that I was pulling out of the lot into the hell that was Jita Avenue: the most dangerous street in the world, according to hourly violence statistics. I took a deep breath, when the most horrifying of things set upon meà (To be continued?)
Rorix Whitecloud Caldari Eve Defence Force Ascendant Frontier	Posted - 2006.11.03 10:14:00 - [2] BAHAHA! Awsomeness! :D Repopulate Low Security! Goal: To blaster-fit every Caldari ship with a gun slot! :D
Saran Tal Dragons Of Redemption Veritas Immortalis	Posted - 2006.11.03 10:22:00 - [3] this is hilarious! i hope you continue this! nice work indeed. ~Dragons of Redemption [DORM] Recruitment; Pm me In-Game~ Don John and Givla are my Homeboys
Michus Danether Aristotle Enterprises Ethereal Dawn	Posted - 2006.11.03 10:47:00 - [4] Gorgeous! Yes definitely write some more, you've got talent and timing and it works, it just works! Keep It Up!
Sucram North Star Networks	Posted - 2006.11.03 11:01:00 - [5] Come on, give us more...
Aries Acheron Caldari The Valour	Posted - 2006.11.03 11:13:00 - [6] Thanks for the responses! I thought of a lot of ideas while playing and plan on making a semi-regular serial here, posting when I finish new chapters and such. There's just so much material to write on. :) Now, excuse me. I need to make the lowsec jump back to the terrifying world of EVE:RL...
Morgit Seebring Gallente Dark Knights Inc	Posted - 2006.11.03 11:50:00 - [7] Yes, definitely carry this on. This could go somewhere... (not Jita, that's for sure) Live long, be honourable and laugh often. Remember... it's a game!!
Dahak2150	Posted - 2006.11.03 12:18:00 - [8] We give it *** out of ***! ---------- My sig is boring.
Aries Acheron Caldari The Valour	Posted - 2006.11.03 21:42:00 - [9] Edited by: Aries Acheron on 03/11/2006 21:42:26 Part 2 - Day 1 (Continued) Originally by: "Local" ôHey! How do you mine for concrete ore?ö Originally by: "Local" ôWhy isnÆt this joystick moving my car?ö Originally by: "Local" ôCan I have money? I want money!!ö My ears were bleeding. Hordes of loud masses chattered incessantly, begging, griping or just being totally lost. The sound was deafening and I felt my intelligence draining every second I was exposed to this wicked, unholy sound. But I was not without a means of defense! Utilizing lightning reflexes, I tried to roll up my windows as a defense against the noiseà but all I got was a faint æThis automatic window is already in the process of activatingàÆ whispered to me by some disembodied female voice. Before I could enjoy her pleasant tone or wait for my **ed window to even begin the process of rolling up, my thoughts were once again cut off by something terrible. A shrill cry, which had to have been the strange lovechild of an epileptic seizure crossed with the noise one makes when struck in the solar plexus. Originally by:** "Local" ôJoin murderdethkorp! ItÆsteh superuberleet!ö A shudder filled me at the shriek, that terrible sound emerging from the window of a lopsided Thorax, which in itself was perhaps the most horrifyingly shaped car known to mankind. I screamed in terror. I screamed in confusion. I screamed for the sake of hearing my own screams block out such unholy words, spoken no doubt from the lexicon of an ancient and long dead lovecraftian death-cult. Reflexes kicking in again, I stepped on the gas pedal and gunned my IbisÆ underpowered engine, driving as fast as I could through the heavy traffic. Though I swerved through traffic, a curious observation dawned on me while the shrill cries of the locals died down. In this city, dozens of discarded yellow crates littered the streets everywhere, advertising different companies. Each of these seemed to claim association with the number æ1337Æ in a cryptic manner in which I could not understand. Even more bizarre than the inane local chatter and streets littered with empty advertisement crates, the design of the other cars on the road made my head spin. A great number of them were completely asymmetrical, in manners in which no automobile could operate. My rusted old Ibis felt a little heavy on the left side, and always had issues turning the other way, but some others exhibited a great deal of fault. While driving my way to some place safe to find work a pair of new model æMoaÆ pulled over on the lane to my right, before falling over and crashing into a hideous fiery wreck along the side of the road. I wondered if this was thanks to the brilliant Caldari Automotive CorporationÆs idea of only putting wheels on one side of the car. This was a different and terrifying world. The wrecks didnÆt stop me from running by them of course. I drove right out of downtown, to find a nice safe spot to settle down and catch my breath. A sign caught my eyes while I parked and stretched, posted high above a building adjacent to me. It was called the æBarnes and Noble Logistics CenterÆ, and a broad ænow hiringÆ sign seemed so alluring to my miserably poor self. As I stepped out of my little Ibis, I took a big stretch, kicking aside another inconveniently placed yellow advertising box. ôGet yourself together. This canÆt be as bad as Jita Ave...ö I told myself. As you can see, I was quite good at the art of the bold faced lie. I clicked me heels then, and began to walk forward, one step at a time. Entering through the doors to the front desk, I couldnÆt have expected the shocking responseà. (To Be Continued)
Apoctasy	Posted - 2006.11.03 22:04:00 - [10] LMAO this is good stuff. Looking forward to more :)
Copine Callmeknau The Splinter Syndicate SMASH Alliance	Posted - 2006.11.03 22:28:00 - [11] Originally by: Aries Acheron While driving my way to some place safe to find work a pair of new model æMoaÆ pulled over on the lane to my right, before falling over and crashing into a hideous fiery wreck along the side of the road. I wondered if this was thanks to the brilliant Caldari Automotive CorporationÆs idea of only putting wheels on one side of the car. This was a different and terrifying world. I want your babies -- Originally by: RUNYOUFOOLS wrong on so many levels you could only be more wrong if you where tuxford.
Aceoil Anti-Macro Coalition	Posted - 2006.11.03 22:36:00 - [12] These stories are going to be good. Your going to need some webspace to put these stories up in an organized fashion. __________________________________ Tired of the Macro Miners? Take control! Join the Anti-Macro Coalition
Darksaber64x Ecchi co.	Posted - 2006.11.03 22:58:00 - [13] XD Very nice, keep it up. Wonder if we'll get cars with missile launchers in them... Possibly "ravens" that run people's cars over then steal their wallets before the cops show up. Then the cops just blow up the car, ignoring the guy running off with the wallet. (And maybe a wheel or so from the car he hit).
Nyphur Pillowsoft Interstellar Starbase Syndicate	Posted - 2006.11.03 23:02:00 - [14] I have sent you 10 million isk for being awesome. Eve-Tanking.com - For tanking spreadsheet and resources.
nutbar	Posted - 2006.11.04 04:07:00 - [15] Originally by: Aries Acheron ...Two hours later, I successfully got out of the bed. Haha, I normally am not one to read stories, but that was funny as heck. Good job :D
Dahak2150	Posted - 2006.11.04 04:26:00 - [16] I'd say this has the potential to be just as aweseome as the 0.0 experiment. ---------- My sig is boring.
Bewl Infinite Technologies	Posted - 2006.11.04 05:12:00 - [17] Originally by: Dahak2150 I'd say this has the potential to be just as aweseome as the 0.0 experiment. even better
Enotz Amarr Terminus Est Incorporated	Posted - 2006.11.04 07:55:00 - [18] I'd advise you make this into a blog. I have a friend who does similar things with another MMO at blogspot.com; his blog is written from the perspective of a (somewhat anti-social) GM for another game, (he has another one written from the perspective of an NPC, but I don't read it so much); it's fairly popular, and it's been around about 6 months now. Makes it easier for people to read your stories and still comment on them than if you put them on a forum.
Aries Acheron Caldari The Valour	Posted - 2006.11.04 08:59:00 - [19] Sounds like an idea. I suppose I was testing the waters first, to see how people recieved these. :) I think I'm getting good responses... please, I'd love feedback or support. :) I could throw up a blogspot easilly in a day or two. I used to use that myself. Thanks all. :D
Morgit Seebring Gallente Dark Knights Inc	Posted - 2006.11.04 11:31:00 - [20] Still awesome Aries, keep it up!!! "Wheels on one side" was a classic line... Live long, be honourable and laugh often. Remember... it's a game!!
Miss Overlord Gallente EUROPEANS	Posted - 2006.11.04 11:33:00 - [21] aries keep it up u must - jita is bad it is - safer than 0.0 it is not
Kaaln Gallente Soar Angelic Pirate Coalition	Posted - 2006.11.04 11:50:00 - [22] Originally by: Bewl Originally by: Dahak2150 I'd say this has the potential to be just as aweseome as the 0.0 experiment. even better o/ Bewly! Great stories mate, you have a good sense of humor. -----------------------------------------------
Great Artista Veto.	Posted - 2006.11.04 11:54:00 - [23] Originally by: Copine Callmeknau Originally by: Aries Acheron While driving my way to some place safe to find work a pair of new model æMoaÆ pulled over on the lane to my right, before falling over and crashing into a hideous fiery wreck along the side of the road. I wondered if this was thanks to the brilliant Caldari Automotive CorporationÆs idea of only putting wheels on one side of the car. This was a different and terrifying world. Too true ___________________________________ ___________________________________
Amantus Murientor Tribe Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.11.04 12:00:00 - [24] This is fantastic stuff. I wouldn't compare it to the 0.0 Experiment as they're about completely different things but I will certainly be as avid a reader of this as I am with the 0.0 experiment. Keep up the awesome work! ----------- Proud member of Ushra'Khan DEATH TO SLAVERY!
CelticKnight Celestial Horizon Corp. Ascendant Frontier	Posted - 2006.11.04 12:09:00 - [25] OP - i <3 you! i MUST have more... MORE i say... one of the best bits of eve fanfiction ive ever read! im torn wether its better than Innominates story... :P only time will tell! Quotes: Originally by: Backdoor Bandit I just consulted my Magic 8-Ball, it told me to prepare for flamage.
GeneralKool	Posted - 2006.11.04 12:39:00 - [26] Man this is pure quality. Keep it up!
Patch86 Di-Tron Heavy Industries	Posted - 2006.11.04 12:45:00 - [27] Excellent stuff! All the humour of Inno, but eleventy billion times as surreal! If I had money to give, I'd send you a dontation -----------------------------------------------
Zhaine B e l l u m	Posted - 2006.11.04 13:08:00 - [28] Gooooood stuff. Keep it coming :) - - - - - - - - - - Quote: I don't even want a ship, ships are for carebears. Give me a fish bowl for my head (to keep space out) and smear me with lard, then armed with a toasting fork-
Benco97 Gallente Fedo Appreciation Group	Posted - 2006.11.04 13:18:00 - [29] Keep pumping out the hot golden nuggets of geniousness Man, these are great fun. Head of the Fedo Appreciation Group (FAG) and Registered Fedo breeder (Sig kindly supplied by Zurtur)
Mountain Mist	Posted - 2006.11.04 14:34:00 - [30] Originally by: Enotz I'd advise you make this into a blog. I have a friend who does similar things with another MMO at blogspot.com; his blog is written from the perspective of a (somewhat anti-social) GM for another game, (he has another one written from the perspective of an NPC, but I don't read it so much); it's fairly popular, and it's been around about 6 months now. Makes it easier for people to read your stories and still comment on them than if you put them on a forum. [GM]Dave the person you are referring to by any chance?

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