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Acron Ishtal
Amarr
Imperial Dreams
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
   |
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:22:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Acron Ishtal on 18/12/2006 12:24:29
WHAT FOLLOWS IS INTENDED FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES ONLY:
(and repeatedly editted for the amazing censorship)
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ISS neutrality is key to their profit scheme. They depend on trade and production to make profits at the majority of their outposts, which would largely evaporate if they were perceived as hostile to the large 0.0 alliances.
So, if the alliances of the EVE stop believing in ISS neutrality, it is the end of ISS capitalism. You gotta nip that in the bud and to stop it catching on, you gotta make an example of someone.
Therefore I believe we may begin to imagine the war against IAC as a very public punishment beating.
You have to imagine the galaxy as a Bronx housing project, and the ISS is the number one cra_k dealing Mafia don on the block.
ôAnybody who wants to buy rock in this neighborhood, you betta come to ME. Otherwise youÆre gonna end up like that f__inÆ guy over there, take a good look everybody!ö
And this is right after operation Prohibition, everyone is watching as IAC comes limping back to his first day of work at the petrol station. And he lifts the drop block shutters and he gets to the PA system in the forecourt and he says:
ôOk, everybodyà come to meà I sell the rock and the cr_ck to everybody, I donÆt care.ö
And leaning out the ISSO tower blocks third floor balcony, VI, ASCN, and D2 are looking down and VI calls down to ISS:
ôEhhhhh friend, I thought you said you had this neighborhood under control?ö
ôHey, donÆt make me come up there and deal with you!ö
ôYou tried that last week my friend, you could not get up these stairs. Maybe I come down there, to you.ö
ôYou do that. But right now, I got business to take care of.ö
And ISS gets his boys, he gets his boys and the baseball bats, and they go up to IAC and they get him by the hair and they drag him into the arc light of the petrol station forecourt.
ôOk everybody, take a good look at this guyà AAA, TCF, you watchin? Maelstromà Maybe youÆre thinking about messinÆ with our profits, take a good look at this guy, see what happens next.ö
WHAM! And they bloody him on the rocks, trample him into the dirt, cut off his ears, and when the dust settles, ISS is leaning on his bloody bespattered baseball bat getting his breath back, but VI meanwhile has come down to the petrol station forecourt and is walking around ISS.
ôThat fight really took it out of you, friendà ten weeks ago, you take this guy, you wouldnÆt even break a sweat. Now? I donÆt think you could have taken him at all, if not for the help of your little friend,ö as he points to MC.
ôYou mean this b----?ö
ôWell, you know, when he says b----, what he really means of course isàö sputters MC.
ôSHUT UP! Shut up! I got this neighborhood under control!ö yells ISS.
At which point a hired frigate driven by SF flies by screaming ôDEATH TO ISS!!ö
ôYou were saying friend? About control? I could not hear because someone was shouting ædeath to ISSÆ very loudly in my ear. Would you care to repeat for me?ö
ôYou wanna piece of me?ö
ôAnytime you like.ö
ôOk, lets go.ö
So they square up to fight and they hear this noise... They look up and here comes BOB.
ôIs there a problem?ö booms BOB.
ôNo, no problem officer, no problem at all. You own 65% of ISS, keep buying those shares. No, no problem at allàö
-FIN-
(Adapted from Robert Newman's "History of Oil")
An authorized transmission of the honorable Deacon Acron Ishtal |
Tequilapepper
Amarr
Xoth Inc
Firmus Ixion
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:26:00 -
[2]
In before the flames :)
Good flamebait mate.
Regards
Teq
FIX Advisory Board
That's not rust, it's blood... and we're not going to clean it off either! |
Acron Ishtal
Amarr
Imperial Dreams
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:39:00 -
[3]
It was supposed to be funny :(
An authorized transmission of the honorable Deacon Acron Ishtal |
Joshua Foiritain
Gallente
Coreli Corporation
Corelum Syndicate
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:48:00 -
[4]
Eeemm....?
Apart from being wrong i dont really see the part thats supposed to be funny either. 
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[Coreli Corporation Mainframe] |
Porter Hadlend
Gallente
Righteous-Indignation
Imperium Alliance
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:50:00 -
[5]
I thought it was pretty good ;)
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Bacilius
The Tidemark
Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 12:52:00 -
[6]
Hehe interesting read Acron, although politically somewhat inaccurate.
Keep your eyes on the don... he might just get high on his own supply 
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Zhaine
Coreli Corporation
Corelum Syndicate
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 13:02:00 -
[7]
Heh I must say I liked it, and I don't think it's meant to be more than vaguely factually correct, especially with BoB coming in at the end :p
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"PERGITE DEGUSTATE FORMOSUM BELLUM"
Forward to taste the beautiful war. . . |
Kobanashi Laro
Die Apokalyptischen Reiter
Dusk and Dawn
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Posted - 2006.12.18 13:07:00 -
[8]
I actually liked it 
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Vaatzes
Privateers
Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.18 15:20:00 -
[9]
Nice little story there ^^
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Vestalia Gaea
The Echelon
|
Posted - 2006.12.18 16:12:00 -
[10]
I like.
'A disorderly mob is no more an army than a heap of building materials is a house.' |
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