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Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.25 19:40:00 -
[1]
Cold Pizza
a true story by evil sulu
ThereÆs something beautiful that happens to the world in times of great change, and we cannot help but be swept up into the whirlwind of confusion and uncertainty as the things we knew to be true no longer are and the whispers and rumors of what might be take turbulent flight in the winds of change. And amid the turmoil and confusion, what else is there to do but venture out into the storm like evil little children toting our machetes, cordless drills, and medical tubing to test the world as we know it - lest we plummet through the thin ice to the cold drowning depths below the surface.
Revelations was that handsome girl you met drinking fru-fi drinks at the nightclub in South Beach, and youÆre undecided whether you want to go back to her place because youÆre not completely sure whether she is really a woman or is in fact a man dressed as a woman. YouÆre looking for an adamÆs apple, but the lighting is too just low and your vision is slightly blurred. Maybe thatÆs not the best analogy. What IÆm trying to say is that Revelations threatened to be a mixed bag for people on the other side of the law û while there were some good things in the pipeline, there were an equal number of features that had to potential to be an uncomfortable hit in the shorts for pirates.
Thankfully we didnÆt have a choice and were forced into taking that dreaded taxi ride back to her place. On the day after Rev went online in all its lagtastic splendor, we were pleased to find that Revelations was in fact a beautiful lady companion û and that her most impressive assets were her scan probes. So impressive in fact, that we could accurately probe out multiple mission runners and safe spotted idiots from 10AU with a single probe. Somewhere fat little naked cherubs were singing in the heavens. It was as if Christmas had come early and the bearded drunk dressed as Santa Claus at the local mall had taken the time out of his busy schedule slurring nonsensical gibberish to toddlers while staring inappropriately at their suburban mothers to come down to your house and shower you and your friends with T2 and faction goodness. In celebration of this scan probe fiesta, Mi Lai mandated synchronized multilingual corp rendition of Silent Night over TS, which in turn inspired Dana Barrett to volunteer dressing up like an elf and spray painting our corp logo on his neighborÆs dog (LanÆs 10M per photo offer on tagged govÆt buildings is still outstanding) . Everything was right in the world, and for the first time since our beginning virginal safespots and mission gates were giving up their vows of celibacy to the dark passion of non-consensual pvp with reckless abandon û beautiful fireworks in the cold distant depths of empty space, a private sight to behold only for victims... and killers. |
Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.25 19:42:00 -
[2]
In was in the twilight (T-minus a few days to nerfage) of the golden age/moment of scan probes that this story takes place. It was an unusually quiet night in corp chat, so RN and myself decided to mount up a posse and were able to somehow connive Lan into skipping his advanced crotchet class down at the local community college in favor of hunting out fat lazy mission runners with us at our local lowsec mission hub. Lan seemed a little down as that particular night he was supposed to learn cross-stitching û so with heavy heart the three of us set out to find some fun. We went out and had a blast as we always do, drinking and carrying on as only three reprobates of such outstanding distinction are able to do in each othersÆ company. Although RN was our GL, as the night progressed I was beginning to wonder how much he was actually leading as opposed to his good friend Capt. Morgan, as he was making outrageous claims such as ôCCP stole my idea for the drake, you know. I invented it. ItÆs bloody mine I tell you. Tuxford is just a red-herring!ö After warping his tackler (yours truly) to sentries on more than one occasion with a criminal timer (thankfully w/o incident), I decided it was most likely more the latter than former.
About the time we were ready to call it a night, Lan confirms a positive probe hit on a missioning Domi. Before for you know it weÆre in warp to the acceleration gate, which I promptly hop through to score the tackle. Most of the mission rats are already wrecks, and our newest best friend is sitting a short 30km off warp in. In no time at all, I wrap the poor bastard up and call in the troops. As heÆs going into hull, something unusual happens û RN says over TS: ôHold your fire, IÆm gonna ransom this guy!ö Now ransoming is not something we typically like to do as most of us enjoy the æForrest Gump û Box of ChocolatesÆ feeling you get by unwrapping the presents in a victims can (plus weÆre junkies for the *squish* sound that pods make), but when our GL occasionally fancies wearing pantyhose and offering a ransom to a perfectly good piece of biomass û we honor the ransom. With a sigh of regret, Lan and I quickly disengaged our weapons leaving on webs and points. Three inebriated sharks circle the wounded space whale. A minute goes by with absolute silence other than a few intermittent chuckles coming from RN (in addition to the dreadful darth vader breathing he does, because the **** refuses to use ptt). Another minute passes. And another. And another. And another. Finally, I canÆt stand the suspense any longer plus IÆm slightly worried that RN might have fallen asleep at the helm. |
Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.25 19:43:00 -
[3]
Sulu> need some help there corky? wtf is taking so long, u two old college bf or something?
RN > iÆm ransoming him, ya ******* git, what the hell do you think IÆm doing?!
Sulu > well you better be getting an assload of ISK for as long as this is taking.
RN> oh, its much better than that. trust me.
Lan> you making him eject or something? I can fly a raven, well I can sort of warp it around.
RN> better.
Sulu> when I hear ppl say ætrust meÆ my ******* starts to pucker
Sulu> better? whatÆs better than him ejecting?
RN> iÆll tell you in sec.
RN> itÆs done, ok let him go
Sulu> pts off
Lan> off
Feeling completely unsatisfied, I watch as the Domi warps away into the black of night.
Lan> ok, RN what did we just get. and donÆt tell me practice.
RN> we ransomed that fine fellow forà get ready for it gentlemenà A PIZZA!
Sulu> uh? youÆve got to be ******* kidding me, right? <laughter>
Lan> lol. thatÆs ******* brilliant! <more laughter>
Sulu> and how the **** are we going to get this pizza exactly?
RN> well, I asked him and he lives in the uk, so I put him on the honor system. I eve mailed him with the phone number for my local dominos and an address to send me a pizza within the next hour. I told him if he didnÆt do it, weÆd spent the next two weeks running locator agents on him.
Lan> lol, you drunk ****head, we should have blown him up
Sulu> someone needs to revoke RNÆs GL privileges tbh
Lan> /emote removes RNÆs feathered FC cap
RN> come on guys, i was hungry <drunken giggles>
Sulu> youÆre going to stay hungry too, and weÆre going to have to grief this guy out of principle now, you jackass.
Lan> nice work, m8. lol. |
Evil Sulu
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.25 19:45:00 -
[4]
So after razzing RN for the remainder of the short trip home which would have been worth the botched ransom anyways, we decided to call it night and log out for some much needed rest. I went to bed thinking weÆd never hear another word about our pizza ransom other than when Lan and I were in the mood for breaking some balls. I logged on the next morning to business as usual; RN logged on late in the afternoon (hangovers 4tl) and convoÆed me straight off:
RN> guess what?
Sulu> no way in hell. donÆt tell me the pizza came thru.
RN> the pizza came. but not to my apt.
Sulu> lol. what u mean? if it didnÆt go to ur apt, then whereÆd it go?!
RN> the guy replied to my evemail telling me he sent it. As I was a pretty lit up last night, I guess I didnÆt send him my address. I must have thought it would have been funny because I sent him my mumÆs address. She called me in the middle of the night last nite when dominos delivered the damn pizza to her house, because she thought I was pulling a practical joke on her.
Sulu> Bwahahahahahahahahahahah. are you ******* ****ting me? no way.
Sulu> Bwahhwahahwhawhahwhahwhahwhaaahahaha.
RN> hereÆs the best partà guess what he had written on the inside lid of the box.
Sulu> lol what?
RN> ô**** YOU BASTARDS! ENJOY THE PIZZA!ö
Sulu> hahaha. Bet ur mumÆs ****ed.
RN> yeah, IÆm going over there in a little bità to have some cold pizza :P
Sulu> :D
And on this day F1END ransomed a victim for a large 16ö cheese pizza with pepperoni and sausage. And who says we never ransom?! :P
-FIN
_____________________________
Authors note:
I just donÆt know what to say about this one - the story speaks for itself. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Check out our recruitment thread, weÆre looking for 8 new killers.
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Looking for 8 killers |
Sakura Nihil
Tabula Rasa Systems
The Star Fraction
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Posted - 2006.12.25 20:25:00 -
[5]
That's how you ransom  !
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Intigo
Amarr
Short Attention Span
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Posted - 2006.12.25 20:41:00 -
[6]
Sweet story, great fun. 
--
Piewat!
Low SP piracy Now with more stories and small clips! |
PCaBoo
Newbies On Xstacy
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:04:00 -
[7]
uhh as funny as that is, I think that might actually be illegal.
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Caldari's are the Chosen people! |
Devilish Ledoux
Caldari
eXin Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:10:00 -
[8]
 Originally by: PCaBoo
uhh as funny as that is, I think that might actually be illegal.
It's only illegal if you get caught.
Great show. You win at piracy today.
_
Do Unto Others. |
Destr0math
Tritanium Workers Union
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:11:00 -
[9]
Amazingly done. An example for the rest of us. :D
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Tareen Kashaar
eXin Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:13:00 -
[10]
OMG, you are my heroes :D
Drunk ninja, er pirate style ftfw!
---
WTS: Forum Signatures, 30mil a piece. Evemail me!
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Nyphur
Pillowsoft
Interstellar Starbase Syndicate
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:17:00 -
[11]
Edited by: Nyphur on 25/12/2006 21:19:11
Oh man, this is awesome. To actually go ahead and order the guy a pizza, that is spectacular. Most people would have simply ignored him and stayed in high sec for a while, he did the honourable thing.
I just came into some money. Can I please get the name of the pilot you ransomed? I'd like to send him 50mil as a token of my appreciation of his honesty (and some isk to you guys for performing the act). Also is it okay if I refer someone I know IRL to you guys? They didn't want to join my corp and went pirate, so I could pass them your recruitment URL.
EDIT: Oh, and who paid for the pizza? And how did the message get on the box?
Eve-Tanking.com - For tanking spreadsheet and resources. |
Verus Potestas
Caldari
Perkone
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:29:00 -
[12]
To think I thought pod-or-post was cool 
Grats, you win Eve.
Between corps atm, the NPC one is strictly a temporary thing.
RAWR!111 Sig Hijackz0r!!11 - Immy |
Nyphur
Pillowsoft
Interstellar Starbase Syndicate
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:39:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Verus Potestas
To think I thought pod-or-post was cool
Pod or pizza. Classic ^^;.
Eve-Tanking.com - For tanking spreadsheet and resources. |
Mista Sexamalicious
Sexa Inc
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:56:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Evil Sulu
RN> we ransomed that fine fellow forà get ready for it gentlemenà A PIZZA!
My stomach and sides are hurting atm from the laugh it gave me. Thanks for sharing.
SEXEH!
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Rockbox
Amarr
Veto.
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Posted - 2006.12.25 21:58:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Rockbox on 25/12/2006 22:22:09
That is awsome, Sanguine Ftw
Edit, Any chance of pics?
Rockbox > Resistence is futile...Rockbox > Penetration is imminent! |
Benglada
Infinitus Odium
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Posted - 2006.12.25 22:32:00 -
[16]
im gonna ransom someone for strip pers next time.
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Originally by: Arkanor
0.0 is the Final Frontier. Bring money and friends.
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Mi Lai
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.26 01:04:00 -
[17]
Damn, last time I tried to ransom someone for piza I failed  .
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Generic Player
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Posted - 2006.12.26 06:06:00 -
[18]
Yarr! Nice lewtz.
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Destiny Calling
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.26 07:20:00 -
[19]
Brilliant story!!
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Tzarkan Tzeench
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Posted - 2006.12.26 07:42:00 -
[20]
ow my sides hurt from the ing
Pod Or Delivery is the new pod or post
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Cheng Kung
Amarr
Sanguine Legion
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Posted - 2006.12.28 00:00:00 -
[21]
Edited by: Cheng Kung on 28/12/2006 00:00:58
Hilarious story. 
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Buraken v2
Amarr Defence Initiative
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Posted - 2006.12.28 01:27:00 -
[22]
F1END people still at it with their shenanigans I see.
Quote:
Mail from: Houvire Takaerne
2006.06.06 19:25
Our research has been fruity. If you're interested, I believe I have found what might be a banana in the corner of my office draw.
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Samirol
The Scope
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Posted - 2006.12.28 07:24:00 -
[23]
oh my...ownage
Great being a gallente blasterthron pilot, aint it?
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Skybar
Minmatar
Deviance Inc
SMASH Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.28 08:25:00 -
[24]
heh Dude, I would nominate that to to the Win Eve award
"Dauntless fleet commander, or the most nefarious pirate ever to terrorize the galaxy"
Please resize image to a maximum of 400 x 120, not exceeding 24000 bytes, ty. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] - Cortes |
Nazgu'l
Deviance Inc
SMASH Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.28 11:15:00 -
[25]
Oh My God! :D This kind of ransom can only come up from college students drinking rum! yarr! :D Brilliant story and most original ransom ever :D
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. |
Eln Antlo
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Posted - 2006.12.28 11:39:00 -
[26]
This is probably one of the best pirate stories out there! I laughed my tiny ass off.
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Shandling
Minmatar
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Posted - 2006.12.28 11:48:00 -
[27]
LOL
That's great...
10/10
Sock Monkey Discussion
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Prophet Jurah
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Posted - 2006.12.28 11:59:00 -
[28]
OMFG i laughed so hard i cried!
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Zomiaen
Gallente
Ore Mongers
SMASH Alliance
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Posted - 2006.12.28 13:13:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Mi Lai
Damn, last time I tried to ransom someone for piza I failed .
Refering to me?
I should've bought you guys a pizza too, cept I'd put "♥ Zom" in the inside.
Oh, and Sanguine 4tw.
_________________________
pirates wear pink! - eris was herrrrrrre
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Izo Azlion
Veto.
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Posted - 2006.12.28 14:48:00 -
[30]
Thats an awesome story, lol.
Nicely written too :D
Izo Azlion.
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Cortes owned my Sig. :/ |
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