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(Story) Cold Pizza

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Evil Sulu Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.25 19:40:00 - [1] Cold Pizza a true story by evil sulu ThereÆs something beautiful that happens to the world in times of great change, and we cannot help but be swept up into the whirlwind of confusion and uncertainty as the things we knew to be true no longer are and the whispers and rumors of what might be take turbulent flight in the winds of change. And amid the turmoil and confusion, what else is there to do but venture out into the storm like evil little children toting our machetes, cordless drills, and medical tubing to test the world as we know it - lest we plummet through the thin ice to the cold drowning depths below the surface. Revelations was that handsome girl you met drinking fru-fi drinks at the nightclub in South Beach, and youÆre undecided whether you want to go back to her place because youÆre not completely sure whether she is really a woman or is in fact a man dressed as a woman. YouÆre looking for an adamÆs apple, but the lighting is too just low and your vision is slightly blurred. Maybe thatÆs not the best analogy. What IÆm trying to say is that Revelations threatened to be a mixed bag for people on the other side of the law û while there were some good things in the pipeline, there were an equal number of features that had to potential to be an uncomfortable hit in the shorts for pirates. Thankfully we didnÆt have a choice and were forced into taking that dreaded taxi ride back to her place. On the day after Rev went online in all its lagtastic splendor, we were pleased to find that Revelations was in fact a beautiful lady companion û and that her most impressive assets were her scan probes. So impressive in fact, that we could accurately probe out multiple mission runners and safe spotted idiots from 10AU with a single probe. Somewhere fat little naked cherubs were singing in the heavens. It was as if Christmas had come early and the bearded drunk dressed as Santa Claus at the local mall had taken the time out of his busy schedule slurring nonsensical gibberish to toddlers while staring inappropriately at their suburban mothers to come down to your house and shower you and your friends with T2 and faction goodness. In celebration of this scan probe fiesta, Mi Lai mandated synchronized multilingual corp rendition of Silent Night over TS, which in turn inspired Dana Barrett to volunteer dressing up like an elf and spray painting our corp logo on his neighborÆs dog (LanÆs 10M per photo offer on tagged govÆt buildings is still outstanding) . Everything was right in the world, and for the first time since our beginning virginal safespots and mission gates were giving up their vows of celibacy to the dark passion of non-consensual pvp with reckless abandon û beautiful fireworks in the cold distant depths of empty space, a private sight to behold only for victims... and killers.
Evil Sulu Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.25 19:42:00 - [2] In was in the twilight (T-minus a few days to nerfage) of the golden age/moment of scan probes that this story takes place. It was an unusually quiet night in corp chat, so RN and myself decided to mount up a posse and were able to somehow connive Lan into skipping his advanced crotchet class down at the local community college in favor of hunting out fat lazy mission runners with us at our local lowsec mission hub. Lan seemed a little down as that particular night he was supposed to learn cross-stitching û so with heavy heart the three of us set out to find some fun. We went out and had a blast as we always do, drinking and carrying on as only three reprobates of such outstanding distinction are able to do in each othersÆ company. Although RN was our GL, as the night progressed I was beginning to wonder how much he was actually leading as opposed to his good friend Capt. Morgan, as he was making outrageous claims such as ôCCP stole my idea for the drake, you know. I invented it. ItÆs bloody mine I tell you. Tuxford is just a red-herring!ö After warping his tackler (yours truly) to sentries on more than one occasion with a criminal timer (thankfully w/o incident), I decided it was most likely more the latter than former. About the time we were ready to call it a night, Lan confirms a positive probe hit on a missioning Domi. Before for you know it weÆre in warp to the acceleration gate, which I promptly hop through to score the tackle. Most of the mission rats are already wrecks, and our newest best friend is sitting a short 30km off warp in. In no time at all, I wrap the poor bastard up and call in the troops. As heÆs going into hull, something unusual happens û RN says over TS: ôHold your fire, IÆm gonna ransom this guy!ö Now ransoming is not something we typically like to do as most of us enjoy the æForrest Gump û Box of ChocolatesÆ feeling you get by unwrapping the presents in a victims can (plus weÆre junkies for the squish sound that pods make), but when our GL occasionally fancies wearing pantyhose and offering a ransom to a perfectly good piece of biomass û we honor the ransom. With a sigh of regret, Lan and I quickly disengaged our weapons leaving on webs and points. Three inebriated sharks circle the wounded space whale. A minute goes by with absolute silence other than a few intermittent chuckles coming from RN (in addition to the dreadful darth vader breathing he does, because the **** refuses to use ptt). Another minute passes. And another. And another. And another. Finally, I canÆt stand the suspense any longer plus IÆm slightly worried that RN might have fallen asleep at the helm.
Evil Sulu Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.25 19:43:00 - [3] Sulu> need some help there corky? wtf is taking so long, u two old college bf or something? RN > iÆm ransoming him, ya ***** git, what the hell do you think IÆm doing?! Sulu > well you better be getting an assload of ISK for as long as this is taking. RN> oh, its much better than that. trust me. Lan> you making him eject or something? I can fly a raven, well I can sort of warp it around. RN> better. Sulu> when I hear ppl say ætrust meÆ my *** starts to pucker Sulu> better? whatÆs better than him ejecting? RN> iÆll tell you in sec. RN> itÆs done, ok let him go Sulu> pts off Lan> off Feeling completely unsatisfied, I watch as the Domi warps away into the black of night. Lan> ok, RN what did we just get. and donÆt tell me practice. RN> we ransomed that fine fellow forà get ready for it gentlemenà A PIZZA! Sulu> uh? youÆve got to be *** kidding me, right? <laughter> Lan> lol. thatÆs *** brilliant! <more laughter> Sulu> and how the are we going to get this pizza exactly? RN> well, I asked him and he lives in the uk, so I put him on the honor system. I eve mailed him with the phone number for my local dominos and an address to send me a pizza within the next hour. I told him if he didnÆt do it, weÆd spent the next two weeks running locator agents on him. Lan> lol, you drunk **head, we should have blown him up Sulu> someone needs to revoke RNÆs GL privileges tbh Lan> /emote removes RNÆs feathered FC cap RN> come on guys, i was hungry <drunken giggles> Sulu> youÆre going to stay hungry too, and weÆre going to have to grief this guy out of principle now, you jackass. Lan> nice work, m8. lol.
Evil Sulu Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.25 19:45:00 - [4] So after razzing RN for the remainder of the short trip home which would have been worth the botched ransom anyways, we decided to call it night and log out for some much needed rest. I went to bed thinking weÆd never hear another word about our pizza ransom other than when Lan and I were in the mood for breaking some balls. I logged on the next morning to business as usual; RN logged on late in the afternoon (hangovers 4tl) and convoÆed me straight off: RN> guess what? Sulu> no way in hell. donÆt tell me the pizza came thru. RN> the pizza came. but not to my apt. Sulu> lol. what u mean? if it didnÆt go to ur apt, then whereÆd it go?! RN> the guy replied to my evemail telling me he sent it. As I was a pretty lit up last night, I guess I didnÆt send him my address. I must have thought it would have been funny because I sent him my mumÆs address. She called me in the middle of the night last nite when dominos delivered the damn pizza to her house, because she thought I was pulling a practical joke on her. Sulu> Bwahahahahahahahahahahah. are you ***** ting me? no way. Sulu> Bwahhwahahwhawhahwhahwhahwhaaahahaha. RN> hereÆs the best partà guess what he had written on the inside lid of the box. Sulu> lol what? RN> ô YOU BASTARDS! ENJOY THE PIZZA!ö Sulu> hahaha. Bet ur mumÆs ed. RN> yeah, IÆm going over there in a little bità to have some cold pizza :P Sulu> :D And on this day F1END ransomed a victim for a large 16ö cheese pizza with pepperoni and sausage. And who says we never ransom?! :P -FIN _____________________________ Authors note:** I just donÆt know what to say about this one - the story speaks for itself. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Check out our recruitment thread, weÆre looking for 8 new killers. ------------- Looking for 8 killers
Sakura Nihil Tabula Rasa Systems The Star Fraction	Posted - 2006.12.25 20:25:00 - [5] That's how you ransom !
Intigo Amarr Short Attention Span	Posted - 2006.12.25 20:41:00 - [6] Sweet story, great fun. -- Piewat! Low SP piracy Now with more stories and small clips!
PCaBoo Newbies On Xstacy	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:04:00 - [7] uhh as funny as that is, I think that might actually be illegal. ________________________________ Caldari's are the Chosen people!
Devilish Ledoux Caldari eXin Alliance	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:10:00 - [8] Originally by: PCaBoo uhh as funny as that is, I think that might actually be illegal. It's only illegal if you get caught. Great show. You win at piracy today. _ Do Unto Others.
Destr0math Tritanium Workers Union	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:11:00 - [9] Amazingly done. An example for the rest of us. :D
Tareen Kashaar eXin Alliance	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:13:00 - [10] OMG, you are my heroes :D Drunk ninja, er pirate style ftfw! --- WTS: Forum Signatures, 30mil a piece. Evemail me!

Nyphur Pillowsoft Interstellar Starbase Syndicate	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:17:00 - [11] Edited by: Nyphur on 25/12/2006 21:19:11 Oh man, this is awesome. To actually go ahead and order the guy a pizza, that is spectacular. Most people would have simply ignored him and stayed in high sec for a while, he did the honourable thing. I just came into some money. Can I please get the name of the pilot you ransomed? I'd like to send him 50mil as a token of my appreciation of his honesty (and some isk to you guys for performing the act). Also is it okay if I refer someone I know IRL to you guys? They didn't want to join my corp and went pirate, so I could pass them your recruitment URL. EDIT: Oh, and who paid for the pizza? And how did the message get on the box? Eve-Tanking.com - For tanking spreadsheet and resources.
Verus Potestas Caldari Perkone	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:29:00 - [12] To think I thought pod-or-post was cool Grats, you win Eve. Between corps atm, the NPC one is strictly a temporary thing. RAWR!111 Sig Hijackz0r!!11 - Immy
Nyphur Pillowsoft Interstellar Starbase Syndicate	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:39:00 - [13] Originally by: Verus Potestas To think I thought pod-or-post was cool Pod or pizza. Classic ^^;. Eve-Tanking.com - For tanking spreadsheet and resources.
Mista Sexamalicious Sexa Inc	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:56:00 - [14] Originally by: Evil Sulu RN> we ransomed that fine fellow forà get ready for it gentlemenà A PIZZA! My stomach and sides are hurting atm from the laugh it gave me. Thanks for sharing. SEXEH!
Rockbox Amarr Veto.	Posted - 2006.12.25 21:58:00 - [15] Edited by: Rockbox on 25/12/2006 22:22:09 That is awsome, Sanguine Ftw Edit, Any chance of pics? Rockbox > Resistence is futile...Rockbox > Penetration is imminent!
Benglada Infinitus Odium	Posted - 2006.12.25 22:32:00 - [16] im gonna ransom someone for strip pers next time. --------------------------- Originally by: Arkanor 0.0 is the Final Frontier. Bring money and friends.
Mi Lai Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.26 01:04:00 - [17] Damn, last time I tried to ransom someone for piza I failed .
Generic Player	Posted - 2006.12.26 06:06:00 - [18] Yarr! Nice lewtz.
Destiny Calling Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.26 07:20:00 - [19] Brilliant story!!
Tzarkan Tzeench	Posted - 2006.12.26 07:42:00 - [20] ow my sides hurt from the ing Pod Or Delivery is the new pod or post

Cheng Kung Amarr Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2006.12.28 00:00:00 - [21] Edited by: Cheng Kung on 28/12/2006 00:00:58 Hilarious story.
Buraken v2 Amarr Defence Initiative	Posted - 2006.12.28 01:27:00 - [22] F1END people still at it with their shenanigans I see. Quote: Mail from: Houvire Takaerne 2006.06.06 19:25 Our research has been fruity. If you're interested, I believe I have found what might be a banana in the corner of my office draw.
Samirol The Scope	Posted - 2006.12.28 07:24:00 - [23] oh my...ownage Great being a gallente blasterthron pilot, aint it?
Skybar Minmatar Deviance Inc SMASH Alliance	Posted - 2006.12.28 08:25:00 - [24] heh Dude, I would nominate that to to the *Win Eve award* "Dauntless fleet commander, or the most nefarious pirate ever to terrorize the galaxy" Please resize image to a maximum of 400 x 120, not exceeding 24000 bytes, ty. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] - Cortes
Nazgu'l Deviance Inc SMASH Alliance	Posted - 2006.12.28 11:15:00 - [25] Oh My God! :D This kind of ransom can only come up from college students drinking rum! yarr! :D Brilliant story and most original ransom ever :D I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
Eln Antlo	Posted - 2006.12.28 11:39:00 - [26] This is probably one of the best pirate stories out there! I laughed my tiny ass off.
Shandling Minmatar	Posted - 2006.12.28 11:48:00 - [27] LOL That's great... 10/10 Sock Monkey Discussion
Prophet Jurah	Posted - 2006.12.28 11:59:00 - [28] OMFG i laughed so hard i cried!
Zomiaen Gallente Ore Mongers SMASH Alliance	Posted - 2006.12.28 13:13:00 - [29] Originally by: Mi Lai Damn, last time I tried to ransom someone for piza I failed . Refering to me? I should've bought you guys a pizza too, cept I'd put "♥ Zom" in the inside. Oh, and Sanguine 4tw. _________________________ pirates wear pink! - eris was herrrrrrre
Izo Azlion Veto.	Posted - 2006.12.28 14:48:00 - [30] Thats an awesome story, lol. Nicely written too :D Izo Azlion. --- Cortes owned my Sig. :/

Paari Cuman Syndicate-X	Posted - 2006.12.28 15:26:00 - [31] A truly inspirational story! This guy oughtta get some sort of reward for this (on top of pizza.) I need to start yarrrring more. Kudos!
Lucky Lynn	Posted - 2007.04.07 02:11:00 - [32] I just have to say, sorry for the nec, but this is the most classic of all threads. P.S. Don't forget to bookmark it b4 it's locked and left to wither away.
Devian 666 Ocean Dynamics Dark Matter Coalition	Posted - 2007.04.07 02:21:00 - [33] OMG I thought it was gonna be another cookie cutter story but that was great. Did you specify the toppings? "If you had a gang of 81127 kestrals you could alpha strike Tranquility Server into a smoking hole in the ground"
Torhas Veto.	Posted - 2007.04.07 04:13:00 - [34] Good times Your signature is inappropriate, please email us to find out why -Sahwoolo ([email protected])
zwerg mUfFiN fAcToRy	Posted - 2007.04.07 12:13:00 - [35] lmao great stuff m8 ! ... they call me "the lil one" :(
ZENITHEY	Posted - 2007.04.11 13:15:00 - [36] Excerlent, thing about dominos is they look after you and your cold pizza - spread that herb sause over and it as good as new - tho it doesnt do anything for foreign objects.....Wouldnt mind seeing RN chat logs of the ransom tho.......
DarkElf Veto. Veto Corp	Posted - 2007.04.11 13:28:00 - [37] A light necro here but a worthy one at that. no idea how i missed this thread back in decemeber. quality work. nicely done. DE courtesy of Raggii
Yblarbo Janks Caldari Veto. Veto Corp	Posted - 2007.04.11 20:24:00 - [38] Janks says, you won Eve. I shot a man in Mara, just to watch him Die.
Muhaar Gemeinian Armee der Finsternis	Posted - 2007.04.11 20:45:00 - [39] I don't know how that works in the UK but where i live, the recipient has to pay for the pizza.. Armee der Finsternis rekrutiert
WYLEE C0Y0TE Caldari State War Academy	Posted - 2007.04.11 22:55:00 - [40] Originally by: Muhaar Gemeinian I don't know how that works in the UK but where i live, the recipient has to pay for the pizza.. They're called "Credit Cards".....maybe you've heard of them. They're these crazy inventions by banks that allow you to spout off these seemingly random numbers from a card the bank gives you, and other people type these seemingly random numbers into a machine that verifies they're not random at all, and allows you to "Buy" things. Insane huh? Originally by: Kaylee Zara Try it out yourself and see what you think rather than listening to what the sheep army thinks. Originally by: Leikeze Mrotserif If it's personal, it's because of you.

vile56 Nubs. Anarchy Empire	Posted - 2007.04.11 23:07:00 - [41] Edited by: vile56 on 11/04/2007 23:03:47 Originally by: WYLEE C0Y0TE Originally by: Muhaar Gemeinian I don't know how that works in the UK but where i live, the recipient has to pay for the pizza.. They're called "Credit Cards".....maybe you've heard of them. They're these crazy inventions by banks that allow you to spout off these seemingly random numbers from a card the bank gives you, and other people type these seemingly random numbers into a machine that verifies they're not random at all, and allows you to "Buy" things. Insane huh? he was refering to scammin prolly you know if you steal this magic credit card, and call the pizza place and order pizza, and use another persons card then they get charged, he meant when you get the pizza you pay there. edit, i missed this somehow also
Alesia Sonata	Posted - 2007.04.11 23:10:00 - [42] In the UK you can charge credit cards over the phone, and require no authentication when they deliver. And on topic, brilliant ransom.
WYLEE C0Y0TE Caldari State War Academy	Posted - 2007.04.11 23:12:00 - [43] Originally by: vile56 he was refering to scammin prolly you know if you steal this magic credit card, and call the pizza place and order pizza, and use another persons card then they get charged, he meant when you get the pizza you pay there. edit, i missed this somehow also Sadly, he wasn't refering to scamming, re-read his post, he was trying to be smart and failed There's also another crazy invention out there called "The Internet" (google Al Gore for more in-depth info). On this "Internet" you can do such other insane things as order pizza using your "Credit Card". Welcome to the future Originally by: Kaylee Zara Try it out yourself and see what you think rather than listening to what the sheep army thinks. Originally by: Leikeze Mrotserif If it's personal, it's because of you.
Portios Smith Beyond Divinity Inc Privateer Alliance	Posted - 2007.04.12 00:11:00 - [44] Originally by: Torhas Good times Yep I want the truth You can't handle the truth - Ductoris
jizzmonkey	Posted - 2007.04.13 14:10:00 - [45] Edited by: **monkey on 13/04/2007 14:08:20 this has made me....sorry breaking up here...so so happy.
Thread Winner Federal Navy Academy	Posted - 2007.04.13 14:33:00 - [46] Edited by: Thread Winner on 13/04/2007 14:29:39 Taking bets that the next story by evil sulu will be called Big Sausage Pizza Fight against log off tactics to protect your space from isk farmers!
Exid Rihal Gallente The Taining corp Knights Of the Southerncross	Posted - 2007.04.13 23:55:00 - [47] Hehehe. That is illegal :P Its called "extortion". One thing to do it for in-game money ;) another for any real-life items. Anyways, good one. I chuckled. Perhaps I can start working low'sec'ers over for free pizza. =Exid Rihal= The Taining Corp Wants YOU
JoeT Amarr Nuclear Rental Service	Posted - 2007.04.13 23:58:00 - [48] This wins
undrground Nuclear Rental Service	Posted - 2007.04.14 00:01:00 - [49] wholy crap, i want pizza now better start working the gates. ...
Hairtrigger Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2007.05.23 18:50:00 - [50] nice story mr sulu, its been awhile, will be seein ya soon i hope! Yarrrrrrrrrrr

jimmyjam Turbulent	Posted - 2007.05.23 21:43:00 - [51] Necro
General Coochie Gallente The Blue Dagger Mercenery Agency	Posted - 2007.05.23 22:54:00 - [52] Who cares if its necroed! I havent read it before. I wanna thank lucky lynn for necroing it, made me laugh so hard. Great story.
murder one Gallente Death of Virtue Vigilance Infinitas	Posted - 2007.05.23 23:21:00 - [53] Originally by: General Coochie Who cares if its necroed! I havent read it before. I wanna thank lucky lynn for necroing it, made me laugh so hard. Great story. This is indeed one of the best all time pirate stories ever. Because I said so...
Tig Bittahs	Posted - 2007.05.24 05:38:00 - [54] Originally by: murder one Originally by: General Coochie Who cares if its necroed! I havent read it before. I wanna thank lucky lynn for necroing it, made me laugh so hard. Great story. This is indeed one of the best all time pirate stories ever. Indeed, this will never be topped, unless someone ransoms for a lap dance at the local titah bar.
Torhas Veto.	Posted - 2007.05.24 08:22:00 - [55] The necro is easily forgiveable because it means Hairtrigger is back in action! Your signature exceeds the maximum allowed dimensions of 400x120 pixels -Sahwoolo Etoophie ([email protected])
DarkElf Veto. Veto Corp	Posted - 2007.05.24 08:51:00 - [56] Edited by: DarkElf on 24/05/2007 08:49:20 Necro's of threads like these i truly approve of DE
starbuck1979 KIA Corp KIA Alliance	Posted - 2007.05.24 09:15:00 - [57] Hahahaha that story has to be one of the best stories ive ever heard in all my time gaming on line! Truely the best!!!!
Destiny Calling Amarr Veto Corp	Posted - 2007.05.24 09:23:00 - [58] Originally by: Torhas The necro is easily forgiveable because it means Hairtrigger is back in action! Is it True! thats right I need a new sig
Krysta Swap	Posted - 2007.05.24 12:31:00 - [59] Thank you for Necro posting this... As an old player of MMO's, I've seen it all... but NOTHING like this lol. This is what makes Eve awesome. Real players, real people, real pizza. :) Honestly, whomever it was that you targeted deserves a prize for that. Hope you sent him an Eve mail after that. :) It's the personal engagements that make Eve the most immersive MMO ever.
Na'Thuul Caldari Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2007.09.20 08:46:00 - [60] In celecration of our comeback, this thread needs moar necro!

Selbstopfer Mutually Assured Distraction	Posted - 2007.09.20 11:28:00 - [61] Originally by: Na'Thuul In celecration of our comeback, this thread needs moar necro! Has Evil Sulu come back or is he still MIA? Last we (SHC) heard he was having terminal woman trouble...
Tregaron Minmatar High4Life SMASH Alliance	Posted - 2007.09.20 11:37:00 - [62] hell of a ransom think i could ransom a navy mega for a PS3 or flat screen tv? you've given me a new target in ransoming hehe
Cheng Kung Amarr Sanguine Legion	Posted - 2007.09.20 12:39:00 - [63] Originally by: Selbstopfer Originally by: Na'Thuul In celecration of our comeback, this thread needs moar necro! Has Evil Sulu come back or is he still MIA? Last we (SHC) heard he was having terminal woman trouble... Still MIA
maCH'EttE Veto.	Posted - 2007.09.20 18:12:00 - [64] Wow, necro'd 3 times! Still an awesome story though! Originally by: Devil Hanzo (ISD) I got pwned!
Audus Manus	Posted - 2007.09.20 18:55:00 - [65] ROFL. Comedy Gold that!


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Cold Pizza

-FIN