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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:08:00 -
[1]
BASTAGE-O-GRAM
To: All Travelers in Low-Security Space
From: Bastage Taxation Department
We have been contracted by Concord to collect jump gate usage taxes in Low Security Space. Yes we realize the irony of going yet another step down the evolutionary chain from pirate to tax collector, but hey, when you are that close to the bottom whatÆs another step? Some of us are even considering going into politics at this point . . . . but I digress . . . .
From this point forth we will be collecting jump gate tax payments from all travelers in Low Security Space. All proceeds will be forwarded to Concord. Honest.
There are some exclusions from this tax. Namely:
1) Those pilots or groups of pilots that scare us;
2) Those pilots who we cannot catch long enough to enforce collection, and;
3) Did I mention those that scare the heck out of me?
To the remaining .00000000000001% of travelers: Please pay up promptly. Also, in order to speed up the transactions allow me to provide our Form Responses to some common statements:
You guys are pathetic!
Yes we know. We are trying to reach pathetic and sad. Or perhaps pathetic and despicable. I really like despicable. But please, pay your taxes. ItÆs the right thing to do.
You guys just sit at a gate all day. DonÆt you have a life?
Well no, frankly, we donÆt. If we did IÆd be out with some hot babe right now lighting cigars with large bills and licking champaign off of her . . . . erm . . . . where was I ??
Oh yes, lifeless. I can tell you that we are doing other things. Halod, for example is likely watching a movie instead of listening to me scream on voice comms that his ship is getting probed out. Duckk on the other hand may be lingering at a safe spot while drinking lord knows what and due to his state of inebriation completely ignoring our pleas to leave before he gets probed out. <he needs a new ship btw so pay up>
So yes, we are actually doing more than just sitting here. WeÆre just sitting here while not paying attention.
The old standyby . . . FU!!!!
Please send photos and we will consider your request.
HAH!! You noobs couldnÆt catch my fully nanoÆd interceptor!! What losers!!
Oh come now. Lets be serious. A rattlesnake loaded with 5 cups of espresso couldnÆt catch that thing. On the other hand we often miss bloated freighters with broken engines and drunk pilots. So please, cut us some slack here. Noobs, yes. But for missing you, no.
Why did you shoot me???
Because we were so happy that we actually caught something that we got carried away. Sorry, it happens. Erm . . . will you still pay the tax now? Please? <whimper>
You shot a noob. You must feel like a real man right now!
Your ship does not have a big sign on it that says ôRookie Pilot Insideö. I suppose it would be helpful. But it doesnÆt. We assume that if you are in low security space that you are willing to assume the risks that are involved with low security space. Such as . . . Getting shot . . . podded . . . laughed at . . . and generally abused. On the plus side you get to send really cool missives to us entitled ôYOU JERKS!!ö
But please, step into our shoes. There we are. For hours. Sitting there listening to Ender drone on and on about the exact formula used by Eve to calculate radial velocity and itÆs relation to turret tracking . . . when along you come. We are excited. We are thrilled. And frankly, Milinkoee is visibly aroused. <shudder>
And then it happens . . . after all the expectation all we get is your stupid Civilian Gun Thingy and a blasted copy of the recent letter from your Mother asking you to fly safe in space. Imagine the let down we go though. The stress. The . . . . <sniff> . . . .sadness. So please, be more understanding.
Well, I hope this has been helpful. And please, Concord needs your ISK to keep Eve clean. Please pay your taxes.
Sincerely,
Department of Taxation and Exotic Dancer Inspection Services Bastage, Inc. _______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
tiller
OctoberSnow Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:13:00 -
[2]
you been smoking too much veldspar
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Redglare's Demise
Shih Yang Tong
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:15:00 -
[3]
This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
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Samirol
Queens of the Stone Age Anarchy Empire
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Posted - 2007.03.02 22:23:00 -
[4]
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
25
http://www.iknowderek.com/
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Lady Kinla
World Order The Imperial Order
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:05:00 -
[5]
27 ---------------------------
"Did i ask for anyone to copy this into their sig? No ****heads this is my text not yours!" Already disobeyed... W00t! I am no longer a !. |
Snodgey2004
Mega Modal M0nkeys
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:20:00 -
[6]
LoL , I actually played til' I beat both you noObs - 28 ( OMG HOW SAD IS THAT )
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Sebastian Draconis
Caldari Storm Industries
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Posted - 2007.03.02 23:29:00 -
[7]
Ha 32 on the first try! my carebear skillz rule you n00bs
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Portios Smith
Infinitus Odium Curse Alliance
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Posted - 2007.03.03 00:53:00 -
[8]
LMAO Good sruff MrMann. now I want to drink champagne
I want the truth
You can't handle the truth - Ductoris |
Khlaatu Nikto
Karma Niyama
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Posted - 2007.03.03 01:07:00 -
[9]
Very amusing read
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Vladimir Norkoff
The Black Rabbits Fatal Persuasion
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Posted - 2007.03.03 01:38:00 -
[10]
I aggressed Funshine Bear and got Concorded.. That game sucks..
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SN3263827
The Black Rabbits Fatal Persuasion
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Posted - 2007.03.03 02:35:00 -
[11]
23.
But the droprates are screwed. Fix please. _____________________________________________
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Surfin's PlunderBunny
Minmatar
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Posted - 2007.03.03 03:36:00 -
[12]
I approve this topic I have the YARRR button!
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pwnedgato
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Posted - 2007.03.03 03:40:00 -
[13]
Edited by: pwnedgato on 03/03/2007 03:36:50 I am really good at this game 34... does this mean I should try piracy again?
----- Is this a sig?
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.03 05:50:00 -
[14]
Edited by: MrMann on 03/03/2007 05:48:18
/me Staggers out of his battle scorched pod. Stumbles over to his blackboard. Gets out a piece of chalk and adds to list of things that scare the heck out of me . . .
"MC Pilot in a Vindicator"
<grumble>
Now I gotta buy another Apoc. Last time I try to tax a Vindicator. They get really really crabby about it. Sheesh!!!
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Sun Win
Mutually Assured Distraction
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Posted - 2007.03.03 07:33:00 -
[15]
I got 25. I was Love-a-lot Bear Bear!
New to Eve? Learn to Fly - join channel: "Eve University" or read here |
T'Renn
Crimson Squall
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Posted - 2007.03.03 08:20:00 -
[16]
I only got 13 with Funshine Bear. In my defense it's late and I was laughing pretty hard at my playing of my game in the first place (and the music) while trying to move that bear's fat tookus around to scoop the loot.
Also, nice work OP. --
Wanna be a low-sec scumbag? |
Jak Silverheart
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Posted - 2007.03.03 09:04:00 -
[17]
I got me 36 carebears, first try too.
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Hettar
Caldari Huff Technologies
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Posted - 2007.03.03 10:47:00 -
[18]
if you plan to fight back against the tax try to not outnumbered them, bastoge tends to run for hills if you do, even from other pirate corps.
Your signature is too big, 400 x 120 and less then 24kb - Kreul Intentions ([email protected]) |
Nero Ya'ng
Caldari YaFa Empires
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Posted - 2007.03.03 10:54:00 -
[19]
WTS HotBabes for Lifeless Pirates convo me
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DarkElf
Caldari Veto. Academy
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Posted - 2007.03.03 11:55:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Samirol
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
25
I <3 you with 26
DE
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Dionisius
Gallente Vagabundos THE H0RDE
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Posted - 2007.03.03 12:36:00 -
[21]
Can i get some of the same stuff you're smoking? : / _______________________
What we have here is total lack of respect for the law...
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maCH'EttE
Kentucky Fried Corpse
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Posted - 2007.03.03 13:31:00 -
[22]
Edited by: maCH''EttE on 03/03/2007 13:27:50
Way to go!You helped Friend BearÖ cheer up 32 broken hearts♥
PWNAGE!
Originally by: Devil Hanzo (ISD) I got pwned [by maCH]!
Sigeh? |
Ishquar Teh'Sainte
Faaip De Oiad
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Posted - 2007.03.03 16:30:00 -
[23]
i like it ...
@ the carebear-game .. i got 39 .. how sad is this? ___________________
-Skellibjalla- Life is a garden of perceptions. Pick your fruit.
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.03 17:42:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Hettar if you plan to fight back against the tax try to not outnumbered them, bastoge tends to run for hills if you do, even from other pirate corps.
DAMMIT!!! I knew I forgot something. Allow me to fix this right now . . . .
You guys run away when out numbered and/or insta-dock. YOU LOSERS!!!
We agree 100% with this statement. Yes if faced with the sure destruction of our ships we either:
1) Dock 2) Dock like little girls 3) Wee wee our panties and then dock . . . or . . . 4) Get caught and blasted to hell because we are too busy goofing off.
Usually #4.
This brings up some interesting points . . . .
1) Being that we don't give a darn about territoty and only making money, avoiding superior forces seems logical. But hey, that's just wacky me.
2) While camped it gives us time to log on our alts and hunt/rat/trade our in Bloodangle's case . . . Mine Veldspar.... somewhere else. So we appreciate the diversion from time to time.
3) Is there a dignified way for us to lift our skirts and run? I've tried and my slip keeps showing. I wonder if there is a rig for this?? Oh Oveur??? can I have a Girly Dignified Insta-Dock Rig please?
4) It's too much of a pain in the butt to shelp around and buy a new ship. So I try to avoid going boom.
Can I have what you are smoking?
NO!! Grow your own! <mumble> lazy weasels <mumble>
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Dagrin RDM
Caldari The Knights of the New Republic Forces of Freedom
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Posted - 2007.03.03 18:01:00 -
[25]
This thread is full of win.
and, BTW...26 >.>
A winning strategy! Are we going for a NBSI post policy, now? Because I seriously though CCP were better than that. |
Deran Ta'ekk
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Posted - 2007.03.04 01:13:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Deran Ta''ekk on 04/03/2007 01:11:10 36 first go. Now I need to go and lie down in a dark room for a couple of days before trying again.
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Zandramus
Murder-Death-Kill
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Posted - 2007.03.04 01:39:00 -
[27]
i got 28
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zwerg
Caldari OctoberSnow Corp
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Posted - 2007.03.04 09:25:00 -
[28]
Originally by: tiller you been smoking too much veldspar
QFT
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.04 13:23:00 -
[29]
Does this mean that I am indeed spared from paying these so-called Concord Taxes?
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing 1908.4 damage. |
Crna Udovica
Amarr Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.04 16:37:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Phoenus Does this mean that I am indeed spared from paying these so-called Concord Taxes?
/me looks at Kill bord umm yes.
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Kihnada
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Posted - 2007.03.05 10:22:00 -
[31]
LOL - this is one of the funnier topics I have seen in a while :D
Hope to be strong enough for traveling into 0.0 space in couple of moths, only to be harased and ana* probed by funny peeps like you :D
Hell - I might even get my cruiser in youre sights, feeling like a big man with all those laser turrets and such - only to be shot down by 20+ missiles hitting my poor as* .
This is geting to look like a fun game more and more :D
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.05 17:46:00 -
[32]
Originally by: Phoenus Does this mean that I am indeed spared from paying these so-called Concord Taxes?
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr!!!!
Dear Selene:
I wanted to drop you a line about our mutual friend and your underling, Phoenus. I'm worried about him. A few days ago I found him near an asteroid belt in his Vindicator looking dejected.
I asked him, "What's wrong buddy?" And he told me that he just didn't find much of a challenge with Merc. Coalition anymore. Something about everyone running away from his Vindicator.
So we talked and talked. And it seems, deep down inside that he would like to fly something more exciting. A Kestrel perhaps. You know, something to really get the blood pumping in battle. But on the otherhand he feels like MC wants him to fly the Vindicator. He's such a loyal little soldier.
So please. Help out our buddy and put him in a ship that's more fun. He'll be better off for it I'm sure.
Your Pal,
MrMann
P.S. Please have him move that )&(##*(#)&()#*( beast out of our home system while you're at it. Thanks. _______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Seleene
Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.05 23:00:00 -
[33]
Edited by: Seleene on 05/03/2007 22:57:47
You mis-spelled my name. Now Phoenus gets a Nyx. Have a nice day.
Edit:
P.S. - Fun thread. At least you guys are honest! Yaaaar! -
Vid - 'Killing Mother' |
Hypatia Iola
Caldari Warhounds
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Posted - 2007.03.05 23:07:00 -
[34]
all i can say is...
pwnage, mad pwnage.
i hope to run into you all in a ship that can cloak someday if only so i can sit and watch the mayhem!
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.05 23:56:00 -
[35]
Originally by: Seleene Edited by: Seleene on 05/03/2007 22:57:47
You mis-spelled my name. Now Phoenus gets a Nyx. Have a nice day.
Edit:
P.S. - Fun thread. At least you guys are honest! Yaaaar!
Nyx? That's like some frigate that I haven't seen yet right? RIGHT??? Ruh Roh.
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Ka'lorn Font'a
Amarr Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.06 00:03:00 -
[36]
Originally by: Seleene Edited by: Seleene on 05/03/2007 22:57:47
You mis-spelled my name. Now Phoenus gets a Nyx. Have a nice day.
Hey MrMann
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.07 00:59:00 -
[37]
MrMann.
I *told* you, that having your folks Clonejump across EVE away from me wouldn't work! Now you made Halod lose his Raven, sheesh!
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing |
Destr0math
Tritanium Workers Union
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Posted - 2007.03.07 03:22:00 -
[38]
I am simply glad that Mr. Phoenus and Ka'lorn Font'a have moved on from my home system and stomping grounds. Having a vindicator around did not help business. --- we fly for the golden star. |
Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.07 04:20:00 -
[39]
Originally by: Destr0math I am simply glad that Mr. Phoenus and Ka'lorn Font'a have moved on from my home system and stomping grounds. Having a vindicator around did not help business.
Just doing the rounds, don't think I've forgotten about you
Spent last night playing with Assassin Syndicate, well, until they decided they needed 10v2 .
In the words of my esteemed corpmate... 'I'll be back'
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing |
Ender Fal
Caldari Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 04:54:00 -
[40]
Originally by: Phoenus MrMann.
I *told* you, that having your folks Clonejump across EVE away from me wouldn't work! Now you made Halod lose his Raven, sheesh!
I'd like to let you know that I hold you personally responsible for losing my ship tonight. Thats gonna cost the tax fund a bit.
Now while it is true I never engaged you or saw you for that matter, the fact that we all ran awa--- uhh strategically relocated from the area we were in a few days ago and promptly all got stupid and died is your fault. Well at least the relocating is.
Grumble, I hate Jita, grumble........
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MrMann
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 06:03:00 -
[41]
Originally by: Phoenus MrMann.
I *told* you, that having your folks Clonejump across EVE away from me wouldn't work! Now you made Halod lose his Raven, sheesh!
Oh please!! You MC guys. Taking credit for everything. Halod loses his Ravens by the bucket load. Heck he kills his own scouts by mistake.
Honestly, tourists come out to Aridia just to watch the hourly Halod Hull Implosion Light Shows.
But don't worry. We have an internal Corp. pool on when you will kill him next. I have Thursday between 20:00 and 21:00. Make it happen and I'll slide you 25% of the pot.
_______________________________________________
Proud Member of the Greater Tribute Security Service. |
Bellum Eternus
Gallente CRICE Corporation Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2007.03.07 06:43:00 -
[42]
This thread delivers.
Everyone is having a stupid contest, and you're in first place!
FIX RECON PROBES |
Arunca
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Posted - 2007.03.07 09:30:00 -
[43]
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
Woot!? Got 36:P
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Arekhon
Mutually Assured Distraction
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Posted - 2007.03.07 10:35:00 -
[44]
Originally by: Redglare's Demise This game is awesome!
http://www.care-bears.com/CareBears/html/fungames/happyhearts.html
I got 23!
I only got 19 stoopid mouse @ work...I was BEDTIME BEAR so maybe I just had other stuff on my mind..like drinking champagne off of.................
Originally by: Korin Veecolectus Piracy is like "rape". Pirates are rapists as far as I am concerned.
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HornFrog
Forum Moderator Interstellar Services Department
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Posted - 2007.03.07 11:15:00 -
[45]
Please stay on topic and refrain from hijacking this thread.
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Phoenus
Caldari Body Count Inc. Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.03.07 12:49:00 -
[46]
Originally by: Ender Fal
Originally by: Phoenus MrMann.
I *told* you, that having your folks Clonejump across EVE away from me wouldn't work! Now you made Halod lose his Raven, sheesh!
I'd like to let you know that I hold you personally responsible for losing my ship tonight. Thats gonna cost the tax fund a bit.
Now while it is true I never engaged you or saw you for that matter, the fact that we all ran awa--- uhh strategically relocated from the area we were in a few days ago and promptly all got stupid and died is your fault. Well at least the relocating is.
Grumble, I hate Jita, grumble........
I lol'd when your entire corp 'vanished' from local, yet were still online, and I had eyes on every gate.
Agent search -> Aridia? what in gawds name?
[ 2006.08.16 20:49:06 ] (combat) Your Electron Blaster Cannon II barely scratches Dominix [NTEMS]<HELLH>(Dominix), causing |
Halod Crane
Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.07 18:41:00 -
[47]
The best part of that clonejump, was getting all setup back in Aridia, and on the FIRST TARGET losing 2 ships. Then moments later, losing the third.
I'll get you for this Phoenus! ;)
Kudos to Slackers for wtfpwning us. I had thought we traded Ravens but as it turns out, the target raven got away with 18% structure.
We have a plan to gank you btw, it involves Haulers. 47 haulers can kill you right?
--------- Beware the Signature --------- Bastage Inc. We do it for the hate mail.
Feel free to convo me ingame. I'm likely bored. --------- Beware the Signature ---------
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LordAmarus
Minmatar Einherjar Rising
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Posted - 2007.03.07 19:08:00 -
[48]
HAH!! You noobs couldnÆt catch my fully nanoÆd interceptor!! What losers!!
Oh come now. Lets be serious. A rattlesnake loaded with 5 cups of espresso couldnÆt catch that thing. On the other hand we often miss bloated freighters with broken engines and drunk pilots. So please, cut us some slack here. Noobs, yes. But for missing you, no.
lol almost died laughing here
Have No Fear , I Is Here |
duckk
Gallente Bastage Incorporated
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Posted - 2007.03.11 02:20:00 -
[49]
Originally by: MrMann
Heck he kills his own scouts by mistake.
Sad part (hic) is that is completely true (hic). Halod was blasting and giving a play-by-play on TS2 (hic) about his kill...then went silent. Two minutes later it was, "uh guys, I killed myself." (hic)
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