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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 4 post(s) |
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CCP Abraxas
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Posted - 2007.07.30 16:45:00 -
[1]
Hello again. This time we have a bit of pew-pew, a little luvin', and some bruised egos that find their own ways of mending.
Oh yeah, and the story is narrated in reverse chronological order.
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ThaMa Gebir
Gallente
Raddick Explorations
Executive Outcomes
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Posted - 2007.07.30 17:17:00 -
[2]
That was an awesome story matey.
But this rocks;
 Quote:
"She was eighty two!" Fremer said in exasperation, and his voice sounded raspy and frail.
And there they might have sat for all eternity, overcome with the vast thoughts of human endeavour, but Nedar couldn't resist. "So ... was it alright?"
"Oh yeah," Fremer said and smiled like an idiot. "She was very gentle."
That had me rolling...
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Confirmed heaviest member of RDEX........
Hah, no more hijacks here. |
Leneerra
Minmatar
Trinity Nova
KIA Alliance
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Posted - 2007.07.30 18:12:00 -
[3]
awesome :)
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Mellivora Ratel
Minmatar
Mellivora Ratel Inc
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Posted - 2007.07.30 18:23:00 -
[4]
Hehe good reading as always.
Keep it coming!
Mell
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Krexus
Amarr
Serenity Prime
Praesidium Libertatis
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Posted - 2007.07.30 18:28:00 -
[5]
very nice indeed
Originally by: CCP Wrangler
You're not supposed to feel like you're logging in to a happy, happy, fluffy, fluffy lala land filled with fun and adventures, that's what hello kitty online is for.
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Uthaes
Gallente
The Graduates
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Posted - 2007.07.30 18:57:00 -
[6]
haha nice one ... . those fury will eat the woman from last story as supposed .. . doubt any serp force can kill a capsuler, quite funny to hear that the guy is flying a frig and holding them all back .. and from the drones point of view .... . .. im sure its a gallente flying an Ishkur !! .. prolly even me .. . . did i kill nedar without knowing it Abraxas ?
thx for the pew pew .. even if its short .. next time .. maybe some pew pew between capsulers ? so it last longer :D
great story
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Bartholomeus Crane
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Posted - 2007.07.30 18:59:00 -
[7]
So that's going through the minds of those multitudes I have been slaughtering all this time. Interesting ...
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Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? |
Ilany
BANK of HUZZAH FEDERATION
HUZZAH FEDERATION
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Posted - 2007.07.30 19:38:00 -
[8]
That was really good. Definitely gives a flavour of the faction. I assume this plot continues with the remaining seasons?
Who was Marsha?
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Falcione
Mortis Angelus
The Church.
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Posted - 2007.07.30 19:41:00 -
[9]
Heh, great read. The backwards telling was an interesting touch.
My Bio in Progress
Prologue / CH.1 |
General Xerxes
GREY COUNCIL
Cruel Intentions
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Posted - 2007.07.30 20:04:00 -
[10]
Originally by: Uthaes
haha nice one ... . those fury will eat the woman from last story as supposed .. . doubt any serp force can kill a capsuler, quite funny to hear that the guy is flying a frig and holding them all back .. and from the drones point of view .... . .. im sure its a gallente flying an Ishkur !! .. prolly even me .. . . did i kill nedar without knowing it Abraxas ?
thx for the pew pew .. even if its short .. next time .. maybe some pew pew between capsulers ? so it last longer :D
great story
They did beat the capsuleer, he blew up at the beginning of the chronicle...
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Barrick Stormsworn
Minmatar
CAD Inc.
Executive Outcomes
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Posted - 2007.07.30 20:44:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Falcione
Heh, great read. The backwards telling was an interesting touch.
Personally, I don't think the frame worked well. It's already published so not much can be done about it, but the transitions were non-existent and, as such, it wasn't clear how we were supposed to interpret the frame until late in the story. On top of that, there were too many characters thrown at the reader early in the story and, due to the frame, we didn't learn who they were until much too late. There's also the argument between Eron and Nedar that I didn't completely understand due to a lack of background. In general, the story was just too short.
Re-arranging what's there and expanding for character development would be recommended. I'm tempted to do it myself just to read a version that's better and makes more sense :-\
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Aki Kuroda
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Posted - 2007.07.30 21:36:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Aki Kuroda on 30/07/2007 21:37:29
Yet another very enjoyable chronicle.
I do, however, agree with:
Originally by: Barrick Stormsworn
Personally, I don't think the frame worked well.
...mostly because I didn't think it contributed to the narrative much at all, in comparison to the earlier Fedo Song (which might be unfair, because the techniques used are, after all, different).
But that's just a very minor bit of griping on my part for what's an excellent duo of fiction.
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echof0xtrot
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Posted - 2007.07.30 21:43:00 -
[13]
i loved it. i loved "winter came while you were away," especially the part where the furies minds were changed by the one, single word "capsuleer." it's awesome how revered they (we) are in the world of eve, and when i finished "winter" i found myself wishing they would write a story about the mission she told the furies about. wish granted, white wolf rules.
also, it's always nice to see a story from the point of view youre not used to. in this case, from the rats point of view. the style reminded me of the movie "momento," but was a little hard to follow because of all the characters. i read it once from beginning to end, and then again from end to beginning, and it was a lot easier to follow.
all in all, i loved it and can't wait to finish reading the rest of the chronicles.
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Freki Grimnir
Minmatar
The Plexus Syndicate
The Order of New Eden
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Posted - 2007.07.31 00:49:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Freki Grimnir on 31/07/2007 00:51:39
I liked this; I've often wished that some of the chronicles would be followed up on. "Winter Came While You Were Away" was crying out for a follow up and you didn't disappoint. I do agree that the reverse chronological order didn't quite work though. I see what you were trying to do with it, and it was a nice idea, but it just didn't quite work for me. Read in the correct chronological order it's a superb story.
I do hope this tale continues with Spring and Autumn.
What are the chances of seeing a follow up to "The Greatest Joke"? It was the first of the new wave of chronicles and still one of my favourites out of the whole lot.
edited because the forum's auto-censor is too sensitive 
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Tkar vonBiggendorf
Gallente
Snake Eyes Inc
Hell Hounds
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Posted - 2007.07.31 01:20:00 -
[15]
Naw. The reverse order works great. Nedar seems compassionate at the "end" and by the "beginning" you realize how cold and calculating he is. Awesome. It would have been boring in the other direction.
Originally by: Ilany
That was really good. Definitely gives a flavour of the faction. I assume this plot continues with the remaining seasons?
Who was Marsha?
I think the correct question is, "How old was Marsha?" 
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Kyoko Sakoda
Caldari
Omerta Syndicate
Exuro Mortis
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Posted - 2007.07.31 01:43:00 -
[16]
Hahaha. I love this stuff.
Learn what it means to be Caldari with Omerta Syndicate |
JADE DRAG0NESS
Native Freshfood
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Posted - 2007.07.31 01:51:00 -
[17]
A very nice continuation of the last one Abraxus 
Look forward to waht happens next.
"Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god."
-- Jean Rostand |
Riley Craven
Caldari
Copacetic Corporation
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Posted - 2007.07.31 03:06:00 -
[18]
Edited by: Riley Craven on 31/07/2007 03:06:20
Originally by: CCP Abraxas
Oh yeah, and the story is narrated in reverse chronological order.
For the record: I hate you! No reason to use stupid literary tricks like this. Memento was terrible. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/
*begins reading the store from bottom up*
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MotherMoon
Huang Yinglong
Namtz'aar k'in
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Posted - 2007.07.31 05:11:00 -
[19]
who is the artist?
stop releasing art without the artist's name please :(
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I'm working my way through college
target CCP |
Ridley Tree
The Black Rabbits
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Posted - 2007.07.31 06:51:00 -
[20]
Nice work. Love pirate faction fiction, but well I don't know if I like the backwards story-telling or not. I do like how it puts an almost insignificant tone to the 'the capsuleer gets killed' answer to the question 'Winter' puts to us.
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The Ridley Tree Productions Vault of Videos |
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Venduul
Caldari
Caldari Defense Group
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Posted - 2007.07.31 07:57:00 -
[21]
Awesome work. Oh yeah, and the "She was very gentle" part = priceless
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CCP Abraxas
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Posted - 2007.07.31 10:29:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Riley Craven
For the record: I hate you! No reason to use stupid literary tricks like this. Memento was terrible. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/
*begins reading the store from bottom up*
I'll nip this one in the bud right now. Given how perceptive most of my readers seem to be, I'm surprised at the number of people who disliked the reverse narrative device. There's plenty reason why the story is constructed the way it is, and if you read it bottom up, you simply spoil it for yourself.
Which is, in fact, exactly what I'm going to do now. SPOILERS FOLLOW
This story is based on shifting perceptions. Eron goes from being a martyr to a traitor to a just and honest man. Fremer also goes from being a martyr to being someone with a questionable past and then on to being a simple bumpkin with an odd item of pride. Nedar's fiancee turns out not to be one, and his relationship with her changes several times over, from apparent desperate love, to an affair, to a dark plot involving his wife. As for Nedar himself, it's slowly revealed just how calculating and cruel he is.
If you read it in the order it's presented, you should've had several "Wait, he did what?" moments. If you read it in reverse order, bottom up, all you have is several "Well, of course," ones. Sure, it's a little confusing at the start, but each scene is delinated so clearly - this is space combat, this is the quiet before the storm, this is a discussion between two men on the docking ports, etc. - that knowing where you are shouldn't be a problem.
Whether or not it actually works that way for each of you is, of course, a different issue altogether. But there are reasons for why it is the way it is.
Originally by: MotherMoon
who is the artist? stop releasing art without the artist's name please :(
As you may have noticed, EVE doesn't tend to brand its art - written, drawn or designed - with its artists' initials. The only reason you even know that I wrote this chronicle is because of the thread I set up for discussion.
Originally by: echof0xtrot
especially the part where the furies minds were changed by the one, single word "capsuleer." it's awesome how revered they (we) are in the world of eve
We capsuleers are a strange and vicious breed. I'm realizing more and more not just how revered, but how feared and hated we're likely to be by the general populace. I intend to explore this at some point in the future, and show the repercussions of, say, destroying a pirate mining colony with the tens of thousands of innocent people who worked there. And if anyone says, "pirate scum aren't innocent", they've proved my point.
A capsuleer is like one of the old gods of any universe. You can pray for their assistance, or pray for their mercy, but mostly, you pray you never catch their attention.
Originally by: Freki Grimnir
What are the chances of seeing a follow up to "The Greatest Joke"? It was the first of the new wave of chronicles and still one of my favourites out of the whole lot.
Remember Black Mountain? That monstrous series of chronicles I mentioned last time, the one that's going to take many months to publish?
One guess who the protagonist is. 
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Indra Sebuchiore
Sebiestor tribe
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Posted - 2007.07.31 13:12:00 -
[23]
I loved this piece, both as a standalone as a sequel to Winter Came....
I thought the backwards telling was a great touch (like Memento, which is a brilliant movie), and for all those naysayers you obviously missed the point of the developing character arcs, which as Abraxas quite right points out in the reply above mine, the reverse order actually gives us the character arcs, as opposed to a few "well, that was straightforward" moments.
There's been times when I've loved Abraxas' fiction, and times when I wasn't so impressed, but this was definitely one of the former.
__________________________________________
"In girum imus nocte, et consumimur igni."
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Haradgrim
Caldari
The Wild Bunch
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Posted - 2007.07.31 13:46:00 -
[24]
more! more!
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Haradgrim
[-WB-]
That.which.does.not.bend.breaks |
Barrick Stormsworn
Minmatar
CAD Inc.
Executive Outcomes
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Posted - 2007.07.31 14:26:00 -
[25]
I recognize your point and motivation Abraxas, but stand by my statement that for the frame to be effective, there either needs to be better transitions or the story needs to be longer as a whole, giving attention to character development. I don't know who the characters are at the beginning: fine, we're working in a frame of reverse chronology, so I can expect to know at the end. The problem is that I don't really know at the end either. They're Serpentis, Nedar is using the people around him for personal advancement, and everyone is uncomfortable with decisions he made outside of the story with characters (the furies) that aren't elaborated upon inside the story.
Perhaps my confusion would have been allayed by knowing that this was part of a larger arc, but I didn't read the last story (which apparently referenced/elaborated upon the furies) and so this was lost on me. A short story is generally self-contained, and though not everything can be included leaving a wide latitude for mystery and ambiguity, it can't come at the expense of cohesion or clarity. Knowing the characters so poorly at the end made me feel like the story as a whole just didn't quite work. (The scene where they're talking about sex and grinning at each other like mates didn't help diffuse the confusion; just one example of where further character development and explanation of their thoughts/motivations would have helped.)
Just my 2 cents. I usually love the Chronicles and have been considering writing EVE-based stories for a while. Thanks for your work, and I hope you don't mind the criticism. I've yet to escape the critical/workshop mentality I live in at university :-P
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Pang Grohl
Gallente
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Posted - 2007.07.31 16:58:00 -
[26]
Damn your sexy word craft.
Just the other day I was contemplating how far beyond the scope of a planet-bound existence starship crews must be, let alone pod pilots.
Considering how astronauts are so very much the peak of human conditioning, how far beyond that would pod pilots be?
Si non adjuvas, noces
(If you're not helping, you're hurting) |
Justin Cody
Caldari
Chaos Reborn
Derek Knows Us
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Posted - 2007.07.31 18:16:00 -
[27]
My favorite of the new chronicles so far...good job
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
Scott Adams
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Nuyan Zahedi
Amarr
PIE Inc.
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Posted - 2007.07.31 20:49:00 -
[28]
Very nice chronicle with some nice info about capsuleer versus non-capsuleer fighting. It makes all sense to me.
Originally by: Tkar vonBiggendorf
Naw. The reverse order works great. Nedar seems compassionate at the "end" and by the "beginning" you realize how cold and calculating he is. Awesome. It would have been boring in the other direction.
Originally by: Ilany
That was really good. Definitely gives a flavour of the faction. I assume this plot continues with the remaining seasons?
Who was Marsha?
I think the correct question is, "How old was Marsha?"
Ahh. Now I see it. It's 28! ;)
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Izm
DV8
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Posted - 2007.07.31 20:53:00 -
[29]
Nice read.
However, the title "Summer Breeze" made me think of douche for some reason.
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Ilany
BANK of HUZZAH FEDERATION
HUZZAH FEDERATION
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Posted - 2007.07.31 21:35:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Nuyan Zahedi
Originally by: Tkar vonBiggendorf
Originally by: Ilany
Who was Marsha?
I think the correct question is, "How old was Marsha?"
Ahh. Now I see it. It's 28! ;)
Hmmmm.  They're talking about sexual encounters - presumably one-nighters - not relationships so it wouldn't make sense for the "bumpkin" to say he loves her and Nedar wouldn't know who she was to tell her that anyway.
That's what confused me.
I was just wondering if she was someone else in the story or if a paragraph had been left out that would explain it.
Anyway, as to the reverse order and character development issue... I thought it worked very well indeed. I found myself enjoying it more and more as the simple premise of the story at the start was demolished by an understanding of the (unknown) character's relationships with one-another.
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