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Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
305
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:29:00 -
[1] - Quote
TL:DR this is a sister guide to https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&find=unread&t=61878 and is exactly what it says in the title.
Who this guide is aimed atGÇöThe hardest of the hardcore
You have been playing this game a long time and now stick exclusively to highsec. For reason that we need not go into you have a lot of time on your hands and you devote it exclusively to Eve Online where you wardec other corps without end. Not for you the one week wardec. You wardec for profit, destruction and kill board glory. If you have all of this and a coating of hair on your neck then this guide is for you.
What most people fail to realise is that this game is a sandbox. Your sandbox and if they want to enter it then they will have to deal with the harsher realities of this very brutal game and there is nothing more brutal than you. One day you will fly into Jita and the place will fall silent and you will know on that day that you will finally be a success. But until that day comes you will have to find new prey.
The prey you are looking for are nooby corps and alliances. They are the ungulates to your lions. They are easy kills and do not understand the mechanics of the game yet. But why noobies.
1. To pad your killboard (a kill is a kill) 2. Game satisfaction through tear extraction 3. To pay for your subscription. For every 2 billion a month you receive in ransoms five people can play for free. Other people may thing that this is bad form but they are just not the predator that you are. And once they pay they are a renewable source of income whenever you need it. Once you have multiple corps under your control you will never have to pay to play this game again. And think what you can do with $15 a month. Ponies? Card gaming?
Targets.
Targets have two opportunities. They pay your ransom or they are targeted for termination and it does not stop ever until they are destroyed or isk is paid.
How to choose you target.
1. An easy way to find new targets is to just travel through the belts of a heavily mined system and can flip miners. If they have drones out they may attack you and then you can terminate the offender with extreme prejudice. If there drones are set to PASSIVE then they cannot be destroyed without concord intervention. DonGÇÖt suicide gank them as that will ruin your killboard, leave that to the lol pvpers. Take details of the players and look at the age of the corp and the CEO. Look for other members in system and check there ages. If they are all brand new then you have acquired your next target.
2. Go to a heavily missioned system and take a good look around at who is coming or going. Again you are looking for younger players and a young CEO. These are the cream of the victims for your killboards. As initially they might fight but will mainly field DPS fleets with no healing ships or any kind of Ewar. These look great on your killboard as they are pvp ships and a kill is a kill. If they come out in huge numbers far greater than you then just wait. You are in this for the long haul. The predator has no time frame. He watches and waits. They will all pay for this all of them.
3. Sit by heavily trafficked routes and watch who is coming by. Take notes on who is auto piloting and who is not. Again check to see if they are in a corp or an alliance. How many people are in it and the general age. Someone who autopilots may be to young to understand the mechanics of the game and may continue auto piloting when the war comes.
4. Look for Corps with words like builder, miner or production in them. Most corps give away what they are by their name. These are what you are looking for. They are your lifeblood and the best way to feel good about yourself.
5. Check there kill board. If it is empty then you are in luck and have found a fat bird ripe for the plucking.
6. Look for people talking in Local. Check out their corp and there age. You may just have an ungulate walk into the lions den for you. Barge into their conversation and see if they fail to respect you, if they donGÇÖt them unleash the beard and put that wardec into place. They will soon learn.
7. Stick to Corps if you can as it cost 2 million a week to wardec them thatGÇÖs 100 million for an entire year. An alliance wardec costs 50 million a week which is 2.5 billion a year. Only wardec an alliance if itGÇÖs called. GÇ£All we do is mine and build and slow boat to jita with Tech II ships in our holdsGÇ¥
First contact
Once the countdown to the wardec begins you will probably be contacted by their CEO or diplomat. Even if you know who they are pretend that you donGÇÖt and have them formally identify themselves. You are the master here and they will respect that. Be brief, almost machine like. Show them that you are a predator just by your words and you cannot be gotten around and that you have no better nature. Tell them its 500 million if they surrender now or itGÇÖs a billion isk if they donGÇÖt. If they say things like GÇ£no problems this is just a part of the gameGÇ¥ or GÇ£ok see you soon and lets have a good fightGÇ¥ donGÇÖt get offended or angry.
The business at hand and Tear extraction.
1. With new corps there are always players who do not understand the nature of Wardecs and continue there normal play. These are you first points of entry. You will find retrievers in belts or even in Grav sites. Hunt them without mercy and kill there pods as well. If they moan or shout in local then saviour those tears and take a moment to run your hands through your beard as you know that the destruction has begun.
Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
305
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:29:00 -
[2] - Quote
2. Invite the CEO into your corp channel where you can get to know him better, but this is just part of your meticulous rouse. Be friendly and try to mine him for information. Be subtle and he may give you what you need. If you are killing his corpmates tell him and try to get a reaction from him. Tears are everywhere and there are plenty to be had here. If the corp is falling apart around him then let him know itGÇÖs his fault and that payment could stop all of this. Keep all records of your conversations as they can be doctored and sent to other corp members or even alliance CEOs to create discord. It is easy to spot a faked chat log but they may not know that. If a CEO says GÇ£That will serve him right for not doing as he was toldGÇ¥ you can use that to show that the CEO does not care about his members.
3. If your CEO/Alliance Leader has a policy of no smack talking then try to wind up the opposition in system. ItGÇÖs best if you have already podded and killed them a few times. Then when they finally start smack talking back send all the chat logs to the CEO/Alliance CEO.
4. Any kill is a kill. It does not matter if itGÇÖs a Titan or a shuttle flown by a 2 day old. They all go on the killboard. And if any kill is the same as a titan then make a big deal of it and belittle your victim, while whooping and cheering in local. If they complain that you are a veteran of Eve and they are a few weeks/months old. Just call them a noob and tell them to go back to WOW.
5. There will inevitably be a lot of camping of stations which is fine as most of these corps use one station as there base for everything. So you have them all locked up in one place. And it does not matter how long you camp them for as they are suffering and they will pay out in the end with their isk or their kill mails. If they manage to kill a ship then include that in the ransom. A player I knew was attacked and knew he was going to be podded so he destroyed a warrior II drone. The new ransom was 1 billion isk and a warrior drone.
6. Login trap. If you are destroying a mission running corp then have all players log off part from one who sits in a fully insured tech I pvp boat which is visible to your prey. Everyone else logs into the game but sits on the character selection screen. When that ship is attacked you all click on your character and warp back in on top of the prey item. It may take several hours before your cowardly prey decide to attack but you will be on vent and you can use up those hours looking at youtube/4chan/reddich/9gag/hamster etc. You could even look out the window (approach slowly to get your eyes adjusted to the light).
7. After several weeks of this you may be getting bored or frustrated but never tell your prey. If itGÇÖs been 6 weeks then tell them that corps normally start to fall apart after about 8 weeks and most have tipped into destruction after about 12. As though this is normal.
8. be online whenever you can. Never let them rest. Never let them do anything that is not exactly what you want them to do. Use alts constantly to track them down. If they are not in a station have the alt scan them and then destroy with your main. You are the master and they are the prey. This is your sandbox and no one elseGÇÖs. You remember when this game was great and not full of noobs.
After the War
1. If you have won and they have paid up. Remember that they are now an isk faucet that can be tapped indefinitely. You can go back and take a ransom every six months. This way, you play they pay. Plex is paid for by the weak not the strong.
2. If for some reason they did not pay or their corp imploded then you are entitled to take this personally. Tell the CEO that his time will come and that you will be following him wherever he goes forever in this game. Most of the time they will not realise that this is against the EULA and they can be warned or banned for this.
3. If you do decide to wardec someone out of the game then follow them from corp to corp. alliance to alliance. Say things like, GÇ£give me my prey and I will let the rest of you liveGÇ¥. Firstly this makes you sounds like a baddass and secondly it tells the new alliance that you want this person kicked out. If you use another account to do this CCP may be able to track you down through your IP address and if you have other people do it you may be caught out as if its shown that multiple predators attacked the same person and they were all linked over time to a corp/wardec that did not pay it might result in mass warnings and even bannings. But normally noobs donGÇÖt know this.
4. Occasionally sent the CEO short emails for years afterwards just letting him know you exist and that you might still be interested in him.
4. If people quit over your decs who cares. Your daddy might think you are worthless but here you are the master of all you survey.
Bonus feature.
The wardeced corp may have a female player.
The number rule is, DONGÇÖT PANIC
If you play your cards right she may end up in your corp, facebook, meeting, Marriage?
I do know of a number of couples that got together while playing Eve but they were all in the same corps for many years and they all lived close to each other and met up as a corp and attraction blossomed. But donGÇÖt let that worry you.
You can always try to option of GÇ£if you give her to us we will release you from the wardecGÇ¥, but normally the women has enough control not to agree with this. A much better alternative is to pretend that you donGÇÖt know she is a woman and just casually start to private convo her. Tell her that you have done everything in the game and that this is just something different and that there are far worse people than you. If she eventually tells you that she is a woman, act surprised. After you have been convoing her for a while you could ask her to come onto vent if she wants and meet the guys. Make it really informal.
Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
305
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:29:00 -
[3] - Quote
Preparation.
Take plenty of deep breaths and try to remain calm. Do not panic. The last thing a women needs to hear is a stream of high pitched nonsense coming her way. Stand up and practise saying hello as they you are meeting someone for the first time. And thatGÇÖs it. DonGÇÖt make any stupid jokes just say hello and go from there. When she comes into chat just move her into the main section. If you are really nervous have your asthma inhaler nearby.
The Event.
Whatever happens donGÇÖt start crying. There will be nothing worse for a woman if she comes onto vent and all she can hear is the sobbing of a dozen men whose neckbeards are crackling against their microphones.
Apart from general hellos donGÇÖt all try to impress her by talking about how macho your job is or what a baddass you are. You will just become a cacophony of noise on vent which will scare the younger ladies and annoy the older ones.
Its best if you have only one person speak and explain in a light hearted way what your corp is about. Make this person someone who knows a woman who he is not related to. If this does not apply to any of you then you will have to wing it.
If she does agree to join your corp this does not automatically make her the CEOs girlfriend. DonGÇÖt shout at people who talk to her without your permission. She is just another person playing the game
If you talk to her socially try to engage her in light hearted topics that she might enjoy. She will not care if you can triforce or what your frame rate per second is.
Take her on a lowsec roam as it will be something new for you all to do. Make sure you protect her and she might find this new aspect of the game exciting. Be authoritative as this is your natural area. I once had a man on a lowsec roam who was so excited by a women being in the group that he could not stop talking to her in a high pitched voice and 100 words a minute. He is ginger, 350 pounds and is a proud neckbeard wearer.
Things to remember.
1. She probably does not look like her avatar, unless she is made out of plastic. 2. If you private convo her resist the urge to say GÇ£OMD ilove you so much please can we meetGÇ¥ 3. DonGÇÖt ask her what her real name is. 4. DonGÇÖt ask her to join on face book 5. If she does join you on face book donGÇÖt spend all day looking at her photos and imagining your life together.
Summary
All these things have happened to me or I have witnessed it happen in game. The only exception was that it was not 12 people crying it was 1.
Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
Solstice Project
Cult of Personality
1295
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:35:00 -
[4] - Quote
Going after noobs is pretty ... noobish.
OTOH, fair that you covered both sides.
(edit: can't resist ... you really believe that crap about the women ??? XD) Inappropriate signature removed. Spitfire |
Morganta
Peripheral Madness The Midget Mafia
914
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:39:00 -
[5] - Quote
2 parody threads in a week?
*and F no... I an't reading your td;lr or 3 pages of poop The American public's reaction to the change was poor and the new cola was a major marketing failure. The subsequent reintroduction of Coke's original formula, re-branded as "Coca-Cola Classic", resulted in a significant gain in sales, leading to speculation that the introduction of the New Coke formula was just a marketing ploy |
Strigonde Kite
Sebiestor Tribe Minmatar Republic
9
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:40:00 -
[6] - Quote
Why don't you pick on someone of your own size? |
Arec Bardwin
Perkone Caldari State
236
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:42:00 -
[7] - Quote
My neck beard backbone |
Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
305
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:43:00 -
[8] - Quote
Morganta wrote:2 parody threads in a week?
*and F no... I an't reading your td;lr or 3 pages of poop
Yeah ive got some free time. glad you saw it for what it is.
Solstic project is just lols Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
Solstice Project
Cult of Personality
1295
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:45:00 -
[9] - Quote
Karn Dulake wrote:Morganta wrote:2 parody threads in a week?
*and F no... I an't reading your td;lr or 3 pages of poop Yeah ive got some free time. glad you saw it for what it is. Solstic project is just lols
I sincerely tried to pretend to be all serious, but really that part with the girl ... COME ON ! *lol* Inappropriate signature removed. Spitfire |
Feligast
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1000
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:47:00 -
[10] - Quote
Somebody most certainly has too much time on their hands. |
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Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
305
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:50:00 -
[11] - Quote
Solstice Project wrote:Karn Dulake wrote:Morganta wrote:2 parody threads in a week?
*and F no... I an't reading your td;lr or 3 pages of poop Yeah ive got some free time. glad you saw it for what it is. Solstic project is just lols I sincerely tried to pretend to be all serious, but really that part with the girl ... COME ON ! *lol*
All those things happened.
woman i know was in a corp and the CEO decided that she was his girlfriend.
Same girl got a man crying
3 girls were in our vent once and it just turned into an ape cage. everyone was shouting and beating there chests and talking about how macho their jobs were. Really really funny
so much more i could say. Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
Solstice Project
Cult of Personality
1295
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:54:00 -
[12] - Quote
Karn Dulake wrote:All those things happened.
woman i know was in a corp and the CEO decided that she was his girlfriend.
Same girl got a man crying
3 girls were in our vent once and it just turned into an ape cage. everyone was shouting and beating there chests and talking about how macho their jobs were. Really really funny
so much more i could say.
*speechless* Inappropriate signature removed. Spitfire |
Morganta
Peripheral Madness The Midget Mafia
914
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 19:56:00 -
[13] - Quote
Karn Dulake wrote:Solstice Project wrote:Karn Dulake wrote:Morganta wrote:2 parody threads in a week?
*and F no... I an't reading your td;lr or 3 pages of poop Yeah ive got some free time. glad you saw it for what it is. Solstic project is just lols I sincerely tried to pretend to be all serious, but really that part with the girl ... COME ON ! *lol* All those things happened. woman i know was in a corp and the CEO decided that she was his girlfriend. Same girl got a man crying 3 girls were in our vent once and it just turned into an ape cage. everyone was shouting and beating there chests and talking about how macho their jobs were. Really really funny so much more i could say.
record button FTMFW
The American public's reaction to the change was poor and the new cola was a major marketing failure. The subsequent reintroduction of Coke's original formula, re-branded as "Coca-Cola Classic", resulted in a significant gain in sales, leading to speculation that the introduction of the New Coke formula was just a marketing ploy |
Plyn
Random Jedi Industries KRYSIS.
15
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 20:22:00 -
[14] - Quote
Extremely amusing post. Thank you for making me smile
Sadly, though this was a fantastic parody, the method for identifying potential highsec wartargets you outline is in full swing use by many neckbeards too frightened of a free-for-all to visit low or null.
Keep it up and maybe you can someday get a job at cracked.com! Come2Nullsec |
DeMichael Crimson
Republic University Minmatar Republic
1004
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 20:37:00 -
[15] - Quote
I started reading the OP but I soon realized that this thread is discrimination with extreme prejudice towards new players which will probably bring down 'The Wrath Of CCP'. |
Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
306
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 20:42:00 -
[16] - Quote
DeMichael Crimson wrote:I started reading the OP but I soon realized that this thread is discrimination with extreme prejudice towards new players which will probably bring down 'The Wrath Of CCP'.
Read it all. Its a parody and you can soon see who it is really aimed at. Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
J Kunjeh
345
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 20:51:00 -
[17] - Quote
Was totally looking forward to this, but it was so poorly written I could only last about 1/4 of the way through...sorry. "The world as we know it came about through an anomaly (anomou)" (The Gospel of Philip, 1-5)-á |
Dbars Grinding
Garoun Investment Bank Gallente Federation
338
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 20:55:00 -
[18] - Quote
Lacks content and a point. Also TLDR |
DeMichael Crimson
Republic University Minmatar Republic
1005
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 21:37:00 -
[19] - Quote
Karn Dulake wrote:DeMichael Crimson wrote:I started reading the OP but I soon realized that this thread is discrimination with extreme prejudice towards new players which will probably bring down 'The Wrath Of CCP'. Read it all. Its a parody and you can soon see who it is really aimed at.
I read it and even though you casually mention station camping, autopiloting, etc (Ways to be caught) and the EULA rules about griefing, warnings, petitions and bans, I still stand by my original post.
If your actual intention was to help protect new players with information, then you did a very lousy job of it since most probably wouldn't even read this, let alone catch your hidden meaning. Besides that, even with overwhelming evidence, trying to prove harassment griefing to CCP is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. Just isn't going to happen.
As for the 2nd part, I basically rushed through it. Anyone can change the sound of their voice electronically and everyone knows for a fact that in Eve, the word GIRL = Guy In Real Life.
I will say it looks like you spent a lot of time writing that up. How about making it into a newbie friendly survival guide and post it in the New Players forum.
If not, then Carry On My Wayward Son |
Karn Dulake
Souls Must Be Trampled The.Alliance
306
|
Posted - 2012.01.26 22:24:00 -
[20] - Quote
thanks for the info. i can touch type so no it did not take me long at all :) Something Awful. A beacon for tearful, lonely neckbeards. |
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