Originally by: Jago Kain

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I generally have two ways of dealing with tele-marketing folk.

If I'm busy, or not in the mood for BS, I'll just ask them to remove my number from their database and not to call again.

However. If it's a bit of a slow day, I'm bored and have nothing better to do, I like to string them along a bit.

Whatever it is they are selling, I express an interest and ask them to tell me more. I generally affect a slow, drawly voice and I pretend to be stupid/confused/medicated/Scottish/whatever to drag out the time they spend talking to me. I ask them to repeat information again and again and hit them with a barrage of the most obvious and inane questions. I ask about extra insurance, different options, specifications, comparisions to competitiors products, payment plans, credit etc.; anything to keep them on the phone and talking to me.

If you pitch it right, you can keep one of these soulless, carrion swines on the phone for upwards of 20 minutes before they give it up as a bad job, and that's time they can't harrass anyone else for and, as most of them get paid on commission, it costs them to waste it talking to me.

I once kept a guy on the phone for over an hour discussing the pros and cons of private health insurance and what, exactly I'd be covered for and not. When I eventually dropped the bomb and admitted I'd only been talking to him to waste his time and stop him earning, and asked him how his day had been going up to that point, he went off like a firework and unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse that would shock a scouser as I hung up laughing. Most satisfying.

Who knows, if they get enough timewasters on the other end of the phone, they may give up telesales, get a real job, and become vaguely human again and possibly even contribute something of worth to the world, instead of making a living out of selling crap to folk who ought to know better, but miraculously often don't.

So, next time one of these vultures breaches your bubble of tranquility with his/her nefarious BS, hit them where it really hurts. In the pocket.

You know it makes sense.

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