snerdly
snerd LTD
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Posted - 2007.11.26 07:05:00 -
[1]
Many a CAOD poster may have said to himself (or herself, or perhaps itself), 'Hey, these Goons are pretty big jerks. Constructive posters such as myself (no, not me, you. you're referring to yourselves, morons) can no longer post their constructive opinions because Goons are big meanies. I wish they would die.'
Well, FEAR NOT! Salvation has arrived, and it takes the form of a very bored person who should be filling out college applications but isn't because he's a lazy arse. I, myself, in person, on this alt, shall be explaining to you, the ignorant public, why goonswarm, the jerks, are going to die.
Right now you might be asking yourself, 'but how does he know? Is he jesus?'
No, ha ha, I'm not Jesus. And show proper respect for our Lord and Savior by at least capitalizing his name, please.
No, I'm not Jesus, but I am his prophet. You see, last night Jesus came to me in the form of large, extremely sexy pecan pie. As i writhed in pecanny ecstasy, he spoke to me in a voice that seemed to be made of pure fudge pudding... he explained that goonswarm would die.... and that's when I awoke, my sheets liberally graced with Jesus Juice. I mean, it's all holy and stuff, but damn is it a ***** to get that crap out EVERY FREAKING MORNING. After the tenth time or so the laundromat guy started giving me weird looks, so I started doing it myself. It takes hours, and I use all my money on detergent, so I can't buy food. Gotta spend the rest of the day rooting through dumpsters to find hobos to beat up for money. Being a prophet is no picnic, I tell ya. Damn hobos have knives sometimes.
...What was I saying?
Oh yeah.
So Jesus imparted to me the five reasons that Goonswarm will die. Here are they, exactly as he imparted them:
reason one: You don't talk about fight club.
reason two: Haha you stupid idiot, what kind of moron has the same rule twice? Jesus ain't no moron.
Reason three: Jesus speaks in the third person because Jesus is, in fact, black.
Reason four: There were going to be five reasons, but Jesus don't think this is funny anymore. You think this whole thing ain't funny? Jesus don't take none a your guff. Jesus gone beat yo ass.
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