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Author	Thread Statistics \| Show CCP posts - 707 post(s)
Signal11th 29	Posted - 2011.09.09 15:19:00 - [1] - Quote Whoop Whoop Dat's the sound of the police! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 33	Posted - 2011.09.12 09:34:00 - [2] - Quote me like! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 33	Posted - 2011.09.14 07:46:00 - [3] - Quote shabba! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 64	Posted - 2011.09.28 12:19:00 - [4] - Quote Old but made me laugh: Yo Mama is so fat she had to be cynoed to the kitchen. God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 93	Posted - 2011.10.13 08:57:00 - [5] - Quote Up town top ranking!! (one for the oldies) God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 101	Posted - 2011.10.14 08:41:00 - [6] - Quote Car theft in multi-storey carparks is wrong on so many levels! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 106	Posted - 2011.10.17 10:36:00 - [7] - Quote I had to choose a new password which was eight characters long so I chose Snow White and seven Dwarfs God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 113	Posted - 2011.10.18 07:39:00 - [8] - Quote When a person with a lisp says "Blithness" you know they mean business! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 114	Posted - 2011.10.18 10:56:00 - [9] - Quote Laid in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery." With a smile she said "Because I'm worth millions to you?" "No" I said "I wish you'd fecking roll over." God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 136	Posted - 2011.10.19 14:37:00 - [10] - Quote One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a bondage-S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She showed it to her husband.He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!" God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.

Signal11th 154	Posted - 2011.10.21 15:38:00 - [11] - Quote New page new joke, I asked a Welsh mate of mine how many sexual partners he had. Bizarrely, he started counting and fell asleep!? (One for the Brits!) God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 189	Posted - 2011.11.04 12:35:00 - [12] - Quote Sorry chaps been forgetting my manners!! Nun in a bath washing herself down when she hears a knock at the door. "Who is it" she asks "The blind man" comes the reply. So the Nun looks around the bathroom and can't find a towel anywhere, After a couple of minutes she thinks to herself hold on he's blind anyway, he won't see anything. So she goes up to the door and opens it. The blind man says "Nice baps love, where do you want these Venetians putting?" God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 196	Posted - 2011.11.11 12:31:00 - [13] - Quote New page new joke: I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door asking for donations.Just had one woman from the sperm bank, f@ck me did I give her a mouthful. God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 218	Posted - 2011.11.14 08:40:00 - [14] - Quote New page: NEW DRINKING WARNING JUST RELEASED: Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth... There you have it! ICE is lethal. Warn all your friends: Lay off the ice, just drink it straight!! Forward this immediately. You could save a life!!! And don't forget what it did to the Titanic!! God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 232	Posted - 2011.11.21 15:15:00 - [15] - Quote New Page New Joke: One of my mates died whilst on holiday, he went out swimming but unfortunately he drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.05 16:36:00 - [16] - Quote Having trouble keeping up, here's a Christmassy one. Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy". The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" The third man answered "They're Carol's." God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.05 16:45:00 - [17] - Quote Tanya Powers wrote: Signal11th wrote: stuff Please no more of these, I just gave you a like to get rid of those boring stories. Fair enough!, no more from me on this thread then. God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.06 14:13:00 - [18] - Quote Back due to unpopular demand :-) . A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.12 08:35:00 - [19] - Quote A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amall. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amall. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amall." God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.20 11:30:00 - [20] - Quote Hey I'm confused according to the Western news Kim Yong Il is dead but according to the North Korean press he is away fighting a 100ft tall US super robot? God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.

Signal11th 436	Posted - 2011.12.23 12:42:00 - [21] - Quote Man calls 911, "What is your emergency?" "I have two women fighting over me" "Most men would be happy with that" "Yes I know but the fat one is winning!!" God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2012.01.04 11:19:00 - [22] - Quote A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: GÇ£My friend is dead! What can I do?GÇ¥ The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: GÇ£Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.GÇ¥ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: GÇ£OK, now what?GÇ£ God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2012.01.06 09:58:00 - [23] - Quote Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. GÇ£Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.GÇ¥ GÇ£I see millions and millions of stars, HolmesGÇ¥ replies Watson. GÇ£And what do you deduce from that?GÇ¥ Watson ponders for a minute. GÇ£Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?GÇ¥ Holmes is silent for a moment. GÇ£Watson, you idiot!GÇ¥ he says. GÇ£Someone has stolen our tent!GÇ¥ God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2012.01.16 08:37:00 - [24] - Quote A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: GÇ£Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.GÇ¥ The man then replies: GÇ£Yeah, well we were married 35 years.GÇ¥ God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 436	Posted - 2012.01.25 12:30:00 - [25] - Quote When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300-¦C. The Russians used a pencil. God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.
Signal11th 463	Posted - 2012.04.30 08:16:00 - [26] - Quote Well it's been a while but here's one for you. Husband and wife are having a row, This goes on for several minutes with insults being thrown left right and centre. Finally the wife says "I hate you, you're always pushing me around" The husband says "Well , you are in a wheelchair..." God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!"-á I came second and won a toaster.

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