MrFahrenheit
The humble Crew
Odyssey.
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Posted - 2008.04.08 03:03:00 -
[1]
 Originally by: CCP Gangleri
Military assets have not been deemed necessary so far, we will all have to fend for ourselves and the strongest will prevail.
Indeed only the strongest will survive the mass onslaught that is the zombie Incursion, but what about those outside Iceland/CCP?
So what are you going to do when the undead start to awake and starts eating up the town, are you just going to sitback and let the foul little devils turn you into man sushi?
Well fear not, follow my simple "self help" guide to surviving the forthcoming Zombie invasion and feel safe in the knowlage that you have an increased 1 in 1874 chance of surviving after following this short tutorial.
1- Know thy enemy....
What the hell is a Zombie?
A zombie is a fella who's karked it, much like Princess Di, and then is reanimated, athough not reanimated as in a restored copy of Disney's Bambi, but rather its come back to life.
Its probibly well known that zombies love the taste of man flesh and in particular the sweet sweet meat contained within your skull.
In rescent testing at the Canberra Institute of Zombie Dynamics it was found that 8 out of 10 zombies will actually go staight for your head, biting at the neck area trying to release head from shoulders in a vain attempt to keep the best part for themselves, so they dont have to share it with their zombie friends.
The best protection from this form of attack is actually a 1900's brass diving helmet, and of course a scarf (prefribly made of wool) as its well known zombs wont eat anything other than man, so the taste of sheep will probably put it off.
Ironically a zombies weakest point is its own head, infact the only way to dispatch a zomb is to destroy its cerabellum which im told is part of the brain,
if your unsure where in its brain it is located, its highly reccomended to just keep mashing away at it with your weapon of choice until it stops "twitching".
2- Home defence...
While your nations armies are off having fun on the mass zomb shoot, how can you defend yourself at home?
Well a deep moat around your home is a good idea, as are a band of headshooting archers, and pots of boiling oil above your parapits.
however it has come to my attention that some people outside of the England find it hard to aquire these particular items.
So I guess a fence made of pointy sticks or something will keep them at bay.
flimsy boards nailed across windows also help.
Also I have been told by some americans that guns are great for defending your home.
for those that dont have guns/Archers I suggest running like ****.
3- On the run...
Inevitably at some point your home will be infested by the foul zombs, and so you will have to go "on the run" dont be dismayed if your a couch potatoe though, it does not mean you will actually have to run, you can take your car and as a plus factor fuel will probibly be free, assuming the gas station isnt on fire, which they unfortunatly usually are in such circumstances.
also when on the run I reccomend taking the following items....
Packed lunch,beer,pack of mintoes incase of car sickness,
toilet paper, cos you never know if your picking up the right kinda leaf.
spare socks,passport,mithril shirt,a long stick,first aid kit,fellowship of the ring,beer, and of course an "eyespy" book.
4- Getting Help after Being infected...
NEVER trust a zombie, not even if its an old lady zomb trying to cross the street and her shopping bag has split open, spilling her load of gibs across the road, give her the chance and she'll be munching on your face like theres no tommorow.
If a Zombie bites you - and I'm not going to mince my words - you're ******,
So there you have it, a basic simple guide to surviving against all odds,
I reccomend printing this guide, and perhaps laminating it to prevent perishing when it gets soaked in the inevitble fountains of blood that will follow.
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