ITX9
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Posted - 2004.04.28 00:55:00 -
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Edited by: ITX9 on 28/04/2004 00:57:36
Pulgor Solutions Vol 9 (For real this time!)
Greetings flesh bags, I am ITX-9, entity PulgorÆs robotic navigator. Disregard the image you see on the video feed, I am projecting it instead of my real face to make this easier on you flesh bags!
The Master has asked me to fill in for his question/answer type column, ôPulgor Solutions.ö If you do not know what that is, then I recommend you read this datafile: Here
In this issue ITX-9 handles the bulk of your fleshbag problems. I shall now commence the bulk of the column.
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Dear Pulgor,
Occaisinally my life style means I need to take a break and run some agent missions to make some isk for my wallet before it dies of stavation but my level 3 agent mission seems to love giving me anit-biotics as rewards (im not going to get ill any time soon).
Is there any way I can get her to give me better rewards?
- Anti-biotic addict
ITX-9 Recommends that you simply restrict the oxygen supply to her lungs and then offer the solution of giving you better rewards. This solution has an 80% probability of working. However if the agent is a robot, then this method will not work. If that is the case then please send her to me. I can plot a trienary course through a class B nebula, but I cannot love. I would cry if I could.
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Dear Pulgor
I've been taking a correspondence course in film-making. Our final assignment is to submit a completed short film. I have decided that my film will explore the hypocrisy of the slave trade through the medium of erotica.
To this end, I wonder if you know of a planet with a breathable atmosphere and low gravity where I might shoot the outdoor scenes?
Also, do you know of a reputable yet competitively-priced 'look-a-like' agency? I'm still looking for someone to take the role of the Amarrian emperor.
-Tess Durbeyfield
ITX-9 recommends Tanoo 1 for your motion capture production. Its green fields and beautiful lakes would be perfect for your picture. I recommend using special effects for the Amarrian Emperor as it would be more convincing then actually hiring an individual, and cheaper. I also recommend that you make gratuitous use of Robot women. For if you do not the robot audience will not be satisfied. Please heed my suggestion as I do not want to force the issue with a triple-bearing-mark-3-phase-inverter-pistol.
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Dear Pulgor,
I'm trying to trace an Ammatarians Estate. I know its on Tanoo IV Moon 1, but is there any way of finding exactly where it is? Besides from interrogating the owner?
-Grudge Bearer
I must recommend your local directory for that information. Simply use the neo comm. communications listings to find the estate youÆre looking for. For asking such a foolish question, I must demote you to quasi-meat sack status!
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Dear Pulgor,
Recently I've found that a few Gallente men were furious that their wives had left them to become part of my non-slave harem. Can you think of anything to get rid of these backwards chaps?
-Dau Imperius
I recommend you contract me for the position. I will give them one option; they can start running while my blasters charge. After that I will simply blast them, crude but efficient. Is any of the women in your non-slave harem a robot? If so then I will only charge half price.
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Dear Pulgor
What is the best way to stop frozen corpses scratching your hull? I keep finding that whenever I pop a Minmatar Terrorist ship and fly through the wreckage I seem to get all manner of chips to the paintwork caused by this frozen menace?
-Boy Racer
My recommendation is to use ôCorpse be goneö brand corpse remover. When you have a corpse that is dangerously close to scratching your paintjob, this stuff will vaporize it for you! Warning, this solution may also cause rust spots and pink eye.
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That is all for this issue puny fleshbags, and quasi-meat sack Dagoth. Please tune in next when hopefully Pulgor will be answering questions. Now for my reward, he said I could utilize his lug nut supply.
*ITX-9 begins eating lug nuts*
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