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Taxman V: Back in Black

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Gigi Kent Terradyne Networks	Posted - 2008.06.20 18:42:00 - [61] MOAR!! -------------------------- Sig do what now?
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.20 23:14:00 - [62] Audit Log 20080616.0712 - We really do love my job. It's not the pay (which sucks). It's not the hours (which are long). It's knowing that what we do makes a difference. Enough of one that someone has felt fit to put a price on my head once again. Possibly the KMS hoodlums frustrated over the loss of their Hulks. Or perhaps some other nameless group of villains, or even the shadowy puppetmasters that pull the strings behind the North. Attempting to stop justice before it reaches them. It will never work. We are inevitable. We are the IRS. Pull out the Vexor again. Such a great little ship. Nigh indestructable. Set up camp outside the P7 HQ. Need only wait a few moments until a neutral hauler undocks. Misha Arsehat. Pitiful attempt to spy. Had been in KMS up until 2 days ago. Could you be more obvious? KMS goons come piling out of station when their ploy is exposed. Domi, Myrm, Maller, Balckbird, and even a little Merlin. How cute. Play touch and go. Kill off a few drones to assert our dominance. Warp out as the damage mounts. Return and they're gone. Using different tactics now it seems. Lurking around in space rather than hugging station as they normally do. Excellent. Bit of scanning finds them at P1. Still their full gang. Still just our Vexor. They don't stand a chance! Come in hot... And they are 100km away. And they show no signs of moving. Sigh. Throw out the challenge and warp to P2. As expected, takes them a few moments but they follow. Merlin first to arrive. Elayne Dy'Ness. Sounds Gallente. That means you die. Point and web, guns and drones make short work of it. Rest of their band mob barreling in. Hit the MWD to pull some range. Speed is everything and they have none. Lock up their Hammerheads to add insult to injury. Finish off the first one when we're hit by a bus. WTF?! Domi. Had MWD. Ow. Scrammed and webbed. Cap vanishes. Dammit. Vexor isn't so indestructable after all. Many would see failure in this situation. We see only opportunity. They've switched to small ships. One is Section eght in the Harpy again. Missed it last time, but now it dies. Hatch a devious plan. Grab a new ship and fit up! A Merlin. Yes a bloody Merlin. (Shutup! It's a great plan!) Undock and they're right outside. Harpy and the Maller. No chance. They're doomed! Hit the MWD, lock, point, web the Harpy. Standard launchers flare to life spewing out Sabertooth death. ACs rattling away landing occassional hits at range. Harpy attempts to fire back, and fails. You're at 8km chump, blasters and rockets have no range. Continue unloading as it's shields crumple. Maller finally gets a lock. Grunt as the lasers hit. Medium extender still holding up. Oh yes, dual MAPC are my friends. We have tank AND gank! Harpy into armor as the other goons arrive. Not good. Need ACs hitting. Try approach but webbed as well. Maller punching holes in shields, mob have drones out. Harpy half armor. Do it! ACs rattling away. Drones on me. Lasers hit again. Ouch. Warp out of the explosion. Right. That could have gone better. Vexor and a Merlin down, have only managed to pop a frig in return. So damn close on the Harpy though. Would have had it too, if it weren't for that meddling Maller. Never liked fighting Amarr ships much. For all the whining the hoodieheads do, they're frighteningly powerful ships. Though Maller is probably worst of the bunch. Well best to solve that problem in any case. Dock up. Hooligans are still dancing about outside as if they scored an incredible victory. Undock and show them the error of their ways. They scatter like roaches from the light of our majestic Domi. All except the Maller. Slam our foot down hard on that one. It tries to wriggle and squirm. Drones and blasters put a quick end to that. Fitting payback. But still not enough. Kill tally on equal terms, and that is unacceptable. Patience though. Patience is always the key. Taxman V: Back in Black
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.20 23:14:00 - [63] Audit Log 20080616.0712 - Cont. - Refit a new ship and wait. They drift off one at a time. Finally it is time. Seven Below in a Crow named "with Teeth". No little bear, you won't have teeth when I'm done with you. Undock the new Merlin. Warp to their hideout at 100km. Predictably she engages. And predictably she closes into close range. Web and it's over. Nothing comes out to save her. Tries to warp her pod to station. And that's why we're at 100. Before her dense little mind can process the situation she finds herself in a clone bay. Yes, this is justice. Stroll back to station with the evidence. Not too terribly bad. Pity it didn't have Polycarbs though. Computer screen holds steady at -112,000,000 ISK credit on the KMS account. All in the black. Taxman V: Back in Black
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.21 00:50:00 - [64] Audit Log 20080617.1343 - The life of a CEO is never easy. The ceaseless responsibility of watching the wallet grow from corp slavery. The labors of commanding subordinates to fetch coffee. Not to mention the increased prestige and visibility, which in this case has lead to an increased bounty. The nefarious work of that filthy strumpet we punished the other day, no doubt. Honestly though, you'd think they could afford something more impressive than a feeble 5,000 ISK. Not like they're spending it on taxes after all. In any case, finally have agent Sin Fae back up in the area. Apparently been spending the past few days primping herself for an upcoming ISD interview. Which is fine and all, except that duty comes first. Wherever there are tax evaders, Righteousness must strike hard and swiftly. And today it must strike a swarm of KMS Rifters. Seems they didn't like having their Harpy and Intie owned by a mere Merlin. Trying to pull the EMP/Sabertooth trick themselves. Yeah, that's likely to happen. Let's try a change of pace then. Jump a system or two and buy a new Tristan. Let's see how this works. Or not. They see the Tristan and change up to a Blackbird, ShieldMyrm, and a BlasterRohk. Sometimes it's hard being an efficient Tax Agent. Ponder for a few moments and come to a conclusion. Back when the Other sank into it's darkest depths of depravity. When It was trying to sell our organs to Zaniou, It did one rather bizarre thing. It began reading "Ownage the Caldari Way: The Torpedo Lifestyle". Never really understood what that was all about. We've never really bothered studying weapon systems before. Always been more partial to Electronics and Engineering. And drones of course. Our lovely little drones. But for some reason It studied torpedos. All the way to advanced studies. First and only T2 weapon we can use. Rather amusing considering that we've never even fired a torpedo our entire life. But for some reason It studied them. And even fitted out a Raven with CalNavy Mjiies. Convenient. Work out a plan with Sin. Undock and engage. Lock and scram the Myrm. Mjiies tearing through it's shields. I like these. I like them ALOT! Pulse the MWD to keep distance on the Rohk. Neutrons are only work when they hit. Drones all over me, and then jammed. Sin Fae warps in at range with a Drake. Jam clears up pretty quickly afterward. KMS plays dock-undock as torps tear into them. As nice as they are, torps can't keep up with station docking regen. Hit the MWD with drones in close pursuit. Shields fail and into armor. Annoying. Hate repair bills. Armor dropping fast. Finally get a hold of the Station Manager and dock. No donuts this time you bastard. Ponder the situation and get a new plan. Blackbird was once again that dimwit Milly Runefire. And idiotically she had warped to the Rohk. Undock and run on top our little wizardess Runefire. Point, web, drones, dead. Warp out surrounded by a cloud of drones. Like clockwork. But we're not done yet. Still need the evidence! Sin Fae warps in and starts a distraction. Flip around and warp back, MWD to the wreck and check the goods. Meh, all T1. Take it anyway. "Better mine than yours" - Taxman motto. Without a doubt, a flawless victory. Send out instructions to call it a day. Dock up, smile, and stretch back in the pod. Life is good. And then get the message in local commchat. "Oops?". What does Sin Fae mean "oops"? Saw a Vexor at P3. KMS head-honcho MiMena. And she warped to it. In a drake. With no MWD. Close our eyes. Rest head against the console. I am sooo going to kill her. And then she disappears from local commchat. They didn't. They did. Sons of biitchez! Unclench the fingers. Let go of the anger. Fly like it's personal, but don't fly angry. Rage is the mindkiller. Release the controls and sit back. Glance over at the computer. -87,000,000 ISK. Bastards. They will pay. Oh yes they will. And MiMena is at the top of the list. Taxman V: Back in Black
techzer0 IDLE GUNS IDLE EMPIRE	Posted - 2008.06.21 02:04:00 - [65] Originally by: Vladimir Norkoff Never liked fighting Amarr ships much. For all the whining the hoodieheads do, they're frighteningly powerful ships. Bwahahahah... That is sig worthy right there... ------------ Originally by: CCP Mitnal It's great being a puppetmaster
Ridley Tree The Black Rabbits The Gurlstas Associates	Posted - 2008.06.21 04:47:00 - [66] Definitely good to see you back Vlad _______ Pirating 101: A Basic Course
Sin Fae Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.22 04:29:00 - [67] Edited by: Sin Fae on 22/06/2008 04:30:09 I - I didn't mean to crash the impounded Drake, must have been that new cough syrup I'm using. Originally by: Vladimir Norkoff "Ownage the Caldari Way: The Torpedo Lifestyle" Classic Vlad, classic.
General Hawke Shinra Shinra Alliance	Posted - 2008.06.22 18:32:00 - [68] NW, Vlad. Nice to see you back at the writing. Redistribute alittle isk to my pockets. And, \0.
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.23 03:39:00 - [69] Audit Log 20080619.2155 - It's funny. Completely missed my anniversary. Been doing this for a year straight now. Was just a couple days ago. Would think we could take at least a little time off to celebrate our successes. But Duty is a remorseless taskmaster. As long as their is Evil in this world, then the IRS must be there to face it. Unblinking. Undaunted. Unstoppable. And if it requires the sacrifice of a missed birthday or two, then we will willingly accept that burden. For good of all of us. Previous day went as expected. KMS showing little sign of action or creativity. Trying to act brave after their dogpile on Sin Fae. Pitiful. In an amusing sidenote, learned that Sin's Drake wasn't even really hers. Had obtained it during a repo job. Pilot had actually ejected rather than face justice. Explains the stupid cyrillic name it had. Mollifies my anger a bit. Still she's wisely keeping her distance at the moment. KMS isn't so bright though. Their attempt at having a spine today being a poorly executed trap. MiMena sitting at a planet again. Neutral pilot in the BlasterRohk, apparently trying to pull the surprise corp acceptance trick. With the same tactics as yesterday. Against us? Honestly? Pathetic. Second day was far more eventful. Last day of the audit. As expected, the criminal becomes more active. A depressing combination of deficient memory, and desperate desire to maintain their "street cred". It happens everytime. And always ends the same. One would feel sorry for them, except for the fact that they brought upon themselves by not paying their taxes. And that is the saddest part. If they had only paid the 100 mil... Start patrols as we do everytime by checking their hideout. In the trusty Vexor as always. An almost instantaneous response with the ShieldMyrm and ubiquitous Blackbird. They are feeling spunky today. Kill a few of their drones and they try to drop a RavenBomb. It's our old friend Arsehat. Raven is a powerful ship, especially with torps. Though I find they work better when they shoot farther than 15km. Becomes a simple matter of kiting, and he's reduced to a useless bystander. But patience as always is the key. Wait long enough and good things will happen. MiMena undocks. Finally, an officer spawn. Been waiting for you mutherfuker! Dip in to pull the aggro and seperate the targets. Warp out. Quick rep. Head back in. Boss encounter still there. Raven, Myrm, and BB out as well. Been using the same warp point for two weeks. Have finally gotten them trained. MiMena sitting right on top it. Best part is, probably thinks he's being smart. Both lock up. He lays in with the Medium Neuts. I know your tricks and fit already, you Gallente scum. I see through your moves. And you don't have enough time for neuts to make a difference. Send in the drones, start the ACs. Rest of the KMS mob starts laying in as well. Torps hurt. Drones do too. Shields vanish and into armor. Grit the teeth and suffer through it. Armor dropping. Could run, but vengeance comes first. Nobody kills my employees but me! Doesn't take long though. As expected, the fool is using a repper. And no repper can keep up with righteous fury. Drones make mincemeat of him. Could go for the pod, but would rather have him live with the shame. To remember how easily he was punished in front of his gang. Despite superior numbers. Superior firepower. Superior ship classes. All are meaningless to the IRS. We are Justice! The remainder of the audit passes peacefully. Their CEO chatting up local. Feebly attempting to pass off his loss. Hurts? The remaining criminals huddling in their stations or scattering to the four winds. Success. Can only smile. I am indeed the superior clone. Computer shows -91,000,000 ISK... In black. Taxman V: Back in Black
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.23 05:12:00 - [70] And so ends the fifth installment in the Taxman saga. In the end managed to rack up 21 kills, 7 losses. Estimated damage of 425 million inflicted, about 250mil received (not including pods). Caused a corp membership loss of 25%. And obtained the Hulk Trifecta yet again. So a fairly decent run all things said. It ranks up there as one of the more difficult audits I've had. I believe a large reason for this being the size of the target. Smaller, more nimble, better communication than the larger corps and alliances of the past. Also less confident in their abilities. Lead to me being constantly outnumbered and outgunned. Expected and a good move on their part. Good discipline as well. Almost complete blackout on Local. On the downside, a somewhat less than ethical group (or certain members?). Continuous use of alts, and some poor killboard habits. But they will mature eventually, I'm sure. Audit also holds the distinction of being the first time I've ever been podded during one. The events leading up to it were particularly amusing (at least imo). In a maneuver of drunken brilliance, I managed to NOT dock my ship and go afk right outside the KMS HQ. Apparently the ship had been sitting there for over an hour before I finally managed to get back to the computer. Unbelievably it still hadn't been popped. Instead of walking away with my good fortune, I of course decided to stick around. (Yay alcohol impaired judgement!). And then subsequently fell victim to an well-executed CapDrain trap which actually managed to turn off my DCU (first time I've ever seen that!). Props to Juan Rayo for organizing that one! On the plus side, at least I got to die in the ship rather than returning to the computer and trying to figure out why I was in a different system and in a pod. Would have been a tad embarassing. (As if getting podded wasn't embarassing enough). But fear not noble reader! The Audit Logs will return! Already we are investigating more potential crimes and misdemeanors in the darkened belts and backalley stations of Lonetrek. Possibly even in your system! For wherever there is Evil, wherever there is Injustice, wherever people have more money than sense... the IRS will be there! Taxman V: Back in Black
Yanik Olsen	Posted - 2008.06.23 10:27:00 - [71] BRAVO! /me claps, well done sir, a brilliant episode in the ongoing tribulations of the irs.
Quinn DelTirith Firman AB 101010 Alliance	Posted - 2008.06.23 11:09:00 - [72] Edited by: Quinn DelTirith on 23/06/2008 11:09:45 So much better than the typical C&P...fun to read and no doubt fun for both sides of the fight.
Sin Fae Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.24 02:54:00 - [73] Yay! General Mining Tax law is in effect!
Amalath Tari Gemini Technologies	Posted - 2008.06.24 11:45:00 - [74] Best stuuf I've seen on the whole forums. Keep up the good work Vlad. ùùùùùùùùùùùùùùùSigùùùùùùùùùùùùùù The magic behind Minmatar ships is the fact that there is only one type of Minmatar ship. The only variation is when they decide to stop building it.
Section eght	Posted - 2008.06.28 07:11:00 - [75] Edited by: Section eght on 28/06/2008 07:12:36 This seemed to fit :) At the end of the tax year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books, he said to the Rabbi, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.' 'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: What about all these matzo (bread) purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls.' 'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi, what do you do with all the leftover ******s from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'We save up all the ****s and send them to the Internal Revenue Service, and about once a year they send us a complete **.'
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2008.06.28 14:32:00 - [76] Originally by: Section eght stuff Obviously a fictional story. In reality an IRS Agent would kill the Rabbi halfway through his first answer. All audits end in violence. All of them.
PhantomVyper Imperial Shipment	Posted - 2008.06.28 20:40:00 - [77] Yay, the IRS is back. Wonderful read as always, keep them coming.
The8SensE Minmatar	Posted - 2008.06.29 16:27:00 - [78] Vlad, we all appreciate your work :) keep it up
Wideen Contraband Inc.	Posted - 2008.06.29 20:14:00 - [79] Very nice, been missing these! keep it coming o7

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