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Dear CCP, please stop doing whatever it is you are doing

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Author	Thread Statistics \| Show CCP posts - 0 post(s)
Kachak Genos Occidere	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:31:00 - [1] It starts with a lagging scanner. Then I realize it takes me a minute to jump to the next system. Then I get disconnected. I try to log in to you (no offense, I'm just using internet jargon), but I cannot. I try to go to your job site (eve-online.com) but I cannot. I try to go to your forums (myeve.eve-online.com) but I cannot. This has been happening for the past two days, and it has happened before. I am 67 years old, I've fought in Korea and I know a lot about spaceships, so I hope you are respectful enough to listen to me. I ask my grandson to help me, and he tries to ping your thing. I tell him not to do it because I've never actually met you and you could as well consider it rude, but he tells me he's sent parcels your way already. I tell him not to spend money on sending parcels over the internet, but he says they're free. He also tells me the parcels went down fast and lossless. So I don't know what he sent you, but enjoy them. He then tries to trace your roots. He says all the hops look okay, I'm not sure if he's making fun of me, but he's all I got for help. Anyway, he does some other things with the calculator (I have an expensive one, so I don't think there's anything wrong with it), and finally tells me there's I have a healthy connection to you. However, I still cannot play the game, as my calculator stalls when I try to log in to you. My grandson then asks me if I received any patches. I tell him I tried to, I clicked yes when you asked to give a patch, but I did not receive any patches although the calculator said I got it. Mi old lady also loves patchwork so she was looking forward to your patch as well, but we never received it. The grandson (who is single by the way) tells me the patch may be the problem. He also tells me maybe you have some subtle algo rythm that prevents access to the game when it's overcrowded, because you won't invest in better hardware. Indeed, I always see over 30 thousand fellow players when I finally log in to you when this connection problem occurs. It is also intriguing that this problem repeats with monthly intervals -only happens in the week following my monthly payment. When I worked at a hardware store back in the 60s, we had a saying - do not fix what is not broken. So if the logging problems are caused by your patch, please read aloud that saying at least ten times. Or if the conspiracy theories of my grandson are true, please honor yourself as a decent merchant and provide what you offer. Last night, I tried half an hour for logging in to you, and I could not, so I had to love mi old lady (I close my eyes and think of the way she were 40 years ago, so it's not that bad, but it's still bad). Tonight, I was getting ready to roam around in a gang with some nice kids, but I got disconnected over and over again, and finally lost patience. My doctor tells me such annoyances raise my blood pressure and are very risky. I have already instructed my heirs to sue CCP if I spend my last breath trying to reconnect to the game. I also have some old friends (back from Korea) in the US government, well, not exactly bright, but I would be able to talk them into bringing freedom to Iceland, if you know what I mean. No threats, just democracy. All in all, I hope you can at least try to solve this annoying problem, so I can keep off mi old lady and blow up spaceships instead. You might think that is funny, but I'll laugh at you when you are 67 and realize what it really means. ** * * ** ** ****!!!!! Sorry about that, I have Tourette's. Thank you.
Plumpy McPudding	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:35:00 - [2] LOL! Obvious troll is obvious but bravo good sir! __________________________ Fear me for I have an insatiable appetite! Proprietor and inventor of Chocolate Chip Chocolate Donut flavored Ice Cream.
Ron Bacardi Caldari Deep Core Mining Inc.	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:35:00 - [3] "I am 67 years old, I've fought in Korea and I know a lot about spaceships, so I hope you are respectful enough to listen to me." 10/10
Straight Chillen Gallente Solar Wind Ministry Of Amarrian Secret Service	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:39:00 - [4] EPIC, 11/10
Malcanis We are Legend	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:40:00 - [5] Anyone who fought in Korea at the age of 12 deserves respect IMO TBQFH CONCORD provide consequences, not safety; only you can do that.
Fink Angel Caldari The Merry Men	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:40:00 - [6] Love the touch with the asterisks. Hey they really were asterisks!
Xaen Caldari Caritas.	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:45:00 - [7] 11/10 -Xaen - Support fixing the UI\|Suggest Jita fixes\|Compact logs
Khemul Zula Amarr Ministry of War	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:48:00 - [8] Quote: I am 67 years old, I've fought in Korea and I know a lot about spaceships, so I hope you are respectful enough to listen to me. And the teachers always said I was crazy for insisting that spaceships were involved in the Korean war! "Everytime you mine Veldspar God kills a kitten."
Tamia Clant New Dawn Corp New Eden Research	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:48:00 - [9] Priceless/10 Looking for queue-free research slots? Click here!
Empyre Domestic Reform	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:50:00 - [10] this is most assuredly the fall of eve as we know it. stock up on non-perishables, bottled water and firearms while you still can. its every man for himself from here on out. You're doing it wrong.
Faife Minmatar Kinda'Shujaa	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:50:00 - [11] Originally by: Kachak Sorry about that, I have Turrets. Hate to be a grammar ****, but i fixed that for you.
Anubis Xian Reavers	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:52:00 - [12] Very Nice Originally by: CCP Oveur The client handles no logic, it is simply a dumb terminal. I'm the Juggernaut, *****!
Jack Rowanburn Evolution Logistics	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:52:00 - [13] I lol'd. I know it's been said but... 11/10!! We now have the yardstick by which all future trolls will be measured...
Ooyama Caldari Rastana CMP	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:52:00 - [14] Originally by: Kachak It starts with a lagging scanner. blahblah, blah-di-blah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, blah-blah ** * * ** ** **!!!!! Sorry about that, I have Tourette's.** Thank you. since u cleared enough in the head to note that in the post,, wtf did u still press "post" for?? -10/10 for me,,, "Yama"
Zanzaa Amarr	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:53:00 - [15] oh lordie i need to save this =============================== /me points at Mission runners. /me laughs. /me points.
Empyre Domestic Reform	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:57:00 - [16] wait, we used spaceships in the korean war?!? You're doing it wrong.
Slanty McGarglefist University of Caille	Posted - 2008.07.02 19:58:00 - [17] Originally by: Empyre wait, we used spaceships in the korean war?!? Uhhh yea? __________________________________________________ Originally by: CCP Wrangler No Doh!
Empyre Domestic Reform	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:01:00 - [18] Originally by: Slanty McGarglefist Originally by: Empyre wait, we used spaceships in the korean war?!? Uhhh yea? oh yeah, i think i remember now. something like a frozen ship in the mountains started it all off. You're doing it wrong.
Kapoios Gallente	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:12:00 - [19] good read, would read again 8.5/10
Soca Captain	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:13:00 - [20] This was the korean war that ended with the spacerace or the atom bomb? I can't remember which Korean War this is...
Tharukan Desm'ar	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:25:00 - [21] Typing in an obvious troll thread . what made me laugh was the writing tourretes.
Blood Daemon	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:29:00 - [22] Edited by: Blood Daemon on 02/07/2008 20:35:29 Originally by: Kachak I've fought in Korea and I know a lot about spaceships, so I hope you are respectful enough to listen to me. --- He then tries to trace your roots. He says all the hops look okay, I'm not sure if he's making fun of me, but he's all I got for help. --- The grandson (who is single by the way) --- When I worked at a hardware store back in the 60s, we had a saying - do not fix what is not broken. So if the logging problems are caused by your patch, please read aloud that saying at least ten times. --- so I had to love mi old lady (I close my eyes and think of the way she were 40 years ago, so it's not that bad, but it's still bad). --- I also have some old friends (back from Korea) in the US government, well, not exactly bright, but I would be able to talk them into bringing freedom to Iceland, if you know what I mean. No threats, just democracy. LMFAO OP (OAP) IS GOLD!!!! 11/10 EDIT - You've actually brightened (meh spellinz) up my day that much I just sent some iskies your way ;)
Barsexual	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:37:00 - [23] Seriously, are you guys easily that amused?
Ringo Jeicha Caldari State War Academy	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:37:00 - [24] Immeasurable/10
Zeezoo	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:41:00 - [25] Originally by: Kachak I try to log in to you (no offense, I'm just using internet jargon) Log in to me, grandpa!
ArtieLange	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:45:00 - [26] Originally by: Malcanis Anyone who fought in Korea at the age of 12 deserves respect IMO TBQFH He didn't say it was during the war. o.O
Blood Daemon	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:46:00 - [27] Originally by: Barsexual Seriously, are you guys easily that amused? I would like to see you think of something like that!!! oh no, it's his name as the OP, not yours!!
Asestorian Domination. Scorched Earth.	Posted - 2008.07.02 20:54:00 - [28] Originally by: Barsexual Seriously, are you guys easily that amused? This is a forum. On the intarwebs. This is a post that isn't incredibly ****** in every possible way. Damn right we're amused! Bravo to the OP! --- Quote:** EVE is unfair by design.
John McDuff Caldari Jovian Labs Jovian Enterprises	Posted - 2008.07.02 21:25:00 - [29] best troll in a long time 9/10 --- "Everyone speaks of my drinking, but never of my thirst" Everyone can now start bowing down to me in an orderly fashion...
Zinras Caldari Order of draugr	Posted - 2008.07.02 21:59:00 - [30] Best thread of the day, easily. OP is full of win and troll. Originally by: CCP Greyscale moderated - mother abuse - Mitnal CCP's best friend
Comaric Peregrine Astronautics	Posted - 2008.07.02 22:00:00 - [31] This thread delivers. Quote: Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada.
Dihania Gallente Mucho Dolor	Posted - 2008.07.02 22:04:00 - [32] Originally by: Faife Originally by: Kachak Sorry about that, I have Turrets. Hate to be a grammar ****, but i fixed that for you. tourette was better... epic/priceless post again soon . EVE: "The Hand-holding Age". I need isk!Accepting donations. Renting sig space.Taking various jobs.
SickSeven	Posted - 2008.07.02 22:12:00 - [33] Classic. A post that we will tell the kiddies about in 10 years when we're still playing this game.
flashfreaking LFC Executive Outcomes	Posted - 2008.07.02 22:13:00 - [34] I just spit my falls teeth on my screen, REFUND, I DEMAND REFUND. This is the best Troll I ever read, besides Tarminic, writing in pink ofc :D Disallowed sig graphic. Send an e-mail to [email protected] when it meets the forum signature guidelines. ~Saint
Lord Dracon	Posted - 2008.07.02 22:50:00 - [35] epic. would read again
JanoMark smoking blunts Mutual Assured Destruction	Posted - 2008.07.02 23:02:00 - [36] Epic troll. I enjoyed it, 11/10
Illwill Jill	Posted - 2008.07.02 23:04:00 - [37] Posting in epic El'Tar-thread¦.
Talaris EveningStar Caldari The Torchwood Institute Celestial Imperative	Posted - 2008.07.02 23:18:00 - [38] Bwuhahahaha. Awesomeness. ---
Drykor Minmatar Jericho Fraction The Star Fraction	Posted - 2008.07.02 23:55:00 - [39] Funny post is funny.
masternerdguy	Posted - 2008.07.03 00:04:00 - [40] i am not laughing at the millitary service in korea, but the way this is written LOL
masternerdguy	Posted - 2008.07.03 00:05:00 - [41] i am not laughing at the millitary service in korea, but the way this is written LOL
Sniper Wolf18 Gallente Apocalypse Ponies	Posted - 2008.07.03 00:10:00 - [42] This troll needs feeding!
Rhak Amharr Minmatar Metafarmers	Posted - 2008.07.03 10:39:00 - [43] As promised to you yesterday while you already were drunk: gb2wowkthxbaicihys?. Seriously though, hilarious, I honestly laughed. I hope your grandson fixes your computer soon so that we kids can finally leave Siseide with an elderly person as a meatshield. :) Rhak
Chainsaw Plankton IDLE GUNS IDLE EMPIRE	Posted - 2008.07.03 11:09:00 - [44] I think this one goes up to 12! 12/10!!!! cheers
Caiman Graystock Quantum of Solace	Posted - 2008.07.03 11:54:00 - [45]
Faekurias Black Legion Command Red Dawn Alliance	Posted - 2008.07.03 11:57:00 - [46] Edited by: Faekurias on 03/07/2008 11:57:29 Fukken saved! Ohlawd!
Bhodistafa Gallente Amen Anera	Posted - 2008.07.03 12:23:00 - [47] If there's a troll of the year award this gets my vote! The comment about roaming in a gang with a bunch of nice kids made me smile
Phil Exon	Posted - 2008.07.03 12:26:00 - [48] Bull****!!!!! You fought in Korea while you were 12 years old? Send your ol lady to me as I suspect she's not that old. I'll do all the pinging for you. Fun thread though.
Kazuma Saruwatari	Posted - 2008.07.03 13:44:00 - [49] Epic win - Odd Pod Out, a blog of EVE Online
Veon Falcone	Posted - 2008.07.03 14:01:00 - [50] "I am 67 years old, I've fought in Korea and I know a lot about spaceships, so I hope you are respectful enough to listen to me." lol'd, 10/10
Ophelia T'Kun	Posted - 2008.07.03 14:15:00 - [51] /me cleans screen, as it's full of coffee that got's spilled over it 11/10
Bleeshtar	Posted - 2008.07.03 15:14:00 - [52] Originally by: Kachak I ask my grandson to help me, and he tries to ping your thing. I tell him not to do it because I've never actually met you and you could as well consider it rude, Priceless
Mu Yaling	Posted - 2008.07.03 15:14:00 - [53] 10/10 sir See you again, wise adversary
Destoration Amarr Warped Mining	Posted - 2008.07.03 15:44:00 - [54] 11/10 Post made my day lol! -Desto
Internet Knight	Posted - 2008.07.03 15:52:00 - [55] Kachak, you have just won EVE. --- How to resolve Singularity character syncing
Tarkam Caldari State Protectorate Academy	Posted - 2008.07.03 15:56:00 - [56] Edited by: Tarkam on 03/07/2008 15:56:34 Originally by: Internet Knight Kachak, you have just won EVE. dammit that was what I was gonna say Why did you do that
Slanty McGarglefist University of Caille	Posted - 2008.07.03 16:02:00 - [57] Originally by: Tarkam Edited by: Tarkam on 03/07/2008 15:56:34 Originally by: Internet Knight Kachak, you have just won EVE. dammit that was what I was gonna say Outdo him! Say that Kachak won the entire internet! Or the entire planet! __________________________________________________ Originally by: CCP Wrangler No Doh!
Spiraled Gallente RagTag Fugitive Fleet	Posted - 2008.07.03 16:51:00 - [58] oh lawdi la
Straight Chillen Gallente Solar Wind Ministry Of Amarrian Secret Service	Posted - 2008.07.03 17:04:00 - [59] This troll is sooo good, i had to read it again, and i lol'd The forums is strong in this one
Malach Kehrehb Amarr	Posted - 2008.07.03 17:11:00 - [60] Laughing me is laughing........ 10/10 I don't have attention deficit disor....., oh look, a kitty!
Alrione Amarr Dark Destiny Inc. Total Eclipse Syndicate	Posted - 2008.07.03 17:59:00 - [61] Got back from work and what do I see Truly epic post, I hereby salute you good sir. -------------------------------- No sig, is a sig as well.
Lun Coldwell	Posted - 2008.07.03 18:00:00 - [62] This is the first rant I've actually enjoyed reading, well done sir!
Hurtado Soneka Caldari State Protectorate	Posted - 2008.07.03 18:13:00 - [63] "I also have some old friends (back from Korea) in the US government, well, not exactly bright, but I would be able to talk them into bringing freedom to Iceland, if you know what I mean. No threats, just democracy."
Absimi Liard	Posted - 2008.07.03 18:16:00 - [64] BEST TROLL EVAR! I particularly love the threat to Iceland. Absolutely magnificent. I think I have a new man-crush, but I suspect I'm even uglier than his wife. -abs
Adyriana	Posted - 2008.07.03 18:18:00 - [65] TL;DR!
Franga NQX Innovations	Posted - 2008.07.09 07:25:00 - [66] Originally by: Malcanis Anyone who fought in Korea at the age of 12 deserves respect IMO TBQFH I agree with this guy. And yeah, loved it. Just a brilliant piece of literature. Originally by: Rachel Vend ... with 100% reliability in most cases ...
Admiral Pelleon Caldari White Shadow Imperium	Posted - 2008.07.09 07:37:00 - [67] Originally by: Xaen 11/10 -Xaen This really, just this. ________ Originally by: Tarminic I believe your mother should have re-rolled her birth control.
Froztwolf Minmatar Mipro	Posted - 2008.07.09 10:32:00 - [68] Originally by: Niccolado Starwalker Edited by: Niccolado Starwalker on 02/07/2008 21:59:04 Edited by: Niccolado Starwalker on 02/07/2008 21:57:52 Originally by: Kachak [..troll..] I also have some old friends (back from Korea) in the US government, well, not exactly bright, but I would be able to talk them into bringing freedom to Iceland, if you know what I mean. No threats, just democracy.[...troll...] 10/10 to a top notch troll post! This was my favorite part though! My favorite part as well, seeing as Iceland has the oldest representative democracy in the world :D ------------------------ Never underestimate the power of denial!
justsometrader	Posted - 2008.07.09 10:58:00 - [69] EPIC TROLL POST IS EPIC !!!!
Xercies Ravere	Posted - 2008.07.09 11:09:00 - [70] This gave me my lols this morning. Great job troll...may many troll posts from you be read. How did it go so wrong.
D'ceet Shadows of the Dead Daisho Syndicate	Posted - 2008.07.09 11:11:00 - [71] my sides! they hurt! must... stop... laughing!

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epic/priceless