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Whispere
   |
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:33:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Whispere on 16/08/2004 14:24:57
Edited by: Whispere on 26/07/2004 12:43:47
Well, since the loss of the most happeninÆ Caracal in the galaxy to Concord last week, I figured IÆd actually try to get some of those.. skillz that people have been telling me about. (OMG WHIZPER U NEED SKILLZ TO PWNZORSZ) I donÆt know the truth to this whole thing, but apparently if you actually KNOW what side of the missile launcher to insert the pointy thing, it does more damage. That is a revelation, let me tell you.
So in the mean-time IÆve not shot at anyone. ThatÆs good for me, I think. It saves people from hurting themselves from laughing so hard at my ship drunkenly staggering towards them and it saves me the embarrassment of spending more time in the grapefruit, and picking smoking pieces of frigate out of my 80 pound frame.
So IÆve made up a new game to keep myself entertained. ItÆs called.. ORE BELT GLADIATOR!
Basically, I pretend IÆm a 5th century pit-fighter in short pants and those big floating rocks are snarling Visagoths with pointy sticks. My weapon (the little orange flashlight on my Imicus called a Miner I) is a shimmering hand axe. I proceed to rend myself on them again and again, until the little gold coins the crowd throws at me (ore) fills up my backpack (cargo hold) and then I return triumphantly to my stronghold for grog and wenches, if I had any of either.
As you can probably tell, it's pretty exciting.. it doesnÆt match the stark-raving terror I get when IÆm trying to smack some sweat-soaked miner around while he chortles at me, but a girl has to make a living.
So IÆd earned enough credits to buy a better ship. Well, the protagonist of this story doesnÆt have enough brains to know that she canÆt fly Minmatar cruisers unless she trains Basket Weaving II, Sheep Necromancy XII, Fundamentals of Chicken Feet I, Ore Matchmaking and Marriage Counseling III and Astroglycoxenomicsolgy, so she bought a Stabber, which is about as useful as everything else in my hanger, if by useful I meant absolutely totally and completely worthless.
So, I have to brave the ship channels, and try to find someone to ôtrade me.ö
After around six hours, four "LET'S CYBER" offers, and countless insults later, some kind soul tells me he will trade me straight up for a Blackbird, which he assures me I can fly. He says heÆll fly the Blackbird to me (8 jumps) and trade me, for the low low fee of 300,000 ISK. Okay, I says, considering I know IÆm an idiot, and IÆm pretty embarrassed at buying a ship I canÆt fly.
So he gets to me, and he says, ôOh, I didnÆt bring another ship, do you have a frigate or something, or some cash to buy one?ö I figure.. okay.. that's a mistake I could easily make, so I fork over some cash for him.
We do the trade (which I still donÆt know was good or not), and he says, ôHey, I know I donÆt know you, but will you loan me 800k (80% of my remaining credits at the time) so I can get a (insert ship name here, because I forgot).
You know that little voice in your head that says, ôHey, stupid, youÆre about to make a mistake.ö ? Yeah, well I donÆt, because mine ran away with my conscience when I was six years old. (they currently live in Florida, where they run a surf & turf)
So I give the guy (caos hellion, I think) the cash, and he still promises heÆll pay me back. Well that was several days, and he wonÆt reply to my letters/convos. I am bright enough to know what that means.. it means I got stiffed for 1.1 million. Apparently he thought I was a sweetheart though, because he applied to my corporation with his alt fueron, trying to steal everything the three of us have managed to acquire thus far.
So, to show my anger and frustration to the world, I took my Kestrel out to a .5 zone, and got blown up by three Tristan NPCÆs.
The moral of this story: If you pretend to be a 5th century pitfighter youÆre probably really dumb, and youÆre destined to lose 80% of your net worth to some random person and will explode randomly somewhere thereafter.
Running Score (for you out there keeping it) The Universe, Miners, and Dirty Merchants 3 - Whispere 0.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
|
Whispere
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:33:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Whispere on 16/08/2004 14:24:57
Edited by: Whispere on 26/07/2004 12:43:47
Well, since the loss of the most happeninÆ Caracal in the galaxy to Concord last week, I figured IÆd actually try to get some of those.. skillz that people have been telling me about. (OMG WHIZPER U NEED SKILLZ TO PWNZORSZ) I donÆt know the truth to this whole thing, but apparently if you actually KNOW what side of the missile launcher to insert the pointy thing, it does more damage. That is a revelation, let me tell you.
So in the mean-time IÆve not shot at anyone. ThatÆs good for me, I think. It saves people from hurting themselves from laughing so hard at my ship drunkenly staggering towards them and it saves me the embarrassment of spending more time in the grapefruit, and picking smoking pieces of frigate out of my 80 pound frame.
So IÆve made up a new game to keep myself entertained. ItÆs called.. ORE BELT GLADIATOR!
Basically, I pretend IÆm a 5th century pit-fighter in short pants and those big floating rocks are snarling Visagoths with pointy sticks. My weapon (the little orange flashlight on my Imicus called a Miner I) is a shimmering hand axe. I proceed to rend myself on them again and again, until the little gold coins the crowd throws at me (ore) fills up my backpack (cargo hold) and then I return triumphantly to my stronghold for grog and wenches, if I had any of either.
As you can probably tell, it's pretty exciting.. it doesnÆt match the stark-raving terror I get when IÆm trying to smack some sweat-soaked miner around while he chortles at me, but a girl has to make a living.
So IÆd earned enough credits to buy a better ship. Well, the protagonist of this story doesnÆt have enough brains to know that she canÆt fly Minmatar cruisers unless she trains Basket Weaving II, Sheep Necromancy XII, Fundamentals of Chicken Feet I, Ore Matchmaking and Marriage Counseling III and Astroglycoxenomicsolgy, so she bought a Stabber, which is about as useful as everything else in my hanger, if by useful I meant absolutely totally and completely worthless.
So, I have to brave the ship channels, and try to find someone to ôtrade me.ö
After around six hours, four "LET'S CYBER" offers, and countless insults later, some kind soul tells me he will trade me straight up for a Blackbird, which he assures me I can fly. He says heÆll fly the Blackbird to me (8 jumps) and trade me, for the low low fee of 300,000 ISK. Okay, I says, considering I know IÆm an idiot, and IÆm pretty embarrassed at buying a ship I canÆt fly.
So he gets to me, and he says, ôOh, I didnÆt bring another ship, do you have a frigate or something, or some cash to buy one?ö I figure.. okay.. that's a mistake I could easily make, so I fork over some cash for him.
We do the trade (which I still donÆt know was good or not), and he says, ôHey, I know I donÆt know you, but will you loan me 800k (80% of my remaining credits at the time) so I can get a (insert ship name here, because I forgot).
You know that little voice in your head that says, ôHey, stupid, youÆre about to make a mistake.ö ? Yeah, well I donÆt, because mine ran away with my conscience when I was six years old. (they currently live in Florida, where they run a surf & turf)
So I give the guy (caos hellion, I think) the cash, and he still promises heÆll pay me back. Well that was several days, and he wonÆt reply to my letters/convos. I am bright enough to know what that means.. it means I got stiffed for 1.1 million. Apparently he thought I was a sweetheart though, because he applied to my corporation with his alt fueron, trying to steal everything the three of us have managed to acquire thus far.
So, to show my anger and frustration to the world, I took my Kestrel out to a .5 zone, and got blown up by three Tristan NPCÆs.
The moral of this story: If you pretend to be a 5th century pitfighter youÆre probably really dumb, and youÆre destined to lose 80% of your net worth to some random person and will explode randomly somewhere thereafter.
Running Score (for you out there keeping it) The Universe, Miners, and Dirty Merchants 3 - Whispere 0.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
|
Seleene
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:39:00 -
[3]
 Originally by: Whispere
Well, since the loss of the most happeninÆ Caracal in the galaxy to Concord last week, I figured IÆd actually try to get some of those.. skillz that people have been telling me about. (OMG WHIZPER U NEED SKILLZ TO PWNZORSZ) I donÆt know the truth to this whole thing, but apparently if you actually KNOW what side of the missile launcher to insert the pointy thing, it does more damage. That is a revelation, let me tell you.
ROFL!!! Classic. 
-
T2 Weapons Testing in progress! Volunteer today! |
Seleene
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:39:00 -
[4]
Originally by: Whispere
Well, since the loss of the most happeninÆ Caracal in the galaxy to Concord last week, I figured IÆd actually try to get some of those.. skillz that people have been telling me about. (OMG WHIZPER U NEED SKILLZ TO PWNZORSZ) I donÆt know the truth to this whole thing, but apparently if you actually KNOW what side of the missile launcher to insert the pointy thing, it does more damage. That is a revelation, let me tell you.
ROFL!!! Classic.
-
T2 Weapons Testing in progress! Volunteer today! |
Lord Abbadon
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:43:00 -
[5]
omg excellent story :P |
Lord Abbadon
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:43:00 -
[6]
omg excellent story :P |
Eddie Gordo
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:47:00 -
[7]
may your next*****up be funnier than the last, keep em comming
Instas??
|
Eddie Gordo
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 12:47:00 -
[8]
may your next*****up be funnier than the last, keep em comming
Instas??
|
M0RIARTY
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 14:57:00 -
[9]
I laughed.............. alot......... well quite alot
Noo sig comming SOONÖ
===================================================
What are we going to do about all this ignorance and apathy?.... I don't know and I don't care! |
M0RIARTY
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 14:57:00 -
[10]
I laughed.............. alot......... well quite alot
Noo sig comming SOONÖ
===================================================
What are we going to do about all this ignorance and apathy?.... I don't know and I don't care! |
Riddari
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:00:00 -
[11]
Brilliant
¼©¼
a history |
Riddari
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:00:00 -
[12]
Brilliant
¼©¼
a history |
ClarCE
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:03:00 -
[13]
Whispere I'm loving your weekly updates, keep them coming a welcome change on the forums, I'm sure most of my whoring friends will agree.
For your effort I'm going to send you the ISK you lost, so that you may continue upon your path of enlightenment within the EvE world.
--'The Way is Shut'--
-----------------------
Jenny...Get to the Chopper---Stick Around
-----------------------
|
ClarCE
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:03:00 -
[14]
Whispere I'm loving your weekly updates, keep them coming a welcome change on the forums, I'm sure most of my whoring friends will agree.
For your effort I'm going to send you the ISK you lost, so that you may continue upon your path of enlightenment within the EvE world.
--'The Way is Shut'--
-----------------------
Jenny...Get to the Chopper---Stick Around
-----------------------
|
Coldstone
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:11:00 -
[15]
That's just wrong...LOL. I feel bad about laughing at this, but it's funny as hell.
Great story...
~*~ It's not about Good or Evil. It's about living your life in a way, so that you can die with a Smile on your face. ~*~ |
Coldstone
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:11:00 -
[16]
That's just wrong...LOL. I feel bad about laughing at this, but it's funny as hell.
Great story...
~*~ It's not about Good or Evil. It's about living your life in a way, so that you can die with a Smile on your face. ~*~ |
Shanara Red
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:22:00 -
[17]
OMGRMFAO - AGAIN 
... snarling Visagoths with pointy sticks ... HAHAHAHA ...
/me 's stomach is cramped from laughter *
... just don't get carried away with that 'shimmering hand axe' ... that's the 'weapon' to the road to DOOM !!! 
-------------------------------------------
Don't flame ... use Thermal !!! |
Shanara Red
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:22:00 -
[18]
OMGRMFAO - AGAIN
... snarling Visagoths with pointy sticks ... HAHAHAHA ...
/me 's stomach is cramped from laughter *
... just don't get carried away with that 'shimmering hand axe' ... that's the 'weapon' to the road to DOOM !!!
-------------------------------------------
Don't flame ... use Thermal !!! |
HooYah
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:28:00 -
[19]
Another great story...and omg that was funny!!
|
HooYah
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:28:00 -
[20]
Another great story...and omg that was funny!!
|
Whispere
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:29:00 -
[21]
Edited by: Whispere on 26/07/2004 15:30:30
ClarCE.. thanks for the help. My little posts aren't meant to solicit anyone for anything, any compliments that I've gotten have been awesome payment enough.
Thanks to everyone/anyone that's written a compliment in reply or sent an EVE-mail. Due to my.. slow nature I tend to get myself into plenty of unfortunate events to write about, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of updates as long as EVE holds my interest.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
|
Whispere
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:29:00 -
[22]
Edited by: Whispere on 26/07/2004 15:30:30
ClarCE.. thanks for the help. My little posts aren't meant to solicit anyone for anything, any compliments that I've gotten have been awesome payment enough.
Thanks to everyone/anyone that's written a compliment in reply or sent an EVE-mail. Due to my.. slow nature I tend to get myself into plenty of unfortunate events to write about, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of updates as long as EVE holds my interest.
Love,
Whispere
Star Crossed Scourge of the Universe?
Concord Training Drone / General Anti-Hero-ine
The Legions of Fire - Doussivitte
Smashing herself and her ships all over the galaxy for your entertainment since 1981!
(EVE-Mail Welcome!)
Other Whisp (Not-So) Epic Misadventures:
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #1
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #2
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #3
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #5
Whispere's Newbie Adventure #6
|
Galx
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:31:00 -
[23]
Very funny post and great story 2.
|
Galx
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 15:31:00 -
[24]
Very funny post and great story 2.
|
Atar
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:07:00 -
[25]
You are without a doubt the funniest person to post on these forums.
Keep it up and if you need help give me a holler!
|
Atar
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:07:00 -
[26]
You are without a doubt the funniest person to post on these forums.
Keep it up and if you need help give me a holler!
|
Liu Kaskakka
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:17:00 -
[27]
Ok but not nearly as good as the last one, guess the humour is wearing down ..
|
Liu Kaskakka
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:17:00 -
[28]
Ok but not nearly as good as the last one, guess the humour is wearing down ..
|
Joshua Foiritain
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:31:00 -
[29]
haha
---------------------------
[Coreli Corporation Mainframe] |
Joshua Foiritain
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 16:31:00 -
[30]
haha
---------------------------
[Coreli Corporation Mainframe] |
DedGuy
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:35:00 -
[31]
Where's shar?
Whispere needs a slot on EG :)
Rumors of my clones death are greatly exaggerated. But I am still INACTIVE
Millennium Elder |
DedGuy
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:35:00 -
[32]
Where's shar?
Whispere needs a slot on EG :)
Rumors of my clones death are greatly exaggerated. But I am still INACTIVE
Millennium Elder |
Kritkeen
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:44:00 -
[33]
classic......very funny :)
if you aren't a writer in real life, or planning to be when you get older.......i will be very surprised
-----2004.08.02 17:00:58 combatYour Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.
Your Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.---- |
Kritkeen
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:44:00 -
[34]
classic......very funny :)
if you aren't a writer in real life, or planning to be when you get older.......i will be very surprised
-----2004.08.02 17:00:58 combatYour Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.
Your Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I perfectly strikes Serpentis Chief Protector, wrecking for 847.8 damage.---- |
Oosel
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:49:00 -
[35]
its so good to see somebody this positive and still see the funny side after what must have been a misrable couple of weeks.....being scammed is so maddening and many people i know have just left after it im so glad you havent as you bring a laugh and a glimmer of hope
|
Oosel
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 17:49:00 -
[36]
its so good to see somebody this positive and still see the funny side after what must have been a misrable couple of weeks.....being scammed is so maddening and many people i know have just left after it im so glad you havent as you bring a laugh and a glimmer of hope
|
Paw Sandberg
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 18:11:00 -
[37]
your stories are so funny that i cried laughing
anyway if i ever get a working computer that can actuelly Play EVE-Online again i will Eve mail you in game
keep up the good work
Thank You
Paw Sandberg
for all your BPC needs see
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=55706&page=1
|
Paw Sandberg
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 18:11:00 -
[38]
your stories are so funny that i cried laughing
anyway if i ever get a working computer that can actuelly Play EVE-Online again i will Eve mail you in game
keep up the good work
Thank You
Paw Sandberg
for all your BPC needs see
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=55706&page=1
|
Gariuys
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 19:54:00 -
[39]
Awesome read again. Keep em coming. ;)
~{When evil and strange get together anything is possible}~
A tool is only useless when you don't know how to use it. - ActiveX
The grass is always greener on the other side. - JoCool |
Gariuys
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 19:54:00 -
[40]
Awesome read again. Keep em coming. ;)
~{When evil and strange get together anything is possible}~
A tool is only useless when you don't know how to use it. - ActiveX
The grass is always greener on the other side. - JoCool |
Jael Markinsen
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 20:06:00 -
[41]
You know what I like about these and you? You have that style of writing, in which you manage to capture so much in so few words. Very descriptive in as much as it lets the reader visualize perfectly what you have written. And I'm not too sure if some others feel this way, but, I read these as written in a Blog/Journal-ish kind of way. Very Entertaining.
We need more!
P.S. You also have an excellent sense of humor!
|
Jael Markinsen
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 20:06:00 -
[42]
You know what I like about these and you? You have that style of writing, in which you manage to capture so much in so few words. Very descriptive in as much as it lets the reader visualize perfectly what you have written. And I'm not too sure if some others feel this way, but, I read these as written in a Blog/Journal-ish kind of way. Very Entertaining.
We need more!
P.S. You also have an excellent sense of humor!
|
Neon Genesis
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 21:13:00 -
[43]
hahha gr8 story as always, i got a question
In rl are u a writer or just a freekin comedian, cos this is some good ****,,
__
There, i just contributed nothing to your thread
|
Neon Genesis
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 21:13:00 -
[44]
hahha gr8 story as always, i got a question
In rl are u a writer or just a freekin comedian, cos this is some good ****,,
__
There, i just contributed nothing to your thread
|
Akshay Visvajit
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 21:48:00 -
[45]
Hang on, Whispere is in the same Corp as me. Remind me not to go flying with him. 
|
Akshay Visvajit
|
Posted - 2004.07.26 21:48:00 -
[46]
Hang on, Whispere is in the same Corp as me. Remind me not to go flying with him.
|
Dee Saster
|
Posted - 2004.07.28 15:26:00 -
[47]
Super funny, kudos! :D
|
Dee Saster
|
Posted - 2004.07.28 15:26:00 -
[48]
Super funny, kudos! :D
|
obscuroditus
|
Posted - 2004.07.28 17:54:00 -
[49]
Good piece again, not as classy as the previous one but still entertaining and well written :) *applauds*
|
obscuroditus
|
Posted - 2004.07.28 17:54:00 -
[50]
Good piece again, not as classy as the previous one but still entertaining and well written :) *applauds*
|
BMGT
|
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:07:00 -
[51]
lmao, again, class
Pain Is Temporary, Pride Is Forever |
BMGT
|
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:07:00 -
[52]
lmao, again, class
Pain Is Temporary, Pride Is Forever |
Legenda
|
Posted - 2004.08.16 00:31:00 -
[53]
Originally by: Akshay Visvajit
Hang on, Whispere is in the same Corp as me. Remind me not to go flying with him.
ROFLMAO
Im laughing so much reading your awsome storys that it hurts |
Legenda
|
Posted - 2004.08.16 00:31:00 -
[54]
Originally by: Akshay Visvajit
Hang on, Whispere is in the same Corp as me. Remind me not to go flying with him.
ROFLMAO
Im laughing so much reading your awsome storys that it hurts |
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