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Brigadier Kwozi
   |
Posted - 2009.02.02 05:53:00 -
[1]
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
Am I doing a wrong here?
I know it's a silly question... but I don't know the answer |
Merin Ryskin
Peregrine Industries
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Posted - 2009.02.02 05:55:00 -
[2]
Edited by: Merin Ryskin on 02/02/2009 05:56:06
No, not wrong at all. If you really aren't sure, ask her what she thinks of it, maybe you'll even get lucky and she'll invite you to make those fantasies reality.
BTW: you should take advantage of this friendship to slip a hidden camera into her bedroom next time you see her, so you can get some better fantasy material. You can thank me with copies of all of the videos.
-----------
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Super Whopper
I can Has Cheeseburger
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Posted - 2009.02.02 05:55:00 -
[3]
It's not wrong but it is hard. I hate being in the 'friend' zone as it causes nothing but heartache unless you are the gay best friend. I can't offer you any advice as I have been in your situation and it only caused pain 
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Neopel Swenski
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Posted - 2009.02.02 06:01:00 -
[4]
 Originally by: Super Whopper
It's not wrong but it is hard. I hate being in the 'friend' zone as it causes nothing but heartache unless you are the gay best friend. I can't offer you any advice as I have been in your situation and it only caused pain
You are right about that... worst feeling in the world to see her with another man.
But sometimes friendship is more important. |
Spaztick
Canadian Imperial Armaments
Veritas Immortalis
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Posted - 2009.02.02 06:01:00 -
[5]
Read this. You'll thank me later.
After all, everyone needs some type of spacer in their sigs to show it's not part of the post.
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bff Jill
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Posted - 2009.02.02 06:48:00 -
[6]
best to limit contact with females to text only over the internet, they are all evil and don't even know it (most of the time). Horrible creatures. 
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Dirk Magnum
Royal Hiigaran Navy
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Posted - 2009.02.02 08:13:00 -
[7]
Being friends doesn't magically turn off a person's natural compulsion to find someone attractive. So to answer your question, no. |
Xen Gin
Universal Mining Inc
Forged Dominion
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Posted - 2009.02.02 08:35:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Spaztick
Edited by: Spaztick on 02/02/2009 06:15:16
Read this. You'll thank me later.
If you don't feel like reading it, then you are making a costly mistake and you have only yourself to blame, but I'll sum it up for you:
You're boned (not by her, I mean in a bad way), get on with it, either make a move on her, never talk to her again or find someone else.
Your God, That explains a hell of a lot about my past "friendships".
------
Originally by: Rifter Drifter
News just in..
Games are a pastime.. not a way of life.
If your not enjoying, stop playing, and don't post about it.
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Norwood Franskly
Minmatar
Fleet of the Damned
B.L.A.C.K.
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Posted - 2009.02.02 09:53:00 -
[9]
Start acting like a jerk, since all women just want B#stards
fast forward 40 seconds into clip  |
Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba
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Posted - 2009.02.02 10:18:00 -
[10]
tbh I've had silly dreams about almost all attractive girls I consider friends and its hilarious once you realise its a dream and thus you can do what you want |
Toshiro GreyHawk
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Posted - 2009.02.02 10:48:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
Am I doing a wrong here?
I know it's a silly question... but I don't know the answer
OK. This is what you do.
First, stop bull ****ting your self that you aren't in love with her. If you have Romantic feelings for her - you're freaking in love with her. THAT is the problem.
Now - if you weren't in love with her and you were just friends and she was hot - then of course you'd be thinking about boinking her. All guys do that with any hot chick they know. That's not a problem. The freaking problem is if you fall in love with them.
Now as to boinking your hot friend ... that you have to really play by ear. If she's counting on you to be her friend - that is going to mean - not trying to boink her - to her. If you try it and she's not receptive you can lose the friendship. The thing is - you're going to lose the friendship anyway when she finds a boy friend and no longer has time for you.
Now - what you really need to do - is to find someone else who is also hot and wants to boink you.
1) Get in shape. Go to the gym, work out, get the flab off. Make exercise a routine part of your life. Do like your mom said and - stand up straight. Good posture counts for a lot. Make holding your stomach in a natural part of your life.
2) Effect a clean cut appearance. Long or short doesn't matter but keep your hair and/or beard neatly trimmed.
3) Wear clean, new clothes. They don't need to be anything fancy - but they must be clean and new.
4) Make money. Chicks just freaking love money. Don't flash it - just have it.
5) Get a hot car. Chicks just freaking love hot cars.
Have a definite goal in life and be actively working towards it.
Nothing attracts chicks more than a man with confidence in himself and a purpose in life.
Don't let your "friend" waste your life. The years you have now - are not freaking coming back. Chicks just freaking love to have a bunch of little "friends" hanging on. It makes them feel more secure and enhances their ego - which they need to deal with the real bastards they have to deal with. A real bastard will play upon a chick's sense of inferiority to make himself seem better than she is - BSing her into looking up to him - so that she'll put out. You don't have to be a real bastard to get a cute chick - but - you do have to have the same amount of confidence in yourself that he does (or pretends he does). The difference between the bastard and a good guy is - when things go wrong for the bastard he gets furious as it's blowing his cover that he's always right. The good guy has confidence in who he is and where he's going in life and accepts that things aren't always going to work out perfectly. That's just one more thing he has to - confidently - deal with.
Be strong and healthy.
Be good at your job.
Know who you are and what you want out of life.
Do those things and you'll find a hot chick who wants to come along for the ride.
Don't do them and you can spend your youth being some hot chicks security blanket.
You are only going to be young - once - and once it's gone it's gone for good. Don't waste yourself. Go out and find some other hot chick to ball. If you have any chance with your "friend" that will make her jealous and give you that "other girl stamp of approval". If it doesn't - then you'll have that other hot chick to ball.
Faction Schools
Orbiting vs. Kiting |
Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 10:52:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Sokratesz on 02/02/2009 10:52:40
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
First, stop bull ****ting your self that you aren't in love with her. If you have Romantic feelings for her - you're freaking in love with her. THAT is the problem.
Disagreed strongly. I've had romantic feelings for women whom I definitely wasn't in love with at the time. It's just instinct, you see an attractive member of the opposite sex, your natural response is to want to have sex with that person.
Your cap ship deserves CPR's! |
Myrhial Arkenath
Ghost Festival
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Posted - 2009.02.02 11:07:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
Am I doing a wrong here?
I know it's a silly question... but I don't know the answer
Nothing wrong with having fantasies like that. I advice you to keep them to yourself though. There is a chance that telling her about it may risk losing her friendship since she may think you are crossing the line you have both set. There is of course also the chance that she feels happy she appears in your fantasies. But the latter is less frequently the case. It really depends on her personality.
CEO | Diary of a pod pilot |
Kaeten
Hybrid Syndicate
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 11:31:00 -
[14]
I know exactly how it feels, in the same position. Theres this girl I'm in love with however she says she just wants to be friends. And to say the least I jsut cannot bear being only friends. (from the start we were flirting etc. but she kinda made her mind up i guess)
However I decided to do something abit more drastic... I told her I caouldn't talk/meet her anymore until i was over her. Shes pretty sad over it but heh. I'm still not over her (been like this since april last year ). Been with plenty other girls and tried she always pops up in my head. It sucks |
Super Whopper
I can Has Cheeseburger
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Posted - 2009.02.02 11:41:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
Bitterness you can taste.
I agree with Toshiro here. She is using you for whatever reason and it's only going to break your heart if you love her. If you don't love her then you're being a normal man who fantasises about anything and everything.
I once made the mistake of being in the 'friend zone' and I have always regretted it, was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. This thread is bringing up those bad memories.
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Giannamichaels
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Posted - 2009.02.02 11:47:00 -
[16]
A man with a woman as a best friend is usually gay, whats going on here? I cannot understand how any man could have a woman as a best friend, smells of epic fail are you sure you aren't stalking this woman? 
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Stitcher
Caldari
Veto.
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Posted - 2009.02.02 11:47:00 -
[17]
1: No, it's not wrong.
2: The "ladder theory" conceit that guys think exclusively about sex and nothing else is incredibly misandric.
That said, the last time I felt similarly to how you do about a friend, we wound up having a couple of "friends with benefits" sessions and then went back to being close friends without the benefits. Whether or not your lady interest would be up for that is a different matter, however.
It can be a fulfilling experience, and do a lot to cement your friendship. Alternatively, it can wreck it. But stepping up from friend to something more does not automatically trash a relationship.
ultimately though, each relationship is uniqe, based on the interaction between two unique people. Asking people on the internet for relationship advice is never a good idea - we can't help you with this. you have to figure it out based on your own perspective on your friendship.
Best of luck.
-
Verin "Stitcher" Hakatain. |
Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba
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Posted - 2009.02.02 11:48:00 -
[18]
How did this turn into a 'how to hook up with loads of chix' thread?
Your cap ship deserves CPR's! |
comrade captain
Aliastra
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 12:02:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
Am I doing a wrong here?
I know it's a silly question... but I don't know the answer
OK. This is what you do.
First, stop bull ****ting your self that you aren't in love with her. If you have Romantic feelings for her - you're freaking in love with her. THAT is the problem.
Now - if you weren't in love with her and you were just friends and she was hot - then of course you'd be thinking about boinking her. All guys do that with any hot chick they know. That's not a problem. The freaking problem is if you fall in love with them.
Now as to boinking your hot friend ... that you have to really play by ear. If she's counting on you to be her friend - that is going to mean - not trying to boink her - to her. If you try it and she's not receptive you can lose the friendship. The thing is - you're going to lose the friendship anyway when she finds a boy friend and no longer has time for you.
Now - what you really need to do - is to find someone else who is also hot and wants to boink you.
1) Get in shape. Go to the gym, work out, get the flab off. Make exercise a routine part of your life. Do like your mom said and - stand up straight. Good posture counts for a lot. Make holding your stomach in a natural part of your life.
2) Effect a clean cut appearance. Long or short doesn't matter but keep your hair and/or beard neatly trimmed.
3) Wear clean, new clothes. They don't need to be anything fancy - but they must be clean and new.
4) Make money. Chicks just freaking love money. Don't flash it - just have it.
5) Get a hot car. Chicks just freaking love hot cars.
Have a definite goal in life and be actively working towards it.
Nothing attracts chicks more than a man with confidence in himself and a purpose in life.
Don't let your "friend" waste your life. The years you have now - are not freaking coming back. Chicks just freaking love to have a bunch of little "friends" hanging on. It makes them feel more secure and enhances their ego - which they need to deal with the real bastards they have to deal with. A real bastard will play upon a chick's sense of inferiority to make himself seem better than she is - BSing her into looking up to him - so that she'll put out. You don't have to be a real bastard to get a cute chick - but - you do have to have the same amount of confidence in yourself that he does (or pretends he does). The difference between the bastard and a good guy is - when things go wrong for the bastard he gets furious as it's blowing his cover that he's always right. The good guy has confidence in who he is and where he's going in life and accepts that things aren't always going to work out perfectly. That's just one more thing he has to - confidently - deal with.
Be strong and healthy.
Be good at your job.
Know who you are and what you want out of life.
Do those things and you'll find a hot chick who wants to come along for the ride.
Don't do them and you can spend your youth being some hot chicks security blanket.
You are only going to be young - once - and once it's gone it's gone for good. Don't waste yourself. Go out and find some other hot chick to ball. If you have any chance with your "friend" that will make her jealous and give you that "other girl stamp of approval". If it doesn't - then you'll have that other hot chick to ball.
I approve of this mans comments entirely.
|
ceaon
Gallente
Porandor
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 12:07:00 -
[20]
Edited by: ceaon on 02/02/2009 12:07:45
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
Am I doing a wrong here?
I know it's a silly question... but I don't know the answer
go to a pub whit her and start to pick up any woman in the pub you may end up in bed whit her
. . .
revitalize the solo/small gang pvp
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mamolian
Cruoris Seraphim
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 12:41:00 -
[21]
Edited by: mamolian on 02/02/2009 12:41:17
What kind of a ****head comes to the Eve online forums looking for advice of this nature?
This has to be a troll.  |
Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 13:05:00 -
[22]
Originally by: comrade captain
I approve of this mans comments entirely.
I don't get it, he is not mad at her or anything for keeping him on the line and he realises full well that its his own problem if it is even a problem.
Your cap ship deserves CPR's! |
Crackuji
Gallente
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 13:08:00 -
[23]
Send her a Valentines card. If she pukes then just say it was a friendly joke.
|
Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 13:08:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
OK. This is what you do.
First, stop bull ****ting your self that you aren't in love with her. If you have Romantic feelings for her - you're freaking in love with her. THAT is the problem.
Now - if you weren't in love with her and you were just friends and she was hot - then of course you'd be thinking about boinking her. All guys do that with any hot chick they know. That's not a problem. The freaking problem is if you fall in love with them.
Now as to boinking your hot friend ... that you have to really play by ear. If she's counting on you to be her friend - that is going to mean - not trying to boink her - to her. If you try it and she's not receptive you can lose the friendship. The thing is - you're going to lose the friendship anyway when she finds a boy friend and no longer has time for you.
Now - what you really need to do - is to find someone else who is also hot and wants to boink you.
1) Get in shape. Go to the gym, work out, get the flab off. Make exercise a routine part of your life. Do like your mom said and - stand up straight. Good posture counts for a lot. Make holding your stomach in a natural part of your life.
2) Effect a clean cut appearance. Long or short doesn't matter but keep your hair and/or beard neatly trimmed.
3) Wear clean, new clothes. They don't need to be anything fancy - but they must be clean and new.
4) Make money. Chicks just freaking love money. Don't flash it - just have it.
5) Get a hot car. Chicks just freaking love hot cars.
Have a definite goal in life and be actively working towards it.
Nothing attracts chicks more than a man with confidence in himself and a purpose in life.
Don't let your "friend" waste your life. The years you have now - are not freaking coming back. Chicks just freaking love to have a bunch of little "friends" hanging on. It makes them feel more secure and enhances their ego - which they need to deal with the real bastards they have to deal with. A real bastard will play upon a chick's sense of inferiority to make himself seem better than she is - BSing her into looking up to him - so that she'll put out. You don't have to be a real bastard to get a cute chick - but - you do have to have the same amount of confidence in yourself that he does (or pretends he does). The difference between the bastard and a good guy is - when things go wrong for the bastard he gets furious as it's blowing his cover that he's always right. The good guy has confidence in who he is and where he's going in life and accepts that things aren't always going to work out perfectly. That's just one more thing he has to - confidently - deal with.
Be strong and healthy.
Be good at your job.
Know who you are and what you want out of life.
Do those things and you'll find a hot chick who wants to come along for the ride.
Don't do them and you can spend your youth being some hot chicks security blanket.
You are only going to be young - once - and once it's gone it's gone for good. Don't waste yourself. Go out and find some other hot chick to ball. If you have any chance with your "friend" that will make her jealous and give you that "other girl stamp of approval". If it doesn't - then you'll have that other hot chick to ball.
I also highlighted the parts that were totally hilarious. What the **** kind of image are you forcing yourself into?
Your cap ship deserves CPR's! |
Kravick Drasari
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 13:28:00 -
[25]
If these feelings are actually love and not just you wanting to bang her once or twice you have two options.
1.) Tell her about them and ask if she'd like to be more than friends. Make sure you do this when she doesn't already have a boyfriend or it will just complicate things. Chances are it won't work though because if she saw any interest in you other than just being "friends" you would already be dating. Still, it never hurts to try.
2.) Forget about her. By forget about her I mean completely isolate yourself from her. Stop hanging out, stop talking to her, stop having anything at all to do with her. Would probably be a good idea to tell her why so she doesn't flip out like most women usually do. You have to get her out of your head. This could take months, years, decades, or never. Depends on whether you find someone else or if these feelings are genuine and not just you wanting to bang her.
Doing nothing isn't an option. You will tear yourself to pieces by wasting your life on what ifs. The emotional bull**** isn't worth it. Make absolutely sure its actual love and not your ***** thinking shes hot before you say anything.
The chances are stacked against you, however, and will most likely end in disaster. If she rejects you, the friendship is definitely over. Men and women cannot "just be friends" unless there is absolutely no possible way the man could be attracted to the female due to her being ugly, having a deformity or handicap that turns the man off, already married (married or previously married women are a major turn off for me), or the man is gay.
---
My cat Putter approves of this post. |
Toshiro GreyHawk
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 14:17:00 -
[26]
For those of you who agreed with me - you have my commiserations as you apparently know where of I speak ...
And yes ... there is some bitterness there ... not so much for the time spent ... as the time lost.
For Sokratesz ... First off, it really depends on what you mean by romance. I've heard women use the term to mean sex ... because women often won't say "sex" ... they just won't say it ... so they use some euphemism such as "romance" ... which can mean anything they want later on down the line. When men say it - they tend to mean they love the girl.
Now - if the OP really isn't in love with her - there isn't a problem. Having Sex without love isn't a problem. No sex and no love isn't a problem. But - no sex and one way love - is a problem ... for that mater ... one way love is a problem even if you are having sex with her ...
One way love is what it sounds like the OP's situation is to me, he's just BSing himself about it. If I'm wrong - like I said - there isn't a problem.
As to the type of image I'm talking about - that is an image that will first off make most men happier with themselves and that, secondly, will in turn attract chicks, as much because you are happier with yourself as because of the "image" your attitude projects.
If you don't agree - then by all means do things your way as - it's certainly not me who's going to suffer the consequences.
Lastly of course - it can't just be an image, even if it is what you project. You have to make these things part of who you are and live them. If it's just an image to you - she'll see through it sooner or later and ... lets just hope there aren't children involved when she does.
Faction Schools
Orbiting vs. Kiting |
Thargat
Caldari
North Star Networks
Executive Outcomes
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 14:22:00 -
[27]
Dude, the forums of a MMO are hardly the place to go to when you need advice about girls.
Aaaaanyhow: Ask yourself this about the woman in question. "Can I do better?". If the answer is yes then don't risk the friendship. If the answer is no then you don't have a choice but to try (your brain and groin have already made up their mind about it).
Breathing 0.0 |
Jacob Mei
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 15:13:00 -
[28]
Edited by: Jacob Mei on 02/02/2009 15:13:23
Originally by: Toshiro GreyHawk
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
Crazy stuff that makes disturbing sense.
[/qoute]
Its disturbing how for all out generations of culture, progress and so forth getting a mate is still nothing more than postering, offering gifts and being a so called Alpha male at at the very least the illusion of power. We've been to the moon, split the atom, millions if not billions of us fly dayily and nearly each nation has built towers of glass, iron and stone so tall as to litterally pierce the clouds that would make even the most gifted ancient Roman archtect crap his pants if he saw the blueprints alone yet when it comes to attracting a mate we're still pretty much in the trees exchanging pieces of fruit for sex....
--------------------------------
To borrow a phrase:
Players who post are like stars, there are bright ones and those who are dim.
|
Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 15:30:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Brigadier Kwozi
I'm single. My best friend is a woman my age. I have romantic feelings for her and we have talked about it, she's cool with me since all I really want is friendship too.
Are you absolutely, 100% sure you WANT to just be friends ? And that she's a good enough friend ?
Quote:
But here's the kicker: She's really really hot, and I she tends to end up in my *wink* *wink* fantasies. Even though I would never do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her in real life.
"Yeah, hey, Jen... funny thing I gotta' tell you about... had a dream last night, and you were in it... uh, boy, were you hot... oh, yeah, THAT kind of dream... well, can you blame me ?"
If she can't handle that, she's got no sense of humour.
_
Create a character || Fit a ship || Get some ISK |
Jenny Spitfire
Caldari
LoneStar Industries
FOUNDATI0N
|
Posted - 2009.02.02 15:39:00 -
[30]
Be a man aand tell her you like her.  |
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