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Pirates and Tears û A Study

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Tzetzas Etiquette and Protocol	Posted - 2009.11.03 15:31:00 - [1] Even the most casual of Crime & Punishment readers are familiar with the typical EVE pirateÆs penchant for tears. Pirates often describe their enjoyment of tears with boasts about how 'sweet' or 'delicious' they are. Based on these kinds of statements we can surmise that pirates do, in fact, consume the tears they strive so hard to produce, much the way an average player would consume a glass of water or a refreshing bottle of Quafe. But why would anyone go to such lengths for a beverage while supplies of alternatives are available so readily? Perhaps there is something unique about tears that satisfy a desire in pirates that no other liquid nourishment can. LetÆs explore this theory a little further. Of the three basic types of tears, pirates are adept at stimulating the production of only one, the so-called æpsychic tearsÆ brought on by emotions, suffering, and physical pain. The chemical make-up of these tears differs significantly from the others, containing significant amounts of various protein-based hormones. One of these hormones, prolactin, is responsible for the regulation of lactation and the suppression of libido. Since the majority of pirates are either male or males pretending to be female we can discount the lactation effects. The ability of prolactin to control libido does raise an interesting question. Do pirates strive to produce and consume tears in order to control their enormous sexual appetites? It is a real and frightening possibility. A second hormone, corticotrophin, would seem to negate this possibility as it is partly responsible for the increased production of various androgen hormones, which while increasing muscle mass tend to cause underdevelopment of the sexual organs. Are pirates totally ripped, but impotent and subject to episodes of æroid-rage? That would explain a lotà It seems this exploration raises more questions than it resolves, but I have great hope that further research into this baffling phenomenon will provide satisfactory answers in time.
Boomershoot Suddenly Ninjas	Posted - 2009.11.03 15:55:00 - [2] And this, Gentlemen, is why you don't mess with SCIENCE ________________________________________ i'd gladly abuse [hr] if CCP implemented it ________________________________________
Marko Riva Adamant Inc.	Posted - 2009.11.03 15:57:00 - [3] You said "lactation" huhuhhuhuhuhuuhuhuhuh.... huhuhuhuhuhuuhuhhu. ----------- ADM-I
Soralio Gallente	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:03:00 - [4] Originally by: Tzetzas a refreshing bottle of Quafe. Quafe comes in cans. HYRDA WILL PROVAIL
Napalm985 Immortalis Inc. Shadow Cartel	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:18:00 - [5] I don't know about you but I collect tears for the sole reason that they give my boots a most brilliant shine, far surpassing any commercial product you can just find laying around.
TimMc Gallente Brutal Deliverance Extreme Prejudice.	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:22:00 - [6]
Tiny Tove	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:29:00 - [7] What about pie tears? Yeah, you know... like when they added 6cpu to the EANMII. Those tears were tastier than any other. Can you think of any other time the pie tears have flooded out? What about wormholes sharing the Unknown type like mining sites? Did that lead to any pie tears? Gee I don't know if I can clearly remember that.... What about when a carebear warps out or fits stabs? What about when I'm cried at for shuttle through their gatecamp? Where do those delicious tears in local go? You know... the ones where I should "fight like a man" in my shuttle or something... or "Move L4 to lowsec!" what about those tears? How do they taste? I'll tell you how they taste. ****ING DELICIOUS! --- WTB: Unwritten Forum Rules and list of posters you're not allowed to Report.
Nyxster Gallente Gatecrashers	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:36:00 - [8] Edited by: Nyxster on 03/11/2009 16:36:32 I don't collect anything as common as tears for consumption, my delicate refined terrorist palate prefers fine whine, gallante french vintage is preferred - a cheeky little 2006 carebear chardonnay with a side dish of their corpse is a meal fit for a pirate king. At gatecrashers we like to stock our cellar with only the finest vintage whines so we can get drunk in style.
Captain Tardbar	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:39:00 - [9] Originally by: Soralio Originally by: Tzetzas a refreshing bottle of Quafe. Quafe comes in cans. It does, but us connoisseurs can taste the difference of can versus bottle, so we pour it the used spice wine bottles.
Benedict Carol	Posted - 2009.11.03 16:42:00 - [10] Originally by: Captain Tardbar Originally by: Soralio Originally by: Tzetzas a refreshing bottle of Quafe. Quafe comes in cans. It does, but us connoisseurs can taste the difference of can versus bottle, so we pour it the used spice wine bottles. I prefer stolen bottles of tears from the cellars of a few of Eve's more interesting griefers. Stolen tears taste better.

Novantco The Tuskers	Posted - 2009.11.03 17:54:00 - [11] I'd rather have the isk tbh.
Jones Bones Beyond Divinity Inc Beyond Virginity	Posted - 2009.11.03 19:08:00 - [12] She blinded me, with science! =================== Go Bucks!
Cordarouy Pants	Posted - 2009.11.03 19:18:00 - [13] Thank you for restoring science to her rightful place.
Vissintock	Posted - 2009.11.03 21:46:00 - [14] Enjoyed the mini-article. Pirate tears are even more delicious, as they are both rare and concentrated carebear tears with higher corticotrophin levels. Their intelligence levels are also good. I learn a lot from the rantings of a pirate, as he/she mocks my ship, fittings, flying style and argyle socks(HTH did he know???); carebares just dribble content-free nonsense and unintelligible bile, which can get into the tears and leave a really stupid aftertaste. Also, if you can crack a pirate's ship open, they have better ISK value since they feed mostly on loot and plunder; tears are what they have for dessert. Carebear tears, however, are often diluted and moronic in comparison to pirate tears and easier to find than Veldspar. One shot on some will produce more tears than you can drink in one sitting without breaking down and podding the twit. I like to save the more tearsome conversations and read them in my down time or when I'm munching on asteroids, waiting for the miners to finish. Out of the dozen or so PC pirates I've encountered(I lost every time, LOL), I've only gotten tears from one(I had salvaged his friend's wreck). In addition to whining and calling the act of robbing a pirate unfair(huh??) his tears included Manaiacle laughter at my Immicus, disses on my gun and something about shields that I didn't understand at the moment. Between him and a fleet member, I am on the verge of becoming competent at something other than mining. Keep us posted on your "further research". ;-)
The Crushah Gallente Death of Virtue MeatSausage EXPRESS	Posted - 2009.11.03 22:07:00 - [15] I do it for the enkephalins. No pain baby!
Roastedpot Blutkinder	Posted - 2009.11.03 22:18:00 - [16] Originally by: Nyxster Edited by: Nyxster on 03/11/2009 16:36:32 I don't collect anything as common as tears for consumption, my delicate refined terrorist palate prefers fine whine, gallante french vintage is preferred - a cheeky little 2006 carebear chardonnay with a side dish of their corpse is a meal fit for a pirate king. At gatecrashers we like to stock our cellar with only the finest vintage whines so we can get drunk in style. i prefer the romantic essence of Cloaking Noir., though i have only heard rumors of it's taste, i hear the pants drop on most females just from the aroma
Nyxster Gallente Gatecrashers SCUM.	Posted - 2009.11.04 00:26:00 - [17] Edited by: Nyxster on 04/11/2009 00:26:35 Originally by: Roastedpot Originally by: Nyxster Edited by: Nyxster on 03/11/2009 16:36:32 I don't collect anything as common as tears for consumption, my delicate refined terrorist palate prefers fine whine, gallante french vintage is preferred - a cheeky little 2006 carebear chardonnay with a side dish of their corpse is a meal fit for a pirate king. At gatecrashers we like to stock our cellar with only the finest vintage whines so we can get drunk in style. i prefer the romantic essence of Cloaking Noir., though i have only heard rumors of it's taste, i hear the pants drop on most females just from the aroma If you like Cloaking Noir, i suggest a case of Privateers Pinot Grigio, it lacks the class, style and substance of a bottle of Noir, but for getting ****faced the cheap 2008 Privateer Pinot is a cheeky little number to sample while shopping in Jita. and you can get a dozen bottles for the price of 1 good Noir.
jimmyjam Gallente Sinner Among Saints Exquisite Malevolence	Posted - 2009.11.04 00:41:00 - [18] Originally by: Tzetzas Even the most casual of Crime & Punishment readers are familiar with the typical EVE pirateÆs penchant for tears. Pirates often describe their enjoyment of tears with boasts about how 'sweet' or 'delicious' they are. Based on these kinds of statements we can surmise that pirates do, in fact, consume the tears they strive so hard to produce, much the way an average player would consume a glass of water or a refreshing bottle of Quafe. But why would anyone go to such lengths for a beverage while supplies of alternatives are available so readily? Perhaps there is something unique about tears that satisfy a desire in pirates that no other liquid nourishment can. LetÆs explore this theory a little further. Of the three basic types of tears, pirates are adept at stimulating the production of only one, the so-called æpsychic tearsÆ brought on by emotions, suffering, and physical pain. The chemical make-up of these tears differs significantly from the others, containing significant amounts of various protein-based hormones. One of these hormones, prolactin, is responsible for the regulation of lactation and the suppression of libido. Since the majority of pirates are either male or males pretending to be female we can discount the lactation effects. The ability of prolactin to control libido does raise an interesting question. Do pirates strive to produce and consume tears in order to control their enormous sexual appetites? It is a real and frightening possibility. A second hormone, corticotrophin, would seem to negate this possibility as it is partly responsible for the increased production of various androgen hormones, which while increasing muscle mass tend to cause underdevelopment of the sexual organs. Are pirates totally ripped, but impotent and subject to episodes of æroid-rage? That would explain a lotà It seems this exploration raises more questions than it resolves, but I have great hope that further research into this baffling phenomenon will provide satisfactory answers in time. Your right about the sexual appetite.The issues with being limp yeah.. not so much a problem.I rock v,s if needed.
RedSplat Noir.	Posted - 2009.11.04 00:46:00 - [19] Edited by: RedSplat on 04/11/2009 00:53:32 Originally by: Nyxster If you like Cloaking Noir, i suggest a case of Privateers Pinot Grigio, it lacks the class, style and substance of a bottle of Noir, but for getting **faced the cheap 2008 Privateer Pinot is a cheeky little number to sample while shopping in Jita. and you can get a dozen bottles for the price of 1 good Noir. Have you ever arrived late at a works do that has gotten out of hand and realized that, with the clarity afforded by being sober, the drunken braying masses you work with everyday are distasteful in the extreme sunken in their cups? A prime aged cask from the Noir. distillery will keep you warm on a cold day, ease you to sleep at night and cement a good companionship over a convivial dram shared of an evening. These qualities and particulars make it much preferable to getting slaughtered on a crate of Tenants and waking in a puddle of vomit with only a few STD's to show for last nights escapades, not that you remember anything. Of note should be The TFS Gran Reserva '07. Much controversy surrounds this intractable vintage due to mistakes introduced in the bottling process, thus it is to be expected that a much lauded and anticipated uncorking can turn to so much vinegar in reality. EDIT: Love Privs, but the analogy is too fun by far EDIT: Love TFS too, dont get your knickers in a twist Originally by:** CCP Mitnal I don't sleep. I am always here. Watching. Waiting.
Logit Probit	Posted - 2009.11.04 02:09:00 - [20] Originally by: Tzetzas Even the most casual of Crime & Punishment readers are familiar with the typical EVE pirateÆs penchant for tears. Pirates often describe their enjoyment of tears with boasts about how 'sweet' or 'delicious' they are. Based on these kinds of statements we can surmise that pirates do, in fact, consume the tears they strive so hard to produce, much the way an average player would consume a glass of water or a refreshing bottle of Quafe. But why would anyone go to such lengths for a beverage while supplies of alternatives are available so readily? Perhaps there is something unique about tears that satisfy a desire in pirates that no other liquid nourishment can. LetÆs explore this theory a little further. Of the three basic types of tears, pirates are adept at stimulating the production of only one, the so-called æpsychic tearsÆ brought on by emotions, suffering, and physical pain. The chemical make-up of these tears differs significantly from the others, containing significant amounts of various protein-based hormones. One of these hormones, prolactin, is responsible for the regulation of lactation and the suppression of libido. Since the majority of pirates are either male or males pretending to be female we can discount the lactation effects. The ability of prolactin to control libido does raise an interesting question. Do pirates strive to produce and consume tears in order to control their enormous sexual appetites? It is a real and frightening possibility. A second hormone, corticotrophin, would seem to negate this possibility as it is partly responsible for the increased production of various androgen hormones, which while increasing muscle mass tend to cause underdevelopment of the sexual organs. Are pirates totally ripped, but impotent and subject to episodes of æroid-rage? That would explain a lotà It seems this exploration raises more questions than it resolves, but I have great hope that further research into this baffling phenomenon will provide satisfactory answers in time. moar

PostmasterGeneral Minmatar yo i'm posting	Posted - 2009.11.04 02:17:00 - [21] i, for one, consume prolactin to control my massive sexual appetite i hereby nominate this for c&p srs post of the year
Tatalena Minmatar Golden Eagle Mining Co. Devotion Alliance	Posted - 2009.11.06 16:51:00 - [22] Thank you for the awesome read during a boring class Golden Eagle Mining Co. Official Site
Loqiel Legio Fortunae	Posted - 2009.11.06 18:18:00 - [23] A tip of the glass..er, hat, to all of you. "A good plan executed violently now is better than a perfect plan executed sometime in the future." -Gen. George Patton
Bai ZongTong HYDRA RELOADED	Posted - 2009.11.06 18:29:00 - [24] please send me isk. i will get our allice to conduct this scientific research. of course, if you give us grants, your names will appear on the credits of the paper. amounts exceeding 1B will grant you a spot in the author's list. contact me in game. HYDRA RELOADED 2009: APPLY TODAY. JOIN THE WINNING SIDE.
The'Best Hellfury Incura	Posted - 2009.11.06 18:37:00 - [25] I just like blowing ** up ALEKSEYEV KARRDE FOR CSM**
LarcatOfZion	Posted - 2009.11.06 20:02:00 - [26] Originally by: The'Best Hellfury I just like blowing **** up This tbh. Lexa Hellfury, wisest Hellfury.
waferzankko Caldari The Maverick Navy IT Alliance	Posted - 2009.11.06 20:05:00 - [27] so pirates release a digital psychic tear that heals the soul of the anti pirate?
Benedict Carol	Posted - 2009.11.06 20:50:00 - [28] Originally by: waferzankko so pirates release a digital psychic tear that heals the soul of the anti pirate? I believe the correct term is "excrete"
Hakkar'al Gallente	Posted - 2009.11.06 21:15:00 - [29] Originally by: Bai ZongTong i will get our allice to conduct this scientific research. Who's Alice? The receptionist or the lady taking ganking orders?
merv1 Tides Of War	Posted - 2009.11.06 21:34:00 - [30] Originally by: Hakkar'al Gallente Originally by: Bai ZongTong i will get our allice to conduct this scientific research. Who's Alice? The receptionist or the lady taking ganking orders? He's lived next door to her for 24 years.



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