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Darius III
Caldari Interstellar eXodus BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:44:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Darius III on 24/06/2011 13:51:18 If you have not yet purchased a monocle, I think you are pubbie scum who are not worthy of the attentions of such grand and noble folk who possess one. Sure I was mad at CCP at first, but after careful consideration, I decided that until I had worn the monocle, I could not judge. I assumed that the experience would only highlight the poor choice by CCP to price them out of reach of most players. It was after careful consideration, in my opinion, that I needed a monocle to see for myself if my assumption that they were overpriced was correct.
I assure you gentlemen and commoners alike-the monocle is indeed a good value. After purchasing my monocle, I had a most exquisite sense of empowerment. Nary a day goes buy that I do not relish and cherish the experience. It has indeed added value to my subscription and my perception of Eve Online. The act of donning the monocle has improved my self esteem, attracted copious amounts of the fairer sex, and-preliminary reports are suggesting-that it has improved the fuel economy of my automobile. Further, my male organ appears to have been getting larger. I visited my private physician, and much to his surprise, it seems to have cured my chronic syphilis as well as having improved my vocabulary.
I implore thee, other owners of such masterfully crafted eyewear-make yourselves known, that we may, as a group, extoll the virtues of ownership of such an exquisite, yet fashionable gem as the eyepiece provided to us by our peers at CCP. I have made it known to my alliance that I will in fact no longer take orders from any of the other directors who are not similarly attired with the looking glass.
To you masses of filthy commoners who aspire to obtain, yet cannot afford the monocle, I give you a message: You are beneath the dirt on my precision boots. I would need a telescope to look so far down upon your writhing unwashed masses that in fact, I get vertigo just thinking about it. You commoners should refrain from posting about your unhappiness and return to mining veldspar or whatever it is you do with your time and leave forum posting to those of us literate and considerate enough to behave like true gentlemen whilst visiting these forums. I order you, my un-monocled vassals, to return to the fields at once and resume your toil and peasantry. That is all, consider yourselves dismissed, Your high lord an Emperor, CSM Darius III
Additionally I would like to state, at the bequest of a particularily informed commoner, my belief that "As for Helicity, she was the weakest link, and has thus been eliminated" I dare say had she purchased a monocle, her masters at CCP (my peers) may have showed more leniency towards her. Since she is not similarly bespectacled however she got what she deserved. No begone, rabble and commoners alike!
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Apocryphal Noise
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:46:00 -
[2]
Nice satire.
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Fredfredbug4
Gallente Kings of Kill EVE Animal Control
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:49:00 -
[3]
I support all Monocle owners. Please think of me, someone who does not own a monocle as swine rather than the scum of the earth and I will be very thankful.
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Korinne
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:49:00 -
[4]
Like.
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Tobias Sjodin
Habitual Euthanasia Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:54:00 -
[5]
Helicity's untimely demise was foretold in the brick prophecies. It was his/her fate.
HABIT
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freelaptop pls
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:56:00 -
[6]
tl;dr
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Ray Tucker
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Posted - 2011.06.24 13:57:00 -
[7]
I'm at a loss for words, except maybe "hahaha, look at the scrub who actually bought one" |
enterprisePSI
Unimatrix 0.1
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:01:00 -
[8]
Confirming that if i where to receive an anonymous donation of 4 plex, i will immediately get a monocle.
The Pod Log. ||| I MADE TWEET Y U NO FOLLOW!? |
Destiny Corrupted
Deadly Viper Kitten Mitten Sewing Company
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:04:00 -
[9]
Originally by: Tobias Sjodin Helicity's untimely demise was foretold in the brick prophecies. It was his/her fate.
Yeth, yethhh, the prophecieth are most correcthh. I have exhumed and examined the corpse of Peoke, and the auspiceth are most telling that the mighty and virile Chribba is nexthh to faaaall. On the day of the cuthtom paintjob, the Veldnaught doth buuuurnnnn.
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Patient 2428190
DEGRREE'Fo'FREE Internet Business School
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:04:00 -
[10]
I'm surprised you didn't scam said monocle off your alt first. ...Then when you stopped to think about it. All you really said was Lalala. |
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Tosser Galore
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:08:00 -
[11]
Sticky this.
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William Walker
Amarr House Aratus Fatal Ascension
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:11:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Darius III To you masses of filthy commoners who aspire to obtain, yet cannot afford the monocle, I give you a message: You are beneath the dirt on my precision boots. I would need a telescope to look so far down upon your writhing unwashed masses that in fact, I get vertigo just thinking about it. You commoners should refrain from posting about your unhappiness and return to mining veldspar or whatever it is you do with your time and leave forum posting to those of us literate and considerate enough to behave like true gentlemen whilst visiting these forums. I order you, my un-monocled vassals, to return to the fields at once and resume your toil and peasantry. That is all, consider yourselves dismissed, Your high lord an Emperor, CSM Darius III
This is my favourite paragraph. You know what, I think I'll just fork the Ç60 for one of these fine pieces of clothing. I shall truly be a god amongst men. ________________________________________________
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Brooks Puuntai
Minmatar Nomadic Asylum
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:17:00 -
[13]
Originally by: enterprisePSI Confirming that if i where to receive an anonymous donation of 4 plex, i will immediately get a monocle.
You would think that either:
-4 Months of playtime -1 Fully fit rigged carrier -1 Dreadnaught -2 t2 BSs -30 t1 BSs -16 t2 cruisers
Would be a better use of those plexes. Just saying.
*Figures are a rough estimate and maybe slightly off.
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Apocryphal Noise
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:21:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Apocryphal Noise on 24/06/2011 14:21:17
Originally by: Ray Tucker I'm at a loss for words, except maybe "hahaha, look at the scrub who actually bought one"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
That was the point as it went over your head.
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Comrade Comrade
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:30:00 -
[15]
Did you really buy one?
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Binty McCuntlets
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:35:00 -
[16]
Edited by: Binty Mc****lets on 24/06/2011 14:35:27 Madame,
I am displeased by your choice of eyewear. Surely an attractive top hat and cane would be much more suitable to looking down on the common folk of Eve.
I trust that our CCP overlol'ds are preparing such attire for us as we speak (instead of fixing hybrids, returning engine trails, or nerfing supercarriers).
Sincerely,
Binty Mc****lets
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Sovox
Amarr Mercurialis Inc. RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:36:00 -
[17]
You totally sold me on the idea.
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COMMANDER KATMAN
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:37:00 -
[18]
we all own them in bricks... so we can look down on the rest of the universe and see you lot for what u are.
Max E-Peen FTW
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poeke
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:45:00 -
[19]
I have given a general order to all Directors to purchase monocles |
War Swine
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Posted - 2011.06.24 14:47:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Fredfredbug4 I support all Monocle owners. Please think of me, someone who does not own a monocle as swine rather than the scum of the earth and I will be very thankful.
You talking to me?
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BIZZAROSTORMY
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:00:00 -
[21]
Military experts are calling this an satirical win.
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Iloni Atoriandra
Sniggerdly Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:02:00 -
[22]
As a monocle owner and wearer I approve of this.
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Majuan Shuo
Gallente Sons Of 0din Fatal Ascension
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:23:00 -
[23]
Let Eve burn. "All your monies AUR belong to us." -- CCP |
Templar Dane
Amarrian Retribution
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:25:00 -
[24]
Edited by: Templar Dane on 24/06/2011 15:25:10
Originally by: freelaptop pls tl;dr
OP is like two days late for the funny that was the original monocle thread.
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Kuronaga
Kantian Principle
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:30:00 -
[25]
If you're gonna troll hard, might as well go all the way and drop 80 bucks on it...
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Namura Kautsuo
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:33:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Brooks Puuntai
Originally by: enterprisePSI Confirming that if i where to receive an anonymous donation of 4 plex, i will immediately get a monocle.
You would think that either:
-4 Months of playtime -1 Fully fit rigged carrier -1 Dreadnaught -2 t2 BSs -30 t1 BSs -16 t2 cruisers
Would be a better use of those plexes. Just saying.
*Figures are a rough estimate and maybe slightly off.
Swine logic.
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Khamelean
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Posted - 2011.06.24 15:37:00 -
[27]
+1 for the use of the word "bespectacled"!!
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Darius III
Caldari Interstellar eXodus BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.06.24 16:19:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Templar Dane
OP is like two days late for the funny that was the original monocle thread.
Unfortunately for me I can't/wouldn't want to try to keep up with the 9,274.5 rage threads since the release. I see the whole thing as harmful to Eve, and it isn't fun for me. That being said, I am trying to have whatever fun I can with the situation. Besides, I am certain my thread > original thread. Now return to your scullery duties, or buy a monocle for yourself and join me on the council of nobles.
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Saranon
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Posted - 2011.06.24 16:34:00 -
[29]
I am saving all my iskies so I can get mine! yadda yadda blah blah blah. |
Temulkar Blaine
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Posted - 2011.06.24 16:35:00 -
[30]
Just as long as behind closed doors someone is shoving a hot poker somewhere very unpleasant until ccp respond, Im happy after that depends on the response.
Hi Darius o/
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