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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 3 post(s) |
Super Chair
Project Cerberus Caldari State Capturing
462
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Posted - 2013.03.25 14:57:00 -
[31] - Quote
Sean Parisi wrote:Roime wrote:First for the Federation \o/
...and yes, it's a good one. Cheers! First for the superior and clearly better looking Caldari.
fixed
Project Cerberus is recruiting for the US Timezone, click here |
Markus Reese
Incertae Sedis
342
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Posted - 2013.03.25 15:03:00 -
[32] - Quote
Good job guys. |
RADTrooper
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
4
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Posted - 2013.03.25 15:50:00 -
[33] - Quote
Well, it was his neighbors who disappeared first. . .
Maybe he just wanted a larger garden? |
Steve Ronuken
Fuzzwork Enterprises
1247
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Posted - 2013.03.25 15:58:00 -
[34] - Quote
The way I figure it, he's a serial killer. Who just stuffed the bodies in his garden. After all, he's Gallente...
This one is pretty damn nice to the Caldari. Steve Ronuken for CSM 8 Handy tools and SDE conversions Twitter: @fuzzysteve on Twitter |
Borgholio
Quantum Industries Prime Orbital Systems
7
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Posted - 2013.03.25 16:04:00 -
[35] - Quote
Nathan Jameson wrote:Borgholio wrote:Quote:Because sooner or later they'd wonder why my plants were growing so well, in this forsaken place. And eventually they'd come in with shovels, either to investigate or destroy.
And it wouldn't be long before they started finding the bodies. So who was buried in his garden? His fellow Gallente whom he conspired against? Caldari guards? I had the impression it was the Gallente who were going to dig up his garden. The Caldari guards sending a message, so to speak.
Yeah me too, but then I read that the Gallente were lead away by the guards...they weren't killed just stunned. You will be assimilated...bunghole! |
Nyancat Audeles
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
163
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Posted - 2013.03.25 16:14:00 -
[36] - Quote
Sean Parisi wrote:Roime wrote:First for the Federation \o/
...and yes, it's a good one. Cheers! First for the superior Caldari.
As a Jovian, I honestly don't care. |
Rinai Vero
Moira. Villore Accords
125
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Posted - 2013.03.25 16:17:00 -
[37] - Quote
Indahmawar Fazmarai wrote:Interesting read, but that end feels unnatural, like a deus ex machina gratuitously shoehorned in. IMHO, a single line about the elder wandering the streets each night as a part of his daily habits would have sufficed to open that loop before closing it.
I agree, the ending felt unnatural to me as well. I think some foreshadowing would have helped. Although, it does raise some interesting ideas on further reflection. Once you understand that the old man could be a serial killer, the actions taken by the community can be seen in a different light. Perhaps they were digging up the garden looking for evidence? |
Dasquirrel715
Universalis Imperium Tactical Narcotics Team
28
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Posted - 2013.03.25 16:34:00 -
[38] - Quote
Tasiv Deka wrote:Ill read it over my lunch break but i have to ask is this going to be as biased against Caldari as ccp is? (i know its a gallente POV but still...)
I mean this isnt some in character rant or anything but seriously its kind of irritating seeing Caldari (and Amarr) get the short end of the stick on quite a few things.
still though i'll read it and hopefully it isnt too biased
Well its not like Caldari weren't winning the war for years. I mean they took back caldari prime and let luminaire in occupation. |
Goun-Hung Lo
Hessian Imperial
0
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:09:00 -
[39] - Quote
Dasquirrel715 wrote:Tasiv Deka wrote:Ill read it over my lunch break but i have to ask is this going to be as biased against Caldari as ccp is? (i know its a gallente POV but still...)
I mean this isnt some in character rant or anything but seriously its kind of irritating seeing Caldari (and Amarr) get the short end of the stick on quite a few things.
still though i'll read it and hopefully it isnt too biased Well its not like Caldari weren't winning the war for years. I mean they took back caldari prime and let luminaire in occupation. The only reason they took back Caldari Prime was because a traitor leaked information on the Gallente security network, add that with 95% of the Caldari Navy and the odds were clearly on the State's side.
This battle showed that the Gallente Federation will not tolerate the Caldari intrusion any longer!
Glory to the Federation! |
Elrianmk2
5
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:20:00 -
[40] - Quote
Now that was a damn fine story. Incidentally the deaths are alluded to if you read into it a bit more! Sometimes "Meh" is an acceptable response. |
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CCP Abraxas
C C P C C P Alliance
66
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:23:00 -
[41] - Quote
Destroyer of Souls wrote:Love those continuity errors. Argh. Yes. These'll be fixed forthwith.
Seriphyn Inhonores wrote:I love how Abraxas is able to apply the high-level political concepts we read about in the lore to the average, planet-dwelling member of society, to reveal that it isn't as binary as one might think. I love when people actually catch that I'm doing it intentionally. For me it's always about the lives of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances, and not about politicians shouting at one another.
Rees Noturana wrote:Dog lives. That's all that really matters. You kill off the dog and you go on the list, right above the Amarr. I had originally planned to off the dog, but when the time came I just ... couldn't. I've had one myself for a little over a year, and it struck too close to home. It worked out to the story's advantage, anyway.
Rinai Vero wrote:I agree, the ending felt unnatural to me as well. I think some foreshadowing would have helped. Except there was tons of it. Examples include the hard choice he had to make between his family and his "hobby", the fact that he knew guard routes by heart, the "disappearances" among the lists of crimes (including his neighbors, whose houses were never repopulated), the way he could move unseen through the city, etc. I was actually worried that I might be telegraphing it.
Nathan Jameson wrote:Borgholio wrote:So who was buried in his garden? His fellow Gallente whom he conspired against? Caldari guards? I had the impression it was the Gallente who were going to dig up his garden. The Caldari guards sending a message, so to speak. It's nevar stated outright, but the implication is that it was just random citizens of the city, plus his neighbours - and yes, probably some of the ones who tried to dig up the garden, assuming the Caldari let them loose again. |
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SamuelK
The Concilium Enterprises Extinction Level Event.
4
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:25:00 -
[42] - Quote
I miss the oil painting cover art. (EX.Houses of the Holy) mmm the blood of Chalmers
I will however take more Eve Chronicles!
Its almost like there wasn't a year between chronicles this time. . . weird, right? |
Eko'mo
Eko Research Institute
21
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:30:00 -
[43] - Quote
Nice chronicle, bit repetitive in places, the ending definitely gets you thinking.
I would hope that there was another chron written and ready to go should that titan have been successfully defended but I know this is probably not the case, the event was scripted with one outcome which makes player participation a bit of a joke to be honest.
Also there needs to be an explanation why the titan didn't open fire on the Gallente districts as per its whole reason for being there in the first place.
Shame how the Caldari are depicted, Caldari Prime is by right a Cadari planet it's their homeworld with all their history and culture they had every right to take it back. http://ekolikecrayons.wordpress.com/about/ |
Eliniale
co-operative resource extraction
140
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Posted - 2013.03.25 17:47:00 -
[44] - Quote
You just couldn't resist could you Abraxas .
He had to be a killer again.
Please for once break you habit of trying to be unexpected (which ironically has now become what I have come to expect), and be expected. The only way you can keep your readers off balance is to keep changing it up :p.
Other than that, good chronicle. System ideas: https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=191928&find=unread |
Inkarr Hashur
Sine Nobilitatis
291
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Posted - 2013.03.25 18:27:00 -
[45] - Quote
Indahmawar Fazmarai wrote:Interesting read, but that end feels unnatural, like a deus ex machina gratuitously shoehorned in. IMHO, a single line about the elder wandering the streets each night as a part of his daily habits would have sufficed to open that loop before closing it.
I don't think that would have helped improve the believability of the final twist. It really was just completely out of place through and through.
Nyancat Audeles wrote:Sean Parisi wrote:Roime wrote:First for the Federation \o/
...and yes, it's a good one. Cheers! First for the superior Caldari. As a Jovian, I honestly don't care.
An egger with one too many boosters in her system. |
Big Jim Slade
No Sacrifice No Victory
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 18:33:00 -
[46] - Quote
A little bit Secret Window and a little bit Dexter. |
Johlie
Killary's Pub
3
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:14:00 -
[47] - Quote
That was a good read. I thought the story was going to make the Cald look like complete a-holes. I was pleasantly surprised. |
Che Biko
Humanitarian Communists
405
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:16:00 -
[48] - Quote
Radiohead songs to play while reading:
I Might Be Wrong followed by You And Whose Army
Nice chron, nice twists. Nightmares - A short story by Ch+¬ Biko |
Vikarion
Liandri Corporation Liandri Covenant
404
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:16:00 -
[49] - Quote
Stitcher wrote:See, this right here is why I like the Caldari. It'd be so easy to paint them as the faceless jackbooted bad guys. It's nice to see ruthless efficiency treated in a more nuanced, even virtuous way. Great read, go Abraxas!
Aren't you glad Falcon didn't write it?
Anyway, I liked it. The ending was a nice cherry on top. |
SilentStryder
Center for Advanced Studies Gallente Federation
0
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:21:00 -
[50] - Quote
At first I read it and thought the best, that he was a gallente resistance fighter killing caldari patrols, then I started thinking about it and wondered who he was killing, and yup sure enough he was probably just a serial killer. |
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Inkarr Hashur
Sine Nobilitatis
291
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:43:00 -
[51] - Quote
As a player of EVE Online, I wish for world building and nuanced and new perspectives of the 4 empires, the various other main factions both lawful and pirate, etc. I wish for named and important characters in the universe being fleshed out or tested in some manner.
So in this story I felt the most compelling part was the contrast of the Caldari fascist, military focus and efficiency versus the petty and spiteful Gallente factions splintering among the townspeople, showing their inefficacy and divisive nature. This is why I have a problem with the unnamed and unimportant old man being a serial killer. It became a distraction. It doesn't add to the worldbuilding as outlined above in my first paragraph, and in fact, detracts from that "petty and spiteful" depiction of the Gallente, as they are no longer petty or spiteful, but based firmly in real and justified suspicion. It was an interesting development for the story about the old man, but was not helpful in telling the story of the 4 empires. So as an EVE player, I was disappointed. |
Calathorn Virpio
ZionTCD Legacy Rising
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:45:00 -
[52] - Quote
the state shall never fall! CCP are the French gate camping=/=PVP everything else is fair game |
Che Biko
Humanitarian Communists
405
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Posted - 2013.03.25 19:47:00 -
[53] - Quote
I actually found the perspective of someone living on CP quite interesting, wether he was a serial killer or not. Nightmares - A short story by Ch+¬ Biko |
Calathorn Virpio
ZionTCD Legacy Rising
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:00:00 -
[54] - Quote
excellent article
in all that ruin, at least one gallente persevered with such a dedication to a singular goal is to be commended CCP are the French gate camping=/=PVP everything else is fair game |
Calathorn Virpio
ZionTCD Legacy Rising
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:09:00 -
[55] - Quote
Sean Parisi wrote:Roime wrote:First for the Federation \o/
...and yes, it's a good one. Cheers! First for the superior Caldari.
you are not alone CCP are the French gate camping=/=PVP everything else is fair game |
Calathorn Virpio
ZionTCD Legacy Rising
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:12:00 -
[56] - Quote
Grideris wrote:\o/ Good Chron is good. Now, more! There was a moment where I shivered when it was talking about the Titan breaking in half. Mainly because I was right next to it when that happened. And who's bodies?
other galentians
(the walls would have made it a tad difficult to get at us caldari) CCP are the French gate camping=/=PVP everything else is fair game |
Calathorn Virpio
ZionTCD Legacy Rising
25
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:14:00 -
[57] - Quote
Nyancat Audeles wrote:Sean Parisi wrote:Roime wrote:First for the Federation \o/
...and yes, it's a good one. Cheers! First for the superior Caldari. As a Jovian, I honestly don't care.
i call bullshit CCP are the French gate camping=/=PVP everything else is fair game |
Vincent Athena
V.I.C.E.
1729
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:33:00 -
[58] - Quote
CCP Abraxas wrote:Destroyer of Souls wrote:Love those continuity errors. Argh. Yes. These'll be fixed forthwith.
Another one
"My neighbors on both sides disappeared in the space of one night."
"The houses to either side of me had never been occupied,"
Perhaps "The houses to either side of me had never been re-occupied,"
And a bit of a hole: We are never given any indication he had the capability to kill someone. Weapons? Never mentioned. Training? Never mentioned. Brute strength? Hes and old man. In good shape, but still.... For example you could have mentioned near the beginning when he was clearing the back yard for a garden that he had a tool that cut away the brush with almost no effort. That would also solve the "How did he haul a body back?" issue. He did not, just an arm or a leg. http://vincentoneve.wordpress.com/ |
Captain Megadeath
Republic Military School Minmatar Republic
74
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:34:00 -
[59] - Quote
Goun-Hung Lo wrote: This battle showed that the Gallente Federation will not tolerate the Caldari living on their own home planet any longer!
Glory to the Federation! Ze h......oh myyyy
Fixed.
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Snowflake Tem
The Order of Symbolic Measures
92
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Posted - 2013.03.25 20:39:00 -
[60] - Quote
Urban pirate, takes on civi-bears with loyal drone and cloak? I'd be surprised if anyone in New Eden got to a ripe old without a skellibob or two to worry about.
The protagonists ambiguous sympathies was very well developed. I approve. I would love to hear of a DUSTie kicking through that particular plot too, impractical as that may be.
in other news, did I miss the explanation of 514? or is that yet to be revealed? |
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