Thydon
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Posted - 2006.01.27 10:59:00 -
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Edited by: Thydon on 27/01/2006 11:00:54
Best Zitek story by far :
Sirppala System, Kaalakiota Factory Station
"So in short, these ****ers need killing. Get moving."
The agent was getting disturbingly bloodthirsty. Granted, vital research materials and such were missing, but for someone who claimed to not sully his hands with all that sordid weaponry garbage, this was somewhat unexpected. It was like a small chihuahua baring its teeth at a wolfhound and fully expecting the 120-pound killer to roll over and play dead.
Now, despite feeling somewhat put-upon, I knew my own limits. I may be a better fighter than Mr. Stay-In-Station-And-*****-Daily, but I know when I - and more importantly, my Incursus frigate - are outmatched.
So I did the next-best thing. When the going gets tough, the tough call in reinforcements. A quick scan of the local comchannels located a fellow Zitek member in the area. Opening up my corporate comms, I quickly and decisively begged for help.
Kuntuna (the aforementioned corpmate) was glad to help. Forming up into a gang, we made best speed for the location of the Gurista group that offended the Caldari State, the civilized nations, CONCORD, the Sisters of Eve, the Amarr High Theoarch, half of the Gallente (the other half supported them on general principles), my aunt Tesoko, and most importantly, my bloodthirsty agent.
We sighted the enemy and with my Incursus bravely covering the rear, Kuntuna opened up with his Caracal's torpedo launchers. Red, yellow, and blue plasma flares lit the near space as torpedos streaked towards their targets. Kuntuna made short work of the three Gurista targets, so quick as to have a salvo still enroute when the last pirate ship exploded into tritanium dust, globs of engine coolant, and shreds of whatever ****ographic magazine the pirate pilot was busy utilizing when he was ambushed.
I thanked Kuntuna for his assistance, decided to quickly grab the lost research materials from a dropped canister and headed full-speed towards the location of the canister - the same location that was programmed into the last torpedo salvo's navigation computers as it was the last location that the pirate craft occupied.
Some of you may already be smiling. You're bastards, the lot of you.
My Incursus (Long Horn) deserves some introduction. It is designed for maximum velocity at any cost. Nanofiber internal structure, afterburners out the wazoo, and most importantly, a microwarpdrive. Given a good day, a clear path, and a lot of alcohol for its pilot prior to launch, it can do almost 4 kilometers per second.
From my position behind Kuntuna's Caracal, I got a bearing on the can and engaged all boosters. My Incursus shuddered and accelerated to almost 2km/s, quickly streaking towards the can, at this point almost 40 km away.
The torpedos, however, were only 20km away. On the same vector.
More of you are smiling now. You're still bastards.
Accelerating for all it's worth, my Incursus streaked directly towards the cans...and directly into the torpedos. From behind.
Note to self: poking a Mjolnir torpedo in its (lit) plasma motor with the long sensor boom of an Incrusus at a relative velocity of 2km/s (and accelerating) is a bad idea.
Next thing I knew, I was overshooting the cans, most of my armor was gone, my left engine cluster was being deposited behind me in bite-sized chunks, and Kuntuna's incredulous laughter was ringing in my ears.
Probably all of you are laughing now. You're double-bastards.
My agent got his damn research materials (a whopping 600 Mexallion). Kuntuna got to shoot his torpedos off. A few mid-ranking Gurista pilots got to sample the fine experience of clone activation.
And I learned that poking live torps from the rear is a bad idea.
I'm going to go kick my agent in the nuts now. On general principles.
Please all send 1 isk to the character "Crescend" for his pain to torment him some more :D
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