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Big Lynx
Destructive Mechanics Quam'Nocent
574
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Posted - 2014.08.10 11:18:00 -
[91] - Quote
A CODE. merc went on his daily suicide gank. He checked some belts and there he found a group of mackinaws mining. He locked one and shot. After the smoke disappeared, he realized that he missed the mackinaw and suddenly he was sourrounded by a fleet af HACs. The FC said, "Hey you little merc, situation is simple, either I gonna f*** you, or I gonna kill you." Out of desperation the merc surrendered, "Well, alright, go ahead..."
Angry and humiliated he the merc returns to his home system, thinking of revenge. His first target was this pervert FC he wanted to hunt down now. The next day he jumped back into the belt looking for him and after checking two belts he found him mining. The merc locked him and unloaded his whole arsenal of torpedoes and bombs on the mackinaw. After the smoke disappears he realized that he missed the mackinaw again and suddenly the fleet of HACs was around him. The FC gave him choice again, "Hey you little merc, situation is simple, either I gonna f*** you, or I gonna kill you." After the dreadful scenario took place the FC released him.
The next day the merc was filled with anger and he was exhausted and he returned with a full officer fit Marauder to kill them all.
He scanned them down and rushed into the belt, firing all he had.
After the smoke disappeared he realized that he missed the mackinaw again and was horrified.
Suddenly the FC appeared next to him and said: "Hey merc, let's be honest now. Are you really here for hunting?" |
Riot Girl
You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack
3495
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Posted - 2014.08.10 11:27:00 -
[92] - Quote
CSM. Thanks. Oh god. |
Billy McCandless
The McCandless Clan
392
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Posted - 2014.08.10 14:39:00 -
[93] - Quote
a mane wawks in too a boochers
"kan aye hav haff a pownd of kiddleys"
the boocher he say "downt yoo meen kidneys"
the mane say "thar what aye sey diddle eye" "Thread locked for being deemed a total loss." - ISD Ezwal |
Riot Girl
You'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack
3508
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Posted - 2014.08.10 15:05:00 -
[94] - Quote
Billy McCandless wrote:a mane wawks in too a boochers
"kan aye hav haff a pownd of kiddleys"
the boocher he say "downt yoo meen kidneys"
the mane say "thar what aye sey diddle eye" I'm proud of you.
Oh god. |
Lina Alar
Royal Amarr Institute Amarr Empire
5793
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Posted - 2014.08.10 17:07:00 -
[95] - Quote
Glathull wrote:Holgrak Blacksmith wrote:So three rabbis and a leprechaun are trekking across the desert. So they trek all day, then they camp out for the first night, and they're camped out, and a tarantula makes a move on the leprechaun. So the first rabbi picks up a canteen of water and throws it at the tarantula, and knocks the tarantula out, so they're all safe and everything's cool. Then they get up the second day and they trek all day, then they camp out for the second night, and they're camped out, and a rattlesnake starts going after the leprechaun. So the second rabbi picks up a box of matzoh and throws it at the rattlesnake and knocks it out, so they're safe and everything's okay. Then they get up on the third day and trek all day, then they camp out for the third night, and on the third night, a scorpion starts attacking the leprechaun. So the third rabbi walks into a bar and orders a double scotch and a milkshake. He drinks the double scotch and pours the milkshake in his pants. Then he gets a second set of drinks, and this time he drinks the milkshake and pours the double scotch in his pants. Then he gets a third set of drinks, and this time when the bartender turns his back, the elephant just takes off, running down the highway, knocking over telephone poles and smashing cars and small trucks, and by the time he gets to the tollbooth the first duck asks, "Hey, would you pass the soap?" But before the second duck can even answer, the cop BURSTS into the bathroom carrying the monkey. But the monkey gets loose, right? And he runs into the kitchen and starts smashing all the dishes and bending all the forks and spoons. And by the time the dentist catches the monkey again, the leprechaun shoves the scorpion up the third rabbi's ass. I am taking this joke to the bar with me tonight. It is going to obtain sex for me. This is, by far, the best joke ever. Scorpion venom + leprechaun = portal to circus hell An explanation of Eve socialization: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTbgvYPVdXE Lick with your mainGäó |
Sirinda
Ekchuah's Shrine Comporium
387
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Posted - 2014.08.10 21:16:00 -
[96] - Quote
Glathull wrote:Brutus Le'montac wrote:Glathull wrote:A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." and the punchline is..........??? The Aristocrats!!!
Seriously? Nobody got this? And I'm not even a native speaker. |
Aiwha
Infinite Point Nulli Secunda
766
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Posted - 2014.08.10 21:31:00 -
[97] - Quote
SMA We're winning the war if it says so on CAOD! -á
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Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
5250
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Posted - 2014.08.10 22:05:00 -
[98] - Quote
Three priests died and went to Heaven.
St. Peter asks the priests "How many times did you have sex?".
"Never" says the first priest. So St. Peter gives him the keys to a Rolls Royce to drive around in Heaven.
"Once" says the second priest. St. Peter gives him the keys to a new Chevy truck to drive around Heaven.
"Ten times" says the third priest. So he gets a beat up old Datsun with a dragging muffler to drive around Heaven.
One day the priest with the Datsun is at a corner laughing himself silly and the other priests pull alongside him.
"What's wrong?" the priests ask.
"I just saw the Pope go by on roller skates!" Bring back DEEEEP Space! |
111kartel111
O.M.F.G LLC
7
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Posted - 2014.08.10 22:18:00 -
[99] - Quote
Guy walking down the road noticed a dude having relations with a sheep that had it head stuck in the fence. The dude turns around and says hay buddy ya want some of this ?. The guy on the road yells back I sure do and promptly runs down and sticks his head in the fence. |
Clyde Barrows
Republic Military School Minmatar Republic
8
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Posted - 2014.08.10 22:36:00 -
[100] - Quote
I was checking gas meters one day in a Republic Fleet housing development . I knocked on the door of this house and a little minmatar boy came to the door , I ask him if I could talk to his parents about their service . He said dad was at work in the mines , and mom was out back . I said ok lead the way outback to mom . Well , there was mom outback down on her knees and a goat was pouring it to her . I was shocked . I turned to the child and asked if his mom did this all the time ? He looked at me and said naaaahhhh ( goat bleating sound ) . |
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Rayo Atra
Aliastra Gallente Federation
54
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Posted - 2014.08.11 14:32:00 -
[101] - Quote
Soo.. What did the duck say to the exotic dancer??
"...put it on my bill."
:] Tell you what I do like though: A killer. A dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold-blooded, clean, methodical and thorough.
-Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg
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Solecist Project
Mew Age Outpaws
4317
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Posted - 2014.08.11 14:49:00 -
[102] - Quote
Masochist begs at the sadist ...
"Hit me oh please hit me!!!
And the sadist, extremely cruel....
"No........" http://residentoutlaw.tumblr.com - British ****. |
RomeStar
Brave Newbies Inc. Brave Collective
495
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Posted - 2014.08.11 14:50:00 -
[103] - Quote
SOV Signatured removed, CCP Phantom |
RomeStar
Brave Newbies Inc. Brave Collective
495
|
Posted - 2014.08.11 14:52:00 -
[104] - Quote
SOV Signatured removed, CCP Phantom |
leavemymomalone idiot
State War Academy Caldari State
54
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Posted - 2014.09.11 15:01:00 -
[105] - Quote
a sub atomic duck says
qwark
lololololololol |
Chopper Rollins
Lantean Empire
959
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Posted - 2014.09.11 15:11:00 -
[106] - Quote
I tried sniffing coke but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose.
Goggles. Making me look good. Making you look good. |
Fylth
State Protectorate Caldari State
0
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Posted - 2014.09.11 15:16:00 -
[107] - Quote
So I said to the astronaut, what do they say to you just before you launch? He said blast off. I said I was only asking. |
Mr M
Sebiestor Tribe
407
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Posted - 2014.09.11 15:17:00 -
[108] - Quote
An Amarrian, a Caldarian, and a Gallente walked into a bar. "Bloody idiots" said the Minmatar and ducked under it.
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RoAnnon
Eternity INC. Goonswarm Federation
478
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Posted - 2014.09.11 15:25:00 -
[109] - Quote
Why do Engineers get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 So, you're a bounty hunter. No, that ain't it at all. Then what are you? I'm a bounty hunter. |
Don Pera Saissore
7
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Posted - 2014.09.11 16:08:00 -
[110] - Quote
I met this guy in stain, he was selling jokes at 5mil a piece. Judge for your self:
A very posh member of amarrian 'royalty' (aren't they all?) asks his father when he will get to meet his future wife through an arranged marriage. A week later the prince returns from visiting with his future bride and runs excitedly into his fathers private prayer chapel, his mascara running down his cheeks from tears of joy.
GÇ£My son what is the matter?GÇ¥ asks his father. GÇ£Oh daddy, I'm so happy, I have great news.GÇ¥ The father stands to hug his son. GÇ£Tell me then my son, what great news has god given us this day?GÇ¥ His son takes a deep breath, GÇ£Shes a virgin!!!GÇ¥ he gushes, his thin pale hands holding his cheeks.
GÇ£WHAT?!GÇ¥ yells his father, becoming enraged at hearing this, "This is an outrage!" GÇ£Oh daddy, why are you angry? I though you'd be happy to hear this.GÇ¥
GÇ£Son, its simple amarrian tradition, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours.GÇ¥ |
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Areen Sassel
29
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Posted - 2014.09.11 17:21:00 -
[111] - Quote
baltec1 wrote:She looks around for a bit and then calls out "there are 158 sheep". The farmer is staggered, and true to his word he lets her pick out any sheep she wants. Happily she picks out one of the animals and goes to put it in the back of her car when the farmer asks her; Lass, you wouldn't happen to be a natural blond would you? Shocked, she asks him how he knew! "That's my sheepdog" He replied.
The way I know that one, it's a bloke in a BMW, and the farmer bets he can tell what line of work he's in. The bloke agrees, and the farmer says, "You're a management consultant." "How did you know?" "You came here uninvited, you told me something I already knew, it's costing me money, and you know nothing about my business. Now, give me my dog back."
Here's mine, subtly adopted to context:
A highsec miner dies, and goes to heaven. St Peter meets him at the pearly gates, and says, "We don't get many EVE players in here. You must be exceptionally virtuous, so I'm going to escort you round myself."
So, they go around the choirs, the ambrosia fountains, the harp factories, all the rest of it, until off in the distance the miner spots God's golden throne. "Can we take a look at that?"
"Oh," says St Peter, "it's a long way up, but we can if you insist."
So, the miner slogs up the golden steps - of course, St Peter has wings - and eventually gets to the top, and who does he see sprawling in the throne but James 315. Aghast, he turns to St Peter and says, "Don't tell me James 315 is in charge?"
"Oh, no," says St Peter. "That's God. He just likes to _think_ he's James 315." |
Anya Klibor
Insanely Twisted D3vil's Childr3n
767
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Posted - 2014.09.11 17:52:00 -
[112] - Quote
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?
Banned from the petting zoo! We're recruiting! :D |
Eadwig ofHelmsby
Satanistische Burschenschaft Spartacus 95
1
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Posted - 2014.09.11 19:07:00 -
[113] - Quote
Can I bring my Drake?
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onions2
Overwhelming Synergy
0
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Posted - 2014.09.12 07:55:00 -
[114] - Quote
I was going to post a pizza joke in here... but it's too cheesy... GÇ£To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skillGÇ¥ |
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