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Yblarbo Janks
Caldari
Veto.
Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.13 00:49:00 -
[1]
Yblarbo Janks here! I have visited the bathrooms in Sobieski and collected a few jokes from the bathroom stalls!
Enjoy!
A Gallante pilot went to a dock worker and asked, "Can you build me a box that is two fingerlenghts high, two fingerwidths wide, and hmmm. Bout as long as a Thorax?"
"Hmm..." mused the Dock Worker. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"
"Well, you see," said the Gallante, "my corp mate moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his rubber coolant hose."
---
A Gallente miner was walking down the space station corridor carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his buddies, who asked,
"Hey! What's in the bag?"
The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says,
"Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The Gallente says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
--------------
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the Alliance Competition, Planetary Vehicles, and so on.
The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "80." The robot then said, "So, how are things in Gallente Space these days?"
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These two Gallente mechanics are building a Vexor. One of them is putting on the armor. He picks up a rivot, hammers it in. Picks up another rivot, throws it away. Picks up a rivot, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away.
This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the rivots away. He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the ship!"
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Gallente Iteron IV was descending for a landing at an Jita Station they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to his copilot, "Holy Stuff! Look how short that runway is! I've never seen one so short!"
The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's insane! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, were almost out of fuel."
So the captain got on the intercom and notified the station to prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the ship to just over stall speed.
The Iteron came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "Whew! That was close!" yelled the captain." That runway was short!" "Yeah!" said the copilot," and wide too!"
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Three Pirates, a Minmatar, a Caldari, and a Gallente, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the Minmatar and stand him in front of the pole.
He points and shouts, "Electrial Short!" They all look and the Minmatar runs away. Next, they place the Caldari in front of the firing squad.
He yells "Spacial Rift!" They all hit the dust and the Caldari escapes.
Next up is the Gallente. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
-----------
Did you hear about the Gallente Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died? Five of his men died digging his grave.
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Did you hear about the Gallente Loan Shark? He lends out the money then skips town.
Ha, Hope you loved em!
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Admai Sket
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Posted - 2007.01.13 00:51:00 -
[2]
OMGgeniusIloveyouwhydidn'tIthinkofthisfirst!
BRING SHARKY AND GEORGE TO DVD |
Nex Angelus
Caldari
Hypherians
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:03:00 -
[3]
Hahaha... You evil man, made me laugh out loud at work. Now my colleagues are wodering what the heck I'm up to.
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Abye
Caldari
UNITED STARS ORGANISATION
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:16:00 -
[4]
Good ones 
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Lobo13
Gallente
Beyond-Redemption
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:24:00 -
[5]
I don't get it.
Your bound to get dirty when you party naked. |
Korad Konstentyn
Shadowdancers Digital Press
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:27:00 -
[6]
huh, y'know, we tell pretty similar jokes down here in Gallente space, but about the amarr
ahhh, vive les differences!
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Samirol
Turbulent
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:29:00 -
[7]
 Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
Tier 2 BS Lotto
Contact mach'ett3 for all your sig needs
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Nex Angelus
Caldari
Hypherians
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:29:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
Classic
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Kunming
Outcasts
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:32:00 -
[9]
Originally by: Yblarbo Janks
--------------
Three Pirates, a Minmatar, a Caldari, and a Gallente, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the Minmatar and stand him in front of the pole.
He points and shouts, "Electrial Short!" They all look and the Minmatar runs away. Next, they place the Caldari in front of the firing squad.
He yells "Spacial Rift!" They all hit the dust and the Caldari escapes.
Next up is the Gallente. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"
-----------
ROFL, my favourite.. that was all good fun
Quote:
READ THIS NEXT PART CAREFULLY AS IT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND POSTING A REPLY WITHOUT READING IT MAY RESULT IN YOU LOOKING STUPID.
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Petite Pierre
Cutting Edge Incorporated
RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.13 01:46:00 -
[10]
Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
--------------------
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Sessho Seki
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:35:00 -
[11]
Isn't the thread title "Gallente Jokes!" redundant?
That's like saying "Minmatar Whiners", the two words mean the same thing.
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Sessho Seki
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:35:00 -
[12]
Isn't the thread title "Gallente Jokes!" redundant?
That's like saying "Minmatar Whiners", the two words mean the same thing.
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Yblarbo Janks
Caldari
Veto.
Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:40:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
Janks even wrote the jokes down slowly so you would not be rushed. Oh well.
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Yblarbo Janks
Caldari
Veto.
Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:40:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
Janks even wrote the jokes down slowly so you would not be rushed. Oh well.
|
Kanuo Ashkeron
Eve Defence Force
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:45:00 -
[15]
Edited by: Kanuo Ashkeron on 13/01/2007 02:43:39
In contrast to "caldari jokes", "gallente jokes" fit on one page :)
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Kanuo Ashkeron
Eve Defence Force
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:45:00 -
[16]
Edited by: Kanuo Ashkeron on 13/01/2007 02:43:39
In contrast to "caldari jokes", "gallente jokes" fit on one page :)
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Culmen
Caldari
Gekidoku
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Posted - 2007.01.13 02:54:00 -
[17]
heres a joke i posted under my "how many ,.... does it take to screw in a light bulb"
How many gallente does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, once they're done screwing in the dark
_____________________________________________________
Why do i even need a sig? |
Marcus TheMartin
Gallente
Tuxedo.
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Posted - 2007.01.13 03:38:00 -
[18]
In before every one takes every black joke they know and modifiy it for minmatar bashing
Best Dressed Corp of 2006 and 2007! -Marcus TheMartin
Marcus Thinks Eve who knew!? |
Audri Fisher
Caldari
The Keep
THE R0CK
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Posted - 2007.01.13 06:15:00 -
[19]
Originally by: Yblarbo Janks
Originally by: Lobo13
I don't get it.
Janks even wrote the jokes down slowly so you would not be rushed. Oh well.
|
Corbin Devereux
Gallente
Federal Navy Academy
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Posted - 2007.01.13 09:02:00 -
[20]
Good thing i'm intaki. Those gallente sure are stupid.
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Hypo Psycho
Minmatar
Universal Army
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Posted - 2007.01.13 09:44:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Sessho Seki
Isn't the thread title "Gallente Jokes!" redundant?
That's like saying "Minmatar Whiners", the two words mean the same thing.
lol dont get me started on the amarr
"see you on the other side"
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Hin Vemere
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Posted - 2007.01.13 10:18:00 -
[22]
Edited by: Hin Vemere on 13/01/2007 10:17:35
Q. Why did the Deteis cross the road?
A. Because his superiors at Kaalakiota Corporation requested that he do so or suffer termination of contract.
Q. How many Caldari does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. However many as is stated in Wiyrkomi Corporation procedures manual #A5E7B (monitoring and replacement of standard State ceiling fittings, volume 1 of 15), no more and no less.
Q. How did the State Board of Directors recruit so many Caldari to fight and die against the Gallente Federation?
A. By upping their life insurance policies by 4.013%, thus making their deaths profitable.
Q. How do you confuse a Caldari?
A. By using funny animations and gentle humour in your corporate Powerpoint presentations.
Q. How does a Caldari rebel against his corporate leaders?
A. By clocking off 1.2 minutes early, and to hell with the consequences. The really reckless ones take an extra doughnut from the fridge.
Thankyou, I'll be here all night! |
Phoenix Mulderdart
Caldari
Starlancers
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Posted - 2007.01.13 10:49:00 -
[23]
Edited by: Phoenix Mulderdart on 13/01/2007 10:46:49
A Minnie, a Gallente and a Caldari discover a Sub-Space Etheral being. The being, named Brian, grants them each a task for him to fulfill.
Thie Minnie says "I wish that the Republics Fleet was the strongest in the Galaxy so that no-one would dare to attack us." The being clicked his etheral fingers and it was made so.
Next the Gallente; "I would like a defensive shield created around Gallente space, so strong and powerful that no weapon could penetrate it." Brian clicked his fingers and it was so.
Finally it was the Caldari's turn. "This defensive shield that they've requested. Does it stop weapons travelling both ways?". "Yes" replied Brian. "And does it have a flux co-efficient greater than 65.342%?" Asked the caldari. "Why yes, of course" Replied Brian.
The Caldari thought for a second the asked, "Any chance of filling it with anti-matter?"
Edit - for typo's
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Tommy TenKreds
Animal Mercantile Executive
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Posted - 2007.01.13 11:17:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Hin Vemere
Q. How did the State Board of Directors recruit so many Caldari to fight and die against the Gallente Federation?
A. By upping their life insurance policies by 4.013%, thus making their deaths profitable.
Originally by: Tyrrax Thorrk
Is there anything other than ISK you might be interested in? |
Atreides Horza
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Posted - 2007.01.13 11:18:00 -
[25]
An amarr pilot comes across a sub-spatial ethereal being fresh out of Jove space and is granted one wish only.
The amarr pilot thinks carefully, then hands the being a chip containing a 3D-starmap says:
"I want you to sketch out new borders and create a peace accord between all the major races of the known universe that will put an end to the centuries of war and bring prosperity to mankind."
The ethereal being scratches its non-existant head and says: "You know... I said you could wish for anything, but this might just be a tad out of my league. Isn't there another wish I can grant you?"
The amarr pilot answers promtly and hands the being a holopicture: "Well, then... This is my amarr wife, and I want you to make her into the most beautiful and sexy women in the known universe.
The ethereal being looks at the holopicture, obviously grief-stricken, and says quietly: "Yo man, hand me that starmap again, will ya?"
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Yukami Kido
Caldari
Adeptus Illuminati Aegis Authentica
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Posted - 2007.01.13 11:38:00 -
[26]
Pure genius all of them.
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Kunming
Outcasts
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Posted - 2007.01.13 11:40:00 -
[27]
Originally by: Atreides Horza
An amarr pilot comes across a sub-spatial ethereal being fresh out of Jove space and is granted one wish only.
The amarr pilot thinks carefully, then hands the being a chip containing a 3D-starmap says:
"I want you to sketch out new borders and create a peace accord between all the major races of the known universe that will put an end to the centuries of war and bring prosperity to mankind."
The ethereal being scratches its non-existant head and says: "You know... I said you could wish for anything, but this might just be a tad out of my league. Isn't there another wish I can grant you?"
The amarr pilot answers promtly and hands the being a holopicture: "Well, then... This is my amarr wife, and I want you to make her into the most beautiful and sexy women in the known universe.
The ethereal being looks at the holopicture, obviously grief-stricken, and says quietly: "Yo man, hand me that starmap again, will ya?"
*cough* points at portrait *cough*
Quote:
READ THIS NEXT PART CAREFULLY AS IT IS VERY IMPORTANT AND POSTING A REPLY WITHOUT READING IT MAY RESULT IN YOU LOOKING STUPID.
|
Jarjar
Privateers
Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.13 11:53:00 -
[28]
Originally by: Kunming
*cough* points at portrait *cough*
So, you're the amarr pilot's wife huh? 
-------
My posts reflect my own personal views.
I'm in this alliance for the fun, not for forum wars. |
Yblarbo Janks
Caldari
Veto.
Veto Corp
|
Posted - 2007.01.13 16:21:00 -
[29]
A Gallante fighter walks into a bar with an old parrot on his shoulder. It had one eye bulging out, no feathers on the right wing, a broken beak that allowed saliva to slowly drip out of the side. Flies were circuling around it, as the smell was horrendous.
"Where did you find that nasty thing?!" Asked the bartender.
The Gallante replies, "In Caldari Space"
The Bartender replies "I was talking to the parrot."
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Great Artista
Veto.
Veto Corp
|
Posted - 2007.01.13 16:27:00 -
[30]
Hahah
___________________________________
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