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Shirley Serious
Gutter Press
171
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Posted - 2015.12.14 18:18:45 -
[1] - Quote
Reports have reached Gutter Press, of "bhaalgorns" being spotted in the Khanid Kingdom, by a number of worried citizens.
The majority of the reports come from Afnakat VI, where a number of citizens claim to have seen the "bhaalgorns" committing numerous crimes, such as livestock abduction, property damage, and fire-raising.
The "bhaalgorn" was reported by one witness, a commoner farmer, as being around twice the height of a man, with the horns and feet of a goat.
Gutter Press agents spoke to the farmer, who had this to say: "I was watching the slaver hound trials, when I heard a noise from outside. I look out me window, and there's this beast, battering at the door to the barn. I said to my wife, so I did, I said, 'get the laser gun, there's some critter out there', then when she handed me my gun, I go out, and fire a few rounds at it, then it ran off. Twice the size of a normal man, I reckon, but with horns and stuff. Gave me the willies, it did."
A number of other residents of Afnakat VI also reported seeing a shadowy figure in the night, though few claimed to have had a close look at it.
Kingdom authorities are sceptical. We asked a local police sergeant for her opinion: "I doubt it to be a bhaalgorn. It is far more probable that this is some kind of cybernetic device, constructed by the heretic Covenant, the immoral Gallente, or the heathen Minmatar, than a literal demon. Unless tissue samples, or a corpse, are presented, that's my opinion."
A number of cryptozoologists from across the Kingdom have declared their intentions to photograph or capture the beasts.
Meanwhile, local gunsmiths have reported an increase in sales of hunting lasers.
Gutter Press. News.
Just the facts.
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Tyrel Toov
Delusions of Granduer SpaceMonkey's Alliance
669
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Posted - 2015.12.14 19:00:54 -
[2] - Quote
Truth? I was messing around with bio engineering and needed a place to dump the result. Figured that one Amarrian trash heap of a world is as good as the next....
*Grabs the popcorn and waits*
I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
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Silvox Lunae
EVE University Ivy League
51
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Posted - 2015.12.14 20:46:33 -
[3] - Quote
Another high quality report as expected of Gutter Press. |
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
563
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Posted - 2015.12.15 00:33:25 -
[4] - Quote
It is obvious who is to blame for the appearance of demons in the Khanid Kingdom. The fault lies with PIE, SFRIM, and the other False Amarrians who destroyed the Demon Summoning Temple over three months ago. The destruction of that Temple caused the demons that had been summoned by the expert demonologists living there to become unbound, rampaging throughout the terrestrial plane at ever greater remove from the purpose for which they were originally summoned. Now, these unbound demons have reached the Khanid Kingdom.
In response to this reporting by Shirley Serious, I have constructed a Demon Binding Temple in an attempt to bring these demons back under control. This Temple has been placed among the moons of Afnakat VI, as close as possible to the location of the demon outbreak. Because demon binding rituals demand the sacrifice of slaves, 27,500 filthy Minmatar subhumans have been supplied to the Demon Binding Temple. Let all of Greater Amarria be warned: do not interfere with the re-binding of these demons, lest we suffer additional demon outbreaks in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor.
P. S. Shirley Serious, will you please go on another date with me. I pine away for you every day. |
Deitra Vess
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
806
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Posted - 2015.12.15 01:15:01 -
[5] - Quote
Nauplius wrote:It is obvious who is to blame for the appearance of demons in the Khanid Kingdom. The fault lies with... Mind flood and an overactive imagination. that or maybe god is punishing the Khanid people for allowing you to be born. One or the other...
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Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
907
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Posted - 2015.12.15 01:19:26 -
[6] - Quote
Nauplius wrote:It is obvious who is to blame for the appearance of demons in the Khanid Kingdom. The fault lies with PIE, SFRIM, and the other False Amarrians who destroyed the Demon Summoning Temple over three months ago. The destruction of that Temple caused the demons that had been summoned by the expert demonologists living there to become unbound, rampaging throughout the terrestrial plane at ever greater remove from the purpose for which they were originally summoned. Now, these unbound demons have reached the Khanid Kingdom. In response to this reporting by Shirley Serious, I have constructed a Demon Binding Temple in an attempt to bring these demons back under control. This Temple has been placed among the moons of Afnakat VI, as close as possible to the location of the demon outbreak. Because demon binding rituals demand the sacrifice of slaves, 27,500 filthy Minmatar subhumans have been supplied to the Demon Binding Temple. Let all of Greater Amarria be warned: do not interfere with the re-binding of these demons, lest we suffer additional demon outbreaks in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor. P. S. Shirley Serious, will you please go on another date with me. I pine away for you every day.
If someone tells you that whenever a Sebiestor craps something out of his brain a demon will pop up in front of the Sarum Palace gates on Mekhios to **** on it, you will probably believe him.
Good luck with your imaginary demons, btw.
Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ EVERGREEN ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~Evergreen ~ Family
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Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
563
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Posted - 2015.12.15 02:03:03 -
[7] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote: If someone tells you that whenever a Sebiestor craps something out of his brain a demon will pop up in front of the Sarum Palace gates on Mekhios to **** on it, you will probably believe him.
Good luck with your imaginary demons, btw.
If that "someone" works for Gutter Press, I might believe him, but otherwise probably not. |
Anyanka Funk
Hematology Advancement Program
342
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Posted - 2015.12.15 03:55:50 -
[8] - Quote
This is the stupidest thread I've ever seen. |
Tamiroth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
217
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Posted - 2015.12.15 08:14:41 -
[9] - Quote
What is this ridiculous nonsense, I don't even... (sighs)
Nauplius wrote:In response to this reporting by Shirley Serious, I have constructed a Demon Binding Temple in an attempt to bring these demons back under control. This Temple has been placed among the moons of Afnakat VI, as close as possible to the location of the demon outbreak. Good luck to PIE, I guess. Since Afnakat is a high security system, I unfortunately have to pass on that one. |
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
563
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Posted - 2015.12.15 12:05:42 -
[10] - Quote
Once upon a time, Gutter Press peppered its articles with one word paragraph exclamations such as the following GÇö
Shocking!
Gutter Press should resume this distinctive literary style in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor. |
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Seraphim Risen
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
44
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Posted - 2015.12.15 16:22:49 -
[11] - Quote
A Bhaalgorn made me welp my Paladin! I saw it! It was stalking my crew in my ship! |
Deitra Vess
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
807
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Posted - 2015.12.15 16:34:20 -
[12] - Quote
Seraphim Risen wrote:A Bhaalgorn made me welp my Paladin! I saw it! It was stalking my crew in my ship! Good excuse! Highly doubt your getting srped however...
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Kano Hurtini
AeroFrontier BioSystems Cabal Empire
0
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Posted - 2015.12.15 17:28:23 -
[13] - Quote
Glorious, the most rightful rulers of the galaxy sees things that are not there again. Maybe we should worry about them if fictive demons and abominations are what their heads spawn?
Also since it needs to be said, Gutter Press is at best entertainment of an much hilarious nature: not news. |
Aldrith Shutaq
PIE Inc. Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
1231
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Posted - 2015.12.15 17:44:24 -
[14] - Quote
And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media. |
Arrendis
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1736
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Posted - 2015.12.15 22:21:37 -
[15] - Quote
Aldrith Shutaq wrote:And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media.
Because you fear a free and open exchange of ideas, of course. Duh. |
Muck Raker
Gutter Press
648
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Posted - 2015.12.15 23:25:40 -
[16] - Quote
Nauplius wrote:Once upon a time, Gutter Press peppered its articles with one word paragraph exclamations such as the following GÇö
Shocking!
Gutter Press should resume this distinctive literary style in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor.
A survey revealed that Amarr readers of Amarr-related news were not in favour of this style, whereas Gallente readers of Gallente-related news were in favour of it.
Different !
Accordingly, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation altered the corporate style guide that our journalists and agents adhere to.
Should societal opinions change, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation will reflect this.
Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
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Kador Ouryon
Praetoriani Classiarii Templares Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
61
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Posted - 2015.12.15 23:30:56 -
[17] - Quote
Arrendis wrote:Aldrith Shutaq wrote:And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media. Because you worry about the free and open exchange of stupidity, of course. Duh.
That's more like it. |
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
568
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Posted - 2015.12.16 00:18:18 -
[18] - Quote
Muck Raker wrote:Nauplius wrote:Once upon a time, Gutter Press peppered its articles with one word paragraph exclamations such as the following GÇö
Shocking!
Gutter Press should resume this distinctive literary style in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor. A survey revealed that Amarr readers of Amarr-related news were not in favour of this style, whereas Gallente readers of Gallente-related news were in favour of it. Different ! Accordingly, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation altered the corporate style guide that our journalists and agents adhere to. Should societal opinions change, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation will reflect this.
Given that I am the only pilot on the IGS with a positive opinion of Gutter Press (and certainly the only one who makes military and religious asset deployment decisions based on Gutter Press reporting), my opinion counts more than that of anonymous survey takers. I demand the use of one word paragraph exclamations in all Gutter Press articles. |
Arrendis
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1736
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Posted - 2015.12.16 02:26:55 -
[19] - Quote
Kador Ouryon wrote:Arrendis wrote:Aldrith Shutaq wrote:And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media. Because you worry about the free and open exchange of stupidity, of course. Duh. That's more like it.
Worry is fear. |
Anyanka Funk
Hematology Advancement Program
342
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Posted - 2015.12.16 02:50:51 -
[20] - Quote
Nauplius wrote:Muck Raker wrote:Nauplius wrote:Once upon a time, Gutter Press peppered its articles with one word paragraph exclamations such as the following GÇö
Shocking!
Gutter Press should resume this distinctive literary style in the future. Amen. Amarr Victor. A survey revealed that Amarr readers of Amarr-related news were not in favour of this style, whereas Gallente readers of Gallente-related news were in favour of it. Different ! Accordingly, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation altered the corporate style guide that our journalists and agents adhere to. Should societal opinions change, Gutter Press Interstellar Media Corporation will reflect this. Given that I am the only pilot on the IGS with a positive opinion of Gutter Press (and certainly the only one who makes military and religious asset deployment decisions based on Gutter Press reporting), my opinion counts more than that of anonymous survey takers. I demand the use of one word paragraph exclamations in all Gutter Press articles. Childish! |
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Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
908
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Posted - 2015.12.16 03:03:19 -
[21] - Quote
Arrendis wrote:Kador Ouryon wrote:Arrendis wrote:Aldrith Shutaq wrote:And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media. Because you worry about the free and open exchange of stupidity, of course. Duh. That's more like it. Worry is fear.
It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety.
Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ EVERGREEN ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~Evergreen ~ Family
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Deitra Vess
Scope Works Psychotic Tendencies.
808
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Posted - 2015.12.16 05:04:05 -
[22] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote:Arrendis wrote:Kador Ouryon wrote:Arrendis wrote:Aldrith Shutaq wrote:And people wonder why we Amarr censor our media. Because you worry about the free and open exchange of stupidity, of course. Duh. That's more like it. Worry is fear. It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety.
Semantics! |
Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
908
|
Posted - 2015.12.16 06:37:11 -
[23] - Quote
Deitra Vess wrote:
Semantics!
Ho!
Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ EVERGREEN ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~Evergreen ~ Family
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Arrendis
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1736
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Posted - 2015.12.16 06:51:01 -
[24] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote:It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety.
And anxiety is... "fear or nervousness about what might happen".
So many words for so many different degrees of the same emotion... |
Elmund Egivand
Federal Defense Union Gallente Federation
908
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Posted - 2015.12.16 07:36:01 -
[25] - Quote
Arrendis wrote:Elmund Egivand wrote:It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety. And anxiety is... "fear or nervousness about what might happen". So many words for so many different degrees of the same emotion...
You are making it sound like the state of fearfulness and non-fearfulness is binary.
Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~ EVERGREEN ~ Evergreen ~ Evergreen ~Evergreen ~ Family
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Claudia Osyn
Minmatar Confederate Ushra'Khan
1590
|
Posted - 2015.12.16 15:47:12 -
[26] - Quote
EXCLAMATION!
A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
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Arrendis
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1736
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Posted - 2015.12.16 17:34:18 -
[27] - Quote
Elmund Egivand wrote:Arrendis wrote:Elmund Egivand wrote:It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety. And anxiety is... "fear or nervousness about what might happen". So many words for so many different degrees of the same emotion... You are making it sound like the state of fearfulness and non-fearfulness is binary.
It is. The degree of fear is irrelevant. If there is fear, there is fear. If not, then not. If you don't fear an open exchange of ideas, then you don't fear it. If you worry about it, if you're 'anxious' about what might be said, then yes, you fear it. Just because the idea doesn't leave you huddled in a corner weeping doesn't mean you're not afraid.
We're complex creatures, with complex emotional states. Existence or non-existence, however, is binary. Either something is, or it isn't. There's no 'well, this is only half-real'. Half-real or 'this is sorta that' means it's not that. Either it is, or it isn't. |
Tamiroth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
221
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Posted - 2015.12.16 18:32:08 -
[28] - Quote
Arrendis wrote:Elmund Egivand wrote:Arrendis wrote:Elmund Egivand wrote:It's similar to fear, not 'is' fear. Worry is closer to anxiety. And anxiety is... "fear or nervousness about what might happen". So many words for so many different degrees of the same emotion... You are making it sound like the state of fearfulness and non-fearfulness is binary. It is. The degree of fear is irrelevant. If there is fear, there is fear. If not, then not. If you don't fear an open exchange of ideas, then you don't fear it. If you worry about it, if you're 'anxious' about what might be said, then yes, you fear it. Just because the idea doesn't leave you huddled in a corner weeping doesn't mean you're not afraid. We're complex creatures, with complex emotional states. Existence or non-existence, however, is binary. Either something is, or it isn't. There's no 'well, this is only half-real'. Half-real or 'this is sorta that' means it's not that. Either it is, or it isn't. No.
Human beings are not binary, or even trinary, computing devices. And yes, our existence is also relativistic. There are many things "half-real" (take psychosomatics as the most evident example). After our death, we continue to exist. No thing in this world is exactly like another. Reality is infinitely more complex than any mortal mind can even hope to comprehend.
Our Creator gifted us with infinite degrees of freedom. Our emotions are not binary switches in a wetware OS. There is no black and white, there is always a gradient between the two.
Fear is also an emotional gradient. Leave the "mind-killer" propaganda in the briefing room. |
Claudia Osyn
Minmatar Confederate Ushra'Khan
1590
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Posted - 2015.12.16 18:41:27 -
[29] - Quote
Tamiroth wrote:
Our Creator gifted us with infinite degrees of freedom. Our emotions are not binary switches in a wetware OS. There is no black and white, there is always a gradient between the two.
As the creator, I could confirm or deny this. I won't, however, because that would spoil the outcome of my experiment here.
A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
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Arrendis
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
1736
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Posted - 2015.12.16 20:41:43 -
[30] - Quote
Tamiroth wrote:Human beings are not binary, or even trinary, computing devices. And yes, our existence is also relativistic. There are many things "half-real" (take psychosomatics as the most evident example). After our death, we continue to exist. No thing in this world is exactly like another. Reality is infinitely more complex than any mortal mind can even hope to comprehend.
A)Please provide proof that humans continue to exist after death - note that the fact that data can be duplicated to produce serial copies of capsuleer brainstates is proof only that you can be duplicated.
B)Psychosomatic conditions exist in the mind. This does not make them half-real. This makes them mental constructs. It does not impact whether or not they exist. Physicality is not existence - especially when discussing mental or emotional states.
Quote: Our Creator gifted us with infinite degrees of freedom. Our emotions are not binary switches in a wetware OS. There is no black and white, there is always a gradient between the two.
Consider a color palette as a gradient wheel. For the sake of common reference, I'll stipulate actual pigments, not emitted light. (Pigment being additive, light emission being subtractive.) When you are looking at 'purple', you are looking at red and blue in mixture. Both the red and the blue exist, and the proportion in which they exist determines the actual shade you perceive. But at no point do either of them only partially exist.
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